RE: The control of money

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: The control of money

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> RE: The control of money

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: The control of money - 4/4/2005 6:46:38 PM

FangsNfeet

Posts: 3758
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline

My Great Grandmother once told me how she and her husband did there finances.

They both worked. When they recieved there paychecks they put the money on the table. They payed all the bills and expenses with it. As for what was left it was split 50/50 for them to put in there own accounts and do whatever. It didn't matter who made the most money. Especially since Nanny had 6 kids to control at the house.

Maybe this idea can help you.

_____________________________

I'm Godzilla and you're Japan

(in reply to SirKenin)

Post #: 21

RE: The control of money - 4/4/2005 9:26:57 PM

SirKenin

Posts: 2994
Joined: 10/31/2004
From: Barrie, ON Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FangsNfeet

My Great Grandmother once told me how she and her husband did there finances.

They both worked. When they recieved there paychecks they put the money on the table. They payed all the bills and expenses with it. As for what was left it was split 50/50 for them to put in there own accounts and do whatever. It didn't matter who made the most money. Especially since Nanny had 6 kids to control at the house.

Maybe this idea can help you.

That's a good idea too actually, except use bank accounts instead of the kitchen table. Nice. Thanks.

_____________________________

Hi. I don't care. Thanks.

Wicca: Pretending to be an ancient religion since 1956

Catholic Church: Serving up guilt since 107 AD.

(in reply to FangsNfeet)

Post #: 22

RE: The control of money - 4/5/2005 1:38:24 PM

srahfox

Posts: 261
Joined: 10/17/2004
Status: offline

Well, is she big car impulsive like you or is she lipstick impulsive? Even though I pay the bills I am impulsive, but knowing your Master is going to be pissed if you're spending the money helps alot.

(in reply to SirKenin)

Post #: 23

RE: The control of money - 4/5/2005 3:35:22 PM

SirKenin

Posts: 2994
Joined: 10/31/2004
From: Barrie, ON Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: srahfox

Well, is she big car impulsive like you or is she lipstick impulsive? Even though I pay the bills I am impulsive, but knowing your Master is going to be pissed if you're spending the money helps alot.

No, she is fast food, going out to the bar, junk food impulsive. However this past weekend I brought a salesperson into the house (big mistake) and she bought a Tristar vacuum cleaner for big bucks. It was that event that somewhat shook My foundations a little bit. Currently it is her money so she can do what she wants, but it makes Me think when W/we get O/our house that I will be having to put the proverbial foot down on occasion. I believe that concept goes along with another poster in this thread who suggested that I maintain having the final say in the spending.

_____________________________

Hi. I don't care. Thanks.

Wicca: Pretending to be an ancient religion since 1956

Catholic Church: Serving up guilt since 107 AD.

(in reply to srahfox)

Post #: 24

RE: The control of money - 4/5/2005 8:51:52 PM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirKenin
No, she is fast food, going out to the bar, junk food impulsive. However this past weekend I brought a salesperson into the house (big mistake) and she bought a Tristar vacuum cleaner for big bucks. It was that event that somewhat shook My foundations a little bit. Me think when W/we get O/our house that I will be having to put the proverbial foot dow

Yes that may be necessary, though I will say I like FangsNfeet's suggestion best... That way she'll have some available money to be impulsive with, though you still reserve the right to control it if you notice frequent major spending or problematic major spending. M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to SirKenin)

Post #: 25

RE: The control of money - 4/5/2005 10:00:37 PM

SirKenin

Posts: 2994
Joined: 10/31/2004
From: Barrie, ON Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig
Yes that may be necessary, though I will say I like FangsNfeet's suggestion best... That way she'll have some available money to be impulsive with, though you still reserve the right to control it if you notice frequent major spending or problematic major spending. M

I like that idea too. My girlfriend, on the other hand, was not as amused as I was. She felt that could lead to inequality if one was contributing more than the other and I had no rebuttal for that. I still do not have one. W/we talked about it over supper tonight. Any suggestions what to say?

_____________________________

Hi. I don't care. Thanks.

Wicca: Pretending to be an ancient religion since 1956

Catholic Church: Serving up guilt since 107 AD.

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)

Post #: 26

RE: The control of money - 4/6/2005 1:14:30 AM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirKenin
I like that idea too. My girlfriend, on the other hand, was not as amused as I was. She felt that could lead to inequality if one was contributing more than the other and I had no rebuttal for that. I still do not have one. W/we talked about it over supper tonight. Any suggestions what to say?

