RE: married and need to be discrete (Full Version)

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Lordandmaster -> RE: married and need to be discrete (5/26/2005 7:38:37 PM)

Considering that the OP made the original post two months ago, it's asking a lot to get him to clarify NOW.

Besides, the OP didn't ask for moral advice. You can get that in a church. The OP asked for advice about how to find other people who are married and looking.



MemphisDsCouple -> RE: married and need to be discrete (5/27/2005 4:57:03 AM)

The streak of libertarian in me prompts me to write:

1. I think we can presume the OP looked at all the boards and chose his original venue for a purpose. Since he is looking for a partner/lover/playmate in addition to his wife, I think it is easy to understand his choice of the poly board.

2. I read no flames. Some passionate feelings, yes. But this is a subject that inspires passion. No one attacked the OP.

3. As was correctly pointed out earlier, terminology involving "discretion" (in its various forms and (mis)spellings) is widely understood and accepted code for "cheating". It makes no difference if that cheating is in the bed, on the computer or at a play party.

4. If the last two sentences are, as they appear to be, meant to somehow justify or define as acceptable cheating that does not involve intercourse (I suppose the legacy of Bill Clinton (bj's are not sex) will always be with us.) I suggest that to write, or even to vaguely imply the acceptability of any type of cheating is a disservice to both the OP and to any other reader contemplating stepping into those shoes. In all locales (I know of no exception) adultery is illegal. To condone adultery on these boards (condoning an illegal activity) is clearly a violation of cm's tos. I believe that is not what cm has in mind for its mods.


quote:

ORIGINAL: ModeratorEight

I've moved this thread to the general bdsm discussion area where I feel it will be a better match.

Please turn the flame throwers down a notch. Play can be non-sexual in nature, ask any service oriented submissive. There is not enough info in the OP to jump to the conclusion that the poster is looking for kinky sex.


P. S. to the OP:

All of us, each and every one of us, without exception, have d/s and s&m within us. So does your wife. These things are hard-wired into us. They are part and parcel of humanity. No matter how deeply buried within a person by the taboos and inhibitions we are taught in our society, still, these things are inside us all. And that includes your wife. You describe yourself as dominant. A dominant leads. My very constructive suggestion is to lead your wife to the discovery of these things within her. I could write a great deal about this topic but time and inclination do not permit. Good luck!



MemphisDsCouple -> RE: married and need to be discrete (5/27/2005 5:02:23 AM)

LOL I just checked the post date. You're right. So why is it coming here now?

Like the Stones said, "you can't always get what you want, but if you try sometime, you just might find, you get what you need".

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

Considering that the OP made the original post two months ago, it's asking a lot to get him to clarify NOW.

Besides, the OP didn't ask for moral advice. You can get that in a church. The OP asked for advice about how to find other people who are married and looking.




Lordandmaster -> RE: married and need to be discrete (5/27/2005 8:39:21 AM)

Adultery is illegal? Puh-leeze. What "locale" do you live in?

Edited to add: Your own profile says this:

quote:

We would like to meet a woman with similar, complimentary qualities, a woman for whom submission is a fulfillment of her true being, a woman to be part of our life, a woman who needs to embark on a long-term, committed threesome relationship.


That's not adultery?

quote:

ORIGINAL: MemphisDsCouple

In all locales (I know of no exception) adultery is illegal. To condone adultery on these boards (condoning an illegal activity) is clearly a violation of cm's tos. I believe that is not what cm has in mind for its mods.



ScooterTrash -> RE: married and need to be discrete (5/27/2005 9:21:35 AM)

saingsred..I am certain you have noticed that the major advice you have received to this point is not to do this behind your wife's back. I have to echo their sentiments. You may be surprised what you can get, by asking. Everyone (IMHO) has a bit of kinky in them..so you might be surprised..there may be another flavor than vanilla in her case..she just may not be aware that it was OK to want it.



MemphisDsCouple -> RE: married and need to be discrete (5/27/2005 11:07:52 AM)

Sure L&m. Don't take my word. Ask an attorney. Just like sodomy and other sex acts, all the areas of this country (and the world, I think) went through a period of legislating morality as it relates to sexuality (including fidelity). If I'm mistaken I'll be glad to acknowledge that and retract, but I do believe anti-adultery statutes were passed throughout the usa and likely remain on the books everywhere. I've never read about one being rescinded. They're probably all misdemeanors and are prosecuted just about as much as statutes barring spitting on the sidewalks. Nonetheless, I do believe they are there.

That said...... the point of my post was not so literal as you have taken it. The concept I tried to communicate, by an example designed to inspire thoughtful introspection was that we can nitpick just about anything and find fault with anyone. I meant it to be clear to anyone reading that I was, in fact, nitpicking - to make an example. As was, in my view, the original mod's cautionary statement to "turn the flame throwers down " nitpicking. Perhaps I should have just said that in a short sentence. Do you think so?

