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setting goals for oneself. - 3/8/2007 10:46:49 PM

swtrayn

Posts: 222
Joined: 2/21/2007
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I wasn’t totally sure where to put this thread, so I decided here was a good start.

I seem to ramble, so I apologize in advance..

I have been sitting here for the past few days, (off and on) trying to write out goals for myself. I have recently (about 2 months ago) left a 3 year D/s relationship. So, I figured this was a good time to get my goals and myself inline, during my “me time”.

My issue seems to be, that I write them down, my short and long term goals. Then I find myself analyzing things to deeply, on how the best way to get there, when it can be done, when I should start. I get myself overwhelmed and ball up the paper and throw it away.

I know that I have the strength to do this; I have already achieved two of my goals.
1. Moving to a new state and getting settled. (mostly settled)
2. Get a new job. (First one in over 3 years) I start Monday. YEAH! ME!. (Smiles)

I guess my question is, does anyone have any ideas how to start setting up goals in a way that it doesn’t get to overwhelming and you want to just throw your arms up in the air and say forget it??

Any suggestions or ideas would be very helpful.

rayn

_____________________________

"I tried to contain myself -- I escaped..."

"Make sure brain is engaged before SEND key is released"

"Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead."--Lucille Ball

Post #: 1

RE: setting goals for oneself. - 3/8/2007 11:03:34 PM

Saraheli

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Joined: 1/2/2006
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Try to stay general. When you set a goal, just outline it, don't go into specifics. Also, set out simple goals, and once you achieve those, gradually move to more complex ones.
When I set goals I also usually get flustered and overwhelmed, so I try to make sure I have at least some easily attainable ones.

_____________________________

Lay with me, I'll take you for a ride
Look so sweet I wanna cry
Here in this bed we have nothing to hide
Come on, don't you want to try
MvD

If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, set them on fire.

(in reply to swtrayn)

Post #: 2

RE: setting goals for oneself. - 3/8/2007 11:06:24 PM

swtrayn

Posts: 222
Joined: 2/21/2007
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Thank you for your advice, it is very much appreciated.
I just have to learn to not over think things.

Learning to do this alone again, has been alittle difficult.

rayn

_____________________________

"I tried to contain myself -- I escaped..."

"Make sure brain is engaged before SEND key is released"

"Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead."--Lucille Ball

(in reply to Saraheli)

Post #: 3

RE: setting goals for oneself. - 3/8/2007 11:10:08 PM

Saraheli

Posts: 178
Joined: 1/2/2006
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We are our own toughest critics.
Learning things over on your own Is tough, good luck, and have fun along the way!

_____________________________

Lay with me, I'll take you for a ride
Look so sweet I wanna cry
Here in this bed we have nothing to hide
Come on, don't you want to try
MvD

If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, set them on fire.

(in reply to swtrayn)

Post #: 4

RE: setting goals for oneself. - 3/8/2007 11:54:56 PM

MasterNdorei

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Joined: 10/8/2005
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Instead of stating the goals as something really big, like "moving to another state", you could begin with something like "re organize everything in the hall closet and make a pile of thing to take to a thrift store".

Later do this for another closet, then move through the entire house with this mode to get rid of what you do not need. When it does become time to move, you have much of the work done.

Thinking in small, immediate, more attainable goals works for me.

Master's dorei

(in reply to Saraheli)

Post #: 5

RE: setting goals for oneself. - 3/9/2007 12:01:49 AM

Termyn8or

Posts: 18681
Joined: 11/12/2005
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sw;

I used to study psychology before they fucked it all up. Normally I avoid the use of profanity in a post when it is like this, something really off topic. But in this case it was the absolute correct use of the word.

Different areas of your psyche can be at different "ages". Not chronologically of course, but in other ways. You can be a teacher who is learning in any field.

Thus the secret. Impel yourself.

To explain, realize that I learned to study at an early age and I could see that each answer brings up at least two questions. But I was up for it, I was gung ho for it. I wanted it. If I asked the definition of a word sometime I got punched in the stomach by Mom, then she said "There are thousands worth of books in there, go read". That is a bit of an exaggeration. She started hitting me harder and harder gradually. All this was after some other kid hit me in the stomach at school. She was making me stronger.

