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Questions...questions - 3/4/2007 10:43:20 AM   
Ayanaev71


Posts: 2
Status: offline 		Hello everyone

I am new here. However, seeking some thoughts.

I have some experience with BDSM but pretty new to the scene. I was in a LTR for 5 years with my soon to be ex-husband/submissive.  Anyway, I have come to collarme.com probably way to early, looking for someone to spend some time with, re-learning things, as well as getting back out there. I find it difficult doing it though. I am constantly questioning myself these days. What I want...what I need and then I change my profile here and there...because I believe in being honest. I have changed the bloody thing at least 4 times.

I am thinking...I need this...but maybe I need time. So my question do you think I should just take a rest and reflect more with me and stop looking for someone? And if I do look to someone how to gain the confidence back again?

Thanks alot

Sincerely,

A
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Questions...questions - 3/4/2007 11:00:49 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		If you are unsure of what you NEED in a relationship, yes, I suggest not looking for one.  Look for companions, friend, resources, etc...people who can help you figure it out, but you'd be doing yourself and your partner as great disservice if you flip-flop a great deal. Changing is ok, but changing daily can be a REAL challenge for those of us who thrive on providing structure. There are resources and such, like self-help books, that can help you as well.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to Ayanaev71)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Questions...questions - 3/4/2007 11:12:36 AM   
fergus


Posts: 1110
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline 		Wow, just coming out of a 5 year relationship?  Yes, you SHOULD take time off from relationships!

That doesn't mean you should become a nun, if you feel the itch, have some fun, don't go looking for "Mr. Right" but if it helps you heal, you can pick up "Mr. Tonight"

Stay safe, and take time and stock before rushing into a relationship thing.  There are stilla  lot of stages to go through emotionally with this divorce thing (I am sure there are more than a few folks here that can attest to that).

fergus

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Questions...questions - 3/5/2007 3:51:51 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		My best wishes to you during this time.  It is very difficult when you lose a sub/lover/husband not to want to go ahead and fill the void.  Being a Domme doesn't stop you from being human.  Loss is a very real pain in a very real world.  Anyone who's ever lost a sub can tell you that.
 
How quickly do you look for another?  That's a harder question to answer.  Five years is a very long time, which  I'm sure I don't have to tell you.  The thing is, if you find someone to fill the void, is that really the best that you want for yourself?  What was said about the concept of not needing Mr Right, just Mister Right Now also has merit.  You'll have to take your time and decide what you want.  A 'get over it' thing sometimes can do a gal a world of good, as long as you're not doing it to supress or avoid the pain you are obviously going to feel.
 
I wish I could give you an answer, but unfortunately, only you can do that for yourself.  Take the time that you need to experience your grief and heal.  My best of luck to you in your journey.

(in reply to fergus)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Questions...questions - 3/5/2007 5:03:23 PM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Ayanaev71

Hello everyone

I am new here. However, seeking some thoughts.

I have some experience with BDSM but pretty new to the scene. I was in a LTR for 5 years with my soon to be ex-husband/submissive. Anyway, I have come to collarme.com probably way to early, looking for someone to spend some time with, re-learning things, as well as getting back out there. I find it difficult doing it though. I am constantly questioning myself these days. What I want...what I need and then I change my profile here and there...because I believe in being honest. I have changed the bloody thing at least 4 times.

I am thinking...I need this...but maybe I need time. So my question do you think I should just take a rest and reflect more with me and stop looking for someone? And if I do look to someone how to gain the confidence back again?

Thanks alot

Sincerely,

A


You need to do both but that "person" really needs to be people, lots of people.

People at munches, people at workshops, people at support/discussion groups, people at parties, and people online.

You need to read, listen, talk, and just do things to get experience. You don't need a single individual to do any of these and frankly the more experiences and opinions you can get, the more you can sort though what you want, what you need, what you don't want, and what is just not right for you.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to Ayanaev71)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Questions...questions - 3/5/2007 7:08:05 PM   
MistressWolfen


Posts: 578
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Ayanaev71
So my question do you think I should just take a rest and reflect more with me and stop looking for someone? And if I do look to someone how to gain the confidence back again?
Thanks alot
Sincerely,
A


I honestly believe that only you know the answer to that question...good luck with your choice.



_____________________________

Quoth the raven

(in reply to Ayanaev71)
Profile   Post #: 6
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