RE: when YOU were a green Master (Full Version)

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mixielicous -> RE: when YOU were a green Master (3/7/2007 7:57:39 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael
(although I think mixi is too bright for that, although she hasn't finished talking about rimming her owner!)

you just HAD to go there [;)]



Hawkeyie -> RE: when YOU were a green Master (3/9/2007 12:32:17 PM)

I never take suggestions from my slave, nor do I wish her input to anything. She is my property and may not speak unless it is to say "yes Master". That is why we have such a lovely 24/7 relationship, and why I have chosen her from all the other women of the world to be my slave....because of her personality, intelligence , vivacity and vereve, all of which I do my best not to allow out, now that she is a slave and not allowed to contribute anything to our relationship.



szobras -> RE: when YOU were a green Master (3/9/2007 12:59:47 PM)

I think I shall always have a shade of green. The tint and tone will change as time goes on, but it will always be there in one respect or another.
On the other note, I welcome new ideas, and input, though reserve the final say as the Dominant.



Focus50 -> RE: when YOU were a green Master (3/10/2007 2:52:03 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Hawkeyie

I never take suggestions from my slave, nor do I wish her input to anything. She is my property and may not speak unless it is to say "yes Master". That is why we have such a lovely 24/7 relationship, and why I have chosen her from all the other women of the world to be my slave....because of her personality, intelligence , vivacity and vereve, all of which I do my best not to allow out, now that she is a slave and not allowed to contribute anything to our relationship.

Hmmm, mind if I ask exactly how this works - that you have this "lovely 24/7 relationship" even though your slave is "not allowed to contribute anything to our relationship"?   It's lovely only while she's repressed, izzat it?
 
Bizarre....
 
Focus.



Stunning -> RE: when YOU were a green Master (3/10/2007 2:31:20 PM)

Since I select my subs based on intellect first, I more or less insist that they tell me what's on their minds. A sub who doesn't communicate her needs will often not have her needs met. This makes for an unhappy sub which leads to an unhappy Dom (if he cares at all).

Communication is key, people!



Celeste43 -> RE: when YOU were a green Master (3/10/2007 5:48:52 PM)

Even if he knew every technique under the sun, I would still be an expert on something he didn't know and needs to. Me. I am the world's expert on me. I've been me all my life and I know better than anyone else how I am likely to respond to things. So anyone who was too insecure to learn about me from the only expert there is, is not someone I would ever care to be with.

As it happens, I am on kink sites much more than him so I'm much more likely to see something that sparks an interest. He has no problem looking at a link I send him and deciding if he wants to do it immediately, if he never wants to, or if he's unsure until he learns more about it. He'd be pretty damn foolish to refuse to look at a new tie just because I stumbled across it and he didn't. And he isn't foolish at all.



NightWindWhisper -> RE: when YOU were a green Master (3/11/2007 7:44:54 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: mixielicous

to summarize, a fellow slave finds it curious that i suggest ideas to my Master, as far as what we do/play/protocol anything you can think of. Since i am my Masters first slave, and i posess most of the free time for reading/education it is not unusual to share what i learn that day, be it wether i heard about a slave only being granted what her Master does not eat, or financial control.

When you were a new Master, were your relations open like this?
what type of methods did you use as a new Master? were slaves insights welcome?
(quote shortened)


Hah! mixielicous, your question makes me smile.  My tendancy towards being dominant extends back to childhood, but I tended to repress it as abberrant.  A decade ago I found myself single again, and looking around I was shocked to see an entire world of people, and *gasp* women that wanted done to them, what I, in my wildest dreams wanted to do....

Oh my!  I found a chat site, and eventually a woman and I connected.  I was indeed a perve, but the concept of "dominating" verus topping was alien to me at that time.  She was incredibly intelligent, Valedictorian of her graduating class at an Ivy League college, and well, quite opinionated. 

I was quite intrigued that her point of view proposed that there are "ways it should be done."  Well I'm not pompous enough to think that I know everything, and so I thought, indeed, she has read this and that, and ok, I'll listen...

I remember bits:

"No, no, when you flog a woman it must be done rythmically...."
"Like a metronome," I replied.
"Shut up and beat me.." 
"Is that better?"
"Don't ask questions while you are flogging a submissive, I lose my concentration."
"Oh," I replied (thinking "cum already...")
"Start over, and not so fast..."
"Not so light"
"That's too slow, the book said..."