As far as your comparison goes:

You're comparing a peon poster to a mod posting as a mod. My observations about the mod's post were directed to the mod as a mod. I did not address the mod's personal morality. I clearly addressed the mod's moral stance as an authoritative representative of cm. Having read your writing in the past, I feel confident you can understand that distinction. Therefore, I conclude you do me an injustice to compare these "apples and oranges". Or, is the intent of your writing to bring into discussion my personal morality rather than morality in general, or rather than the morality of an official representative of cm acting in an offical capacity?

I think I'll wait for a response to that question before I address any questions about my own legality/morality.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

Adultery is illegal? Puh-leeze. What "locale" do you live in?

Edited to add: Your own profile says this:

quote:

We would like to meet a woman with similar, complimentary qualities, a woman for whom submission is a fulfillment of her true being, a woman to be part of our life, a woman who needs to embark on a long-term, committed threesome relationship.


That's not adultery?

quote:

ORIGINAL: MemphisDsCouple

In all locales (I know of no exception) adultery is illegal. To condone adultery on these boards (condoning an illegal activity) is clearly a violation of cm's tos. I believe that is not what cm has in mind for its mods.





Raphael -> RE: married and need to be discrete (5/27/2005 12:35:30 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MemphisDsCouple

1. I think we can presume the OP looked at all the boards and chose his original venue for a purpose. Since he is looking for a partner/lover/playmate in addition to his wife, I think it is easy to understand his choice of the poly board.



It is?

It's easy to understand only if we assume he knows nothing about polyamory at all, and simply assumed it involved lying and cheating and 'discretion' - the very things that no poly relationship can tolerate. Having known several polys, I can tell you that there is nothing you can do to p*** off a poly quicker than to make that assumption, which explains the responses he got there.

Either he hadn't a clue what the board was about, and couldn't bother to find out before posting, or it was deliberate flamebait.




perverseangelic -> RE: married and need to be discrete (5/27/2005 1:21:30 PM)

quote:

quote:

ORIGINAL: MemphisDsCouple

In all locales (I know of no exception) adultery is illegal. To condone adultery on these boards (condoning an illegal activity) is clearly a violation of cm's tos. I believe that is not what cm has in mind for its mods.


Out of curiosity, I looked up adultery laws.

"Twenty-six states continue to have anti-adultery laws on the books. These laws vary considerably. Some define adultery as any intercourse outside marriage. According to others, it occurs when a married person lives with someone other than his or her spouse. In West Virginia and North Carolina, simply "to lewdly and lasciviously associate" with anyone other than one's spouse is to be adulterous"
-- http://slate.msn.com/id/1063/ (I'm not entirely sure of the reliability of the source. Net research leaves much to be desired, but it's the best I could do w/out a library)

The US Military also has statutes against adultery, but they're oddly worded and selectivly inforced.

So, yes, adultery laws are still on the books, but they are -not- ont he books in all areas. Too, for those places that do have such laws, the acts which are proscribed are hugely variant.

Also, there are several cases in progress working toward striking down these laws. Lawrence v Texas set a precident that is such that these laws will probably be declared unconstitutional within a few years.




MemphisDsCouple -> RE: married and need to be discrete (5/27/2005 2:39:44 PM)

Thanks, perverseangelic, for the more factual (even if it is web-based research) clarification. I defer to the results of your research, and willingly retract my overstatement. (I do love accuracy.) I point out in the process that the message and meaning within my original post survive and are supported by this more factual information about the legality of adultery.


quote:

ORIGINAL: perverseangelic

quote:

quote:

ORIGINAL: MemphisDsCouple

In all locales (I know of no exception) adultery is illegal. To condone adultery on these boards (condoning an illegal activity) is clearly a violation of cm's tos. I believe that is not what cm has in mind for its mods.


Out of curiosity, I looked up adultery laws.

"Twenty-six states continue to have anti-adultery laws on the books. These laws vary considerably. Some define adultery as any intercourse outside marriage. According to others, it occurs when a married person lives with someone other than his or her spouse. In West Virginia and North Carolina, simply "to lewdly and lasciviously associate" with anyone other than one's spouse is to be adulterous"
-- http://slate.msn.com/id/1063/ (I'm not entirely sure of the reliability of the source. Net research leaves much to be desired, but it's the best I could do w/out a library)

The US Military also has statutes against adultery, but they're oddly worded and selectivly inforced.

So, yes, adultery laws are still on the books, but they are -not- ont he books in all areas. Too, for those places that do have such laws, the acts which are proscribed are hugely variant.

Also, there are several cases in progress working toward striking down these laws. Lawrence v Texas set a precident that is such that these laws will probably be declared unconstitutional within a few years.






