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RE: Growing pains? - 3/8/2007 9:24:25 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
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fast reply

I think it's important that we remember somethine here: It's OK to not act perfect. It's OK to find what we feel are flaws. Having compassion for yourself is as important as having compassion for others.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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Ms Relationship Books
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(in reply to swtrayn)

Post #: 21

RE: Growing pains? - 3/8/2007 10:17:56 AM

catize

Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline

I am introspective, analytical and self-critical. I have, in some instances, repeated the same mistakes. One of the hardest things to come to terms with is that insight does not always change my behavior. (whispers….I have ISSUES)

In contrast to what others have said here, there is a part of me that wishes I could tell my brain to shut up and just go with the flow. I think that’s why I’m masochistic; pain allows me to just be and I don’t have to focus; I can float on a sea of endorphins and find peace. The primal mindlessness is the biggest allure for me.
It’s not just the S + M, though. Submission also has enabled me to ‘let go’ in ways I hadn’t experienced before in my life. Not too long ago, master handed me a cup and told me to drink what was in it. I looked at it suspiciously and said, ‘What’s this?’ He took it back and said, “Let’s try this again.” A thing as simple as a cup of herbal tea turned into a lesson. Granting authority to another has been a much desired means to learn acceptance.
It is, as you can see, a work in progress.

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to dawntreader)

Post #: 22

RE: Growing pains? - 3/8/2007 10:38:43 AM

angelic

Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline

Like others have shared, i too am going through growing pains, not within a relationship as i am not in one, but within myself. i have found myself in a place that i do not like, but cannot seem to change. i trust no one and i question everything. i frankly make it impossible for anyone to get to know me. That has not always been the case, but it is now. i find myself many times crying for that person that i was and what was lost. i like to believe that i will come out on the other side a better person but only time will tell.

_____________________________

~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci

(in reply to dawntreader)

Post #: 23

RE: Growing pains? - 3/8/2007 10:44:57 AM

onestandingstill

Posts: 1335
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: angelic

Like others have shared, i too am going through growing pains, not within a relationship as i am not in one, but within myself. i have found myself in a place that i do not like, but cannot seem to change. i trust no one and i question everything. i frankly make it impossible for anyone to get to know me. That has not always been the case, but it is now. i find myself many times crying for that person that i was and what was lost. i like to believe that i will come out on the other side a better person but only time will tell.

Hey angelic,
I've followed your posts since day one for you in here.
In that time you've grown in knowledge, grace and maturity.
Promise I mean this in a good way, but even your photo shows me someone completely different as the first photo IMO made you look like a druggie and desperate. This one shows what a much softer more elegant person you are now than when you first joined us to me.
You're work in progress has had some major sanding, buffing and is shining much brighter dear.
Keep up the good work!!
suzanne

(in reply to angelic)

Post #: 24

RE: Growing pains? - 3/8/2007 10:54:07 AM

angelic

Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: onestandingstill

Hey angelic,
I've followed your posts since day one for you in here.
In that time you've grown in knowledge, grace and maturity.
Promise I mean this in a good way, but even your photo shows me someone completely different as the first photo IMO made you look like a druggie and desperate. This one shows what a much softer more elegant person you are now than when you first joined us to me.
You're work in progress has had some major sanding, buffing and is shining much brighter dear.
Keep up the good work!!
suzanne

Wow, Suzanne, thank you for your kind words. i do not express myself well, and you will never know how wonderful your words were to me i am honored and now teary eyed. i needed reminding that i am indeed a work in progress.

Btw, just to clarify i have never been a druggie, mostly i just looked like shit.

_____________________________

~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci

(in reply to onestandingstill)

Post #: 25

RE: Growing pains? - 3/8/2007 10:57:37 AM

onestandingstill

Posts: 1335
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: angelic

quote:

ORIGINAL: onestandingstill

Hey angelic,
I've followed your posts since day one for you in here.
In that time you've grown in knowledge, grace and maturity.
Promise I mean this in a good way, but even your photo shows me someone completely different as the first photo IMO made you look like a druggie and desperate. This one shows what a much softer more elegant person you are now than when you first joined us to me.
You're work in progress has had some major sanding, buffing and is shining much brighter dear.
Keep up the good work!!
suzanne

Wow, Suzanne, thank you for your kind words. i do not express myself well, and you will never know how wonderful your words were to me i am honored and now teary eyed. i needed reminding that i am indeed a work in progress.

