MistressDREAD
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First of all, what is BDSM itself? It is an overlapping abbreviation
for Bondage and Discipline (B&D or BD), Dominance and Submission (D&S,
D/s or DS), Sadism and Masochism (S&M, S/M or SM.) But we're not
really, since everything has to have the freely given, informed
consent of all people involved. Often this requirement is summarised
by slogans like "Safe, Sane and Consensual" (SSC) or the more modern
"Risk-Aware, Consensual Kink" (RACK.)
Bondage: restraining people
Discipline: some form of erotic punishment, often involving caning or spanking
Dominance: "Being In Charge"
Submission: letting someone else "Be In Charge" of you
Sadism: enjoying giving extreme stimulation, perhaps including pain
Masochism: enjoying receiving extreme stimulation, perhaps including pain
The hanky code is a color code for indicating sexual preferences
among homosexuals, sado-masochists and others. The color of a
handkerchief or bandana worn in the back trouser pocket indicates
the type of sexual behavior sought, and the choice of pocket
indicates whether the person seeks to be the active or passive
partner in that behavior.BDSM practitioners or casual sex seekers
sometimes indicate whether they are a top or bottom, and what kind
of scene they are looking for, by color-coded handkerchiefs, worn
on the left side of the body for tops and the right for bottoms.
Some sources claim that BDSM, as a distinct form of sexual behaviour,
originated at the beginnings of the nineteenth century, when Western
civilization began medically and legally categorizing sexual
behaviour. Other sources say that BDSM-like behaviour occurs in
many other societies, such as the medieval flagellants or the
physical ordeal rituals of some Native American societies.
Much of the BDSM ethos can be traced back to gay male leather
culture, which grew out of post-WWII biker culture which essentially
defined the "Old Guard leather" culture. This code emphasized strict
formality and fixed roles In the mid-nineties, the Internet provided
a way of finding people with specialized interests around the world
and communicating with them anonymously New Guard leather subculture
appeared around this time, as a reaction to the restrictions of Old
Guard style. New Guard, or new leather, embraced switching and often
combined spirituality with their play.
Age Play -- A role play where one or both partners take personas of
people older or younger than they really are. Common examples are
Teacher/Schoolgirl, Babysitter/Naughty child.
Alternate lifestyle -- An umbrella term for those whose sexuality is
not in the common mold. Includes BDSM, swingers, gays.
B&D -- Bondage and Discipline. A subgroup within BDSM which is largely
involved in making the submissive physically helpless and applying
stimuli which outside of a scene would be painful.
Bastinado -- Striking or whipping the feet with a cane or rod.
Bell Dancing -- Using temporary piercings as attachment points for
bells and other noisemakers and then moving in such a way as to make
them ring.
Birching -- Striking with single birch rods or bundles of birch
twigs. Often causes minor scratches and is considered a mild form
of blood play.
Black snake -- Single tail whip that is flexible throughout its
entire length including where the user's hand rests.
Blood Sports -- A group of techniques in which the submissive's
skin is broken and blood is allowed to escape. Since the advent of
AIDS and the spread of hepatitis, interest in blood sports has
declined and those who practice it have developed techniques to
protect themselves. The most common blood sport is cutting.
Bondage -- A group of techniques for rendering a submissive physically
helpless. These include rope ties, handcuffs and manacles, wrapping
and mummification.
Bottom -- Someone who engages in stimulation play as the receiver of
the stimulation but who does create a semblance of submission as part
of his or her play.
Bottom drop -- A kind of seeming depression that may follow scenes.
It is hypothesized that the body interprets the return to normal
sensation levels as a depression and the mind creates a further
downward spiral in attempting to explain the perceived depression.
Boundaries -- Limits agreed to during negotiation.
Branding -- Burning the skin with a piece of hot metal, usually to
create a design.
Breath Control -- A form of play where the dominant controls the
breathing of the submissive. This may be through air-tight masks,
strangulation, drowning or other techniques. The safety of this is
the subject of major debate within the BDSM community with many holding
that it is impossible to do with reliable safety. The majority of BDSM
related deaths (solo or partner play) have come from breath control
play.
Brown Showers -- Defecation upon a submissive.
Canes -- Not the type used by people to walk with. In BDSM, they are
thin and flexible. Traditional ones are rattan. Recently, space age
materials have been used with great success. Avoid bamboo canes as
they have a tendency to split and produce edges that can cut the skin.
Cat -- A multitailed whip. For purists, the only true cat is made
from unwinding a thick rope in the naval tradition.
