Confusion

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simplisticallyme -> Confusion (3/2/2007 1:11:00 AM)
So, I have a slightly complicated situation. I'm in love with a Man...who is in love with me but He once stated to me that He loved someone more than He did me. I died inside. I know many answers will be "Just leave Him." It's so much more complicated in that. This Man has all of me, and I'm afraid of letting go because I love Him endlessly. I'm His mind, body and soul. How do I bring this up...without making Him angry? How do I let Him go..if that's the only option left?

Nikolette -> RE: Confusion (3/2/2007 1:21:12 AM)
He loves you the amount that he loves you... whether he informs you of it or not. How would you have felt if he'd never said it to you? Love is not something that we have a measured amount of. Loving one person doesn't mean we don't have love still for another. And loving the Other person doesn't mean he loves you less, or that he can't love you just as much, or more. If this is the person you truly want, you must look inside yourself and evaluate your pre-existing ideas about love. Can you be satisfied, can you be happy with what you presently have? Will this continue to eat away at you? Or do you think you can find some peace in knowing that he DOES love you, and does want you. I don't think talking to him about your feelings is ever ground for him to be angry. (Unless you pester him about it incessently or something else out of context here) I think it might be good for you to tell him how much that hurt you and that you wanted to discuss it further to understand what he meant more. Its always possible that it was a miss communication or soemthing. And if you end up deciding you want to let him go, I've always found peace in my sense of faith that there are soulmates out there for me... lovers and friends who will enrich my life and that I will find new pastures to graze in. I try to give myself time to heal and then start to work on what is important to me and for me, goals, self love, interests, investments in myself... Because I truly believe: We find our soulmates when we are the ones we want to find. Best of luck to you in your situation. And remember... there is no right way, only what is right for you. And doing what's right for you isn't always what feels best at the time.

MsCfromMelbourne -> RE: Confusion (3/2/2007 1:25:19 AM)
It is your life and it will be as good or bad as you choose. At 19, you have a feast of choices awaiting you. Your first great love can seem amazing. Until the next - better - love. And the next. With each experience, you get better at choosing. Who does your man love more than you? God? His mother? His children? His job? His ex? Can you get rid of whatever he loves more than you? Should you be bothered? Maybe you can be happy coming second and maybe you would prefer to come first. You decide. But I can tell you one thing - being the one and only Love of His Life is better than being Miss Good Enough for Now. Somewhere out there is the Love of Your Life but how is he going to find you if you are stuck with Sir Second Best? If you choose to stay, don't carry on like a victim, sulking and complaining. You are over 18 and made the choice to stay. Love is a choice, not an infectious disease. Remember the song "I am saving all my loving for someone who is loving me......" (oops I just saw the thread. I am not a master! )

eyesopened -> RE: Confusion (3/2/2007 1:57:13 AM)
Done right, love is a living thing that grows as it is nurtured and with the passing of time just like any other living thing. i would suspect the person He spoke of is someone He's known a lot longer than He's known you. For now, He loves you. When you are with Him is His focus on her or you? Does He live with her? Does He spend more time with her? You don't mention how long you've had this relationship. Take each day at a time, when the two of you are together don't invoke or invite the "other" into your mental or spiritual space. Give this time to grow, place your focus on HIM not the other her and in the future don't ask questions you don't want to know the answer to.

simplisticallyme -> RE: Confusion (3/2/2007 2:04:36 AM)
No, He has not known her longer. I was there a month before she was. No, He does not live with her. His focus is generally on me, but He released her..because she asked it. No, she is not His anymore..and she is married and has a husband. She is a very dear friend of mine, and I care for her deeply. This is an extremely complicated story..and I'm looking for answers without going into extreme detail, which isn't fair to ya'all who are giving me your honest opinion. I'm just looking for thought invoking posts, and so far these have done wonderfully.

Domrob -> RE: Confusion (3/2/2007 3:32:59 AM)
You have eachother now is that what you want? Is that enough? Only you can decide. Try to understand most people have a past and most people remember only the good bits.and that he must have been hurt when she asked to leave so it may well have been a one off remark true only for an instant Do talk to him

angeldevil -> RE: Confusion (3/2/2007 5:14:58 AM)
You say that he said it a while ago. That may not be the case now. If the love he has for you makes you happy and fulfilled then I would say stick with it. The love he had for her may have been that initial intensity that calms down anyway as time goes on. In my experience the best love is the one that is a slow burner and gets better as time goes on! Good luck and be happy.

nissa -> RE: Confusion (3/2/2007 5:24:10 AM)
Love...at times it can be such a complicated emotion. I understand slightly what you are feeling. The last person I was with was a widower and I knew that he would never love me in the manner that I needed; and yet, I made the decision to accept what he could give to me simply because some was better than none. In the end, it truly was enough because he brightened my life, even if I did not have all of him. You have decide how much you are willing to accept from him and either take what he gives you and allow yourself to be happy, or continue to let it eat at your soul and destroy you.

