How to deal with sub space or sub drop?

How to deal with sub space or sub drop? (Full Version)

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hot1 -> How to deal with sub space or sub drop? (3/8/2007 8:09:39 AM)
Ok..this is going to sound strange here....but I am almost to the point of thinking there is really something else going on. First for those that don't know me...I am not a newbie, I have lived this lifestyle as my life all my adult life. But something happened last night..that is totally new to me. The biggest thing for me is to disappoint anyone...and if that is someone I really care about...is so much worse. I was in that headspace last night when we started to play. The session was long and hard. I didn't even think I reached sub space....I really was not into or so I thought. My pussy told him otherwise as I was dripping. 3 canes were broke on my ass......the pain and heat etc is still there over12 hours later. But here is the thing......last night..he broke me...I was just not in the right headspace and I started to cry....and couldn't stop....he held me...rubbing my back and ass as I cried on his leg. That doesn't happen to me.....another person doesn't see me cry. Afterwards we were laying in bed...and I was viberating...I couldn't stop. He is holding me and asks what is wrong....I tell him honestly..I don't know...I think i am droppping...but am not sure...he says what do you need...what can I do....at this I laughed...like I have no idea what is happening to me..so no idea what I need. He thinks I should cum some more....maybe that will help. After about 30 minutes of cumming for him....I am calmed down somewhat...at least not viberating. I fall asleep in his arms. I get up this morning and take a bath...wake him up to see if he wants to beat me or anything....he mumbles sleep...so I get dressed, leave him a note and go to work. I am a bit on edge...but am ok i guess. A bit later he phones...he is up....makes sure he has done everything I had ask him to take care of my cats and to leave my place with the door locked etc. We talk for about 20 minutes. He is on his way to get on a plane....will call me tomorrow...but he expects me at his place sunday morning when he is back. About half way into the conversation with him...I am shaking again...I am so cold...can't get warm....can't think right. OK...so here I am...my ass and thighs are still on fire from last night, freezing shaking and can't think. He is on a plane away on business til late sat night. WHat is the matter with me....how do I fix myself.....is this a drop...or was the play too much and my body is in shock? I am starting to freak.... any ideas anyone? beth

onestandingstill -> RE: How to deal with sub space or sub drop? (3/8/2007 8:29:04 AM)
Unfortunately I think there's some sub conscious thing happening if it overcame you while on the phone with him after you'd been OK till you spoke to him. Though I can't help with what you're not comprehending I can advise to be extra careful to eat very very healthy for a few days, take lots of vitamin c and bananas, and maybe go get some St Johns Wart vitamins as they have a calming effect. Hugs & Prayers, suzanne

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: How to deal with sub space or sub drop? (3/8/2007 9:03:03 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: hot1 WHat is the matter with me....how do I fix myself.....is this a drop...or was the play too much and my body is in shock? I am starting to freak.... any ideas anyone? beth Why did you think you were disappointing? Or you were afraid to disappoint by saying you weren't there or mentally ok with it? See how important honest and open communication is? Getting physically turned on is nothing, and anyone who isn't playing a hard to get game knows that full well. However, if you gave him no sign that things were to the contrary, he really didn't do anything wrong. I can't tell exactly what it was, although it might have just been a bad time for you and you were dealing with repressing that and suffering the consequences. The thing to do is when you get together is talk to eachother later when you have time. I understand your fear and dislike of "disappointing" someone- but you will have to face that fear if you want this to be an open and healthy realtionship. And if your partner finds open honest discussion something to get disappointed over- then it's not a good match anyway. It could have been low blood sugar for all any of us knows, or it could be a serious issue. The only thing to do is keep the lines of communication open, take care of yourself by getting enough sleep and good food, and see what happens.

hot1 -> RE: How to deal with sub space or sub drop? (3/8/2007 9:26:21 AM)
Two things. What happened that I felt like I disappointed him was earlier...not what he was doing. He did nothing wrong...he can use my body as he sees fit. If he did not leave my place to go to the airport for a business trip....I would never of posted here....I simply would of picked up the phone and called him. We do not have communication problems...there is a lot we still are learning about the other...that comes in time. I simply do not know what is happening with me and needed some imput. I have since talked with a good friend and feel a bit better but am still scared. Tonight will just go home and veg....and see what happens. unless someone else has some suggestions

Mercnbeth -> RE: How to deal with sub space or sub drop? (3/8/2007 9:52:55 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: hot1 ...WHat is the matter with me....how do I fix myself.....is this a drop...or was the play too much and my body is in shock? I am starting to freak.... any ideas anyone? beth just a suggestion, but how about dropping the terms "subspace" and "subdrop", since the definitions you have for them in your mind aren't serving you for reconciling what is going on with your body, merely adding to the confusion. shock sounds like a much better term. mental shock that your crying was EXPOSED. you can even identify with folks who have what ranges from mild to severe mental and physical reactions to traumatic stress situations long after the event. the psych community has labelled the debilitating form as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Good Luck!