Catheterization -- Inserting a sterile tube into the urethra for the
purpose of controlling urination.
Code Words -- Another term for safeword used by some dominants and
submissives.
Collared -- To have accepted a collar from a dominant. This presumes
a certain degree of continued submission the degree of which is up
to the individuals involved and may range from highly dedicated to
extremely casual.
Consensual -- Agreed to. Most people feel that informed consent is
necessary during all BDSM play. This means that both parties are aware
of the inherent risks and accept them.
Cupping -- Use of a vacuum device to stimulate the submissive's skin,
often the nipples. The vacuum can be created by suction cups, vacuum
pumps or heating the air in a rigid container and allowing it to cool.
Cutting -- A technique in which cuts are carefully made in the
submissive's skin to produce an aesthetically pleasing pattern and
stimulation to the submissive. The cuts are sometimes made into
permanent markings by placing sterile foreign substances in them before
they heal.
Decorative Binding -- Using rope or cord to compress or tie a portion
of the body where struggle will not cause it to tighten or cut into
the submissive.
Discipline -- The application of stimuli which, outside of a scene,
would be considered painful. Common discipline techniques are whipping,
spanking and strapping.
Dominant -- An individual who accepts the submissive's power and uses
it for their mutual pleasure. See Sadist.
Edgeplay -- These are particularly dangerous BDSM activities that are
looked upon with some trepidation. Because there is no formal 'ruling
body' in BDSM, what is called edgeplay is up to the individual.
Therefore, something that to one person might be considered edgeplay
might not be edgeplay to another.
Edgeplayer -- A person takes part in edgeplay. Example: "The guy is a
real edgeplayer; he's into heavy bloodsports and asphyxia."
Electro-play/Electro-torture -- Using electricity in one or more of its
many guises to create intense stimulation during a scene.
Endorphins -- Chemicals similar to opiates created by the body to deal
with stress and pain. "Runners High" is due to these. Much of scene
play, particularly intense stimulation, is aimed producing the release
of endorphins.
English/English Arts -- Spanking and caning.
Erotic Embarrassment -- "Forcing" a submissive to dress, speak or
perform acts that he or she actually desires but has been restrained
by societal pressures.
Fetish -- In psychological terms, one has a fetish when an article,
action or sensation replaces a human being as the primary stimulus for
arousal. In the scene, it is more liberally interpreted and often
simply means an intense desire for as in "I have a fetish for leather."
Fire Play -- Either caressing another with a flame or creating a burst
of flame on his or her body. This can be done quite safely and need not
even be slightly painful.
Flogger -- A multitailed whip usually with flat tresses. Generally a
thud toy.
Go Word -- A signal by the submissive that everything is all right and
you can continue with or increase the present level of stimulation.
Golden Showers -- A humiliation technique where the dominant urinates
on the submissive. Consumption of the urine may be part of this scene.
Heavy Play -- Intense but like so much in the scene, subjective. What
is heavy play for one is a light warm-up for another.
Humiliation -- In this book, I try to differentiate humiliation from
erotic embarrassment. Humiliation is to express hurtful words or force
a submissive into acts designed to reduce his or her self-esteem.
Immobilization -- Using rope or other bondage tools to render a
submissive relatively helpless despite his or her struggles.
Infantilism -- Roleplay where the submissive partner assumes the
behavior and dress of an infant. Pure fantasy as all children are
actually nonconsensual dominants.
Knife Play -- Using a knife as part of a scene. Often does not involve
cutting, but is used it to gently scratch the surface of the skin, threaten, stimulate.
Lacing -- Connecting temporary piercings with thread or light chain.
The piercings may be connected to each other or to a framework.
Masochism -- The ability to derive pleasure from pain. Derives from
the writings of Leopold von Sacher-Masoch.
OTK -- Over the knee. A form of spanking.
Pain Slut -- Someone who glories in receiving what most would call
intense pain.
Panic Snap -- A linking device used with cable and chain that allows
two lengths to be disconnected even when there is tension in the system. A safety device.
Pony Play -- Pony play combines elements of bondage, display, control
and service to create a unique kink that is enjoyed by a very active
subgroup within the BDSM community. Basically, in pony play, the
submissive takes the role of a pony and is used and presented as such.
Pony play can include sophisticated, lovely and expensive “rigs”
including harnesses, saddles, bridles and even carts. The pony can
carry or pull the dominant or can be put through elaborate dressage
movements guided by the signals of either a mounted rider or dismounted
trainer. See Animal Play
Pushing Limits -- The gradual expansion of a dominant's and a
submissive repertoire as he or she gains confidence and seeks new
challenges. A wise axiom is "Never say, 'I'll never'."
