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Which is worse? - 3/28/2005 2:02:20 PM   
Masterplease


Posts: 2
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline 		A friend of mine came to me with this dilema.... she had found emails between her Dom and an old vanilla girlfriend of his. These emails alluded to the two of them getting together in the next few days, days in which this Dom claimed that he was having to travel out of town. After she found the emails all was explained (he claimed that the meeting was cancelled and that he meant to tell my friend) and forgiven. But, in the past few days my friend found other emails which confirmed that the two had met AND had sexual relations of some sort. Now, the problem is the way in which my friend found out, she logged onto Dom's email account without permission. She feels guilty and has decided not to tell Dom, says that she has already forgiven him for this. i think she is crazy and needs to leave him.

So, who did more wrong, my friend for looking into someone's personal emails without permission or her Dom for lying and having 'sex' with another when he promised that he hadnt?

Just glad i am not in this mess but i feel for my friend. Thanks for your answers
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RE: Which is worse? - 3/28/2005 2:09:14 PM   
MidnightWriter


Posts: 131
Joined: 2/8/2005
Status: offline 		That depends on what they'd promised to each other.

If he had promised monogamy and honesty, then he's in the wrong.

If she had promised to respect his privacy, then she's in the wrong.

I wouldn't tolerate either behavior - but then, my standards aren't universal. Your friend will have to decide for herself.

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(in reply to Masterplease)
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RE: Which is worse? - 3/28/2005 2:22:23 PM   
SirKenin


Posts: 2994
Joined: 10/31/2004
From: Barrie, ON Canada
Status: offline 		I agree with Midnight. Neither behaviour should be tolerated. Invading someone's privacy is wrong, but then again so is cheating on your partner. If it was Me in her shoes, though, I would just leave. I guess an explanation would be necessary, but if she could be tactful she might be able to get it out of him without revealing her sources. Admittedly I am not sure how she would do this. You never know, he might slip up on his own and give it away, at which time she could use that as her reasons for walking out the door.

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Wicca: Pretending to be an ancient religion since 1956

Catholic Church: Serving up guilt since 107 AD.

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RE: Which is worse? - 3/28/2005 4:14:58 PM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Either way, its a match doomed to failure, she can't trust, he's shown he can't be trusted...what's the point of continuing?

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RE: Which is worse? - 3/28/2005 4:43:38 PM   
Overlord218


Posts: 53
Joined: 1/26/2005
Status: offline 		Irregardless of who has the bigger share of blame, they've both broken the basic rule of O&H... Openness &Honesty. Without that, there can be no relationship in the longterm.



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A little pain is good for the soul. Ask any masochist.

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RE: Which is worse? - 3/28/2005 8:40:12 PM   
Solitarius


Posts: 7
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline 		I have to agree with everyone else. Both are in the wrong, and both have broken a trust.

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RE: Which is worse? - 3/28/2005 9:24:13 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Masterplease
So, who did more wrong, my friend for looking into someone's personal emails without permission or her Dom for lying and having 'sex' with another when he promised that he hadnt?

Okay, I'll say it: I think the cheat who screwed another is more wrong...
She can't trust, apparently chooses people who can't be trusted...
I would much prefer my partner opened an email because he was curious, than he phucked someone else, and lied before and after the fact... Having said this, I respect honesty no matter how kinky (like admitting to finding someone else especially hot); the 1st I can talk about/forgive, the ladder I cannot.
Bottom line as everyone has said, this relationship will not be pleasant in the long run, and therefore will not last. JMO, M

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""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

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RE: Which is worse? - 3/29/2005 12:27:39 AM   
FelinePersuasion


Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline 		LOL wow does the sneaking into email ever sound familar. He never cheated on me or anything like that other's dom did tho. I snuck into my x's mail cause I was really curious and I saw some emails from another lady who was talking to him an I got curious an tried to ask about it with out giving info I lied myse;f a huge hole then finally admited, That I had snuck into his email.

Turns out she was playing games and wasn't serious about him being dominant to her at all he'd told me about her an the whole episode but I didn't relize it was THAT woman who;s mail I'd read. and my ass was in such a sling for lying about what I had done lol.

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RE: Which is worse? - 3/29/2005 3:04:51 AM   
lovingmaster45


Posts: 261
Joined: 9/16/2004
Status: offline 		I guess I just don't get it. My subs and wife have access to my email accounts and all other accounts. I do not hide anything with people I share my life with. Am I weird? Or is the world just fucked up? OK,,,don't answer that...lol.

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Master Jerry


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RE: Which is worse? - 3/29/2005 9:41:20 AM   
SirKenin


Posts: 2994
Joined: 10/31/2004
From: Barrie, ON Canada
Status: offline 		I don't let anyone into My email accounts. Nobody is allowed on My computer, I have a second one for their use. I look at it as a privacy and trust issue. Mind you, I have nothing to hide and I have no problem with them sitting with Me and reading any email I might have. she can even read over My shoulder as I am typing an email if she wants. However, to go through My emails a discussion must ensue before hand. No underhanded tactics to access My information are appreciated as I have passwords to all My various accounts stored in email and I desire that they remain private.

_____________________________

Hi. I don't care. Thanks.

Wicca: Pretending to be an ancient religion since 1956

Catholic Church: Serving up guilt since 107 AD.

(in reply to lovingmaster45)
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RE: Which is worse? - 3/29/2005 12:15:00 PM   
Jasmyn


Posts: 1234
Joined: 2/6/2004
From: New Zealand
Status: offline 		He lied, he cheated, and lied again, and will still be lying about it now ... if they had honest and open communication she'd know from his own lips that he was off to shag a vannila girlfriend ...but he didn't speak up and distrust is distrust and obviously she didn't trust him and went looking for the evidence to prove he wasn't at this stage of their relationship trustworthy. More fool him for keeping evidence on his computer.

Personally I'd forget the D/s for now and confront him with what I knew ... forget how she came to have this information... he can pout and whine and stomp his feet and bitch and be offended at her 'snooping' but at the end of the day it doesnt change the evidence... he cheated.

_____________________________

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"To learn the art of submission a slave must first give up the desires that drew him to submission in the first place." Mistress Jasmyn Jan 2005.


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RE: Which is worse? - 3/29/2005 12:42:55 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingmaster45
I guess I just don't get it. My subs and wife have access to my email accounts and all other accounts. I do not hide anything with people I share my life with. Am I weird? Or is the world just fucked up? OK,,,don't answer that...lol.

Okay, I'm going to answer lol : You Probably are weird and fucked up loving Master, but you probably are also a kind/loving/trusting/trustworthy person, which in my book make you awesome and examplary to all men. M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

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RE: Which is worse? - 3/29/2005 1:03:11 PM   
Oumae


Posts: 911
Joined: 1/4/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingmaster45

I guess I just don't get it. My subs and wife have access to my email accounts and all other accounts. I do not hide anything with people I share my life with. Am I weird? Or is the world just fucked up? OK,,,don't answer that...lol.


Sounds like you're too busy to cheat lol

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RE: Which is worse? - 3/29/2005 1:28:11 PM   
stormsfate


Posts: 849
Joined: 2/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingmaster45

I guess I just don't get it. My subs and wife have access to my email accounts and all other accounts. I do not hide anything with people I share my life with. Am I weird? Or is the world just fucked up? OK,,,don't answer that...lol.


<laughing> My owner is like you. He could care less if I read his email, although unless he tells me he sent an email or received an email from someone, it never occurs to me to do so.


f

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Profile   Post #: 14
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