RE: Being treated like a sex object?

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mp072004 -> RE: Being treated like a sex object? (3/10/2007 8:01:30 AM)
I don't have photos up here. As a result, I don't get specific comments on my looks. From time to time, I do get contacts like, "I can tell that you are a very beautiful mistress and that's why I'm emailing you," which always amuses me, because the authors have no idea what I look like. I think that if you have attractive, somewhat sexy clothed shots, or even art or glamour nudes, it is entirely polite for someone to contact you for conversation and, as part of the initial email, remark on your beauty. Politely. Early and general compliments on my appearance don't generally make a person seem more attractive to me, but it's not rude for them to do so. If the comment isn't, "You're beautiful," but "Your big perky melons make my cock spurt gallons of man-juice," then we've crossed into rudeness. However, if you've got explicitly sexual nudes, especially as your initial photo, and if you don't want people looking at you as a sex object, I would urge you to consider a more modest self-representation. In face-to-face interactions, specifically at play parties, I find that ogling me makes me feel less like a sex object than unsubtle "please fulfill my fantasy" flirting. I can deal with being looked at, and complimented on my appearance (though interestingly, I've gotten more body-part-comments from women than from men), and it doesn't bother me. I imagine this is because I'm in control of it--I've chosen to dress as I've done, and I've acknowledged that my fellow guests have eyes, thus, it will not surprise me if fellow guests find me attractive. I've already engaged myself as much as I need to. But bad, too-explicit flirting, particularly flirting where my conversational partner doesn't try to make an argument for why I should find him attractive--that requires effort on my part, even if the effort is simply finding a graceful way to leave the conversation, and so that does bother me. Monica

submarriner -> RE: Being treated like a sex object? (3/10/2007 5:50:14 PM)
Providing unsolicited comments on sexually is rude despite the motivation behind the statements. You can compliment a women's (or man's) appearance without crossing the ettiquete faux paux line. I don't believe a comment about how radiant a Mistress is dressed, or how lovely her hair is styled would produce offense, yet I would still hold my compliment until an invitation or familiarity exists. Generic comments like you look lovely tonight are usually not likely to cause offense, but when attention is drawn to a sexually motivated or implied connotation, offenses occur. To all submissives who cannot control their horny little connotations, I suggest holding comments entirely until asked by the Mistress.

twistedwillow -> RE: Being treated like a sex object? (3/11/2007 3:27:07 AM)
I've had, not on this site, but on yahoo men message me to tell me i have lovely breasts when all they can see in my pic ( at the time ) is my face and neck... doh! It gets very old very fast. twisted

frostyslave -> RE: Being treated like a sex object? (3/11/2007 7:02:58 AM)
Sure I like being treated like a sex object. Like a sybian if you must know.

Wickad -> RE: Being treated like a sex object? (3/11/2007 12:49:03 PM)
I wonder if it has occured to the women on this site that many of these comments - phrased to sound like compliments - are actually an attempt to assert the said offenders power over you. Many men who are new to this lifestyle have seen all the porn with the leather-clad, stilleto-wearing, will-fuck-anything, 'dominant woman' and really get off on how this actress looks. They like the idea of a powerful woman sucking their cock - in essence bowing down to them. The end results of these fantasies are men who think we (real Dominant Women) should suck their dicks or service them as they see fit. They are not usually submissive at all but more likely to be vanilla men who want to degrade a woman who they see as a power figure. I find it quite disconcerting that many men who claim to be submissive are really woman-haters in disguise. Of course there are quite a few of the 'real deal' out there as far as submissive/slave's go but this does make it all the harder to find them - lol. Wickad

azzmaster -> RE: Being treated like a sex object? (3/11/2007 3:53:17 PM)
i don't want to be a sex object... but Thor doesn't mind as long as he gets up in some tight bouncy ass he's cool.

BeachMystress -> RE: Being treated like a sex object? (3/12/2007 4:48:36 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Wickad I wonder if it has occured to the women on this site that many of these comments - phrased to sound like compliments - are actually an attempt to assert the said offenders power over you. I agree with you. Many expect us to be life support for their fantasy. We are still supposed to live up to their expectations and gratify them. I can not tell you how many times I've had a self proclaimed "sub" try to hand me a shopping list of activities. I've even had them write out scripts I was to play out with them. Yeah right.. go hire an actor. And then there are the always popular "challengers." The ones who act like asses, then trot out the "If you were a real Domme, you'd put me in my place." Personally, I've never counted being able to be manipulated as being Dominant.

