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SusanofO -> RE: Search strategies... (2/28/2007 8:50:06 PM)
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Fukin Troll: O Charming one, you do cut to the chase! LOL[:D]
General comments directed at readers (and only my own, non-expert opinion, to boot): There is a definite connection, I believe, between the "rate of return" and many other things, but probably two of the important things would be IMO:
1) A descriptive, friendly letter honing in on something someone posted about (and why you liked it) or detailing your opinion of something they mentioned or in their profile (if it's diplomatic) and describing yourself in more detail - pick up where your profile left off, or go into what you left out of it and re-iterate what's in it: The high-lights, not every detail - as a first contact.
2) Or, as an alternative, simply e-mail someone you think attracts you, and start a conversation, and refer to your profile, or something they or someone said, and-or refer to their profile. Nothing new here, but I can believe it might be easy to feel like giving up and tossing in the towel, sometimes.
DO NOT mention upfront "why we are a good match for eachother." If you think so, I'd say instead: "I noticed we both like X, how did you get interested in that? I got interested last Summer when I was..." "Being someone's perfect match" is not your sole decision - until you get to know someone a whole lot better, IMO.
This may be nothing new to many here. And all this is the best I can do - for now, as far as advice (but I am thinking hard for better possible solutions, and will get back here, if anything really interesting or novel, plus workable, springs to mind).
**The "rules of engagement" as far as connecting with someone, IMO, are not very different from the so-called "vanilla world" until you are much more into an actual, face-to-face (most likely, if you are seeking real-time) or a heavy phone contact, relationship. Everyone is different. This is just how I view things, btw.
**If you want to discuss that stuff, or start w/the heavier D/s "role-play" and treating someone as if they were your submissive (or feel like they should be "acting more Dominant) - sure you could toy with that a little, BUT - I'd certainly wait a few e-mails at least, and even then I'd not be heavy-handed with it - at all. Just my opinion.
**As an initial contact - have a real conversation (w/more than two sentences as your "starter"), at least a few paragraphs, I'd say, if not more.)
**Yes, I definitely agree w/Padriag - do not try to be something you are not - I get the impression, sometimes, that because they are now considering themselves to be a "Dominant/ Domme" or a "submissive/slave" that people some folks have forgotten they are first and foremost - a person. I never was as much interested in someone's role-playing ability as their ability to be human.
Sure there is a mystique, and fascination, and fulfullment associated w/bdsm and D/s (or I wouldn't be here, or have ever had, or sought out, a D/s relationship or bdsm experiences). Personal quirk: Leather can be nice, and look great, too. IMO, a person w/an enlarged capacity to act like a truly human person, shining through the bdsm "gear", and sometimes posturing, who can act "real", is nicer still.
Just my two cents. And I am no expert (not by a long shot, Just have a few opinions. Take whatever works for you from the above). Good luck to all.
Kana: IMO asking for advice when one can use it is anything but "un-Domly" To me it means someone actually realizes when they might need some help. Which translates (to me) into someone who is in touch w/realistic asessment of their own situation and needs. An adult. That is a good thing, always, IMO.
- Susan
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