cognative reconditioning & submission

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

cognative reconditioning & submission

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> cognative reconditioning & submission

Page: [1]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

cognative reconditioning & submission - 3/5/2007 12:18:25 PM

mixielicous

Posts: 1283
Joined: 4/6/2006
From: Boston area, Massachusetts
Status: offline

do you find your submission always comes naturally for you or are there times when you have to remind yourself of your place in the relationship through cognitive reconditioning?

for me, my servitude, most of the time comes naturally from a place of love, desire and devotion.... but sometimes on a sunday when we're both laying on the couch together, after He asks me to get up for a third time i find myself reminding myself of my position, or reciting certain pieces of thought that have turned into a bit of mantras for me.

i am two months away from being owned for a year and although i pride myself in my submission, even after a year ideal frame of mind does not come 100% naturally, 100% of the time

practice makes perfect!

_____________________________

"lets just say he's a few prawns short of a galaxy"

Profile

Post #: 1

RE: cognative reconditioning & submission - 3/5/2007 12:30:34 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mixielicous
do you find your submission always comes naturally for you or are there times when you have to remind yourself of your place in the relationship through cognitive reconditioning?

I have never met anyone who FELT submissive and happy all the time.

But that's still who they are.

quote:

i am two months away from being owned for a year and although i pride myself in my submission, even after a year ideal frame of mind does not come 100% naturally, 100% of the time

practice makes perfect!

Always a process. One hopes that the more you get yourself used to the process, the easier it becomes. But we love to resist the lessons we bring to ourselves.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to mixielicous)

Profile

Post #: 2

RE: cognative reconditioning & submission - 3/5/2007 2:48:02 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mixielicous

do you find your submission always comes naturally for you or are there times when you have to remind yourself of your place in the relationship through cognitive reconditioning?

for me, my servitude, most of the time comes naturally from a place of love, desire and devotion.... but sometimes on a sunday when we're both laying on the couch together, after He asks me to get up for a third time i find myself reminding myself of my position, or reciting certain pieces of thought that have turned into a bit of mantras for me.

i am two months away from being owned for a year and although i pride myself in my submission, even after a year ideal frame of mind does not come 100% naturally, 100% of the time

practice makes perfect!

Ummm... sometimes I have to smack my hand and repeat, "Sir may not always be right but he's never wrong" over and over. And sometimes I have to go stand in the corner. We don't really do the "reconditioning" thing as he likes for me to maintain the same mindset that I entered the relationship in. Sometimes I screw up as I've got an spitfire streak about a mile wide but that's the way he likes his women. I just get sent to the corner or cuddles are withheld. *shrugs*

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to mixielicous)

Profile

Post #: 3

RE: cognative reconditioning & submission - 3/5/2007 3:32:53 PM

missturbation

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline

Whilst my submission is natural so is my independent do what i want to side. Its a matter of balancing the two for me.

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to mixielicous)

Profile

Post #: 4

RE: cognative reconditioning & submission - 3/5/2007 3:37:35 PM

junecleaver

Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
Status: offline

Yes. I never thought of it as reconditioning though.

_____________________________

"No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's too much fraternizing with the enemy. "
--Henry A. Kissinger

(in reply to missturbation)

Profile

Post #: 5

RE: cognative reconditioning & submission - 3/5/2007 8:06:00 PM

MsParados

Posts: 183
Joined: 3/1/2007
Status: offline

It is funny you should post this, I was thinking of this very topic in the shower. Yes, I still struggle submitting to his will and wants, though not as much as in the beginning. I find it amusing when I look back on that before time and it makes me wonder if anyone around me has noticed the change I have felt occur within me. I feel more peaceful inside, tamed even. I am content, all is how it should be and feels right in the world. We have been together for just over 2 years, the first half of that was focused towards reconditioning or atleast what we call and consider to be reconditioning. Oh that first year was hard- to go from independant, head strong, reckless uber bitch- then tempering all of that with respect, adoration and awe for this amazing man; the first to ever keep his word as far as men go in my life. (what can I say, I had issues) So yeah it's something that does pop up from time to time, but then I look back, remembering how far this journey has brought me and that minute passes. I am a better person, woman and mother now because of it, that alone makes it small in comparison.

(in reply to mixielicous)

Profile

Post #: 6

RE: cognative reconditioning & submission - 3/6/2007 8:54:03 AM

onestandingstill

Posts: 1335
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline

My submission and desire to serve come naturally, but indeed there are rare times I don't feel like doing some thing asked of me. I immediately move to doing it with a big yes Sir, but bitch loudly in my head and say things in my mind I'd never utter out loud.

Usually all anyone sees or hears is a deep cleansing breath for those seconds it takes in my own head to remind me I do things I prefer not to do willingly out of devotion and love as that feeds me in the long run what I need to feel useful.
It's not reconditioning for me to desire to serve the man I belong to more than to serve myself.
LOL I'm just drawn that way.

