SusanofO
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Joined: 12/19/2005
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I know I am not writing from any first-hand knowledge (I have no experience as a male submssive) but I was thinking about it and noticed we had this same conversation on another thread (it is a good topic in general I think, btw) and it was that "Uber-Doms" (male Dominants who take themselves super-seriously in the role, and have little sense of humor sometimes, to boot) can really intimidate some submissives.
I then remembered once what I heard someone say: "It's about the person, more than it's about the role" (getting into a good relationship). I think there is a mis-conception among some male Doms (maybe due to a host of reasons) that "being a hard-ass 24/7 is the way to go and works the best", etc.
When from what I read, many times it really doesn't work as an "attractor" real well for a submissive and Dom, as far as starting a relationship (but sometimes). But - my contention is these folks for whom it appears to work might be attracted to roles more than real-flesh and blood people (but I could be wrong). It can be a fine line, as far as where to draw that line, IMO. I mean let's face it, it's all about balance, isn't it?
But I can say, that if I don't see an ounce of sensitivity in a Dominant, I will not be attracted. Period. It might really turn some folks on, but I think they are in the minority.
Maybe there is a mis-conception among some male submissives that the opposite is true, sometimes? I am not saying this is the case for you, at all, littlesarbonn (and I've seen your sense of humor and it's priceless, IMO), but rather I am saying that I do think there is a mis-conception out there that some male subs (or many) are wimpy creatures all the time, and can never express any sense of dominance or control, as a person, in a relationship. I am saying this as a general comment to all readers, as far as this thread topic and how it may (or not) apply.
I know this could turn into the "Do I have to be a Doormat to be a Sub?" debate, (and nobody has ever really defined the term "door-mat" to my satisfaction, so I can't really answer. It may be neither here nor there). But maybe for some people this is valuable to consider.
Because maybe in a Domme/submissive context (as opposed to a male Dom-sub context) it's a whole new ball-game, as far as that goes, due to the gender reversal, and societal programming re: What people may have come to expect as far as how men and women behave, etc. I don't know if this is generally true (due to lack of experience). It just sort of popped into my head as a possibility (no offense meant to anyone at all).
I know from (very limited) personal experience this is not always the case. I do know some male subs that are pretty dominant in personality (perhaps strange to say, but true in many ways), and maybe submissive maybe behind closed doors, or maybe in a very close relationship only, and even then not all the time, but they appear (for all intents and purposes) to not be overly submissive in day-to-day life. Maybe I am mis-reading what I see, though - I don't have much experience dealing with male submissives (I also don't know all about these folks' personal goings on, but some appear to be content).
I am not saying, either that "more dominant" subs are good, and "wimpy" subs are bad. It's all about what works. From what I've seen here on the boards, there are people who appear happy in all kinds of relationships. But first, you have to "get your foot in the door" so to speak, and that is possibly where this post might apply to someone (that was my thought). I am not either suggesting folks mis-represent who they are (and hope that thought isn't mis-interpreted that way).
I have no idea if this post made any sense (or not). In any case, I think that the ones who are passing you by are doing themselves a dis-service. I also think if you want control then hey - it's fine to want that. I think it's fine to ask, even if one is a submissive, too (I know all about what people say re:"Topping from the bottom", etc., but you do have a right to get your needs met, too. Good luck. She is out there, and I do believe you will find her.
- Susan
< Message edited by SusanofO -- 3/1/2007 9:19:01 PM >
_____________________________
"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson
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RE: Control and training can sometimes be a hard thing ... - 
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