RE: Is this supposed to be hard?

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RE: Is this supposed to be hard? - 3/4/2007 2:00:01 PM

mythi

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From: Naples, FL
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As someone coming off of a very long vanilla relationship I can honestly say that it was the hardest thing I've ever done by choice. That ol' "man against himself" conflict is a killer. (Won't do that again!)

So I'd have to say that for your vanilla friends it probably would be hard; because it's not their nature. But when it is your nature, it's more of a struggle not to dominate/submit.

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RE: Is this supposed to be hard? - 3/4/2007 3:39:08 PM

blushingflower

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Joined: 10/11/2006
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From the POV of a submissive, it can be hard sometimes. It's hard to obey when I don't want to do what I'm told, or when I'm tired or don't understand why I'm being told to do something. It's hard to break life-long habits of secrecy to be open and honest with my Daddy and tell him how I feel about things. It's hard to keep my legs open when my cunt's being whipped and not roll away from the lash.
It's hard when Daddy says or does something that's very sweet or funny or even something that hurts my feelings but only makes sense in a D/s context and so I can't share it with my Mom or my best friend or whoever.
But it's also good and rewarding and wonderful and worth it.

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RE: Is this supposed to be hard? - 3/4/2007 4:48:33 PM

sophia37

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I use the word "hard" to describe things. Personally, I think its hard to do some sexual things. It takes lots of concentration. But am I having fun while its being hard to do? Of course I am! I continue to do lots of things I state are "hard" to do. Its just a speech pattern more than anything. Being "hard" is not a deterrent. If anyhting, its a come-on.

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RE: Is this supposed to be hard? - 3/5/2007 1:27:09 AM

DaddyDeSade

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I actually find bdsm relationships easier. Because everyone knows where they stand. Being a bit of an authoritarian concrete sequential type I like to have everything spelled out. D/s not only makes it clear who I am in the relationship and why I'm there. But also why the sub is there. there is so much more guesswork in vanilla relationships. and guesswork doesn't appeal to me

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RE: Is this supposed to be hard? - 3/5/2007 5:51:02 AM

thetammyjo

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddyDeSade

I actually find bdsm relationships easier. Because everyone knows where they stand. Being a bit of an authoritarian concrete sequential type I like to have everything spelled out. D/s not only makes it clear who I am in the relationship and why I'm there. But also why the sub is there. there is so much more guesswork in vanilla relationships. and guesswork doesn't appeal to me

We're dealing with ideals and stereotypes here.

The ideal is that in BDSM you have all this honest, open communication -- I have seen first and second hand that this is not always the case.

The stereotype is that there's isn't as much communication in a vanilla relationship, again I've seen first and second hand that there certainly can be as much communication.

It really depends on the people involved, what they value, and how much they want to work at the relationship.

I think all relationships are work. If the relationship is strongly positive the work might not seem like work at all; it they are strongly negatively it might so harder than one can handle.

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RE: Is this supposed to be hard? - 3/5/2007 6:03:20 AM

dawntreader

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Joined: 11/23/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

We're dealing with ideals and stereotypes here.

The ideal is that in BDSM you have all this honest, open communication -- I have seen first and second hand that this is not always the case.

The stereotype is that there's isn't as much communication in a vanilla relationship, again I've seen first and second hand that there certainly can be as much communication.

It really depends on the people involved, what they value, and how much they want to work at the relationship.

I think all relationships are work. If the relationship is strongly positive the work might not seem like work at all; it they are strongly negatively it might so harder than one can handle.

Again i find myself agreeing wholeheartedly with you!

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RE: Is this supposed to be hard? - 3/5/2007 7:56:54 AM

LadyMyles

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mythi

So I'd have to say that for your vanilla friends it probably would be hard; because it's not their nature. But when it is your nature, it's more of a struggle not to dominate/submit.

I'd have to agree with you Mythi, trying to be vanilla is hard.

There are times when BDSM is difficult, especially if I'm tired or stressed out, but I wouldn't describe it as hard. Anything in life that is worth the effort requires time, patience, and hard work. As so many have already said so well, if your head is in the right place, the challenge is exhilirating, and the pleasure you get from expressing yourself as you truly are makes all the effort worth it.

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Post #: 27