As a matter of fact I do..
Maybe you two need to go a little slower, and get into a more comfortable place for this to work...
1) Does she have an idea as to how she'd like the money handled? Does she want to handle it? I don't think you'd be comfortable with that idea, nor should you be since you already dislike her impulsive nature in spending.
2)If she does not like splitting the bills and splitting the money, than there may be a bigger problem; I realize people get very squirmish about their money, but that is why you should take the time to get to know and establish trust, and realize that people Or one's human relationships are more important than money.

I think that indeed whoever has more money should contribute more... If you are a loving couple who share everything, the bills should be paid by percentage of what you make, not a preset number/amount, because otherwise, whoever makes less money will be taken advantage of and left with much less money... Hope that makes sense, M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to SirKenin)

Post #: 27

RE: The control of money - 4/6/2005 4:15:09 AM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirKenin

My concern now is that she seems to be impulsive as well.. I'm getting nervous. I thought I had a plan, but now I'm wondering..

Do you trust this girl? I mean seriously. You can love someone, desire them, want to be with them but not trust them 100%. There is nothing wrong with wanting a little protection/independence.

My mother told me from a very young age that the secret to a successful marriage was seperate bank accounts (perhaps not all, but at least the one your paycheck goes into), seperate bathrooms and once a year seperate vacations. I think that was some kick-ass advice.

My opinion is that people should manage their money seperately. There should be a joint account for bills and/or people should be responsible for seperate bills. Of course, this isn't everyone's opinion, but then Kenin is asking for opinions.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to SirKenin)

Post #: 28

RE: The control of money - 4/6/2005 5:34:37 AM

EmeraldSlave2

Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

I agree with LA here, you both seem pretty paranoid and taken up with this idea, and personall the idea of itemizing and paying things based on who got a good raise one year or a promotion just seems like a pile of resentment waiting to come out.

So keep your money to yourself, with a joint account being established together, each of you putting a set chunk of money in for savings. This way you can each manage your own bills separately, build and BEGIN to work cooperatively towards the future, and then work out separately who will pay which bills.

You both have to have the same stuff to live.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

Post #: 29

RE: The control of money - 4/6/2005 6:40:20 AM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2
So keep your money to yourself, with a joint account being established together, each of you putting a set chunk of money in for savings. This way you can each manage your own bills separately, build and BEGIN to work cooperatively towards the future, and then work out separately who will pay which bills.

I agree with this... Just to clarify, are you saying that the chunks to pay the bills should be equal, regardless of who makes more money? Or simply work out that the person who makes more will pay the rent, and the other will pay ..., what's left is determined by each with his own? M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)

Post #: 30

RE: The control of money - 4/6/2005 7:48:46 AM

onceburned

Posts: 2117
Joined: 1/4/2005
From: Iowa
Status: offline

quote:

are you saying that the chunks to pay the bills should be equal, regardless of who makes more money? Or simply work out that the person who makes more will pay the rent

My ex-wife and I were not in D/s relationship but when we separated we handled expenses as such:

I added our two incomes together and subtracted the monthly expenses we incurred as a couple.

The money left over I divided into two and we each managed our separate accounts for our individual living expenses. (this meant I was transferring some of my income to her since I made more money)

< Message edited by onceburned -- 4/6/2005 7:51:31 AM >

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)

Post #: 31

RE: The control of money - 4/6/2005 11:54:28 AM

SirKenin

Posts: 2994
Joined: 10/31/2004
From: Barrie, ON Canada
Status: offline

I do trust Veronica completely, yes. I only have the money management doubt in mind because of that vacuum cleaner. However, I just have to look at My past track record. I think about it sometimes when I get behind the wheel of one such outing. I would like to just give the money to her and let her handle it. It would be one less aggravation for Me, and the less the better.

I am thinking that I am going to let her read this thread and then discuss it with her some more.

So far our agreement is to split the expenses equally, with one of us taking up the slack depending upon who makes more money. W/we have also agreed upon three bank accounts, one being a joint account that all bills are taken out of. However W/we still need to tweak the finer details from the sounds of things. W/we have come a fair ways in O/our understanding, but it sounds like W/we have a ways to go yet.

I am liking the idea of both contributing to the pot as W/we are able and then W/we each keep aside what W/we have left over. Is it possible to work on a percentage basis?

_____________________________

Hi. I don't care. Thanks.

Wicca: Pretending to be an ancient religion since 1956

Catholic Church: Serving up guilt since 107 AD.

(in reply to onceburned)

Post #: 32

RE: The control of money - 4/6/2005 1:09:09 PM

FLButtSlut

Posts: 344
Joined: 3/17/2005
Status: offline

A very important point is missing all over here. While there certainly is some D/s level to this, there is also reality. I wish you all the best, and hope that you both have a long and happy relationship. The fact though, is that you are NOT getting married, and therefore, the mingling of your finances someday could become an issue. This is where there are no D/s elements to consider but rather the reality of two human beings sharing a home, and the responsibilities that come with it.

