RE: Communication 101 for Newbie Subs

RE: Communication 101 for Newbie Subs (Full Version)

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DistantThunder -> RE: Communication 101 for Newbie Subs (3/1/2007 12:29:18 PM)
Actually, my apologies to the room, I followed the thread from the little blue lettered window and failed to see that it was the ask a submissive/slave forum. I will step out now and leave you all to the discussion.

sublizzie -> RE: Communication 101 for Newbie Subs (3/1/2007 12:32:43 PM)
I don't think anyone minds when a Dominant type posts in the submissive/slave board. I hope not. I know I've posted on the Masters board on occasion! I enjoy reading different perspectives, myself.

novicecourtesan -> RE: Communication 101 for Newbie Subs (3/1/2007 1:14:42 PM)
no, I'm very happy to hear the dominant perspective as well as the subs, and I'm glad everyone posts everywhere... excellent advice, everyone...!

littleone35 -> RE: Communication 101 for Newbie Subs (3/1/2007 1:32:24 PM)
Two question i always ask is 1. are you married? and 2. do you have any other subs/slaves? Yhe other questions come up in normal coversation. I hope that helped you. Matt's littleone

DistantThunder -> RE: Communication 101 for Newbie Subs (3/1/2007 1:40:43 PM)
Thank you sublizzie and NoviceCourtesan, There was somemore I wanted to add and then I will truly take my leave. Everything that has been said before is absolutely correct, from the list that juliaoceana presented, the threads that LuckyAlbotross offered, all are excellent pieces. But, I failed to address your specific question about D/s questions and that bugs me. If I may be so bold as to suggest (And I will) that you and any potential partner sit down and make a list of what you want and what they want, obvious, but then play some hypotheticals to gauge their experience. "What is the best knot to use for a quick release incase there is an emergency?" "Where are the no zones for candle wax?" "How do you avoid a ganglian cyst?" (Someone check my spelling on ganglian by the way, it doesn't look right.) "Is silk a good substitute for rope in bondage?" "DO YOU KNOW CPR?" "If I have a gag in my mouth, how can I give a safe word?" "Can you REALLY suspend a person in mid-air by their wrists or ankles?" "How much damage can a single tail do?" "How much pressure can be applied to breasts or nipples in breast bondage before there is a risk of tissue or nerve damage?" Here is another little guideline (Yeah, yeah, yeah guidelines I KNOW) Check out his porn collection, if he has one or she. Don't see them as a threat, see them as a key into their fantasies, what are they, do they see the difference between the fantasies that are being shown and what can be done in real life? Always remember, the most, THE MOST, important thing is that you remain safe. You might find that the relationship simply doesn't work because you view the world differently... Nice guy, but... That is fine, in fact that is natural, so long as you end the date safely and you get a shot at the next person. And of course, always remember the rules for meeting ANYONE online as far as the copies of I.D. S.S. #'s and using the safe call. The only thing else I can say is that you trust your instincts, if you feel threatened in any way, if you just get that vibe that says, "This doesn't feel right..." Follow it, go home, reassess and approach it again if the person merits it. Oh and there are correct answers to all of those hypothetical questions I just asked and if they don't have the correct answers, again, stop reassess and ask the person if they are willing to LEARN the correct answers, if they say no... You have your answer right there as to what to do... Leave. In the hopes that anything I have said has helped, be safe out there, ALL OF YOU. Dazvidanya. D.T.

StellaByStarlite -> RE: Communication 101 for Newbie Subs (3/1/2007 1:48:24 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DistantThunder Thank you sublizzie and NoviceCourtesan, There was somemore I wanted to add and then I will truly take my leave. Everything that has been said before is absolutely correct, from the list that juliaoceana presented, the threads that LuckyAlbotross offered, all are excellent pieces. But, I failed to address your specific question about D/s questions and that bugs me. If I may be so bold as to suggest (And I will) that you and any potential partner sit down and make a list of what you want and what they want, obvious, but then play some hypotheticals to gauge their experience. "What is the best knot to use for a quick release incase there is an emergency?" "Where are the no zones for candle wax?" "How do you avoid a ganglian cyst?" (Someone check my spelling on ganglian by the way, it doesn't look right.) "Is silk a good substitute for rope in bondage?" "DO YOU KNOW CPR?" "If I have a gag in my mouth, how can I give a safe word?" "Can you REALLY suspend a person in mid-air by their wrists or ankles?" "How much damage can a single tail do?" "How much pressure can be applied to breasts or nipples in breast bondage before there is a risk of tissue or nerve damage?" Here is another little guideline (Yeah, yeah, yeah guidelines I KNOW) Check out his porn collection, if he has one or she. Don't see them as a threat, see them as a key into their fantasies, what are they, do they see the difference between the fantasies that are being shown and what can be done in real life? Always remember, the most, THE MOST, important thing is that you remain safe. You might find that the relationship simply doesn't work because you view the world differently... Nice guy, but... That is fine, in fact that is natural, so long as you end the date safely and you get a shot at the next person. And of course, always remember the rules for meeting ANYONE online as far as the copies of I.D. S.S. #'s and using the safe call. The only thing else I can say is that you trust your instincts, if you feel threatened in any way, if you just get that vibe that says, "This doesn't feel right..." Follow it, go home, reassess and approach it again if the person merits it. Oh and there are correct answers to all of those hypothetical questions I just asked and if they don't have the correct answers, again, stop reassess and ask the person if they are willing to LEARN the correct answers, if they say no... You have your answer right there as to what to do... Leave. In the hopes that anything I have said has helped, be safe out there, ALL OF YOU. Dazvidanya. D.T. Hello, DistantThunder =) Don't forget: "How do you feel about clowns?" Haha! Stella