H8rMan39 -> RE: Confusion (3/2/2007 6:12:07 AM)
Ok, so let me see if I get this straight. You`re a 19 y/o slave with a Master, but the Master also has another slave, but she is married. Both slaves know each other, in fact are friends. [image]http://www.collarchat.com/micons/m5.gif[/image] The only problem I see here is that I`m not 19 and could still have my pick of the slaves. Master put you in a very nasty place, and I do not think you should tolerate it. True, as I Master, I believe that it is the job, nay, the main duty of Masters to whip, spank, slap, kick and degrade slave flesh, but on the flip side of that very coin, I also do not think that even the most hard~core of Masters has the right to abuse anyone`s emotions. Do yourself a favor and kick Master`s tail to the curb. Even in those rare old times when I did have more than one slave at a time, I practiced something called discretion.

MasterFireMaam -> RE: Confusion (3/2/2007 6:15:35 AM)
My mom's advice: If you left, would you miss him? Is it a healthy relationship for both of you? If you answered no to either one of these question, chances are you need to re-evaluate and quite possibly end it. When we are in relationships, we "barter", meaning we give something to our partners that is perceived to be of equal value to what we receive. If this barter turns in to "sell", it's a bad thing. Selling yourself for love/approval means that you have a desperate and/or negative attachement to the person. In this situation, your sense of self worth is based on the fact that they love you. Expecting him to change how much he loves you is unfair and unlikely to happen. Change is hard. All you can do is look at and try to control "your stuff" and your reactions to "his stuff" in the relationship. If you are content with the amount of love he has for you and think that you are getting a good barter, then stay, no matter what other people say. If you feel that you're selling yourself for love, it's time to go. One of the ways to try and avoid putting him on the defensive when you talk to him is to try and keep your statements about your reactions to his actions, not on his actions themselves. For example, you feel hurt that he loves someone else more, but you're looking at if the amount of love he has to give is sufficient for you to continue to have a healthy relationship. This is better than saying, "It's wrong that you love her more!" I hope this helps. You're situation isn't easy. hugs Master Fire

windchymes -> RE: Confusion (3/2/2007 6:31:39 AM)
You don't say how old he is, but I suspect he is just not ready to make a committment to anyone yet. Therefore, he keeps you around...."loves you"....but "loves someone more"...who happens to already be married and unavailable. Sounds like he's just making enough excuses to have what he wants, at anyone's expense who doesn't want anything better for herself. But, when someone else comes along that he falls in love with, also more than you, and trust me, he will, you'll still be his backup toy. I'm not saying that he doesn't have any feelings for you, but if he doesn't have the feelings now, it's not like he's suddenly going to walk up one day and say, "Hey, wow, I really DO love this one the most now!" That may happen in the movies, but very very seldom in real life. You say you're "His Mind, Body, and Soul". Does HE feel that way about you? There's an old saying, "You should never shed tears for someone who wouldn't shed them for you." Of course, if you want to settle for whatever it is you're settling for, it's your choice. I think you owe it to yourself to maybe take a break from him for awhile and get to know yourself away from him. And get to know some other guys. If he truly is your MB&S, then he will come running back (and I don't mean to play slave and master...I mean to truly make you #1). If he doesn't then you will both know for sure and will have gained some really important knowledge in your journey through life.

onestandingstill -> RE: Confusion (3/2/2007 6:41:00 AM)
We all connect, and need to connect differently. I'd say if you can resolve what makes you uncomfortable and think a poly relationship will fulfill you go for it. If you think the relationship is injurious to your mental health or that you're really not poly then end it. Your future lays before you like an empty pallet. The picture you try to paint should be the one you want to have staring back at you. suzanne

ONEDEMANDINGMSTR -> RE: Confusion (3/2/2007 6:41:00 AM)
You are so very young.............and, yes, love at 19 can be very intense...........just as it can be at any other time. However, you have the rest of your life to find someone who has more respect for you............and cares more for you................and loves you as much as you love him. Don't let this drag on................and lose too much sleep over it. I have boots older than you are...............Smile This guy has the best of both worlds and will allow you to be a 'stringer'.............as long you allow it to happen. Just one Dom's opinion...............for what it's worth. Life is too short not to have fun!!!!!!!!!!