Skier -> RE: Being treated like a sex object? (3/13/2007 7:29:08 AM)
I'm in my fifties and can appreciate the effort and dedication it takes for a woman around my age to keep her figure. If I see one - dom, sub, switch - I might compliment her. It works best if there's no chance of a meeting because it becomes apparent to her that it is what it is, a simple compliment. If someone has posted something especially insightful on her profile or on one of these forums I might express my admiration as well. In that case, age wouldn't matter. Ditto for profiles that exhibit a degree of morality or ethics.

Griswold -> RE: Being treated like a sex object? (3/14/2007 6:46:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BeachMystress How many of you are annoyed by subs who write to you with comments about how beautiful your breasts are or how horny your photos make them? I usually just roll my eyes, but occasionally it does annoy me. I am not a male playtoy or sex object and never will be. When men tell me how sexy they find me (other than hubby, who is allowed) I tell them that is their problem, not mine. I demand normal respect and restraint from strangers, male or female. Just because I am a Dominant Woman and may wear corsets and such does not mean I am sexually promiscuous or welcome crass comments. And if a male can't manage to keep that in mind, and feels he must comment upon my large breasts, I find it needful to comment that the bulge in his pants looks awful small. That usually ends in a conversation about judging people by "size." Funny how they have to have their nose rubbed in the irony of complaining that I judged them on something that isn't their fault, when they just did the same to me. shakes head They also don't get the fact that a respectful sub would never press his opinions upon a stranger in such a rude way. sighs What are your feelings on the subject? Do you ever find being told that you are sexy, that you have lovely breasts/ass/whatever-part-they-jerk-off-to annoying? Do you ever feel the subs who make such comments are treating you like a sex object? Blah, blah, blah.....whah the fuck whah.... Ya know, I'm constantly amazed at all the chics herein that whine and moan about how they're "mistreated" or misconstrued by all these subs that want to tell them how gorgeous they are. Give me a fucking break. Chill out chics. Do you have any concept about how many sub males get a similar email? Allow me to elucidate: ZERO. Zero. Not at all. None. Newp. Best looking guy in town...might get 2 emails. Chill. You're gonna be wrinkly in 10 years. In the meantime, quit complaining....toss the losers...but quit wasting mine and CM's broadband to tell me how fucking miserable you are that someone thinks you're fucking beautiful. Really...give me a fucking break.

BeachMystress -> RE: Being treated like a sex object? (3/15/2007 4:20:33 AM)
No, I'm not going to give you a "fucking break." Perhaps when you manage to learn how to express yourself in a positive manner I will consider doing so. Until then, I have to wonder about someone who terms himself submissive yet refers to women as "chics." It drives home the supposition in another thread that many "male subs" are actually misogynists.

curiouslyseeking -> RE: Being treated like a sex object? (3/15/2007 5:34:28 AM)
Personally, I do not get offended; however it's very difficult to offend me. I treat it like a compliment, whether sincere or not, even if it is rude, crude and lewd... I take personal satisfaction in knowing; to someone else I may be a sex object, but I'm my Master's trophy and an object of His desires. It's all about perception.

MissSCD -> RE: Being treated like a sex object? (3/15/2007 6:35:08 AM)
That let's me know right away they are not for me. Besides, I won't post my picture on the community for that reason. Regards, MissSCD

BeachMystress -> RE: Being treated like a sex object? (3/15/2007 1:40:57 PM)
The thing I find most interesting about this post and subsequent thread is how many people didn't seem to comprehend what I was asking. I stated that my personal feeling was that I usually just roll my eyes at such an occurrence. While it can annoy me, it usually amuses me that some guy is constantly shooting himself in the foot while he is trying to "make time." I was wondering how many other Domme had the same experience and how they felt about it. (I expected that most of them felt the way I did, occasionally annoyed but usually could care less about the comment.) I never asked for validation of my feelings, nor did I "slam" the males who send such posts. I also never said I dislike polite compliments. Some people did understand what I asked, and there were some great comments. Even most of the ones who didn't understand what I felt I had asked were interesting to read. Others may have understood what I asked but had things to say on the subject that weren't specifically part of what I asked. Those posts were wonderful, as I like gaining insight into other people's minds. When I first realized the direction this thread was taking, I almost posted a clarification. I kept putting it off because I was fascinated at the difference between what I felt I had posted and how people were interpreting it. To me, this speaks to a major component and problem in BDSM- communication. What someone else feels is clearly stated doesn't always translate the way it was meant to the person getting the message. Whether I was at fault for not being clearer or the reader was at fault for not reading closer the result was lack of communication. It was interesting to see how people colored what they read in my post by their own experiences. I especially want to thank those who posted anything that might be helpful to someone who is feeling frustrated by the way "subs" are treating them. I do thank all who responded, even the ones who were so colored by their own bitterness that they posted nastiness. I value the reminder that communication is subjective rather than objective!