Btw, just to clarify i have never been a druggie, mostly i just looked like shit.

I didn't mean to make yo uthink I was accusing you of actually doing drugs, just that the old photo gave you this hard cold haggared woman look they have.
I also think you express yourself well most of the time.
I again say you are a beautiful person inside and out and watching you grow has been a very humbeling thing for me as I know how hard it is to move as far as fast as you have.
suzanne

(in reply to angelic)

Post #: 26

RE: Growing pains? - 3/8/2007 11:08:45 AM

angelic

Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: onestandingstill

I didn't mean to make yo uthink I was accusing you of actually doing drugs, just that the old photo gave you this hard cold haggared woman look they have.
I also think you express yourself well most of the time.
I again say you are a beautiful person inside and out and watching you grow has been a very humbeling thing for me as I know how hard it is to move as far as fast as you have.
suzanne

Thank you, again. Without hijacking the thread too much more, I would like to say that you have gone through much yourself and i am not nearly as healed as even i would like to think. Please do not be humbled by me, although i thank you for your words. Believe me when i say there is not a day that goes by that my biggest fantasy is not some truly evil way of 'getting back at him'. i do not act on those fantasies, but damn if they don't make me feel just a tiny bit better.

Suzanne, with all the sincerity i can muster through just words on a screen, your words really touched me and i very much needed them. Thank you so very much for being.

(sorry for the hijack)

< Message edited by angelic -- 3/8/2007 11:10:00 AM >

_____________________________

~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci

(in reply to onestandingstill)

Post #: 27

RE: Growing pains? - 3/8/2007 11:34:47 AM

completenz

Posts: 315
Joined: 1/10/2007
Status: offline

thanks.
This thread is a reminder of why i am here on the boards. The changes i have gone through, inside, are phenomonal. The journey from an unhappy woman who was dead inside, trapped in a vanilla, sexless marriage, to what i am now, has been long and painful. The things i have learnt about 'me', the acceptance of 'me' as someone of worth. When i thank Him for loving me He always says that is is easy. i have never felt that kind of love and acceptance before.
Thanks again to you all, for sharing and encouraging me to look even deeper inside myself.
hugs
c

(in reply to angelic)

Post #: 28

RE: Growing pains? - 3/8/2007 11:35:22 AM

dawntreader

Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: catize

... there is a part of me that wishes I could tell my brain to shut up and just go with the flow. I think that’s why I’m masochistic; pain allows me to just be and I don’t have to focus; I can float on a sea of endorphins and find peace. The primal mindlessness is the biggest allure for me.

catize,

i can so relate to your post, particularly this part... the primal mindlessness... to stop the over-thinking that has become more of a curse than an attribute for me...
thankyou~

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

(in reply to catize)

Post #: 29

RE: Growing pains? - 3/8/2007 11:50:37 AM

gypsygrl

Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: dawntreader
but what has been painful to me is the realization that because my spiritual and submissive journey are inextractably linked, the discovery of myself will NEVER be a destination i arrive at, but always a journey and as layers/petals are removed, they only reveal more...

This is a lovely sentiment, and something I forget all the time. I struggle and struggle, looking for something concrete, some kind of certainty, a resting place and I think I've arrived only to find there's no there there. And, I have to gather my energy and keep going. It can be lonely, but I've never gone for too long utterly alone. Someone always shows up who wants to travel with me for a while. And, knowing the feeling of being alone, I'm always happy for their company.

_____________________________

“To be happy is to be able to become aware of oneself without fright.” ~Walter Benjamin

(in reply to dawntreader)

Post #: 30

RE: Growing pains? - 3/8/2007 11:55:05 AM

dawntreader

Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: angelic

i find myself many times crying for that person that i was and what was lost.

angelic,
thankyou for sharing...

this particular part of your post stood out to me. i have never wished to be who i was nor cried for the loss of what was but i have cried for who i will become and what it will cost to get there - i know that won't makes sense to many reading this but there are some here who believe as i that to reach ones true self requires losing all that you ever were, "to be reduced to nothing, all illusions stripped away and awakening clear" L.S.~ The journey to get here and to submit oneself to this is where the pain comes in...it is not easy and not a journey many voluntarily take.