Queening -- A dominant woman sitting on a submissive person's face
for the purposes of breath control. Purists insist that cunnilingus
should not take place, but it often does.
S&M -- Sadism and Masochism -- A term often used to describe the BDSM
scene; however, it is falling into disrepute because it is both
inaccurate (Dominants are not All sadists) and overly limited (All
submissives are not masochists).
Sadist -- An individual who enjoys causing pain in a non-consensual
manner or regardless of the presence of absence of consent.
Safe, Sane & Consensual -- A slogan popular in the scene defining
the components of proper play. Like any slogan, it is oversimplified
and the topic of much debate, but it does get its point across.
Safe Word -- A word or phrase which permits the submissive to withdraw
consent and terminate the scene at any point without endangering the
illusion that the dominant is in complete control.
Saint Catherine's Wheel -- A vertical wheel to which a submissive can
be strapped and spun around.
Saint Andrew's Cross -- An X-shaped cross.
SAM -- Smart Ass Masochist. A pseudo submissive who attempts to control
everything the dominant does.
Scat -- A slang term for scatophilia, taking pleasure in playing with
and sometimes eating feces. While this is occasionally used as a means
of humiliation, it presents a relatively severe health risk, not
limited to AIDS and hepatitis.
Scene (The) -- The gamut of BDSM activities and people considered as a
whole. Example: "The scene contains some of the nicest people I have
ever met."
Sensory Deprivation -- A form of restraint where all sensory input is
systematically cut off through blindfolds, ear plugs or earphones and
secure but non-painful bondage.
Slave -- Often used interchangeably with submissive. However, generally
reflecting a more intense level of submission or non-sexual or sexual-
plus submission. For example, a slave might be someone who remains in
a 24-hour-per-day submission and cooks, cleans and, otherwise, takes
care of a dominant's house. See submissive.
Slow Word -- A signal by the submissive that things are getting too
intense and you should change or decrease the stimulation.
Stapling -- Temporary piercing and lacing done with a surgical stapler
and sterile medical staples.
Strapple -- An elongated paddle with a bit more flex so that is
something intermediate between a strap and a paddle.
Sting -- A sensation from a toy that is "stingy," as distinguished
from "thud." Intense surface sensation.
Submissive -- An individual who gives up power in a BDSM relationship
for the mutual pleasure of those involved.
Suspension -- A set of techniques for suspending a submissive using
ropes, webbing or chain so that no part of the body touches the floor.
This is a highly specialized technique and great care must be used to
prevent damage.
Switch (Switchable) -- A person who enjoys both the dominant/top and
submissive/bottom roles. A switch may be dominant to one person and
submissive with another or may be dominant or submissive with the same
person at different times.
Temporary Piercing -- Using a sterile needle to penetrate the skin as
a stimulation rather than to produce a hole to be used for jewelry as
in conventional piercing.
Top -- A person who in play delivers the stimulation but does not
require the submission of His or Her partner.
Top Drop -- See Bottom drop.
Topping From Below -- (derogatory) For a submissive to dictate the
precise action in a scene. A term of contempt.
Top's disease -- A condition where a top or dominant projects the
fantasy role into the real world with an assumption of superiority.
This kind of person can be a real pain in the ass.
True -- A term when used in conjunction with "master," "dominant," "
slave" or similar term rates, at best, a snicker. As a put-down to
others, it says much more about the one who is using it than the one
who is being put down.
TT -- Tit torture. The term applies to both males and females.
Urtication -- Using stinging nettles in scene play. They can be simply
pressed into the skin or used as a whip.
Vanilla -- Not in the scene. A term used to describe ordinary,
conventional life both sexual and otherwise. While it can be used
in a pejorative sense, it is more often used to distinguish between
scene and non-scene activities and people.
Violet Wand -- An antique medical device still being manufactured that
creates a large, but harmless, spark and is used extensively in electro
play scenes.
Saint Andrew's Cross -- An X-shaped cross.
Wrapping -- Allowing the ends of a whip to go around the
body rather than hit cleanly in the target zone. When done
unintentionally, it is a mark of a careless or inexperienced whipper
and is usually caused by standing too close to the subject. The
intensity of the stroke is magnified several times wrapping.
Wurtenburg Wheel -- A spiked pin-wheel intended for use by neurologists
but taken up and used for play by ingenious scene players. The sensation
looks intense but is generally perceived as pleasurable.
of course these are but a few but it is a start for you on the way to
better understanding definitions of BDSM D/s M/s words.
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