Lordandmaster -> RE: married and need to be discrete (5/27/2005 2:45:28 PM)

My intent is to ask why someone who openly admits that he commits adultery would chide anyone else for committing adultery.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MemphisDsCouple

Or, is the intent of your writing to bring into discussion my personal morality rather than morality in general, or rather than the morality of an official representative of cm acting in an offical capacity?




perverseangelic -> RE: married and need to be discrete (5/27/2005 3:11:41 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: MemphisDsCouple

Thanks, perverseangelic, for the more factual (even if it is web-based research) clarification. I defer to the results of your research, and willingly retract my overstatement. (I do love accuracy.) I point out in the process that the message and meaning within my original post survive and are supported by this more factual information about the legality of adultery.


Yeah, I wasn't trying to prove or disprove what you said, I was mostly just curious. 's the kind of information I like to have in my brain.



MemphisDsCouple -> RE: married and need to be discrete (5/27/2005 4:55:24 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

My intent is to ask why someone who openly admits that he commits adultery would chide anyone else for committing adultery.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MemphisDsCouple

Or, is the intent of your writing to bring into discussion my personal morality rather than morality in general, or rather than the morality of an official representative of cm acting in an offical capacity?




Please quote the text in which I "chide" a person "for committing adultery". I think that you will be unable to do that.

I wish you hadn't snipped the rest of the paragraph. I already explained this once. What I said was:

quote:

ORIGINAL: MemphisDsCouple

You're comparing a peon poster to a mod posting as a mod. My observations about the mod's post were directed to the mod as a mod. I did not address the mod's personal morality. I clearly addressed the mod's moral stance as an authoritative representative of cm. Having read your writing in the past, I feel confident you can understand that distinction. Therefore, I conclude you do me an injustice to compare these "apples and oranges". Or, is the intent of your writing to bring into discussion my personal morality rather than morality in general, or rather than the morality of an official representative of cm acting in an offical capacity?

I think I'll wait for a response to that question before I address any questions about my own legality/morality.



I repeat: I addressed the mod's official representation of cm. I did not address the mod's individual practices, legal status or morality.

And I repeat: Do you have a reason for turning the discussion to my individual legality and/or morality as opposed to discussing the topic on the broader, impersonal level as I addressed it?




MemphisDsCouple -> RE: married and need to be discrete (5/27/2005 4:56:48 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: perverseangelic

Yeah, I wasn't trying to prove or disprove what you said, I was mostly just curious. 's the kind of information I like to have in my brain.


That's the way I understood it. Thanks again for the info!



Lordandmaster -> RE: married and need to be discrete (5/27/2005 5:27:30 PM)

The mod asked for people to stop flaming. That seemed pretty reasonable to me. Otherwise, you didn't "discuss" the topic at all. The topic was how to find someone who is married and willing to have a discreet relationship with someone else who is married. Your contribution was to say that adultery is illegal in every locality you know of (although you yourself practice it).

Really, is it useful when someone asks for blowjob technique to respond that oral sex is sodomy? Or when someone asks for information about whips to respond that someone who strikes another human being can be prosecuted for assault even if the other person consents? Responses like that--responses like yours--are just an obstacle.

Lam

quote:

ORIGINAL: MemphisDsCouple

I repeat: I addressed the mod's official representation of cm. I did not address the mod's individual practices, legal status or morality.

And I repeat: Do you have a reason for turning the discussion to my individual legality and/or morality as opposed to discussing the topic on the broader, impersonal level as I addressed it?




MemphisDsCouple -> RE: married and need to be discrete (5/28/2005 6:54:44 PM)

lam, I am disappointed with you.



Lordandmaster -> RE: married and need to be discrete (5/28/2005 9:10:10 PM)

??? I might respond if I knew what you were talking about.



SirKenin -> RE: married and need to be discrete (5/28/2005 10:47:34 PM)

I think whether adultery is on the books in some States or not is irrelevant. The fact of the matter is that it is one of only a few reasons slated for divorce in ALL States (and Canada, as well as many other countries to My knowledge). It should never be encouraged, whether on this board or any other board. Polyamory is one thing. Scraping the bottom of the barrel and cheating on your spouse is yet quite another and should never even be acknowledged, never mind encouraged.



Lordandmaster -> RE: married and need to be discrete (5/29/2005 12:01:55 AM)

If two people are married, then polyamory IS adultery. It doesn't matter whether you're honest about it.



perverseangelic -> RE: married and need to be discrete (5/29/2005 9:39:55 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

If two people are married, then polyamory IS adultery. It doesn't matter whether you're honest about it.



Y'know, I never thought about it before, but UNDER THE LAW that's true. Huh.



Lordandmaster -> RE: married and need to be discrete (5/29/2005 12:36:11 PM)

Yeah. As usual, the people who insist on universally accepted definitions of words are the same people who misuse them.

Yet more irony.



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