Now this may seem that I wasn't having fun, but in actuality I was enjoying myself  and learning.  Of course I was learning (at least in retrospect) what topping from the bottom, and what a SAM is.  But it was all fun, and I did learn things such as rhythm is indeed essetial for some.  She was a wonderful partner, especially when she took her Prozac and eventually we learned how I should dominate her.  I didn't "learn" how to dominate, but I did learn things that would make sense later in a dominant/submissive relationship.  Some of her ideas of propriety led us in good directions and I did enjoy, after I got the hang of it, physically topping her, (using a gag).  I think that in reality I really never dominated her, though she really didn't dominate me.  Eventually she got "unseparated" and went back to her husband  who couldn't do much for her sexually.  Though I haven't heard or seen her for many, many years, I still fondly remember her.

All the books in the world, while useful, do not give a dominant all that is needed.  For instance, I wonder how many books on domming or topping go extensively into the exploration of shyness.  This area utilized properly can be insanely erotic for some and sometimes I'm critical about books for it is as though one must run to the top of the mountain to see the view, while in my estimation, lingering on the pleasures of myriad trails and savoring them is what makes the emotional component of a d/s relationship strong.  The view will always be there, linger awhile, smell the flowers, pick the chanterelles and morels, and lay awhile in the small pleasures.

So mixielicous, I think that it's wondeful that you read, and express your interests and that your master listens for that is communication, and be it a master/slave relationshp, a top/bottom, or dom/sub, communication is what it's all about.



Elorin -> RE: when YOU were a green Master (3/11/2007 3:47:08 PM)

When M and I met, I was his mentor. Neither of us anticipated me later becoming his submissive. But he has always accepted my suggestions. And even if something doesn't appeal to him, as an activity to do to me, we often learn about it anyway because I am still a dominant and it expands both of our knowledge base as dominants.

No matter what I suggest, he makes the final decisions about what we try and implement.



CreativeDominant -> RE: when YOU were a green Master (3/13/2007 12:07:13 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: mixielicous

this Q stems off from a comment to my previous thread.

to summarize, a fellow slave finds it curious that i suggest ideas to my Master, as far as what we do/play/protocol anything you can think of. Since i am my Masters first slave, and i posess most of the free time for reading/education it is not unusual to share what i learn that day, be it wether i heard about a slave only being granted what her Master does not eat, or financial control.

When you were a new Master, were your relations open like this?

i have heard of mentors for Masters, and mine had found one, but things didnt work out. i find set standards most of the time dont work.

what type of methods did you use as a new Master? were slaves insights welcome?

i think this is a good method and considering our specific type of relationship [both new, both loving, both curious]


I've always listened to what my submissives had to say.  As noted, it would be ridiculous to want a smart and capable submissive and then, not listen to what she has to say.  I value other people's perspectives even when I do not agree with it...why would I not do the same with my partner?

I agree with MSTRJX that I need to stay ahead of the learning curve.  In some cases, that is more difficult but isn't life supposed to be challenging in a good way? 

Like most dominants...if not all...I reserve the right to veto a suggestion or a request or an idea or to not consider something immediately.



KnightofMists -> RE: when YOU were a green Master (3/13/2007 3:53:08 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: mixielicous

this Q stems off from a comment to my previous thread.

to summarize, a fellow slave finds it curious that i suggest ideas to my Master, as far as what we do/play/protocol anything you can think of. Since i am my Masters first slave, and i posess most of the free time for reading/education it is not unusual to share what i learn that day, be it wether i heard about a slave only being granted what her Master does not eat, or financial control.

When you were a new Master, were your relations open like this?




Not sure why a person would find this curious... secondly, why would a person stop doing this.  I almost always listen to the suggestion and opinions of my slaves.  Their suggestions and thoughts on an issue doesn't prevent me from deciding to do what I want.  In fact, gaining another perspective actually has had the effect of increasing the information I have to base a decision on and thus improving my decisions in general.

personally... I find it curious that a Master doesn't entertain the suggestions of their slaves. be they green or otherwise.



ncmaster75 -> RE: when YOU were a green Master (3/19/2007 4:25:36 PM)

I can listen to a slaves thoughts and ideas, but I always make the final decisions.  A slave wouldn't be put to good use if you didn't consider her thoughts. 



NorthsideBill -> RE: when YOU were a green Master (3/19/2007 10:36:52 PM)

I have made it clear to my sub that any ideas she might have or alternae opinions she might give are welcome, at least for the time being. I enjoy the input, it helps me become better at being a Dom and therefore better at what she needs :) 



jaunty1 -> RE: when YOU were a green Master (3/20/2007 8:19:12 AM)

melissa often suggests things to me that she would like to try in regards to our relationship. I encourage this; it helps both of us grow and discover new things about each other.
 