So take that a bit, gradual.

Baby steps. I want to start a business, so last year I found a pickup truck. Spunky little thing, got a 4.3 and a Getrag tranny in it. Could pull stumps. That was a baby step, because I am not exactly sure what kind of business I want. But you always need at least a pickup truck. Got a van too but that was so cheap it was for investment purposes. It might get scrapped which would make use close to $200.

I think it is very important to figure out the steps you need to take to achieve your goal. When you go to writing them down again, just write one down, and figure out how to achieve it. They didn't build the space shuttle in one day.

I don't know what your track record in life is, but I can say this much. If you bite off more than you can chew you will fail. By definition it means that.

Now we have problem number two, which makes number one look like a wimp. What, NOW, are your goals ?

In other words, if you want to start a business, doing something you know, what do you do first ? Get a truck ? have it painted, get business cards, research local advertising rates, apply for a license or bond, look for commercial insurance, get a bookkeeper.

You see there is a natural order to these things, and if done in the proper sequence should yield you a successful, saleable business. The order in which they are done is based solely on the achievement of the goal, nothing else. Your personal thoughts and feelings must be put aside, and business is business.

When you put all of your spare energy into something, as long as you do it right you should succeed. The trick is figuring out the little parts of the big part. Those things which happen before you actually succeed, and what order you have to do them in. That is all your call, and is among the most important things you will be thinking about for a long time.

T

(in reply to Saraheli)

Post #: 6

RE: setting goals for oneself. - 3/9/2007 1:44:32 AM

kisshou

Posts: 2425
Joined: 2/11/2005
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Hiya,

this is a great topic! I am seriously goal oriented. I organize my goals by priority, I have my immediate, short term and long term goals. Immediate focus more on day to day and adding one extra task that will help me accomplish my short term goals. My short term goals are a break down of tasks/achievements to accomplish my long term goals.
I have them also divided up by category with subheadings in order to prioritize such as accomplishing a short term goal that will benefit more than one long term goal at a time.

I also write them all out on paper then cross them off with a red pen! When I accomplish something I take time to savor the achievement.

Congrats on your moving and getting a new job!

(in reply to swtrayn)

Post #: 7

RE: setting goals for oneself. - 3/9/2007 2:22:33 AM

Quivver

Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
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I struggle with goals myself.
I have ton's of them! But with ton's they become overwhelming.
Then those ton's all of a sudden appear to just be wants or worse yet fantasy.
Here's what a dear friend told me to try. Pick one of the smaller, easily atainable
goals and give yourself a dead line to achieve it by. Outline the steps needed
and map it out in the time frame you've chosen.

Then there's my 2 cents worth ... keep in mind this is ME time. It will allow
you to concentrate on what your after. Do not feel guilty or selfish, those emotions
will undermine your efforts. Get a good visiual of what you want, picture it as often
as possible to keep your focus. Once you obtain it, take a short break before moving
on to the next goal, treat yourself.

Good Luck!

_____________________________

The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

(in reply to kisshou)

Post #: 8

RE: setting goals for oneself. - 3/9/2007 2:50:40 AM

bandit25

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Joined: 6/18/2005
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Quivver has got something. It's best to start with smaller, easily attainable goals and go for the quick wins to boost your confidence and give your attitude a good shot in the arm. You're struggling with several things right now...don't overwhelm yourself with a bunch of goals. If the object of the goal is worthwhile, it'll still be there in a month or two.

(in reply to Quivver)

Post #: 9

RE: setting goals for oneself. - 3/9/2007 6:22:08 AM

swtrayn

Posts: 222
Joined: 2/21/2007
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*smiles*

I have already moved and gotten settled. But I do understand what you are getting at, and I really appreciate your advice.

I really do need to take it in small steps.

rayn

_____________________________

"I tried to contain myself -- I escaped..."

"Make sure brain is engaged before SEND key is released"

"Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead."--Lucille Ball

(in reply to MasterNdorei)

Post #: 10

RE: setting goals for oneself. - 3/9/2007 6:28:03 AM

swtrayn

Posts: 222
Joined: 2/21/2007
Status: offline

First off thank you for the wonderful post.

