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Do you fear...? - 3/22/2005 6:42:15 AM

Chupaflor

Posts: 17
Joined: 2/23/2005
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Over the weekend I read The story of O and the sequal. Interesting reads, however, I was wondering.
Do other Subs/Slaves really "fear" being dismissed/left that much that they would really rather die then to look for someone else?
Since I am asking the question of others, I will answer first. And, being married too my Dom may make my perspective a little different.
My theory in life has always been: I had a life before I met you, and I will have one after you are gone. (bitchy ain't it? lol)
Now, from the 'nilla side of life, would I be saddened if divorce were to happen, or God forbid he should die, which is very possible given his line of work, of course I would. One of the things He loves about me is the fact that he knows with or without him I can take care of myself and our children, which puts his mind at ease when he has too be away, whch at times is often and for very long periods of time, but I know that I am strong enough to go on.
I know this is probably a silly question, but after the reading this is just one of the questions that is spinning around my head.

< Message edited by Chupaflor -- 3/22/2005 6:44:35 AM >

Post #: 1

RE: Do you fear...? - 3/22/2005 8:07:23 AM

celestia

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Joined: 1/5/2005
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I haven't read the sequal, but would be interested in it. I don't think that I would cease to exisit, nor would I want to. I would be saddened of course, it's the loss of that connection.
But, it is a tremendous fear for me to be dismissed, this is the ultimate form of punishment for me personally. To know that I have disappointed a Master that much to have him say leave my sight, or leave me all together, you are free. This would be devistating to me, because it will mean that I have failed. But thats just me.

_____________________________

We are, sun and moon, earth and sky. We were not ment to be the same, but to compliment one another.

(in reply to Chupaflor)

Post #: 2

RE: Do you fear...? - 3/22/2005 8:11:15 AM

TallDarkAndWitty

Posts: 1893
Joined: 6/12/2004
From: Rochester, NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: celestia
I haven't read the sequal, but would be interested in it.

I'd be quite happy to lend you my copy. Let me know if you are going to be in the area anytime soon...*wink*

Taggard

_____________________________

A most rewarding compliment is an insult from the ill-informed.

My slave: Kat (RainaVerene on the other side) and her website: RainaVerene.com

(in reply to celestia)

Post #: 3

RE: Do you fear...? - 3/22/2005 2:01:30 PM

sub4hire

Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
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quote:

Do other Subs/Slaves really "fear" being dismissed/left that much that they would really rather die then to look for someone else?

I have had one long term vanilla relationship in my life. One prior dom whom I was with for ten years.
My current dom, we just celebrated our 6th year together.

I'm not sure I can say I fear losing him. However if I look back and compare my feelings to the vanilla relationship I had as opposed to the current one. There is a greater bond between us.
Like celestia, I do not under any circumstances want to ever displease him. However, I also know our bond is very tight and he would not dismiss me.
He may make my life a living hell letting me know daily I disappointed him. Personally I've been through that once with him already early on in our relationship. I do not care to venture there ever again.
If he were to pass on today. I can't say how long it would be before I went out looking for someone new. I can say it would probably be at the minimum a couple of year's.
I cannot even fathom wanting to die because of losing him. Some things just cannot be controlled no matter how safe we are.

Remember, those novels are all based in fantasy. The real world does not work that way and never will.
If you think about it in a real life basis. They had an abusive relationship if she would want to kill herself and did so.
A dom in my mind should bring the submissive up to heights they have never experienced on their own. That includes self esteem. Only an abuser would want your entire focus in life to be on them.
When do you have the chance to grow? Where are the nurturing charachteristics in the dominant that should be there?

(in reply to Chupaflor)

Post #: 4

RE: Do you fear...? - 3/22/2005 2:27:44 PM

MasterGwongsSUB

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Joined: 3/15/2005
Status: offline

Do any Subs have a sense of insecurity in their relationship? Other than doing your best to please your Master, how do you deal with it? Chupaflor being a married woman wrote "My theory in life has always been: I had a life before I met you, and I will have one after you are gone. (bitchy ain't it? lol)". Thank you for expressing your viewpoint. What about other single Sub or slave women looking for a deep meaningful committed relationship? I have no problems currently or in the past with my Dom. I just want to gain some wisdom and insight.

Sincerely your sister Sub,

MasterGwong's Sub

(in reply to Chupaflor)

Post #: 5

RE: Do you fear...? - 3/22/2005 3:06:08 PM

SubbieHubbie

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Joined: 3/14/2005
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I'm going to assume that you don't mind replies from submissive males as well - if I'm wrong please stop reading now and accept my apology.