If she were to hand all of her money over to you, or vice versa, certainly one of you loses control of that aspect of your life. As the common voice states, who ever is better should maintain that control of those finances to make sure that the bills get paid and spending money available. It seems the big "sticking point" here is how can you be a dom/master if your sub/slave is giving you an allowance? Get over it. If you like to spend impulsively, and she can be more careful (by the way, don't knock the vacuum just yet, it might be worth the money) with that spending, she should control the finances. It is not about who is better or worse, who is in control or not. It is about what the two of you want for the future and what is the best way to get there. Storm's comment about the 3 bank accounts is the best way to go at this point. Household expenses are relatively easily to calculate on a monthly basis (with a bit of extra for emergencies) and each of you contribute to that account, while maintaining individual accounts with the balance. If you want to put the D/s element into it, monitor how she uses the money in her individual account. You might even want to set up a 4 account for savings if the two of you want to save for big purchases.

Here are the main things you need to remember....

1. As an unmarried couple, should the relationship end, if all money has been pooled, there are likely to be problems. One or both of you will need to meet the expenses of separating. There is also the issue of who contributed what. While "co-habitation" agreement detailing the money issues could be very helpful should things ever go wrong. Let's face it, vanilla, D/s or whatever, relationships end sometimes. All parties need to protect their resources for that time. Without being married, neither of you has any protection in the future. Even if the two of you stay together forever, without a marriage license or a will, one dies, the other gets NOTHING. A co-habitation agreement can also cover other issues that arise in situations like this. Medical treatment, etc. can all be addressed.

2. The other issue is to consider if you do have significantly different incomes. If one makes 100 grand a year, while the other makes 30 grand a year, is splitting household expenses equally fair? Once you know what your monthly shared expenses will be, figure out, based on income, how much each should contribute. With the above figures for example, the 30K earner would contribute about 23% of their income to the expenses and the 100K earner the remaining 77%. Then each is contributing equally based on their available income. I have also known couple who each take on the burden of particular bills. One pays the rent, the other the utilities, etc.

The trick here is to make sure that you each your assets if things don't work out. Don't mean to be Ms. Negative about it, and all could very well work out, but without that marriage license all joint purchases have too much ability to become nightmares if they don't.

Personally, I would be wary (dom or sub) handing over control of my finances to anyone in a relatively new relationship.

Just some points to ponder...

(in reply to SirKenin)

Post #: 33

RE: The control of money - 4/6/2005 1:35:19 PM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirKenin
I am thinking that I am going to let her read this thread and then discuss it with her some more.

I would 1st ask her how she would feel if you asked outside opinion on a fairly important matter between you two... I think you sound kind and fair, and she'll apreciate the honesty.

quote:

So far our agreement is to split the expenses equally, with one of us taking up the slack depending upon who makes more money.
I am liking the idea of both contributing to the pot as W/we are able and then W/we each keep aside what W/we have left over. Is it possible to work on a percentage basis?

Sharing equally is good if your salaries are close/similar, otherwise I see resentment building from the overburdened side over time... Unless it's the man, than it's okay, lol (no, kidding! that's the bitch goddess talking).

......
So, I'm going to continue suggesting the percentage as being the most fair way to do it. Each partner put in 50% for example, and retain the rest in his/her own bank account. M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to SirKenin)

Post #: 34

RE: The control of money - 4/6/2005 2:10:51 PM

sweetpleaser

Posts: 689
Joined: 8/5/2004
From: Florida
Status: offline

Before my husband and I were married, we lived together and worked out an agreement that continues to work for us. We have a joint bill account that do not have ATM's attached. We made a budget of household expenses then determined what we were comfortable with as "mad" money. I get my paycheck and deposit all but the mad money into the bill account and he does the same. We are strict with the bill account and do not spend from there unless it is okay with each of us. He handles the bill paying also because I am terrible at it. I had a terrible time wondering what to do at first also because of the resentment factor due to me earning more money than he does. And....I am terribly impulsive also in a Walmart kind of way. I am quite comfortable with this now. If you had a plan like this you could have been comfortable with the idea she paid for the vacuum out of her own money and you don't have a say in that. That is how she retains her independence.

Sorry this is long but I also have a friend who does the "you pay this bill and I pay that bill" depending on who makes the money. It has worked for them wonderfully. They renegotiate every once in awhile should there be a raise or a debt is paid off.