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

(in reply to angelic)

Post #: 31

RE: Growing pains? - 3/8/2007 11:59:15 AM

dawntreader

Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: completenz

Thanks again to you all, for sharing and encouraging me to look even deeper inside myself.
hugs
c

A well said affirmation of the positive power of these boards...i agree~

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

(in reply to completenz)

Post #: 32

RE: Growing pains? - 3/8/2007 12:02:06 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: dawntreader

quote:

ORIGINAL: angelic

i find myself many times crying for that person that i was and what was lost.

angelic,
thankyou for sharing...

this particular part of your post stood out to me. i have never wished to be who i was nor cried for the loss of what was but i have cried for who i will become and what it will cost to get there - i know that won't makes sense to many reading this but there are some here who believe as i that to reach ones true self requires losing all that you ever were, "to be reduced to nothing, all illusions stripped away and awakening clear" L.S.~ The journey to get here and to submit oneself to this is where the pain comes in...it is not easy and not a journey many voluntarily take.

this is why I often state that slavery is an olympic sport.

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to dawntreader)

Post #: 33

RE: Growing pains? - 3/8/2007 12:06:41 PM

Devilslilsister

Posts: 1262
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline

yup yup yup, i've always had those things called growing pains. Usually they come after a hard lesson. I'm hard headed, what can i say. I stepped into this world on my own at the age of 15 and i learned alot about what goes on out there. Wasnt pretty, was hard to learn. With out any guidence, i seemed to have learned all the wrong things. i learned how to be tough, vicious, cold, unfeeling, manipulative and evil. None of those lessons were easy. I also learned how to protect myself by shutting down, not trusting others, not letting anyone in, always controlling myself, always being prepared, to adapt to any situation with a quickness, and always being on gaurd. I did learn a few good lesson, how to survive despite the obsticles. I learned to count on myself, i learned to have confidence in myself. (among other things)

I have some one now that guides me. Its hard. What i have learned, has kept me safe. Every day can be a struggle for me, as i often revert to what i've learned in the past to cope with situations. Even tiny frustrations can be a struggle. Trying to work through "what i feel i should do" and "what i should do" to properly address my frustration, isnt easy any stretch

Looking back over the 2 1/2 years that i have had some one around that cared enough to guide me and i am always amazed. Techniques that i used to use, i no longer employ. i am almost getting to the point that i am losing the ability TO employ them. In a way, its almost like i am finding the girl i lost over 10 years ago. I am coming back to myself, shedding all these layers i've built up over the years.

Sure, its hard to unlearn all that i've learned and has thrown me through turmoil after turmoil. I see now, that it was all just a process of unlearning. (can we say not pretty?) Yet, i know it was much harder learning what i learned. So while i struggle with it and at times wish to be left in the darkness again, i look back and realise that the sun is starting to shine again. Except, its not the sun in the sky, but the sun shining out through my soul.

(and unlike the rest of my life.... the sun that shines now is truely my sun..... and not just something i want everyone to percieve to be)

< Message edited by Devilslilsister -- 3/8/2007 12:10:52 PM >

_____________________________

My ability to cope with BS is at an all time low - me

i may look like i'm doing nothing, but i'm very busy at a cellular level

(in reply to dawntreader)

Post #: 34

RE: Growing pains? - 3/8/2007 12:11:38 PM

dawntreader

Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

quote:

ORIGINAL: dawntreader

angelic,
thankyou for sharing...

this particular part of your post stood out to me. i have never wished to be who i was nor cried for the loss of what was but i have cried for who i will become and what it will cost to get there - i know that won't makes sense to many reading this but there are some here who believe as i that to reach ones true self requires losing all that you ever were, "to be reduced to nothing, all illusions stripped away and awakening clear" L.S.~ The journey to get here and to submit oneself to this is where the pain comes in...it is not easy and not a journey many voluntarily take.

this is why I often state that slavery is an olympic sport.

Ron

This brought a smile to my face as i thought about how inexpensive uniforms would be :-)

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 35

RE: Growing pains? - 3/8/2007 12:15:04 PM

dawntreader

Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Devilslilsister

So while i struggle with it and at times wish to be left in the darkness again, i look back and realise that the sun is starting to shine again. Except, its not the sun in the sky, but the sun shining out through my soul.