GeekyGirl -> RE: Communication 101 for Newbie Subs (3/1/2007 2:05:05 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: apettiger if He is inpatient or mean to animals and children, then how can He be kind to me, another creature that depends on Him? I disagree with that line of thinking...I am VERY impatient with children and have an extremely low tolerance for them..and I am very kind to people in my life who depend on me. Though I love animals, I also have known people who do not like animals who were very kind people.

juliaoceania -> RE: Communication 101 for Newbie Subs (3/1/2007 2:19:57 PM)
NC made a point for us to omit kink questions, I find most of yours are about kink... My Daddy teaches woman's self defense and has a third degree black belt. He knows how to reduce bruising, how to treat wounds, how to perform CPR, and what pressure points are on the human body. This far exceded any sort of knowledge I expected a dom to have before he touched me. NoviceCourtesan may not even be a masochist or into extreme edge play, and that is why those questions do not mean anything to her... although personally I was very interested in what sort of sadism that dominant I was speaking with was into... As far as checklists, it depends on the two involved to how illuminating they are or necessary they are. We never did that and are well suited for one another. I do agree that masochistic subs should really think about who has their lives in their hands before doing any serious sort of play. edited to add, that I often post in the master's section, and I am glad we cross post

juliaoceania -> RE: Communication 101 for Newbie Subs (3/1/2007 2:21:38 PM)
quote: Hello, DistantThunder =) Don't forget: "How do you feel about clowns?" Haha! They are a hard limit.. seriously, I used to have a clown phobia as a child.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Communication 101 for Newbie Subs (3/1/2007 2:28:19 PM)
DT- anyone is allowed to post in any forum

DistantThunder -> RE: Communication 101 for Newbie Subs (3/1/2007 3:31:26 PM)
HAHAHA!!! Well SHEESH, I didn't mean to stop the thread... Continue, this was a good one. Though I do thank those that have been so kind as to invite me in, but DANG, don't let it be a distraction, I am interested in the responses.

LaMspeach -> RE: Communication 101 for Newbie Subs (3/1/2007 4:04:17 PM)
what is your favorite food ? after all everyone knows the fastest way to a mans heart is through his belly.

juliaoceania -> RE: Communication 101 for Newbie Subs (3/1/2007 4:05:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LaMspeach what is your favorite food ? after all everyone knows the fastest way to a mans heart is through his belly. I thought it was through his chest

sleazy -> RE: Communication 101 for Newbie Subs (3/1/2007 4:14:21 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: apettiger i ask how They feel about Their mother. if He doesnt get along with, or has no respect for, His mother how can He respect me? Got to admit I cannot see the real point of this one, my mother is my mother by her choice not mine. I respect people for who they are not what they are. There are many people I respect far more than my mother, and have always counted my partners in that group because I choose to respect them, not respect them for the appearances of some social convention.

DistantThunder -> RE: Communication 101 for Newbie Subs (3/1/2007 4:20:34 PM)
Agreed juliaoceana, they were simply general questions I throw out to everyone, it was not so much the questions specifically as the idea behind the questions and the intent of probing for knowledge.

TemptingNviceSub -> RE: Communication 101 for Newbie Subs (3/1/2007 7:29:24 PM)
Along with all the wonderful questions many have given out..I am also a big believer in not just hearing what someone has to say but to observe their actions as well..And that can be from simply what they do with their hands to where their eyes go, to their expressiveness, to how they are with others, actions often ,as many know ,speak louder than words....Tempting

onmykneesforhim -> RE: Communication 101 for Newbie Subs (3/1/2007 8:10:05 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LaMspeach what is your favorite food ? after all everyone knows the fastest way to a mans heart is through his belly. And here i was thinking it was bi way of his cck.. s*

eyesopened -> RE: Communication 101 for Newbie Subs (3/2/2007 2:24:43 AM)
i tailor the questions to the person i'm talking with but i always ask about pets because it tells me that they know how to take care of something that is totally dependent upon them and that they know how to receive affection. i ask what makes them laugh right out loud. i ask about their last relationship, how long and how did it end. (For the record, i have never once had a Dom say "oh i screwed up the relationship by......" or ever admit the sub left him so i see the answers to that question through a little bit of a cynical eye.) i ask if He is married or has other subs. i ask about His experience with long-distance relationships i ask about His definition of sub, slave, punishment, D/s and M/s i ask what goals He has for His relationships

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