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S&M, inborn or acquired? - 3/5/2007 11:53:11 PM

SubmissiveSissie

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I got thinking earlier, is it really possible to be born into such a lifestyle? Or do you think it is something that has to be acquired, through training or through hardships and normal lifestyle? I'm sure this will make for interesting debate, seeing as it is a very interesting question.

Personally, I think it's definitely possible to be born either submissive or dom. But I'm sure there are those that think its something that might not fully mature until you are a certain age, seeing as there are so many people who will not take a young dom/domme seriously for some reason or another.

Think about it though. It all starts when you're a kid for some people. If you're a girl growing up who has always had everything handed to you on a silver platter, spoiled lived a cushy life for your entire childhood, and then suddenly you find yourself out on your own in the world, you'll probably be strong minded and strong willed to continue to get what you want and desire in life. Either that or you'll be a complete invilid(sp?) and become a hobo. =p

Typically I would think a person like that would use their childhood lifestyle and apply it to their life at a sexual point of view, or even just the way they're personlity is. Same goes for subs.

For me, I've mainly had female teachers in school, female doctors, my mother was always very demanding and yelled a lot at me and my other siblings, so i take that into account for why I turned out submissive, definitely. So basically since childhood I've had females constantly telling me what to do and how to behave and whatever else, so it only seems natural that after awhile I got used to it, and then to the point where I wanted to be dominated at an intellectual level, sexually, physically and in any other way possible. Oh, and by the way, I work in a factory basically packaging tampons all day, hahaha. So I'm serving women even in that sense as well. =p

In closing, I personally think that doms and subs can be the way they are based on natural life events, rather than just all of a sudden deciding they want to enter the lifestyle. So what do you think?

< Message edited by SubmissiveSissie -- 3/5/2007 11:58:13 PM >

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RE: S&M, inborn or acquired? - 3/6/2007 12:03:46 AM

Sirandlittle1

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Im sure that both nature and nurture are at play in bdsm.
This would be evidenced, by the desensitisation of the general public to the lifestyle from common coverage. bdsm has become to some extent, mainstream.

I doubt that people are born either dominant or submissive. But that's just my opinion. Based on the vital impact nurture has upon a developing personality in the child.
When i was developing as a child, i was told that tampons can only be used by married women, that sex was something id be expected to put out, if i wanted to keep my husband happy. Not once, did i ever receive a positive sexual info session. For me, that did not lead to a supressed sexuality thankfully. But as a parent, i ensured that all information sought by my children, was answered honestly, and taught them that a libido was a wonderful thing to possess. Safe sex ra ra ra. My point being, that today's generation sexually active folk, have come to their teens, with sex being a ok thing. That you dont have to be married. The internet has shown people that there are many sexual preferences. Thankfully, the taboo era is passing.
Sir's in, have to go
littleone

(in reply to SubmissiveSissie)

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RE: S&M, inborn or acquired? - 3/6/2007 12:11:30 AM

SubmissiveSissie

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So then are you saying that with their being more resources to different things and the lifestyle becoming less taboo, that people are more likely to just decide to live their life according to their interest in the activities?

Hmmm yeah I guess that's definitely a valid assumption.

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RE: S&M, inborn or acquired? - 3/6/2007 12:16:53 AM

FukinTroll

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I don't kow about the S&M, but Dominant and Submissive I feel is a born trait. I have Ums that kinda convinced me. I think, perhaps, that the sadism and mashochism is something that evolves for us and we indulge more and more. As we indulge, we grow and seek more. It becomes a hunger.

IMO YMMV

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RE: S&M, inborn or acquired? - 3/6/2007 12:36:40 AM

PriestessKinkz

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Dominance and submission in a general sense is a fundamental human trait. Our societies have always had leaders and followers, we are pack animals and this hierarchy is essential to survival and evolution. Dominance and submission is also dynamic and relative not fixed. Dominance and submission as it relates to sexuality and BDSM is complex. Rather than say we are born to BDSM, I would say we are born to its potential. You cannot turn a vanilla person into a kinkster, but given that vanilla is the most common and socially acceptable flavor, it stands to reason that people develop their kinks over time. Like being attracted to the same sex, kinksters have always been around, but the conditions under which we might be open it and find others who share our passion have been limited by law, religion and conventions.