Beautiful post! This in particular is truly awesome...

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

(in reply to Devilslilsister)

Post #: 36

RE: Growing pains? - 3/8/2007 1:16:24 PM

swtrayn

Posts: 222
Joined: 2/21/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

fast reply

I think it's important that we remember somethine here: It's OK to not act perfect. It's OK to find what we feel are flaws. Having compassion for yourself is as important as having compassion for others.

Master Fire

I wanted to say thank you for the reminder, I am one of those; who are always harder on oneself than on others. I do realize that noone is perfect and we all have faults.
I guess I at this time in my life, I am trying to make sure that those faults become less in number.

Again, thank you.

rayn
.

_____________________________

"I tried to contain myself -- I escaped..."

"Make sure brain is engaged before SEND key is released"

"Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead."--Lucille Ball

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 37

RE: Growing pains? - 3/8/2007 2:24:56 PM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

quote:

...My question is 2 parts … have any others, Dominants and submissives/slaves alike, felt “growing pains” in their personal journeys, and if you have – would you be so kind as to share your experience here on this thread?...orig: dawntreader

This slave came to a point where she was convinced that she would travel solo on whatever path she was on, embraced it, befriended it and used it as an opportunity to dig down into the layers of what made up this slave. Spent 3 years attending classes for self-improvement, meditating in the wilderness, serving every opportunity that came up in the immediate community(homeschool co-operative, 4-H project co-leader, afterschool tutor, costume designer and producer for church plays, summer program tutor/driver, storage for down-on-their-luck, clean-up and pot-luck crew for the sick) praying fervently for an OBVIOUS sign, if indeed a sign would ever come, to involve a specific other…to seek another’s guiding hand, to trust another enough to accept this slave emotionally naked.

To choose to be in service to ONE Master required this slave to lose her ego-centric sense of self and what she considered service, become a part of the Master/slave relationship and focus on the service that Master requires.

Part of the choice to surrender this slave’s life to Master included surrendering certain personal pronouns--—as a possession of Master the words my, me, mine and I are no longer appropriate. Third person speech has helped to peel away the me-me-mine-mine ego by reinforcing, verbally and through writing this slave’s position. It has helped this slave many times to focus on speaking in a manner pleasing to Master, as well as gentle to the rest of the world. It takes effort, does not come naturally, even after 4 years of use…but it has helped this slave to grow, to go deeper in service and as disdainful as many are about it, this slave is grateful to Master for insisting on it's use and encouraging her growth beyond self-focus.

This slave could go on about the growing pains of watching wee ones leave the nest, wincing at their mistakes as they learn their own lessons about life, losing an elderly parent and utterly failing to fill the shadow that is left in their absence in an effort to help the one that is left, but somehow doing it anyway…guess what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger, and the more light and positive nutrients we surround ourselves with, the more we will grow into what we truly are.

Last but not least, pain isn’t always such a bad thing…

(in reply to dawntreader)

Post #: 38

RE: Growing pains? - 3/8/2007 4:08:07 PM

bearincuffs

Posts: 1904
Joined: 12/16/2006
Status: offline

You are quite welcome dawntreader and swtrayn.

And from reading the other postings on this subject, it also helps me in knowing that I am not alone and I can gain a measure of assurance and know I still have that inner strength to continue forward.

_____________________________

property of Master Dave of the House of Gemini

An it harm none, do as thou wilt
Do what you will, so long as it harms none
An it harm none, do what thou will
That it harm none, do as thou wilt
Eight words the Wiccan Rede fulfill

(in reply to dawntreader)

Post #: 39

RE: Growing pains? - 3/8/2007 4:10:52 PM

kyraofMists

Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

fast reply

I think it's important that we remember somethine here: It's OK to not act perfect. It's OK to find what we feel are flaws. Having compassion for yourself is as important as having compassion for others.

Master Fire

I know that I do not often realize how much pressure I put on myself to not screw up. One of the most healing things that has happened recently is that my Lord told me that even if I completely screw something up, he would still love me. I have carried this idea from childhood that in order to be loved and receive affection I have to always get it right. I have been terrified of fucking something up and losing his love and the fear was not having a positive effect.

Knight's kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 40

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