szobras -> RE: Confusion (3/2/2007 6:55:45 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: onestandingstill We all connect, and need to connect differently. Your future lays before you like an empty pallet. The picture you try to paint should be the one you want to have staring back at you. suzanne Wonderfully said, Suzanne

onestandingstill -> RE: Confusion (3/2/2007 7:31:25 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: szobras quote: ORIGINAL: onestandingstill We all connect, and need to connect differently. Your future lays before you like an empty pallet. The picture you try to paint should be the one you want to have staring back at you. suzanne Wonderfully said, Suzanne Why Thank You Sir T, I appreciate the compliment immensely coming from you[image]http://www.collarchat.com/micons/m9.gif[/image]. suzanne

juliaoceania -> RE: Confusion (3/2/2007 8:31:42 AM)
From a submissive view point, if in that predicament I would ask myself if being second best was enough, if it was I would accept the situation as it exists.. if it wasn't then I would end it. I can tell you right now it would not be enough for me, I would end it, and I would do so with the thought that the next one to come along would give me the love I desire because I would not accept anything less than that. Is this a pattern in your relationships is my next question

LODK -> RE: Confusion (3/2/2007 9:48:24 AM)
I don't have enough information about his man and the history of his relationship with this other woman to speak for him, but I've been in a state of mind similar to his for years. There is man I love deeply and have loved for years, but to use your word, it is "complicated." We drift apart for a time, drift together for a time, and the nature of our relationship has been like that from the beginning. I've been involved with other people, even lived with them, even loved them, but this one man is the over-riding mental force in my life and is more important to me than anyone else. I do not lie to partners when they question me closely about my feelings for them, and all of them do seem to eventually ask if I have or have ever had stronger feelings for someone else. I don't hide the truth about where my heart is, and people take it or leave it. What is hard to explain to present partners is that they are not "second" or "less than" in any way, and I love them in my own way, but this one person is absolutely threaded into my psyche in a way no one else has ever achieved. I'm not in the least saying this is the case with your man, I'm simply saying he is telling you that right now another woman has his mind and heart to a greater degree than you do, and you should very much pay attention to what he is telling you. Will he feel that way a month from now, a year, 5 years? There is no way to tell. But he is right now telling you who he is and you should listen. Don't base your life on what might be someday, or what you hope to have with him someday. He may one day grow to love you more than her, he may not. But he is telling you who he is right now. Listen to him.

nissa -> RE: Confusion (3/2/2007 9:52:03 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LODK I don't have enough information about his man and the history of his relationship with this other woman to speak for him, but I've been in a state of mind similar to his for years. There is man I love deeply and have loved for years, but to use your word, it is "complicated." We drift apart for a time, drift together for a time, and the nature of our relationship has been like that from the beginning. I've been involved with other people, even lived with them, even loved them, but this one man is the over-riding mental force in my life and is more important to me than anyone else. I do not lie to partners when they question me closely about my feelings for them, and all of them do seem to eventually ask if I have or have ever had stronger feelings for someone else. I don't hide the truth about where my heart is, and people take it or leave it. What is hard to explain to present partners is that they are not "second" or "less than" in any way, and I love them in my own way, but this one person is absolutely threaded into my psyche in a way no one else has ever achieved. I'm not in the least saying this is the case with your man, I'm simply saying he is telling you that right now another woman has his mind and heart to a greater degree than you do, and you should very much pay attention to what he is telling you. Will he feel that way a month from now, a year, 5 years? There is no way to tell. But he is right now telling you who he is and you should listen. Don't base your life on what might be someday, or what you hope to have with him someday. He may one day grow to love you more than her, he may not. But he is telling you who he is right now. Listen to him. Now that was nicely stated

Stephann -> RE: Confusion (3/2/2007 11:32:17 AM)
Hi there simplistically, Sadly, relationships aren't simple. There's lots of good advice, you'll end up following the advice that sounds best to you. For me, it's not a question of how 'much' a person cares for someone else to me. I wouldn't ask a girlfriend to pick between me and, say, her parents or her best friend. Why must romantic relationships fall into the same pit? If someone loves me enough to take the time to make me feel special, important, why must the relationships and friendships she maintains outside of our relationship come into play; with the only exception being, if she is telling me she cannot be with me anymore? Even if this were to happen, I would be glad she found someone who made her happy enough to want to devote her life to him. I'd also have a broken heart, of course, but that's part of the risks of falling in love. Good luck, Stephan

xBullx -> RE: Confusion (3/2/2007 11:44:59 AM)
Hiya Stephan, I feel it brother.... Your in that mode where your gonna start writing some really kickin music aren't ya? Live well amigo, Bull

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