(in reply to mixielicous)

Profile

Post #: 7

RE: cognative reconditioning & submission - 3/6/2007 8:55:36 AM

servicewithsmile

Posts: 55
Joined: 2/6/2007
Status: offline

Dear Mixie,
Yes, reconditioning and vigilance on both parties parts.
The few times I have tried 24/7....
I was not allowed on the furniture - you mentioned laying on the couch together. My previous 24/7s were not snugglers, so it was unlikely I was in your exact place.
Although, whatever he asked you to do 3x, that would have never happened to me. They asked once, if I did not immediately move, a sharp slap, pinch or him using that voice would very quickly ensue which was sufficient 'conditioning'. A word about that 'voice'. It is the tone you recognize when suddenly he has found something curious and you can tell he plans to do something about it very shortly. Rousing the sleeping beast/sadist as it were. Not a wise move on my part.

Had there been repeated inattention on my part, I'm sure he would have cooked up something unpleasant to redirect me.

You mentioned in an earlier post that your Master is new. Perhaps you desire to be more slave-like than he has the energy to be Master-like at this point? In the past, Masters I've experienced get a certain amount of GLEE, out of always being obeyed and are quick to notice when they are not.
I suspect even naturally dominant mundanes have some personal pause when giving a direct order for their personal comfort due to social conditioning. Perhaps it will take some time for your new Master to get used to the idea that he can/will/should be obeyed immediately?
For some, asking them to be more diligent about your obedience sounds like more work than they want to do. You are new, you need training. I hope he thrives on doing his part.
In the past I had a bf that very much wanted me to do what he ordered, but as for waiting on him hand and foot, it made him feel guilty and vulnerable and so he would not encourage it and aver when I asked if I could serve him in some small way. I wanted the whole package -eventually I realized that was my 'brand' of submission and I felt incomplete without being able to do it all. He and I are great friends now and he still attempts to be in charge, but it is a slippery slope and we've already been to the bottom of that hill, so I do not allow it. We're better as friends than M/s.
I hope you found this ramble useful. Watchout for the pitfalls.

(in reply to MsParados)

Profile

Post #: 8

RE: cognative reconditioning & submission - 3/6/2007 8:56:38 AM

nissa

Posts: 125
Joined: 2/28/2007
From: Carson City Nevada
Status: offline

In all my relationships, I have always naturally put myself into the role of the submissive side without any prompting from my partner.

_____________________________

nissa

(in reply to mixielicous)

Profile

Post #: 9

RE: cognative reconditioning & submission - 3/6/2007 9:21:18 AM

mixielicous

Posts: 1283
Joined: 4/6/2006
From: Boston area, Massachusetts
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: servicewithsmile

Although, whatever he asked you to do 3x, that would have never happened to me. They asked once, if I did not immediately move, a sharp slap, pinch or him using that voice would very quickly ensue which was sufficient 'conditioning'.

You mentioned in an earlier post that your Master is new. Perhaps you desire to be more slave-like than he has the energy to be Master-like at this point? In the past, Masters I've experienced get a certain amount of GLEE, out of always being obeyed and are quick to notice when they are not.

oh lol, no i get up every time, its just something new each time LOL!

excuse the misrepresentation

_____________________________

"lets just say he's a few prawns short of a galaxy"

(in reply to servicewithsmile)

Profile

Post #: 10

RE: cognative reconditioning & submission - 3/7/2007 1:20:03 AM

buffeddominant

Posts: 2
Joined: 2/26/2007
Status: offline

Devotion, Trust, Love, Worship!

The beauty of the relationship and what makes it unique is simply that you do follow instruction. If you ever fear being left behind, remember it is the submission and constant growth of your boundaries that make us most proud.

Master D

(in reply to mixielicous)

Profile

Post #: 11

RE: cognative reconditioning & submission - 3/7/2007 2:42:06 AM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

Hell I don't feel dominant all the time. I ordered a wonderful woman to tuck me into bed as she left the other night. It was quite wonderful but not the picture of domliness.

(in reply to buffeddominant)

Profile

Post #: 12

RE: cognative reconditioning & submission - 3/7/2007 3:11:17 AM

CrazyC

Posts: 949
Joined: 9/28/2006
Status: offline

Michael, maybe she thought this was a very submissive way of making sure you were happy before she left. (Just an observation.)

I have never been in a D/s 24/7 relationship, but i think everyone goes through times they really just don't want to serve. I don't know how many times, when married, that i didn't want to take care of my husband. I did anyway, because he needed it, and was very much the provider of my needs at the time. It was one of those thing i learned when still active in church. "If you want your man to remember he loves you, sex is the one act that will remind him."

_____________________________

"You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back." Barbara De Angelis

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Profile

Post #: 13

RE: cognative reconditioning & submission - 3/7/2007 1:49:06 PM

Artsslave

Posts: 24
Joined: 3/1/2007
Status: offline

There are times when i have to be reminded of my place. We're all human after all. We can't be one way 24/7 without it eventually crashing down on us. We all have mood changes, get tired, get sick, get frustrated, get mad. And it's ok to admit that you aren't submissive 24/7, 365 days a year. Neither are our wonderful Masters. i'm willing to bet for them it's sometimes a chore for them to Top us, or punish us, or even give us that all important needed guidance. We're all going to drive off the road once in a while (some more than others) and in my opinion, that's what guardrails were designed for!

(in reply to CrazyC)

Profile

Post #: 14