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RE: S&M, inborn or acquired? - 3/6/2007 12:42:34 AM

SDFemDom4cuck

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I believe it's something one is born being hard wired for one or the other. I've discussed this in previous threads but I've been a dominant since birth LOL. I wasn't spoiled but I was always pretty precocious and always persuasive enough to get my way in a logical manner. I was the kid that suggested cops/robbers or cowboys/indians so I could tie another kid to a tree and torture them. I was born a sadist and I'll die one. I loved the Sinbad movies from the 70's and 80's or the Hercules movies when he would get captured and made to perform certain tests to be granted escape. I'm sure a part of that could be considered nurture but something still has to click within the brain for it to find those types of situations to be eroticly exciting to begin with. My opinion is that it's simply inborn.

Look at every societal level and you see some semblance of D/s. From the most vanilla of marriages where one partner is said to wear the pants and make the majority of the decisions to the Supply and Demand on the socioeconomic level. Or those that lead in business, the movers and shakers of the world. In each situation there are those that lead and others that defer to those that lead and support them through service.

JMO...others may differ.

Edited because an entire paragraph came up missing????
and a second time because I can't seem to spell worth a damn.

< Message edited by SDFemDom4cuck -- 3/6/2007 12:48:18 AM >

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RE: S&M, inborn or acquired? - 3/6/2007 12:47:21 AM

FukinTroll

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Very good first post kinkz. Welcome to the boards.

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RE: S&M, inborn or acquired? - 3/6/2007 9:09:52 AM

mixielicous

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fast reply, i cannot say. with my first sexual partner, i was involuntarily exposed to s&m, and hard too. i dont know if that gave me my tastes for it, or if it was something he could read on me. i will go with inborn b/c same boy, my first BJ, i could not do it w/o tying him up and blindfolding him. LOL. thats obviously just insecurities, but then he let me try it ... lol i was never the same

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RE: S&M, inborn or acquired? - 3/6/2007 9:12:53 AM

doublechocolate

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I think its more of an adavtive reaction to life... growing up we see what the world has to offer and we enterpret how we want to live our lives... for some of us it could be that we want more power and don't like loosing control, which would lead them to dominance... thats how I have perceived my route down the road of bdsm.. but thats just my opinion :)

(in reply to mixielicous)

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RE: S&M, inborn or acquired? - 3/6/2007 9:15:06 AM

lonlyrossInNeed

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I couldnt have put it any better this is how i feel and what i think

ross.g

quote:

ORIGINAL: PriestessKinkz

Dominance and submission in a general sense is a fundamental human trait. Our societies have always had leaders and followers, we are pack animals and this hierarchy is essential to survival and evolution. Dominance and submission is also dynamic and relative not fixed. Dominance and submission as it relates to sexuality and BDSM is complex. Rather than say we are born to BDSM, I would say we are born to its potential. You cannot turn a vanilla person into a kinkster, but given that vanilla is the most common and socially acceptable flavor, it stands to reason that people develop their kinks over time. Like being attracted to the same sex, kinksters have always been around, but the conditions under which we might be open it and find others who share our passion have been limited by law, religion and conventions.

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pain is a dagger in your heart

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RE: S&M, inborn or acquired? - 3/6/2007 9:16:46 AM

mixielicous

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but the OP is asking about s & m, not M/s, bdsm, or D/s

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RE: S&M, inborn or acquired? - 3/6/2007 9:25:46 AM

SirDiscipliner69

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It is an aquired taste that is developed thru the dedication of the arts.

Ross
©º°¨¨°º©

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RE: S&M, inborn or acquired? - 3/6/2007 9:31:45 AM

Nosathro

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From: Orange County, California
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greetings

Considering I tied up my babysitter repeatedly...I would say my Dominance was inborn.....

I wish you well

Nosathro

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RE: S&M, inborn or acquired? - 3/6/2007 9:42:16 AM

thetammyjo

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SubmissiveSissie

I got thinking earlier, is it really possible to be born into such a lifestyle? Or do you think it is something that has to be acquired, through training or through hardships and normal lifestyle? I'm sure this will make for interesting debate, seeing as it is a very interesting question.

Can one be born into any lifestyle?

I'd say "no" -- lifestyle implies some set of expectations, maybe rules, usually created by several individuals if not a society in my opinion.

We are born with some of our personality traits, others develop or adapt to the world as we get experience as youngsters or through dramatic events or purposeful work.

We may also start to process the world according to our personality -- flitering out or amplifying things that bother us or click with us.

I don't think I could honestly say that I was in the BDSM lifestyle even though I clearly had a dominant personality and dominant interests from my youngest days. I didn't know what BDSM was therefore I could not have consciously being doing this; the most I could do was adapt things from the environment I grew up in.

Later when I discovered others and traditions that were similar to my own interests and personalities, I might have made a claim to living some lifestyle.

