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maybemaybenot -> RE: When He needs you.... (3/14/2007 8:12:29 PM)
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I was in a very long term D./s relationship in which the last two years he had a debilitating illness. Feel free to contact me on the other side, if you like. The best I can tell you is this: The physical elements of the D/s dynamic change < not only play, but everyday life>, but the foundation remains D/s. You take on a role, that appears Dominant to you and perhaps to others, but when you break it down, it is really isn't. It's more digging down deeper into submission and finding the strength to * take over* areas of his daily life/routine, <whatever applies> without stepping out of yourself. It continues to be service, but it takes a while to see that that is what it is. Be patient with yourself and with him.
I know that sounds weird and like an oxymoron, but it is a process you develope and go thru together. Some how it evolves within both of you and you don't lose who you are. Near the end I was working full time, maintaining the entire household, caring for him physically, caring for him emotionally. I made most of the major decisions, but they were based on what I knew he would have decided. We knew the day would come that I would have to * take charge* so we had plenty of time to discuss how I would handle things and what he wanted me to do in the case of * situation XXX*. Not much came up that we had not prepared for.
Communicate, listen to him, have an ongoing dialogue as to if he prefers to
" struggle thru a chore" or if he would prefer you do it or finish it for him. As long as possible and to the extent possible make your offers a choice. When he choses to struggle thru it, be OK with yourself about it. We all need to maintain a certain independence in the face of chronic illness, even if it exhausts us to do so. Perhaps because we know deep down the day will come that this will no longer be an option.
It certainly isn't easy, it hurts alot, but somehow it makes you stronger. Cliche, I know, but true for me.
Others have spoken of support groups etc. Heed this advice. I would have lost my sanity if I did not develope a strong core of people to support me and help me thru it.
<<< hugs>>>
mbmbn
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