Live well,
 
Alex



masterdstar -> RE: when YOU were a green Master (4/19/2007 1:54:08 PM)

Whew! When I was new, I think I had hair back then too LOL
Well actually I did, in a way, get Mentored. I was in Asia and spent many an hour week month learning: all about the human mind and body from some very XXXperienced Owners but from the meat? Only in how they responded, the idea of a "suggestion" to those Owners or they would consider that was...well...laughable. When I think about it that probably is what spoiled subs for Me, no need for ‘em-slaves only.
But to E/each T/their own.
I might accept a suggestion form a slave about a request but that would have no set-in-concrete result.
Truth be told I am more than capable of providing ongoing interest in a slave, it’s called lots of XXXperience, BUT, I always am looking to learn more.
Enjoy your wonder-filled day



N4SDChastity -> RE: when YOU were a green Master (4/19/2007 5:23:30 PM)

I'm kinda like Focus50, except not as old (No offense intended Focus).  I got into kink when I was in grade school, to be honest.  Even going so far as to do some "scene" stuff with the younger daughters (although STILL older than me) of the lady who watched us "after school."  You could almost call them my first D/s experineces, but the distinctions were not a cut & dried as to who was which.  It was all about forbidden fun, back then (35+ years ago).  Since then I've traveled to three continents, visited 15+ countries, been a Top, a Bottom, a Dom, a Slave, bondage, S&M, done scene-play that has lasted 3-5 days, and a WHOLE BUNCHA other schitt, all in the name of expanding my kink boundary.

GREEN?
 
Maybe when I was an embryo, but, since then, given the depths of my imagination, it's been nothing but EXPLORE, EXPLORE, EXPLORE!!!



ADom442 -> RE: when YOU were a green Master (4/19/2007 5:24:57 PM)

quote:

MadRabbit wrote:
The first girl I had contributed suggestions and ideas all the time which I liked. ...  However, when [she] started to cross over from helpful ideas and suggestions to trying to tell me how she wanted things done that we began to have serious problems.

I view a D/s relationship as a partnership where one party is the captain.  To be successful, both people have to have the same vision of the relationship.  The person who identifies as submissive presumably finds fulfillment in their submission.

That being said, why shouldn't a submissive partner submit ideas to their captain?  If the submissive partner is committed to the D/s dynamic, then those submissions are just that, submissions.  The captain evaluates the ideas and incorporates the ones he wants.

As for telling her captain "how she wanted things done", OK, thanks for sharing, but it's called D/s for a reason.  Her wanting to determine how things would be done does not mean she gets to determine how things will be done. 

I can see a captain asking for more information in this scenario.  Why do you think things should be done this way?  What need/want/fantasy of yours would be met by having things done this way?  Then, the captain of the relationship determines how things will be done.

MadRabbit, I enjoy reading your posts both here and other places. From what I've read from you, I wouldn't be surprised if what I wrote above mirrors some of the conversations you had with the person you discussed.

Charles



Vendaval -> RE: when YOU were a green Master (4/19/2007 5:36:11 PM)

My approach when new is the same as it is now.
Each person has different experiences and knowledge
to share.  Good communication is the foundation of
a good relationship.  I welcome the skills, knowledge
and experience of my slaves.  Their input gives me
better information to make better decisions.



Slavetrainer2007 -> RE: when YOU were a green Master (4/19/2007 5:57:37 PM)

I never had a mentor when i was "green". I was naturally dominate and alot of things fell in place. In my  green years i spent alot of time talking to both exprienced subs and doms. I  still talk to subs alot, but rarely get into a conversation with a dom, though i dont try to avoid such things. I love reading up on different BDSM interest and love hearing how others do things.

As for my own subs/slaves. ive always listened  to their thoughts opinions  and feelings. Something i actually do now, and i have seen many subs do this, is i have my sub write in a journal that i read. Sometimes she finds it difficult to express certain  feelings or thoughts to me. I tell her she can write anything in her journal, bdsm or not. I also made it clear she will never be punished for anything she says in her journal ( so she can "vent" at me if she needs too)  though i cant guarantee it wont affect me in a negative way.

Some things i want her to write about is how/what she feels after she interacts with me in any way. ideas and fantasies she may of had, and anything that may of affected her in a good or bad way.

