rules guidelines and such (Full Version)

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SirDraven -> rules guidelines and such (3/2/2007 8:49:41 AM)

I was having a discussion about rules and was told that a long list of rules is the norm. I have 2 basic rules that a sub would operate under...

Open and Honest communication.

Respect and caring for self and others.

Everything else I look at as a guideline and was wondering what subs thought about all the rules they operate under.






jauntyone -> RE: rules guidelines and such (3/2/2007 8:54:27 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirDraven

I was having a discussion about rules and was told that a long list of rules is the norm. I have 2 basic rules that a sub would operate under...

Open and Honest communication.

Respect and caring for self and others.

Everything else I look at as a guideline and was wondering what subs thought about all the rules they operate under.





Master requires only two things from me. Absolute obedience in all things; and beauty of spirit.



DiurnalVampire -> RE: rules guidelines and such (3/2/2007 8:54:27 AM)

I dont know, Angel has a few short rules to worry about. Not a long list, and al his guidelines are fairly common sense. We have been just fine.
Personally, I prefer to be able to trust him to know how to behave without having to be bothered to actualy put everything into words.

DV



missturbation -> RE: rules guidelines and such (3/2/2007 9:06:12 AM)

Rules are good for me, i need very distinct boundaries and guidance. I do have a tendency to run amock without them. [:D]



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: rules guidelines and such (3/2/2007 9:11:20 AM)

I have some rules for my quirks and general maintenence of life, but I'd have to think about them- I've never sat down and presented a list to someone of things to do/not to do.  It's more just learning preferences. 

Frankly if I felt I had to make a rule about honesty, I'd be concerned.



stef -> RE: rules guidelines and such (3/2/2007 9:18:00 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirDraven

Everything else I look at as a guideline and was wondering what subs thought about all the rules they operate under.

There's only one rule that matters:
 
"Be excellent to each other."

~stef



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: rules guidelines and such (3/2/2007 9:25:17 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: stef
"Be excellent to each other."

~stef


LOL You are awesome.



SirDraven -> RE: rules guidelines and such (3/2/2007 9:28:05 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I have some rules for my quirks and general maintenence of life, but I'd have to think about them- I've never sat down and presented a list to someone of things to do/not to do.  It's more just learning preferences. 

Frankly if I felt I had to make a rule about honesty, I'd be concerned.


The one thing that always amazes Me about this lifestyle is how open to interpretation it is. Each of U/us brings to it difrent things while taking from the lifestyle what W/we want and enjoy. For some a list of rules works well. one said they obey everything without question. As long as that works for them then all is good.

Ask those who know Me. My honor and reputation are very imporant to Me. I have a number of years in the military so words like duty, honor, and integrity mean something to Me. Ensuring open and honest communication is important. Its what works for Me.

Thanks for your thoughts. I was half expecting to see a list of threads going back to 2004 on this topic as I did not bother to search it. :D



nissa -> RE: rules guidelines and such (3/2/2007 9:32:13 AM)

quote:

There's only one rule that matters:
 
"Be excellent to each other."

~stef

Spoken with true eloquence. Well said.



valeca -> RE: rules guidelines and such (3/2/2007 9:49:19 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: stef


There's only one rule that matters:
 
"Be excellent to each other."

~stef


And oldie [movie], but a goodie [advice]!



juliaoceania -> RE: rules guidelines and such (3/2/2007 10:02:01 AM)

I do not know about rules per se, I do what he tells me and the rest sorta takes care of itself. We have no rules like you are thinking, and while some people do, I do not know how common it is to have a lot of them.



adaddysgirl -> RE: rules guidelines and such (3/2/2007 10:38:34 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

Rules are good for me, i need very distinct boundaries and guidance. I do have a tendency to run amock without them. [:D]


Same here.  my former partner also called them expectations but the result of breaking the 'expectations' was the same...lol.
 
DG



StellaByStarlite -> RE: rules guidelines and such (3/2/2007 11:14:25 AM)

Hello =)


I don't have as many rules as much as I have tasks, jobs, goals, etc. The Mister's philosophy is " I don't care HOW it's done, just get it done"

He allows me a ton of freedom, as far as speech goes, as well. We employ a lot of structure in our dynamic, but it's more action oriented then protocol. He does issue spontaneous orders according to what he wants at that time, but not too much is set in stone, no.

As far as "instant obedience" goes, I'm permitted to voice an objection if I really, truely feel I have a better idea. It's up to him whether he'll consider it or not, though.


Cheers,
Stella



damia -> RE: rules guidelines and such (3/2/2007 11:33:42 AM)

m'Lord has only a few rules for me.

1) Complete and total honesty
2) Obedience in everything*
3) ....

