RE: Search strategies... (Full Version)

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ExSteelAgain -> RE: Search strategies... (3/1/2007 7:33:42 AM)

Really, folks, there is no secret. Get to know someone by whatever means. If you don't write well, take it to the phone or live quickly. Be sincere and look for the best in the other and you will make many friends. If it leads to more it is going to come down to your and her personal dynamics. To think anything else can influence a relationship to begin is fantasy.



Wulfchyld -> RE: Search strategies... (3/1/2007 10:08:29 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: scottjk

You know... hijacking a thread like this is bad form. I mean, two pages of this?


You totally missed what happened didn't you?



SusanofO -> RE: Search strategies... (3/1/2007 10:30:24 AM)

Wulfchyld has a point, IMO, hi-jack issues aside (legit or not). I reallly do think that people can get to know eachother on-line, via kidding around, and teasing, flirting, etc.  Some of it is innocent and folks are just teasin'  and fooling around - But - it can be a great (and non-threatening) way to get to start to know someone. I see it as one more viable method, and starting place, among the others that exist. Also, it hightens somene's visibility, and let's 'em know you've got a sense of humor. 

- Susan



Wulfchyld -> RE: Search strategies... (3/1/2007 10:32:54 AM)

Bingo Susan.



SusanofO -> RE: Search strategies... (3/1/2007 10:35:42 AM)

Well, I do think people miss that it can be a good method. 
So, we all got a lesson in that, he.[:D]
- Susan



SusanofO -> RE: Search strategies... (3/1/2007 12:32:36 PM)

scottjk: I do see your point about people maybe not being seriously seeking. I mentioned yesterday, in another thread, about how I know for a fact that some submissives do not change their profile to reflect their non-seeking status when they have partnered up w/ a new Dominant. I do think it's unfair, too, for people to do that. I mean, heck, it would take 30 seconds to insert a sentence such as "I am not seeking" near the top of their profile.

It can also be weird if someone just "disappears" rather suddenly. I know last Fall, I got re-involved w/my first Dominant, and he insisted I not be on CM, and made me take down my profile. For a few days before that, I was just plain AWOL at CM, and there were some people I maybe would have thought of pursuing, at the time,  if I had not become re-involved w/my old Dominant, and they might have been confused by my sudden disappearance (though I did write one or two folks, before leaving). That re-involvement w/him turned out to be a really bad decision for me, (in retrospect) but that is neither here nor there. My point was that I at least had the courtesy, after a day or two, to take down my profile.

I read your profile, scott, and I see your point. But - I'd also consider adding more and other information about yourself. You're undoubtedly a nice guy w/lots to offer. I'd include what you mentioned in your profile, but maybe say: "I am seeking a LTR, committed relationship that would develop w/the needs of both of us in mind. If you're just not, please pass me by" or something. But how you worded it is fine, too, IMO. But I'd also include other stuff in your profile about yourself. Just my two cents.

- Susan



KatyLied -> RE: Search strategies... (3/1/2007 12:41:27 PM)

quote:

I mean, heck, it would take 30 seconds to insert a sentence such as "I am not seeking" near the top of their profile.


Or someone could just ask a few questions:  Are you in an exclusive relationship?  Are you seeing others?  People define relationships is so many different ways that "taken" can mean different things.  Someone can be "taken" but still looking, as in the case of poly or perhaps they are keeping their options open because they are seeing others but aren't exclusive.  Not everyone meets a person and decides on that day to be exclusive to them.



SusanofO -> RE: Search strategies... (3/1/2007 12:42:29 PM)

Good point, Katy.

- Susan



FukinTroll -> RE: Search strategies... (3/1/2007 12:44:07 PM)

Damn Susan, you came to your senses didn't you?



SusanofO -> RE: Search strategies... (3/1/2007 12:50:36 PM)

He's baaa.....ck. Oooh. Yes, I did (a little, not totally). I didn't want to hi-jack. But a few jokes can be fun,[:D] and I do think the point was well-made (I really do). [:)]

I just had a discussion about this stuff, with a submissive male guy I know. His contention is that even male submissives need to present as someone with at least a back-bone. That there is a pretty prevalent myth they are all "wimpy" genetically, or something, when all many are really doing is simply acting on a sexual actvity preference. I thought about it, and said I agreed w/him.

By the same token, I just sometimes get really scared and intmidated by really super-serious, "uber-Doms." Joking around indeed makes the whole idea less threatening (to me).With some folks it's their personality to be serious, and that's okay if they are not constant jokers, but  - as far as being a "method" of Domination, I think it should be in the mix, but used selectively. There are more than a few, super-serious "uber-Doms" out there, and I think they scare some submissives, IMO.

It is probably a matter of taste, but if someone is constantly being rejected (and I am not saying this even applies to you, scott, just food for thought in general), they might want to think about how super-serious, and uber-Dom like and thus intimidating they may be appearing. Some people, on the other hand, might be really into it. But when you're first getting to know someone, it can be a little off-putting, IMO. I think Padriag made ths point as well (so I may be repeating what's been said already).