I found this to be extremely useful. My sub gives me alot of useful information about her( she is more slave than sub by the way), how she feels about certain things, and if she is happy or unhappy. I think all these things are important. And i think this information needs to be commuicated in  some form to have a successful relationship.

I just find it unrealistic to have a "doormat" slave. A slave that does whatever you tell  her without question because she is suppose too is just unrealistic to me.

i depend very heavily on emotional and mental domination. I can dominate  most any female through  physical means. But their is nothing better than her GIVING herself to you completely. The emotional  and mental submission of " I will do anything i can to make you happy" is one of the best things a dom could ask for. In order to get that type of submission, i think you need to know and understand  your sub to a great extent.  You need to know how she feels, her thoughts, her fantasies, her ideas. If you ignore all these, your missing out on 1/2 of what the relationship has to offer from the get go.



DOM68005 -> RE: when YOU were a green Master (4/19/2007 6:45:01 PM)

Checking the calendar.  Nope  St Patrick's day is done.  (Okay now the humor line is done.)

        I have been blessed with some very intelligent lasses as submissives.  We started with simple explorations to establish wants, needs and desires.  Experience levels have varied with each one.  From there the limits were drawn and safewords established.  The communication is always there, but there are times when I say  .... she does.  Some would call that a defined session time when she exists to please me or be used by me as I choose.  Of course, I make sure she gets something she enjoys out of any session as well.  It is in my best interest to do things that make her come back for more. <WEG>

      Since I like to train, I have also mentored less experienced Tops with the full knowledge of their submissive.  I have used their submissive as their teaching tool.  For example, flogging methods are always best when you know someting about the one being flogged.  Does she bruise easily?  Is she really expecting a massage flogging or is she looking for the benefits of a sound thrasing?



TigerNINTails -> RE: when YOU were a green Master (4/19/2007 7:44:16 PM)

As a not so green Top/Master, I have to agree with 90% of what was written here. In fact, I'd also like to thank Focus50 for catching that statement that was made by the other individual about "contributing to the relationship."

Plain and simple. She's there is she not? She puts up with you, does she not? Speaking or not, if she's putting up with you in this relationship, then she must be enabling/contributing to it in some way, and I'd wager it's in no small way.

But I've never found a time (being somewhat like N4SDChastity), having been practicing this since before my teens and not having a doubt in my mind when I started exploring all this, that the best tool in my arsenal is forever going to be the mind of my slave.

In order to really qualify as a "Master" in the first place, you need to be able to take in ideas, suggestions, requests, or whatever other ideas from outside yourself. Some of these ideas come from my slave, just as some come from other Tops in the community.

I couldn't imagine being able to understand what's going on in my slave at any given point in time, if her mind wasn't the first thing I delved into. I dove so deep, in fact, she sometimes thinks that I'm never out of her head.

To be a great leader, you must be able to follow. Even for a naturally dominant individual, this applies. What I mean, is not in a submission sense. What I mean is being able to follow, study and learn the thought processes so completely of your slave that this sort of thinking in some ways becomes your own.

Sure, there'll be differences in thought patterns, but the idea that you understand your submissive to the point that you know them as well, if not better than they feel they know themselves is the place I strive to be. This isn't possible with everyone, and therefore, being open to future input is always there.

Not to mention, life moves, and changes, shifts and ebbs. If you aren't moving with it, expanding, growing, etc. you are stagnant. Then what's the point to living at all?

A slave that does nothing but serve and speak in acknowledgement, gives no suggestions, requests nothing is not a slave I'm interested in. That is really pretty close to what I'd call a doormat, and there's not a place in my pride for such a creature.

When a person understands their submissive or slave to a point where a single word can light their mind on fire, and as a result, their body follows... This is what I call mastering a slave... Sometimes a look might be all it takes. But to reach that point... You must have that communication, that input...

I don't know everything, and neither does my slave. In fact, most slaves that come to me to train or for my collar know very little about 24-7 TPE relationships, even if they've been in one before. So I'm having to teach them, and if they research things, as I'm commonly having them do, then find something I've not spoken on, but it's interesting to them, I want them to bring it out in the open, so we can discuss, experiement, implement regularly or discover it's not for them.

This eliminates so many mistakes that could happen that can be avoided. I think this question really is one that needed some solid input from those that are realistic in this lifestyle, and I think, minxi, you've found some awesome input as a result. Thanks for asking the question. It made me smile as well.[:)]

Peace.

Tora



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