vield -> RE: How to deal with sub space or sub drop? (3/8/2007 10:14:48 AM)
It is not unusual at all to have a reaction like this. It could be you passed over some thresholds you had not reached before, and the experience tapped some deep emotional reactions you did not understand. Add to that the physical shock one can get from volutary or involuntary injuries, an extreme emotional experience which now has stopped, and seperation from the object of your desires. These extremes many of us crave and love, can result in the feelings I call dom drop or sub drop, after they are over. Occasionally for reasons we may not understand the sharing of an act we have enjoyed together more than once before may affect us a lot more than expected. It could be a flashback, or a different temperature, or a different time in our biorythms which causes this. Often as a submissive one craves the dominant's pleasure above all else, one fears not pleasing enough, and symptoms similar to depression could take the place of the past heavy deep connection when one worries if they could have done better.

Elorin -> RE: How to deal with sub space or sub drop? (3/9/2007 3:50:31 AM)
It sounds like crying in front of him was a very startling thing for you to experience, and that you had a very intense experience w/ him (between disappointing him in your mind and then later in crying) and you are still coping with it. Writing, talking to others, and being ready to talk to him about it when he gets home all sound like the best ideas. Give yourself permission to cry, maybe sit down and write (not on the message board forums, but either in a journal or just open notepad and give free reign to whatever you want to write about) to help express it. It is not unusual to reach a point of emotional catharsis during play, to end up crying or laughing during play. And while there is something that many call subdrop, it is usually a very sudden drop sometime after play - it sounds like your experience stems from crying DURING play. If you want to call it that, ok, but I agree w/ MercnBeth that using those terms won't help. Sounds like you have a good friend who can hold your hand through this, and you are doing the best that can be done until he is home. ~E

hot1 -> RE: How to deal with sub space or sub drop? (3/9/2007 5:15:54 AM)
Thanks for all that responding. Things were so strange yesterday. At one point last night I was so scared I phoned one of my best friends that knows just how hard I play....lol...I try not to talk to him about how bad, he has this fear someone is going to just beat me to death. Anyway after we talked for a bit, and then him actually coming over to see just what shape I was in. He says..well you have had worse....but not on as much of your body at the same time. Is shock and endorphins.....and yes you usually don't need anything but this time you do. Just stay warm and cuddle with your cats...and where the fuck is this guy, why is he not here taking care of you.....lol....a good true friend. Anyway....I was woken up 3 times last night by my Master just checking in to make sure that I was ok. He was so upset that I was like this and he was away and not able to take care of me. We have talked and talked and talked about what has happened. Communication is so important, the way I am I can't have anything but great communication. Today, things are a fair amount better. Endorphins are running so strong that I feel like super woman. As long as I stay warm I am fine. If cold I will shake...but once I get warm again will stop. Again, thanks again for the help Beth

SimplyMichael -> RE: How to deal with sub space or sub drop? (3/9/2007 7:50:52 AM)
So in your head you have disappointed him and are so wrapped up in that you can't go into headspace so instead of it being good/pleasure/whatever you instead feel it as punishment or at least the pain is tied to disappointment and you wonder why you went into some sort of bad space? No frigging wonder! Let me guess, he didn't know you were busy beating yourself in the head did he? If not your "great communication" skills SUCK...and the poor bastard was beating you senseless and didn't have a VERY vital piece of information. That is one of the things I will leave someone over, keeping that sort of crap rattling around in their head and not communicating it to me.

Elorin -> RE: How to deal with sub space or sub drop? (3/10/2007 6:25:26 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: hot1 Today, things are a fair amount better. Endorphins are running so strong that I feel like super woman. As long as I stay warm I am fine. If cold I will shake...but once I get warm again will stop. Beth I'm ever so glad to hear that things are better, and that you have good enough friends to talk it out and come check you out. Sounds like you did all the right things - including asking for advice when your reactions startled you b/c you'd never had them before. I'm sure your Sir will keep in touch and check you out thoroughly when he returns. If you ever need a (non-public) ear, feel free to write. ~E

Celeste43 -> RE: How to deal with sub space or sub drop? (3/11/2007 10:09:09 AM)
Don't be surprised if you get sick in a day or two. Several times now the weird reactions have occurred just prior to coming down with a cold. The first few times were scary but now I pay deeper attention to my body ahead of time and tell him if I just don't feel up to stuff and don't know why. He usually will make things easier in those circumstances because he doesn't like the bad reactions either.

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