_____________________________

~ann~

It's not the men in my life that count, it's the life in my men.--Mae West

(in reply to SirKenin)

Post #: 35

RE: The control of money - 4/6/2005 2:54:48 PM

SirKenin

Posts: 2994
Joined: 10/31/2004
From: Barrie, ON Canada
Status: offline

First thing to note.. under the Ontario Family Law Act R.S.O. 1990, partners in a common-law relationship are treated as spouses for pretty much all intents and purposes. You can find the Law at this pubic statutes website. Should Veronica or I ever seperate, heaven forbid, the Law provides for the division of assets, custodial rights, spousal support and much more. I also have My own Will and Testament written up and stored in My lawyer's vault. It will ensure that Veronica is looked after in the event of My passing.

I personally have no use for marriage as a rule, but having Veronica in My life has changed My outlook on marriage for the first time in a long time. However, even should that never happen I do believe our bases will be covered after cohabitating for the established period of time as decreed by Law.

I will ask Veronica to carefully consider E/everyone's input here in this thread before W/we sit down to discuss E/everyone's ideas. I personally feel that fantastic ideas have been shared in this thread and W/we will both benefit from reading them and discussing them over dinner or some quiet time. It is too late to ask her if she minds if I seek outside opinions, as I already have, but at least W/we can capitalize on the minds and creative thinking of so many individuals. Many heads are better than two and I consider this to be one of the most important matters a couple must work through to ensure success.

I am still leaning towards this percentage idea. I think that would eliminate most uneasy feelings, with the exception that the person who contributes more could get bitter because the other person is not contributing what they may feel as enough. This is the only thing that worries Me and I welcome further input in regards to how W/we could avoid this scenario. The reality is that neither partner is ever going to make an equal salary as the other unless they somehow fluke it and work at the same job or something. In O/our scenario, as many others, one of U/us makes more than the other. I would like to see it that, rather than a set amount, W/we each contribute 75% of O/our income to the household for example, and keep the other 25% in O/our own bank accounts. This will, in My opinion, tackle the impulsive spending phenomenon and greatly reduce the potential for bitterness if one of U/us happens to overdo it. I believe this is the gist of what BlkTallFullFig is saying.

Cohabitation agreements, as any other pre-marital agreements, bear little to no weight in the eyes of the Ontario Supreme Courts. I have witnessed this before. They are callously disregarded. The focus of the Courts, then, is to ensure equal distribution of the liabilities and assets and to ensure that each partner is equally provided for. Equal opportunity, including custody, is key. However, assets accumulated before the union are considered exempt and default to the spouse who originally accumulated those assets. This is good news for Me, as I have a house full of assets and a $60,000 car sitting in the driveway (although it is not worth even close to that now). I am not sure if this helps A/anyone at all.

Oh, and thanks for the heart warming compliment BlkTallFullFig. I do like to think of Myself as being kind and fair, both to My love and My friends. How nice of you to say.

_____________________________

Hi. I don't care. Thanks.

Wicca: Pretending to be an ancient religion since 1956

Catholic Church: Serving up guilt since 107 AD.

(in reply to sweetpleaser)

Post #: 36

RE: The control of money - 4/6/2005 4:24:20 PM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirKenin
First thing to note.. under the Ontario Family Law Act R.S.O. 1990, partners in a common-law relationship are treated as spouses for pretty much all intents and purposes.

Yup! First thing I thought of when I saw FLButtSlut's post. If you think Ontario law is crazy about common-law, come see Québec!

Good luck with whatever it is that you decide.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to SirKenin)

Post #: 37

RE: The control of money - 4/6/2005 4:53:59 PM

Kinkypupper

Posts: 713
Joined: 9/26/2004
From: Portland oregon
Status: offline

If it is a M/s relationship it is also part of that relationship dynamic that YOU as Master control all the funds of the "partnership"
If it is a Dom/sub relationship then its more of a partnership and sounds like with your past that SHE should control the fundage.

_____________________________

Phil Moulton
A Sensual Touch
Locopony Racing
Portland Oregon

(in reply to SirKenin)

Post #: 38

RE: The control of money - 4/6/2005 4:57:43 PM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

If it is a M/s relationship it is also part of that relationship dynamic that YOU as Master control all the funds of the "partnership"

I'm curious, is this written in some rule book somewhere?

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to Kinkypupper)

Post #: 39

RE: The control of money - 4/6/2005 6:47:01 PM

MzBerlin

Posts: 378
Joined: 7/3/2004
Status: offline

Angelika-
I was just about to ask that.....
B

Also- Kenin- I'm confused about the vacuum problem. Did she need a new vacuum? Was it her money? (I'm assuming, due to this post that you haven't pooled your resources yet.) Why is the vacuum an issue?
*gee, I'm nosy!!*
B

_____________________________

new pictures!! www.ropexpert.com
also- you can catch me on www.ksexradio.com every tuesday. I co-host Baadmasters' Dungeon!!

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

Post #: 40

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> RE: The control of money

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.094