- Susan 



KatyLied -> RE: Search strategies... (3/1/2007 12:54:37 PM)

Yep, Susan, the same thing with "uber subs" who thnk their submission is better, more spiritual, and just special in a way that no one else's is.  I roll my eyes.   And usually bite my tongue.  Sometimes it bleeds.  hehe



FukinTroll -> RE: Search strategies... (3/1/2007 1:02:07 PM)

Good post Susan. I read yesterday that TexasMistress... sumthin like that, had a new slave/sub that was a hunk a hunk man. It was my impression from her post that he handled himself as well as his life like an Uber Dom man and it is him hitting those knee's and surrendering all that control, ego, and Dominance to her that makes the relationship so awesome for her.
 
In case I failed to illustrate the "strategy" on this thread, let me point it out for those who question it.
 
I am all over the boards. Often to lighten a potentially volatile situation and some times I actually have something of value to say. My quick wit and playful nature is clear here, and it is no different than it is real time. I am one of the most popular users of this site because I do not hesitate to get out there. My popularity may be good or bad, that doesn’t matter. What matters is that I am presenting myself the way I am. Any sub/slave that has an interest in me and who would consider a 24/7 relationship with me knows exactly what she is walking in to. I am a smart ass who always has a retort or snappy comeback for everything. I play hard and only become serious when needs be. I try to have fun doing anything and everything regardless of how trite or menial the endeavor may be.
 
The moral of the story... Some people will love you and some people will hate you. You have to try and present yourself here as you are. If you’re a sick twisted fuk'r by all means post as one.



SusanofO -> RE: Search strategies... (3/1/2007 1:02:21 PM)

Fuckin Troll: Good points! That way people know who you are. I also have observed that you're a smart guy (not merely amusing).We still luv 'ya hon.[:)] I know I do. This is a sidenote, but I do think some male submissives are mis-understood.

Good point, Katy. I know I want to get to now a person, not a role. If someone cannot "get real," sometimes I can wonder how good they might be at being able to deal with relationship issues, and problems between two people trying to form one that can arise. I mean that does become more (or less) apparent as you get to know someone better, but why would someone need to pretend always to be just a role? Whatever works, but those are my two cents.

I mean, bdsm is a way of relating, sure, and it can  be very fulfilling. But I think some folks are attracted to the idea because they truly believe that the distinct role definitions are going to mean there is going to be a lot less work involved in a relationship, which, IMO, isn't necessarily true.

I see it as a sexual activity and mode of relating preference - but how would being in a bdsm relationship otherwise mean that mean someone has vacated their humanity? How difficult (or easy) it is is going to be to form and stay in a relationship depends more on personalities of two folks than it does on roles, IMO.

There have been threads on that topic here at CM, too. That was not directed at you scott, in any way (I do think you're a nice guy, not that my opinion mattters anyway). Just a general comment.

- Susan 



swtrayn -> RE: Search strategies... (3/1/2007 1:39:57 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: FukinTroll

I try to get them all together and herd them off a cliff. I keep the survivors.


P.S. subs and slaves, it is that time of the year again! [sm=trident.gif]


*laughs* I have to say I very much enjoy your humor in your posts.
always makes me smile :)

rayn



FukinTroll -> RE: Search strategies... (3/1/2007 1:46:26 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: swtrayn

quote:

ORIGINAL: FukinTroll

I try to get them all together and herd them off a cliff. I keep the survivors.


P.S. subs and slaves, it is that time of the year again! [sm=trident.gif]


*laughs* I have to say I very much enjoy your humor in your posts.
always makes me smile :)

rayn



I wonder if you would be smiling if you knew you are next?



swtrayn -> RE: Search strategies... (3/1/2007 1:48:52 PM)

Oohhh already with the promises..


[;)]

rayn



FukinTroll -> RE: Search strategies... (3/1/2007 1:54:35 PM)

Be careful lil one... you are too cute and your stubborn resolve not to “locate” tells me relocation, even by force, is in the realm of possibility!



swtrayn -> RE: Search strategies... (3/1/2007 1:59:35 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: FukinTroll

Be careful lil one... you are too cute and your stubborn resolve not to “locate” tells me relocation, even by force, is in the realm of possibility!


*smiles ever so sweetly*

Oh i never did say what my strategy is.... "Not looking for anything and won't relocate"  *giggles*

Kidding.. I really am not looking.. just enjoying my time on here and getting to know others.. :)

rayn



BrainSlugs83 -> RE: Search strategies... (3/1/2007 4:05:31 PM)

"You totally missed what happened didn't you? " -- I remain skeptic that he meant-to-do-that; me thinks he was just being himself, only he knows and it's not important anyway, though I did feel it strangely ironic that it fit the topic so well. :-P

Lots of good advice so far.  I think, for me, the most important thing is having fun doing it instead of being a lonely bastard doing it; meeting people, even just online, is a lot of fun! -- When I first joined this site a few days ago, the forums seemed like a secondary thing, but I do believe that I'm going to have a lot more fun playing around in these forums than trying to meet a sub online anyway. -- So I'm happy, for the moment. :-D




scottjk -> RE: Search strategies... (3/1/2007 4:29:34 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wulfchyld

quote:

ORIGINAL: scottjk

You know... hijacking a thread like this is bad form. I mean, two pages of this?


You totally missed what happened didn't you?


Probably, and it wouldn't be the first time. Look at my sig. [:D]

Since I missed 'it', some one email me and spell it out. I'm not too proud to ask for help from time to time. [:)]

I hope I didn't offend anyone, but it seemed to go rather far afield from 'strategy', and was just trying to drag it back. lol



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