Except that I am too much concerned with my own life and my own way of doing things to ever follow someone else's traditions with massive modifications. If that is allowed in a "lifestyle" then I might be following a BDSM lifestyle.

In general I consider myself more of a greater community, a varied subculture, and not part of any lifestyle.

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RE: S&M, inborn or acquired? - 3/6/2007 9:42:18 AM

BOUNTYHUNTER

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I tend to agree with you however I can remember as cowboys and Indians.I was the one doing the tieing and teasing of those poor little indian maidens... bounty

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RE: S&M, inborn or acquired? - 3/6/2007 9:44:37 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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Orientations are innate. Expressions of orientations are learned.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_801288/mpage_1/key_innate/tm.htm#801320
What event or series of events leads one to become Dominant or Submissive?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_575022/mpage_1/key_cyber%252Csex/tm.htm#575202
who taught you about bdsm?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_615627/mpage_1/key_cyber%252Csex/tm.htm#615885
bdsm humble beginnings

http://www.collarchat.com/m_693002/mpage_1/key_cyber%252Csex/tm.htm#693352
first time submissive feelings

http://www.collarchat.com/m_744252/mpage_1/key_nature%252Cnurture/tm.htm#744266
Do you think you were "born this way"?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_691960/mpage_1/key_nature%252Cnurture/tm.htm#691984
naturally Ds?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_499963/mpage_1/key_nature%252Cnurture/tm.htm#499979
Nature or nurture?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_307130/mpage_1/key_nature%252Cnurture/tm.htm#307130
Do you feel being a dom/me is innate or can be learned?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_461558/mpage_1/key_nature%252Cnurture/tm.htm#461558
hard-wired, why why why!

http://www.collarchat.com/m_143698/mpage_1/key_born%252Craised/tm.htm#143698
nature versus nurture

http://www.collarchat.com/m_760860/mpage_2/key_nature%252Cnurture/tm.htm#761518
born to serve?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_468650/mpage_1/key_nature%252Cnurture/tm.htm#468650
nature vs nurture

http://www.collarchat.com/m_35901/mpage_1/key_learned%252Cborn/tm.htm#35901
born or learned, how we become dom?

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RE: S&M, inborn or acquired? - 3/6/2007 9:45:57 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mixielicous
but the OP is asking about s & m, not M/s, bdsm, or D/s

The title of his post is S&M but the actual post goes into just about everything. So I decided to just go with it as a whole entity.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

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RE: S&M, inborn or acquired? - 3/6/2007 10:01:12 AM

ferryman777

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No simple answer; it cannot be so simply stated, as every person, in this lifestyle, has their own preferances. One thing is certain, for whatever reason, those so inclined are drawn mezmerised to this lifestyle, an inner lust, hunger.....coming from - where?. Vanilla types have no tolerances but perfer sports, as their choice, refusing anything which requires concentration of applied thought. Alot of women are there simply to make a buck, not having anything going except the ability to extorion, explotation, because they have a good body, and the older women...well they need to survive as well, and Macy's has an assortment of boots; and there is a mulitude who hunger for this.....whatever it is.
As for being Born sub or dom; then we touch on there being other lives that may have been lived, a reincarnation of sorts; the sub-conscience of generations past.
BD/sm is the most baffling of mindsets; why does one find enjoyment & fulfillment in being a slave, in pain.
When given the choice between reality or fantasy; always choose fantasy.....you can walk away from it any time you choose.

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RE: S&M, inborn or acquired? - 3/6/2007 10:07:42 AM

BOUNTYHUNTER

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ITS possible to be borne into the lifestyle but to be borne a submissive is another question that remains un answered,I know family's that for generations yes generations have lived this life style with children borne into this,some stayed some moved on ,ITS the mindset of each individual that determines where if we are, submissive.dom or vanilla with this said a whole lot of brain washing can occur,Many question remains unanswered about bdsm and the paths we choose....bounty

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RE: S&M, inborn or acquired? - 3/6/2007 10:13:14 AM

hereyesruponyou

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Yes, we are all born with innate tendencies be they toward submissive or dominant personality traits, then as we grow and experience life those traits are either reinforced or not. I think many do not get their needs met in everyday life, and therefore turn to this to actually be themselves. ie. a successful business man who must be dominant at work in order to succeed then wants to come home and grovel at his mistresses feet, may have been born submissive, but needs to display other traits to be successful.

As for the m/s side. there are too many factors there to know. i know my own capacity and desire for receiving and inflicting pain is great dependent on circumstances, medication, time of the month, person i am with, etc....

soooooooo my answer is maybe???

(in reply to ferryman777)

Post #: 20

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