Some advice please

Some advice please (Full Version)

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elsie -> Some advice please (2/26/2007 8:10:16 PM)
Hello to all, I don't normally do this but recently I've been having some self doubts and questions that have manifested in some, for me, disturbing, dreams and wish to seek some serious advice or views from others. I'm afraid the preface to my question may be lengthy so please bear with me. I was collared to my Mistress as a slave for almost a full year after a long "probationary" period. She had always treated me fairly and lovingly and never promised anything that could not be delivered or if had to be delayed, I was given ample notice to readjust my expectations. Now I can't and won't go into all the dynamics of our relationship with each other and others but will do the best I can to convey my conumdrum. Firstly, Mistress and I lived far enough apart from each other it took a little planning for us to get together physically, so when we would talk about getting together Mistress would lay out a proposed scene or request for me (either a play date or work date) so that I didn't have to bring excess items with me when we got together. She/we had been looking for a male slave to serve herself and me if the occasion arose. One week we had made plans to get together and she told me some of what she had planned for me. I was very excited and as I prepared to take the drive to meet with her was getting into that space I always do when knowing I was getting to be with her. Now a little bit of background for myself, I had been undergoing medical treatment that, at times gave me some strong mood swings though normally I was able to hide any negative ones as obvious. Also Mistress always encouraged me to express myself and let her know how I was feeling about things, good or bad. On this occasion, I arrived as ordered and entered the dungeon where Mistress was and greeted her as usual when she informed she wasn't feeling well so she had to change plans as far as playing. Although somewhat disappointed I was happy just being able to spend the time with her talking and being close. Unbeknownst to myself and well within her right as my owner she had also had her male probationary slave come shortly after I arrived. Again I was disappointed as I had not had the oppurtunity to be with her alone for some time but I accepted this as her wish. Anyway after spending some time talking it was time to leave and head back home. I have to admit that I was very disappointed in the way things turned out and at one point realized I was jealous because of the attention she was giving to "s" (male slave). When I got home I sent her an e-mail expressing my disappointment, looking back I realize that some of the things I said could and should have been said differently but in the end I was expressing my feelings as she always encouraged me to do. A few days later we found out that her illness was actually the result of a potentially life-threatening virus that required a very long hospital stay and surgery. I was not allowed to visit her in the hospital which I did understand at the time. Once she was released and at home again, I recieved an e-mail from her telling me at length that due to the severity of her illness she was releasing me but she also told me that my last email to her after our last meeting was completely inappropriate, selfish and that she and I weren't on the same page as far as my submission to her was concerned. She asked me to keep her updated on my own treatments and things going on in my life (I had just become a new grandmother) and that when she was able to, she would write back but not to expect regular communication from her side. Over the following months I sent several e-mails, asking how she was doing, giving her updates and doing what I thought she had asked of me. I have not heard one single thing from her but I know she still gets online as she has made a post or two to another message group we both belong to and has communicated with at least one mutual friend on at least one occasion that I know of. All I need or want is a simple e-mail letting me know how she is or telling me she would rather I not try to contact her any longer, I feel left in the lurch with so many questions. My recent dream reflects this .... I don't remember all the details but the short version of this is ... I am outside a very tall building, I climb up from the outside to the 8th floor where I look into a window and see Mistress along with several others (that I really know) and she if giving a demo or teaching a bondage lesson. I tap on the window and she sends me away. I climb back down the building and a little later climb back up to the same window and ask to be let in ... she flatly refuses me entrance at this point I wake up ... feeling confused, hurt and my self-esteem feels at a very low point. My question is, should I continue to try to contact her or should I just let it drop and realize that if she chooses to contact me she will (I know this is what I would tell someone else in the same situation) and just "get over it" OR should I keep sending her the "updates" as she asked me to even though I'm getting no response from her? Your input on this would be greatly appreciated. thank you, elsie

Lorgrom -> RE: Some advice please (2/26/2007 8:18:15 PM)
Since she has already released you. You need to view her more as a friend or confident. Since she hasn't responded back. I would take that as she does not want to speak. I would write her one last e-mail, basicaly letting her know that you are moving on. But would like to hear from her one last time.

crouchingtigress -> RE: Some advice please (2/26/2007 8:18:52 PM)
you need to let it go....i dont know if you can believe the life threating illness.....there are so many stories of deaths and illnesses and the like on the web that often amount to a person not emotionally mature enough to say good bye like an adult. but you know deep down what is happening here.....your dreams are confirming what you already know.

domiguy -> RE: Some advice please (2/26/2007 8:20:03 PM)
This is just like any other relationship. If someone "releases" you and then makes no attempts at communication and does not respond to your contacts. ....Seems actually rather obvious doesn't it?

sambamanslilgirl -> RE: Some advice please (2/26/2007 8:25:21 PM)
sorry this happened to you it seems she has moved on after your release and has no desire in contacting you ever again. yes, i know it hurts but take it as a sign - she wasn't the right Mistress for you.