Yes, I fear rejection. Actually, the truth is I fear loss of my wife (who is also my psuedo-domme, that is to say she has recently accepted my nature but is still having problems with being in control). There are two reasons for this fear.

1) Before BDSM ever entered our lives at all, we conducted a sacred ritual to bind ourselves to one another. Now, it could be argued that this was a mistake (given that on days when one or other of us feels really bad, the other often experiences some of the same symptoms), but it marks a depth of binding that goes to the spiritual rather than just the romantic (not asking you to share our religion, simply understand that is a deep truth for us). This being the case, losing her is a terrifying prospect - and as she has numerous chronic and some potentially life threatening illnesses, a very real one.

2) When BDSM first entered our lives and I realized just how good it felt to be submissive, she become overloaded with fears about how it might mean she was abusive (we both come from abusive childhoods). Despite my reassurances this made things fall apart fast and hard and I ended up begging to remain in the marriage. Thus, I've already once been taken to that point of rejection (albeit through fear not displeasure) and know how it feels to me. We overcame it. That was 3 years ago, I tried to deny my nature but that didn't work too well, and now she has (as said above) accepted it.

These two together make loss (through death OR rejection) about the most terrifying thing I can think of. And to whoever questioned a submissive considering death as a result of loss/rejection - it is not always the fault of the dom/me. My wife has demanded from me a promise that if I live beyond her (very likely) I will do so and not take my life through the pain of loss. That final service is probably the only thing that WOULD keep me alive if rejected or if I otherwise lost her.

(in reply to MasterGwongsSUB)

Post #: 6

RE: Do you fear...? - 3/22/2005 4:11:09 PM

harmony3709

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Joined: 11/15/2004
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quote:

Do other Subs/Slaves really "fear" being dismissed/left that much that they would really rather die then to look for someone else?

I like to think that being a submissive strengthens me rather than weakens me. It takes strength to go on, whether through being dismissed or because the one you love/serve has died.

harmony

(in reply to Chupaflor)

Post #: 7

RE: Do you fear...? - 3/22/2005 4:37:07 PM

proudsub

Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline

quote:

Do other Subs/Slaves really "fear" being dismissed/left that much that they would really rather die then to look for someone else?

I don't fear losing Him, i know i would survive just fine. However i fear me going first. I don't know if He can take care of himself since i have done everything for him for the last 36 years.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan

(in reply to Chupaflor)

Post #: 8

RE: Do you fear...? - 3/22/2005 5:02:45 PM

nella

Posts: 1243
Joined: 12/30/2004
From: Norway
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Let me see, the Sory of O, where thos woman is Oh so in love whit this man she agree to all sort of BDSM play just to pleese him and then he sells her aftaerwards if i am not mistaken. If a man had done that to me he would have gotten to see me whit a shotgun on his doorstep.

(in reply to proudsub)

Post #: 9

RE: Do you fear...? - 3/22/2005 5:07:10 PM

PlayfulRaquel

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Joined: 2/6/2005
Status: offline

I'm a firm believer in fate. I think people enter your life for a reason and they leave for a reason. I can honestly say I don't ever really understand the life lesson until they are gone. But I always gain something from having known them. Sometimes it is a very positive experience sometimes it isn't. This belief (or maybe its just my justification) makes the fear of lossing someone a lot less of a worry. Does it hurt to loose someone? Sometimes but maybe that is the lesson I needed to learn.

_____________________________

She is the tear that hangs inside my soul forever

(in reply to Chupaflor)

Post #: 10

RE: Do you fear...? - 3/22/2005 8:53:44 PM

Chupaflor

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Joined: 2/23/2005
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Like I said, my theory makes me sound very bitchy, and over the years I have tried to rein it in, but in searching for the One I would spend the rest of my life with, I kissed a lot of damn toads. A committed, meaningful relationship takes time, trust, careing and shareing IMO.
My grandfather gave good advice, again IMO, "you only think you are in love the day you get married. After the times of strife, happiness and life in general can you really say that you love someone" I think this statment can fit into whatever your situation is.

And while I know that "O" is fantasy, I still can't fathome wanting to die. And why was she seemingly surprised?

(in reply to MasterGwongsSUB)

Post #: 11

RE: Do you fear...? - 3/22/2005 9:54:15 PM

chainedgirl

Posts: 142
Joined: 2/5/2005
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Do i fear being dismissied/left so much that i would rather die? short answer - yes.