Griswold -> RE: Being treated like a sex object? (3/15/2007 3:49:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BeachMystress No, I'm not going to give you a "fucking break." Perhaps when you manage to learn how to express yourself in a positive manner I will consider doing so. Until then, I have to wonder about someone who terms himself submissive yet refers to women as "chics." It drives home the supposition in another thread that many "male subs" are actually misogynists. Nice. I'm a misogynist because I think you whine too much. Pick any (male) sub whine, with a myriad of Domme responses and it would largely be...."get a grip"..."get over it"...and the general consensus on the sub would be...."deal with it". You, however, choose to accuse me (or, rather...all male subs) of misogyny. Whah fucking whah. Deal with it. Grow up...and quit wasting bandwidth complaining about how gorgeous you are. You're pretty. I agree. Done.

Griswold -> RE: Being treated like a sex object? (3/15/2007 3:53:46 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: curiouslyseeking Personally, I do not get offended; however it's very difficult to offend me. I treat it like a compliment, whether sincere or not, even if it is rude, crude and lewd... I take personal satisfaction in knowing; to someone else I may be a sex object, but I'm my Master's trophy and an object of His desires. It's all about perception. (Now that's nice...someone that can accept a compliment...affectionately (sp?) as well as with aplomb). Ain't nothing wrong with that. (And by the way...you're a babe).

curiouslyseeking -> RE: Being treated like a sex object? (3/15/2007 3:57:22 PM)
BeachMystress, I commend you on your well thought out summation of everyone’s views on “Being Treated Like a Sex Object”. It was truly interesting. In addition, I’d like to add that your profile photo is sexy (It’s a compliment)…[;)] Respectfully, curious

Wickad -> RE: Being treated like a sex object? (3/15/2007 4:08:18 PM)
Interesting!! A submissive woman accepts being the object of her Master's desire. A Dominant woman finds being made into a sex object for a potential submissive offensive. Possibly this has to do with a difference in power. Being 'used' solely for someone else's pleasure is an act of submission. Refusing to accept this type of treatment is an act of dominance. Strange that a submissive man would see the submissive response as much more to his liking than that of a dominant woman. Hmmm, strange that is if you do not take into consideration an earlier comment I made about a lot of proported submissive men actually being self-absorbed vanilla men who see woman as a venue to their own desires. Yes, very strange indeed. Wickad

SweetDommes -> RE: Being treated like a sex object? (3/15/2007 4:12:36 PM)
Griswold, perhaps you need a translation of what Beach said ... please allow me to clarify for you. When she said quote: (snip) I have to wonder about someone who terms himself submissive yet refers to women as "chics." It drives home the supposition in another thread that many "male subs" are actually misogynists. She meant that your behavior (i.e. referring to women in a disrespectful manner while proclaiming to be a submissive) reinforces the belief that there are a lot of woman haters hiding under the guise of submissive males. She did not accuse you or anyone else of being a misogynist. I believe that you also missed the point she was trying to make originally - but since she restated it and you still don't get it, I'll not bother trying to translate that for you. I felt that she made her point quite well, as other people in the thread did with their own points. Your point is also made quite well ... we get the picture that you think she's just a whiney bitch, you can move on now. To the topic - this is exactly the reason that all of our pictures of us are totally neutral, "share with your mom" type pics. Nothing at all suggestive about any of them, and most are with one or more of the critters. The only ones that are the least bit suggestive are the ones of the floggers that I make - and I get as many negative comments as positive ones on those ... so ... eh. edited because... I went back to my profile to check the pics (just to make sure I remembered the pics correctly) and discovered that there are only 3 pictures of us still up on the profile instead of the 5 or 6 that were there ... the others were up for ages, I wonder why they were taken down looks puzzled

Griswold -> RE: Being treated like a sex object? (3/15/2007 4:16:16 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: curiouslyseeking BeachMystress, I commend you on your well thought out summation of everyone’s views on “Being Treated Like a Sex Object”. It was truly interesting. In addition, I’d like to add that your profile photo is sexy (It’s a compliment)…[;)] Respectfully, curious (What a total freakin sweetheart).

Griswold -> RE: Being treated like a sex object? (3/15/2007 4:25:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Wickad Interesting!! A submissive woman accepts being the object of her Master's desire. A Dominant woman finds being made into a sex object for a potential submissive offensive. Possibly this has to do with a difference in power. Being 'used' solely for someone else's pleasure is an act of submission. Refusing to accept this type of treatment is an act of dominance. Strange that a submissive man would see the submissive response as much more to his liking than that of a dominant woman. Hmmm, strange that is if you do not take into consideration an earlier comment I made about a lot of proported submissive men actually being self-absorbed vanilla men who see woman as a venue to their own desires. Yes, very strange indeed. Wickad (I'm not feeling the love here at all).

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