Smythe -> RE: Some advice please (2/26/2007 8:26:46 PM)
Letting go is hard, but to be honest, you have already done a lot of the hard work. you have been living without her for several months, and it will only get easier from here. your remaining task is to realize within yourself that it's finally over, write a goodbye email and look forward to your next adventure. Good luck, Smythe

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Some advice please (2/26/2007 8:40:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: elsie she and I weren't on the same page as far as my submission to her was concerned. This is the only part that matters when it comes to your relationship. quote: She asked me to keep her updated on my own treatments and things going on in my life (I had just become a new grandmother) and that when she was able to, she would write back but not to expect regular communication from her side. It's sad that she couldn't keep up with her promise here, however it is not fully surprising and something you must simply accept. It was wrong of you to keep your feelings in and then splurge them all over in an email, just as it was wrong of her to break up with you in an email. Take what you can from the experience and heal over time. You can keep sending her updates if you choose, but that's up to you and it might be causing you more pain than not at this point.

MasterFireMaam -> RE: Some advice please (2/26/2007 8:45:52 PM)
You have to decide if what you are getting in return for what you are giving is an even barter for you. If it's not and you feel that you're giving more than you're getting, you are selling yourself in a negative fashion. If that's true, you may have to re-evaluate the relationship and see if you want it to continue, change or stop. Master Fire

slavegirljoy -> RE: Some advice please (2/26/2007 8:50:43 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: elsie My question is, should I continue to try to contact her or should I just let it drop and realize that if she chooses to contact me she will (I know this is what I would tell someone else in the same situation) and just "get over it" OR should I keep sending her the "updates" as she asked me to even though I'm getting no response from her? Your input on this would be greatly appreciated. thank you, elsie Dear elsie, You said that you have been sending your former owner emails for several months with no reply from her. To me, that is a clear signal to you to move on. You are a beautiful woman and you seem to have a beautiful heart and a caring and sincere nature. There is no reason for you to waste your time pining over someone who has not given you the courtesy to even send you an email saying that you should not bother her anymore. It's hard to let go of someone who you felt so wonderful and special about but, that is over now and it's not healthy to hold on to something that is gone. You should have no problem finding a new owner and, hopefully, one who will treat you well. Try to remember that even a slave deserves to be treated with fairness and your health (emotional, as well as physical) is something that you must take care of, above all else. Best wishes to you in healing your broken heart and in finding your new happiness. slave joy Owned property of Master David

touchthesky -> RE: Some advice please (2/26/2007 8:54:06 PM)
this sounds alot like an unscrupulous domme i know of who lives in vancouver. she is bad news to everybody. whether its her or not tho, yeah, u really need to move on, she didn't do u right, but she will never so just look for someone who is a better communicator and responsible

domiguy -> RE: Some advice please (2/26/2007 9:30:53 PM)
Gosh I feel awful about your predicament.....Just hang in there!

MagiksSlave -> RE: Some advice please (2/26/2007 9:38:34 PM)
Im really sorry Hon this sucks, but it sounds to me as if she found a this male slave you talked of and desided he was to be your replacment (probubly was her plan all along but she wasnt going to tell you that).. Im sorry but the timeing of all this is just to much to be coinsidental. She finds new male slave, has him come to the last visit you had.Breaks the plans she made with you without the warning she usualy gives when something like this is going to happen, she pays you little attention even though you rarely get to see her but instead pays this new male slave the attention. You do what she told you to do and told her how you where feeling though you may have worded things badly that is sertanly not something that cant get worked out if one wants to (want beeing the oprotive word) She then claims to be ill but does not allow you to come see her she tell you you cant come see her but at that time does not release you and doesnt mention anything about the E-mail. After said sergery and subsaquent release she then tells you your e-mail was unexeptable and that do to her illness she is releaseing you. tell me did she release this new male slave?? Sounds as if she was takeing the cowords way out of a relationship and putting your emotions through the ringer while trying to save herself the hardship of ending things the right way. Also sounds as if she was useing you as a filler slave untill she found this male slave. Doesn't seem she had much consern for you or how what she does effects you which is also shown by the fact that she never even botherd to tell you that this new slave was going to be there on your last visit. Just my thoughts!! Magik's slave