Maybe you see it differently because you have to, you have children who would need looking after, i do not. Master is everything to me. W/we do not live 24/7 yet, but W/we are working toward that later this year. O/our relationship is strong and healthy, and growing stronger all the time. i do not fear being dismissed anytime soon. But, if it did happen, i honestly do not think i could move on, it would be much easier to die than to go through the pain again.

i discovered my submissive side 5 years ago, and was grateful to finally put a name to what was different about me. i have had 2 Dominant's that i was attached to, and now this Master in that time. Each time i gave all of myself to Them, the heart, the brain, the body, the emotions. i kept nothing of myself back. Trying to resorrect a life again, after having done that and then breaking up can be soul destroying. But i moved on and am now collared to this Master and He will be my last one way or another because i cannot ever envisage myself being with anyone else. i believe in soulmates and believe that is what Master and i am. The amount of grief and anguish i go through when a relationship ends would just be too much for me to bear again.

So, yes i would rather die, but for 2 reasons. 1. i cannot bear to lose Him 2. i couldnot bear the pain.

chained girl

(in reply to Chupaflor)

Post #: 12

RE: Do you fear...? - 3/24/2005 10:10:51 AM

EmeraldSlave2

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I don't think O was so afraid to be alone or dismissed that she preferred to die...I just think she felt her life was so pointless without being owned that it would be preferable to die.

I fear being dismissed, I fear being bought by someone else, I fear being given away permanently.

But I don't let my fear control me, and I know that if it happens, I'd keep going.

(in reply to chainedgirl)

Post #: 13

RE: Do you fear...? - 3/25/2005 12:48:05 AM

ravenna

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Joined: 12/22/2004
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Very well put, EmeraldSlave2. But i can add that i have been dismissed, just last fall, by my third owner, and that it was the most devastating and traumatic experience i have ever had. i felt precisely that way, that my life was pointless unless i was owned. (Actually, i still feel that way.) And in my overwhelming desire to be owned again as soon as possible, no matter how or where or by whom, i ended up on the verge of making an unbelievably disastrous decision, one that probably would have endangered or ended my life, that might even have been the proverbial "fate worse than death." i could even see it coming, and in my shattered state i didn't really care, as long as i lived and died a slave. All that saved me was my amazing master Michelangelo, who had been my second owner years before, and whom i had recruited to be my "agent." He saw the danger much more clearly than i did, and he stepped in and pulled me out of the transaction at literally the eleventh hour. i think he saved my life.

Happy ending: We fell in love all over again, he wanted me back in his ownership again, i never wanted anything as much in my whole life, and he recollared me in January. And he brought my beautiful first owner back into my life too, as my co-owner. My life is good now. (Spectacular understatement!)

But back to Chupaflor's question: Yes, if what you most want and need in life is to be a slave, then being set free, against all your hopes and desires, can indeed make life seem not worth living. And i know Story of O (my favorite novel!) is really a fairy tale, but fairy tales live on and on because there is truth inside them.

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)

Post #: 14

RE: Do you fear...? - 3/26/2005 12:33:36 AM

submissivesilk

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Joined: 1/30/2005
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i just read O myself not to long ago and i was disappointed by the ending. One minute He loved her and the next He was releasing her. It just seemed a bit forced and far fetched.

as for the question, if i think of losing my wonderful Master, i am saddened, however i know i would go on for Him.

O struck me as a weak person. and did she seem a born slave, or a forced one?

(in reply to ravenna)

Post #: 15

RE: Do you fear...? - 3/26/2005 6:39:50 AM

Chilli

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Joined: 2/27/2005
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I read the story of O a million years ago when I was 15 (my sisters husband had a copy lol) and I dont remember much about it.

But I dont think that kind of emotional neediness is unique to BDSM. I know lots of vanilla folk who would fall into the same *if you leave me I will die* category.

(in reply to submissivesilk)

Post #: 16

RE: Do you fear...? - 3/26/2005 8:10:36 AM

krikket

Posts: 1183
Joined: 11/17/2004
From: Washington, DC Metro Area
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Three years ago my Master (of 5 years) and i parted. It was more difficult than the break-up of my 26+ marriage had been. That being said, however, it was the growth of myself as a woman and submissive, the strength that he showed me, was what allowed me to continue on. It took me several years to be open to a new relationship with that much passion and love..for i feared that anything that felt that right..that good, when it disolved the hurt would be that much greater. Perhaps it will be.. haven't been there yet, but i do know with the joy and love came peace and wonder..how could i turn away from the possibility of that again.

_____________________________

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to bloom."

by A. Nin

When your heart speaks take good notes.

(in reply to Chupaflor)

Post #: 17

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