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afeathr -> RE: Is there such a thing as too nice to be a Dom? (2/28/2007 5:56:13 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: DaddyDeSade
I get this a lot. I treat all people with respect upon meeting them. I treat all people with respect period. It is just when I am in a D/s relationship I also choose to respect my girls need to be punished for wrong doing. A responsibility I don't take on when I've just met someone. Maybe one quarter of any girls I meet is there any possibility it will ever go further. But that number is drastically shrunk by girls who call me after or end our first meeting with. "I really like you and I can see something neat happening here, but you just seem too nice to be a Dom."
Is a Dom not supposed to be a smiling joking happy guy? Who made up that bullshit rule? Because it's ridiculous. I will reference some of my favorite teachers. Because a Dom is often called upon to be a teacher and trainer. Coaches in how they want a sub to behave. I always prefered a teacher who knew when to joke around and when to be strict. Teachers who never took anyone's shit, but didn't stop themselves from showing a fun personality as well.
Is, "You're too nice to be a Dom." the D/s equivalent of "let's be friends"? Because let me tell you it seems like 'let's be friends' doesn't leave a guy posting on a website, going, "wtf does this even mean?"
Or is it something that is truly possible. Even in the case of 'too nice to be my Dom' I think these girls are making ridiculous generalizations based on what they know about me at this time.
Is there even such a thing? Not talking about me here. I've been doing this for a donkey's years and I'm not the least bit confused about who and what I am. I have every sub I ever played with who can confirm I am not 'nice'. But in the world at large, I'm curious if people think it is even possible to be too nice to be a Dom.
Sir used to get the same thing... too nice, too polite, too understanding, yada yada yada. I agree with the others that say it's a way of saying, "you're not what I want, you don't fit my fantasy, etc." -- personally, the women that gave up on Sir really lost out -- fools I tell you. Sir is not "nice" in the classical sense -- in fact he can be downright cold -- but he is fair and understanding and has never been anything but absolutely wonderful to me. Some subs (many from what I have seen) want to be treated badly, not really submit but be forced to do so -- that's not Sir's m.o. and personally, I am glad of it. For those that want someone super-demanding and overbearing, a dominant like Sir will not suit them. However, I do get punished, I am held to a high standard, and I know who is in charge. THAT is what makes a Dom -- not whether he is "nice" or "sweet" or "mean," but if the sub/slave KNOWS who is in charge with no doubt in their mind. I think there is just too much confusion about the difference between "dominant" and "mean."
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