elsie -> RE: Some advice please (2/27/2007 12:21:27 AM)
First I'd like to thank all of you for your comments, most of what was said, yes I did know in my heart I need to do ... move on. As far as her being a player or fake, believe me that couldn't be further from the truth but as I said in my original post there were dynamics of our relationship that would be too lengthy to go into. One thing I will say though is she NEVER lied to me and I know the illness was real. I wasn't allowed to visit her in the hospital for a number of reasons but I spoke to her on the phone several times. She did say in her last email to me that the time she needed to devote to getting well would be unfair to me and herself as far as her being able to tend to our relationship. She has her family to help her so I don't have to worry about that. I just needed others to confirm what I already knew but was reluctant to do ... let go and let myself and her heal. I hold no malice towards her, and will always consider her a very dear friend. Hopefully when she is well enough to be able to resume her "normal" online communicatios, she and I will be able to talk and smooth some edges. Again, thank you for all your words of support and reaffirming what I already knew. sincerely, elsie

BlkTallFullfig -> RE: Some advice please (2/27/2007 1:00:32 AM)
I'm sorry that things were not made clear to you, and ended the way they did. My advice is as everyone has already said, let go and move on. Do not continue to contact someone who doesn't want to remain in contact with you, unless you get something from humiliating yourself that way. I'm also sorry you're left with so many questions, because that is probably the most frustrating part, but it is simply best not to try to understand all the mysteries of the human psyche by hanging on to someone who doesn't want to be held onto. Good luck, M

agirl -> RE: Some advice please (2/27/2007 3:16:55 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross quote: ORIGINAL: elsie she and I weren't on the same page as far as my submission to her was concerned. This is the only part that matters when it comes to your relationship. quote: She asked me to keep her updated on my own treatments and things going on in my life (I had just become a new grandmother) and that when she was able to, she would write back but not to expect regular communication from her side. It's sad that she couldn't keep up with her promise here, however it is not fully surprising and something you must simply accept. It was wrong of you to keep your feelings in and then splurge them all over in an email, just as it was wrong of her to break up with you in an email. Take what you can from the experience and heal over time. You can keep sending her updates if you choose, but that's up to you and it might be causing you more pain than not at this point. I don't think it's wrong to keep feelings in check and to express them later in writing. When you're in a situation it can be difficult to get past the hurty feelings and say exactly what is wrong and why. It's can be more prudent to wait a while, process what you're feeling and then explain them, away from the heat of the moment. agirl

swtnsparkling -> RE: Some advice please (2/27/2007 3:18:42 AM)
quote: touchthesky this sounds alot like an unscrupulous domme i know of who lives in vancouver. she is bad news Very very very similar to an unscrupulous domme I know of who lives in Ma.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Some advice please (2/27/2007 7:06:16 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: agirl I don't think it's wrong to keep feelings in check and to express them later in writing. When you're in a situation it can be difficult to get past the hurty feelings and say exactly what is wrong and why. It's can be more prudent to wait a while, process what you're feeling and then explain them, away from the heat of the moment. agirl That can be a way to deal with it, however it doesn't sound like that's what happened. It came across to me as if she bottled them up, let the pressure build, and then spewed it all out onto an email, with all the heat of the moment still included. This is good too IF the email isn't actually sent. Then you're supposed to write a cleaner email. For me in my relationships, it would DEFINITELY be wrong to pretend to be feeling something you aren't, or to not let me know if something's off. Even at a social event, I'd expect a tug on my arm and a quick whisper in my ear that they weren't feeling really secure.

agirl -> RE: Some advice please (2/27/2007 12:04:30 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross quote: ORIGINAL: agirl I don't think it's wrong to keep feelings in check and to express them later in writing. When you're in a situation it can be difficult to get past the hurty feelings and say exactly what is wrong and why. It's can be more prudent to wait a while, process what you're feeling and then explain them, away from the heat of the moment. agirl That can be a way to deal with it, however it doesn't sound like that's what happened. It came across to me as if she bottled them up, let the pressure build, and then spewed it all out onto an email, with all the heat of the moment still included. This is good too IF the email isn't actually sent. Then you're supposed to write a cleaner email. For me in my relationships, it would DEFINITELY be wrong to pretend to be feeling something you aren't, or to not let me know if something's off. Even at a social event, I'd expect a tug on my arm and a quick whisper in my ear that they weren't feeling really secure. A case of two different types of people interpreting the OP. Splurging and spewing didn't spring to mind when I read it. I wouldn't dispute that PRETENDING to be feeling jolly and content when you're feeling anything but, would be misleading and possibly a little unfair, too. The OP said she felt things but didn't say how she displayed them. agirl

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