RE: Sublimating sexual desires (Full Version)

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zindyslave -> RE: Sublimating sexual desires (2/26/2007 1:25:41 PM)

My Master has ordered me not to cum to, but he hasn't said how long I am not allowed to cum. So, I am not quite as frustrated as you yet, but I beleive if you find something else to occupy your mind it would help, do research on the web on something of interest to you or ask him for something to research it would show him that you are serious about not wanting to cum and you need something to keep your mind occupied. Just a thought. [:D]



AquaticSub -> RE: Sublimating sexual desires (2/26/2007 1:40:17 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: blushingflower

There's a difference between being a slave and being a submissive.  I can't just say "I'm His property, so I do what he says."

And the point of this post is that I don't know how to chanel my sexual energies elsewhere, hence the asking for advice.



Careful with that. Many times the only difference between a submissive and a slave is what the person or their dominant/master calls them.



bandit25 -> RE: Sublimating sexual desires (2/26/2007 2:36:12 PM)

I rather like Gagging's reply.  Some of us simply aren't wired that way.  If we don't find release, we can have some problems.  For me, orgasm control is something we do when we play.  It's not used as a way to control me.  I'd have a very hard, if not impossible, time with anyone who felt that way.



SimplyMichael -> RE: Sublimating sexual desires (2/26/2007 2:48:23 PM)

quote:

It would be ok for me if I was allowed to orgasm on a regular basis, but the last time I really had one was on Valentine's Day, when he then declared that I would not be allowed to orgasm until he sees me 69ing with another girl.


This passage combined with the "dominant's" profile
http://www.collarme.com/bdsm/default.htm

where you aren't even mentioned give me the creeps.  Frankly, they guy is manipulating you and not in what I would consider a reasonable way.  You are in DC, I take it you don't attend Black Rose events?  Any chance this guy also conveniently frowns on you going to scene events and meeting others, other than other vulnerable little girls?

Using one girl to get another one to me is one of the most fucked up and cheesy things one sees all too often. 



petstorm -> RE: Sublimating sexual desires (2/26/2007 5:36:58 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: blushingflower

quote:

i would question, however, your lack of obedience in disobeying his rule and masturbating

Trust me, I know I shouldn't have, I was just so frustrated at a lack of sexual contact and a lack of communication that I felt justified. 





But does HE see it that way?



petstorm -> RE: Sublimating sexual desires (2/26/2007 5:42:37 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: blushingflower

There's a difference between being a slave and being a submissive.  I can't just say "I'm His property, so I do what he says."

And the point of this post is that I don't know how to chanel my sexual energies elsewhere, hence the asking for advice.



Careful with that. Many times the only difference between a submissive and a slave is what the person or their dominant/master calls them.


i was a submissive when i kneeled to my Master. Somehow, someway, it crossed the line and i have become his slave. For me, it's a matter of the heart. When it's no longer the desire to submit - it's become a need. Everyone has their own definitions of what a submissive is, and what a slave is. But for me, it all comes down to what you feel deep within yourself. Not what your Master calls you.



blushingflower -> RE: Sublimating sexual desires (2/26/2007 5:46:05 PM)

" Did you explain to him before you two got together that orgasm denial isn't really your cup of tea?"

I'd never dealt with it before, so I didn't know that it wasn't.  I think it would be ok if the orgasms were more frequent, but they're not (and his are nearly daily).



blushingflower -> RE: Sublimating sexual desires (2/26/2007 5:53:05 PM)

I agree with you a bit about the "using one girl to get another" bit, but at least this way, I get to be the gatekeeper, and my standards are higher.

His profile (as far as I know) dates to before we met.  His alt.com profile does mention me. 
And no, I don't go to public events, because the very thought of doing such a thing terrifies me.  He's still new at being a Dom, so there's a learning curve for both of us.  I know that I need to talk to him, but I suck at bringing things up, since I hate conflict, and my first boyfriend was so defensive that I've been trained to fear that reaction even when I try to bring things up calmly and rationally.  Which is dumb, because he does actually usually listen if I bring it up calmly and tell him what I need, I just never know what the appropriate time is.



SimplySubmissive -> RE: Sublimating sexual desires (2/26/2007 5:57:15 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aubre

When orgasm control results in a less horny sub, it's time to put it on the back burner. It doesn't work the same for everyone.

This happened to me as well. After a while, my body just stopped responding.  Helped with the fustration, but wasn't a good situation at all.
Also, there is a big difference between orgasm control and orgasm denial.



YourhandMyAss -> RE: Sublimating sexual desires (2/26/2007 6:11:03 PM)

Personally sexual restriction would send me 180 degree's the opisit town of sexual ability and desire. if my sexual flame's not nurtured it'll extinguish cause it's so small anyway to begin with.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aubre

When orgasm control results in a less horny sub, it's time to put it on the back burner. It doesn't work the same for everyone.



blushingflower -> RE: Sublimating sexual desires (2/26/2007 6:11:45 PM)

quote:

there is a big difference between orgasm control and orgasm denial.

Yes, yes there is.  I can handle "Master, may I cum for you?"  "No, not yet."  And having to beg for it.



somethndif -> RE: Sublimating sexual desires (2/26/2007 6:45:57 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplySubmissive

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aubre

When orgasm control results in a less horny sub, it's time to put it on the back burner. It doesn't work the same for everyone.

This happened to me as well. After a while, my body just stopped responding.  Helped with the fustration, but wasn't a good situation at all.
Also, there is a big difference between orgasm control and orgasm denial.