Nope, that's about it. The rest are guidelines and responsibilities, i think. Like not to tickle Him, because it hurts, and to keep His glass filled when He's painting, keep an ash tray on hand at all times, and stuff like that. We don't have a contract; i obey, He commands, and if He is happy with my obedience, He may consider something that i want that He doesn't necessarily want to do (like going to one restraurant that i like instead of the one He likes).

*If i do not obey, there better be a very good reason for it, and if there is, He and i will talk about it. If He thinks it is not good enough, i have to do it anyway.



TrueCalling -> RE: rules guidelines and such (3/2/2007 12:01:51 PM)

I can see some sort of 'house rules',  but not 'rules' governing a relationship. When being honest/obedient become rules as opposed to principle and common sense, the world will be a far worse place.
 
colleen

 "We confide in our strength, without boasting of it; we respect that of others, without fearing it." ... Thomas Jeffersom


 



SusanofO -> RE: rules guidelines and such (3/2/2007 12:11:24 PM)

Does she appear to want a lot of control from you? If so, I'd get a little more detailed about how you might be able to discern if she has actually broken your rules? 

Also, I realize everything is "situational", and yes, she is submitting if you are making rules at all I guess, but still.

Is it fair to want to enforce something that perhaps has not been clarified very much?

Unless she knows how your mind works really well, maybe it's not.

How will she even know whether she has broken one of your rules? Via reading yor mind?

What does "open and honest" communication entail (for you?)

What, exactly does "respect for self and others" entail (for you)? 

**I'd think about it, and decide. And, IMO, if you really don't want to detail them so she will know if they've been broken, then why are you making them?

**Also, is she actually even "submitting" to them if they are very vague? I would think that believing that (on either end, she or you) is a big illusion. I mean I loved and treated people w/respect (and considered myself a fairly "open communicator) before I became someone's "submissive" (because I am a pretty nice person. I followed my own guidelines, about what that entailed, too.)

I am not saying there have to be tons of rules (oebdience ia all things might cover it, if you don't want to take the time, or think it isn't necessary), but  - I do think if someone is going to bother with them that they need to be specific and clear, and she should be able to discern (at least most of the time) when-if they've been broken, or not.

No dis-respect intended (truly). Just a few thoughts.

- Susan



LadySashayy -> RE: rules guidelines and such (3/2/2007 12:16:23 PM)

to add my own thoughts to this... I agree that a list of rules that need to be policed and enforced, with penalties and punishments meted out upon trangressions... this just seems so forced and artificial to me. This might be the kind of thing needed for a D/s relationship that is for play/fun only and isn't based on a day-to-day fully-fledged 24/7 relationship. In mine though, I seek and expect a full relationship, and given my penchant for alpha male subs, there is no way I could or would want someone to have to continously beat down their own brain, creativity and initiative in order to follow a long list of canned rules that may not be adjustable to everyday life and which may not cover many aspects of life.

Besides, oversight, errors and stupidity can and does happen to parties on both sides of the slash and I'd rather My pet know that he is always welcome to voice a question or opinion, even if it is dissenting. W/we couldn 't work and live and love well together if he didn't have that freedom and ability to be himself openly without shame or fear.

Thus, all I expect from him on a daily basis is respect, trust, honesty and open communication and he expects the same in return of Me (and has the right to do so). Everything else said or done, if done within those ruling principles and values, will be done properly.



SusanofO -> RE: rules guidelines and such (3/2/2007 1:16:21 PM)

I wasn't trying to be rude. It's just that I've seen this discussion before.
I think it's a comforting illusion that someone else is being controlled, or that you are controlling them, if rules aren't pretty specific. Because people's value-systems vary from eachother all the time. And if they don't, then I guess you really don't need any rules then, do you?

- Susan



proudsub -> RE: rules guidelines and such (3/2/2007 2:49:49 PM)

No specific rules here, but after living with Him for 38 yrs i know what is expected of me.[:)]



mstrjx -> RE: rules guidelines and such (3/2/2007 5:08:18 PM)

'Sometimes, chewing with your mouth full isn't a very good idea.'

Rules can be very simple ('obey or go away - your choice'), or they can be very complicated.  Certainly you have heard of contracts.

Different people are going to handle things differently.  Personally, I take great interest in a variety of things, and I have definite preferences.  Whether you think of these preferences as rules or guidelines (or not) is up to the listener, I should think.

I suppose you could boil everything down to 'obey', but that seems rather terse, even for me.  But any list cannot be so lengthy or complex that some things are difficult to remember.  The written word, whether it takes the form of a contract or call it something more mundane like a 'cheat sheet', is often easier to digest.

Jeff



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