I have never understood the purpose of denying a submissive or a slave orgasms.  I want to control her sexuality, but I want her to be sexual, very, very sexual, and I want her to cum easily and often when we are together.  And it has been my experience that the more a girl cums, the easier it is for her to cum.  I like making a girl cum, I like watching a girl cum, I like having her cum for me at least once every day, preferably more than once.

My current submissive -- and we have been together now for 3 1/2 years -- is under a standing order to masturbate at least once daily.  she is then to tell me in an email what she was thinking of when she made herself cum; usually something involving me.  Rarely, I have put her on restriction, but for no more than a few days, before we get together.   

Dan 



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Sublimating sexual desires (2/26/2007 7:31:40 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: blushingflower
And no, I don't go to public events, because the very thought of doing such a thing terrifies me.  He's still new at being a Dom, so there's a learning curve for both of us.  I know that I need to talk to him, but I suck at bringing things up, since I hate conflict, and my first boyfriend was so defensive that I've been trained to fear that reaction even when I try to bring things up calmly and rationally.  Which is dumb, because he does actually usually listen if I bring it up calmly and tell him what I need, I just never know what the appropriate time is.


Aww I wish I were still in MD to show you how silly your fears are!!

I'm sorry this is hard, but really, if you can bring it up to a bunch of strangers, you owe it to both of you to directly ask your dom about it.



AquaticSub -> RE: Sublimating sexual desires (2/26/2007 7:58:58 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: petstorm

i was a submissive when i kneeled to my Master. Somehow, someway, it crossed the line and i have become his slave. For me, it's a matter of the heart. When it's no longer the desire to submit - it's become a need. Everyone has their own definitions of what a submissive is, and what a slave is. But for me, it all comes down to what you feel deep within yourself. Not what your Master calls you.


I will call myself whatever he wants me to call myself. I am who I am and who I am can not be defined. Kitten is a useful label. Some days I feel as though I am his slave, some days his submissive, most of the time his spunky little kitten. It really doesn't matter because I'm always his.



AquaticSub -> RE: Sublimating sexual desires (2/26/2007 8:02:41 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: blushingflower

I agree with you a bit about the "using one girl to get another" bit, but at least this way, I get to be the gatekeeper, and my standards are higher.

His profile (as far as I know) dates to before we met.  His alt.com profile does mention me. 
And no, I don't go to public events, because the very thought of doing such a thing terrifies me.  He's still new at being a Dom, so there's a learning curve for both of us.  I know that I need to talk to him, but I suck at bringing things up, since I hate conflict, and my first boyfriend was so defensive that I've been trained to fear that reaction even when I try to bring things up calmly and rationally.  Which is dumb, because he does actually usually listen if I bring it up calmly and tell him what I need, I just never know what the appropriate time is.



Why be afraid of public events? That is where you are the safest hon. In my experience at BDSM clubs and events, you are safest when surrounded by many people who are have experience and are willing to impart it. I have learned so much by simply talking to others over a drink. Valyraen and I both agree that those who have been in the lifestyle far longer then us have much to teach us, both about the lifestyle and in flogging and other playtime techniques.



azzmaster -> RE: Sublimating sexual desires (2/26/2007 8:14:57 PM)

exercise is a tried and tru way to channel sexual frustration. but understand, obedience is essential whether ur a sub or a slave. go along with this for awhile and have some trust. after a couple months talk to him or find another master or perhaps BDSM isn't for u. the idea in being a sub isn't to have alot of orgasms ur a sub because u want to submit. always the question is did u pick who u want to submit to carefully?



YourhandMyAss -> RE: Sublimating sexual desires (2/26/2007 8:35:23 PM)

That, more than is bdsm right for her would be the best question. Because anything can feel wrong if we have not chosen the one carefully.

quote:

ORIGINAL: azzmaster

always the question is did u pick who u want to submit to carefully?



eyesopened -> RE: Sublimating sexual desires (2/27/2007 2:41:29 AM)

i think sometimes Men think that sex is the same for everyone and only the anatomy is different.  A lot of Men believe that going without an orgasm will make a women just that much more horney and will result in bigger and better orgasms, just like it does for them.  A LOT of women (me included) are more wired toward "use it or lose it".  The longer i go without an orgasm the less orgasmic i become.

There have been long periods in my life where i haven't have a sexual partner and i recall one time thinking about gee when was the last time i had an orgasm and i couldn't even remember!  The problem was... i just wasn't horny.  Being someone who had always thought of herself as a highly sexual person i became alarmed and forced myself to masturbate and since that time i have made it a personal rule to make sure i have at least one orgasm a week whether i feel like it or not. 

You need to explain this to your Dom in detail.



bandit25 -> RE: Sublimating sexual desires (2/27/2007 2:53:03 AM)

I have to agree.  There's a HUGE difference between control and denial.  Quite frankly, I can't understand why anyone would want to deny orgasms.  As others have said, the more they cum, the more orgasmic they become. 



petdave -> RE: Sublimating sexual desires (2/27/2007 5:00:10 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sambamanslilgirl
i'm under orgasm control too and i channel all my sexual frustrations into some steamy short stories or scenes for my novels that i'm currently penning.


Interesting... while i used to use writing as an outlet for fantasies that i couldn't live out, the process of visualizing the scene to capture it made me unbearably horny... personally, i could never use that for sublimation of desire.

i'd say my most successful technique was to turn my feelings of sexual desire into guilt over not being good enough to deserve sex or scening, which combined with a few other factors, got me a prescription for strong antidepressants, which include "sexual side effects" such as suppressing the libido. i wouldn't say this is the best course of action, but i will say that i could do two weeks standing on my head.

...dave



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