I understand about deciding those goals, and writing down ways to achieve them.
My problem seems to be, that I over think things.

For Example: I want to go back to college. I know that I can probably take 1 to 2 classes because I will be working full time. Now, then I start worrying about saving the money, hurry and get the information, worry about.. if two classes will be to much.

Yeah, it is really bad. I do thank you for your post and I will keep your advice close at hand..

Thank you

rayn

_____________________________

"I tried to contain myself -- I escaped..."

"Make sure brain is engaged before SEND key is released"

"Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead."--Lucille Ball

(in reply to Termyn8or)

Post #: 11

RE: setting goals for oneself. - 3/9/2007 6:30:43 AM

swtrayn

Posts: 222
Joined: 2/21/2007
Status: offline

Thank you for the post and for the congrats :)

That is the problem I am coming up against. Once I get to writing them down, then adding comments, putting them in categories, then thinking.. Ok step 1 to get this goal start.. so on so forth. I get fustrated for over thinking.

So, I see that I am going to have to stop over thinking and just make the list. LOL

rayn

_____________________________

"I tried to contain myself -- I escaped..."

"Make sure brain is engaged before SEND key is released"

"Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead."--Lucille Ball

(in reply to kisshou)

Post #: 12

RE: setting goals for oneself. - 3/9/2007 6:33:03 AM

swtrayn

Posts: 222
Joined: 2/21/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: bandit25

If the object of the goal is worthwhile, it'll still be there in a month or two.

WOW, how true is that.. :) Thank you for your words of advice. You are totally right, they will be there. I am so focused on getting stuff done.. NOW and finally being able to do something that I really have been waiting for awhile, I didn't stop to think that they don't HAVE to be done RIGHT now. :)

Thank you
VERY MUCH!

rayn

_____________________________

"I tried to contain myself -- I escaped..."

"Make sure brain is engaged before SEND key is released"

"Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead."--Lucille Ball

(in reply to bandit25)

Post #: 13

RE: setting goals for oneself. - 3/9/2007 8:43:37 AM

stockingluvr54

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Joined: 6/22/2006
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I'm also a goal setter ...or used to be...pretty much achieved most of my goals except the partner thing. Anyways....like most have said....keep them small and REALISTIC!!! Might start with small things like making your bed everyday. This gets you in a habit...then add a few more,etc. Write them down....maybe hang em where you can see them everyday...a little mind work at bedtime to rehash out what you've accomplished during the day towards your goals,etc. You're on the right track....goals are a very good thing!!!! Good luck!

< Message edited by stockingluvr54 -- 3/9/2007 8:45:10 AM >

(in reply to swtrayn)

Post #: 14

RE: setting goals for oneself. - 3/9/2007 8:54:30 AM

swtrayn

Posts: 222
Joined: 2/21/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: stockingluvr54

Might start with small things like making your bed everyday. This gets you in a habit...then add a few more,etc. Write them down....maybe hang em where you can see them everyday...a little mind work at bedtime to rehash out what you've accomplished during the day towards your goals,etc. You're on the right track....goals are a very good thing!!!! Good luck!

Thank you for replying.

Actually that is a wonderful idea, small things to do and get me back in the habit of doing them, slowly. I think that is a great idea and actually will work for me.

Again thank you

rayn

_____________________________

"I tried to contain myself -- I escaped..."

"Make sure brain is engaged before SEND key is released"

"Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead."--Lucille Ball

(in reply to stockingluvr54)

Post #: 15

RE: setting goals for oneself. - 3/9/2007 7:12:01 PM

lighthearted

Posts: 1165
Joined: 11/26/2006
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baby steps...the best way to keep from getting overwhelmed.

there's a great book called "Sink Reflections" by a lady who calls herself the "Flylady" (as in fly fishing - get ya mind outta the gutter!)...anyway, it's a good read for who tend to get sidetracked by details in the pursuit of their goals. although a lot of it is geared toward keeping your life from getting too cluttered, it's got great strategies for realistically setting goals and achieving them, and also taking care of yourself.

_____________________________

"Thou art to me a delicious torment." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

(in reply to swtrayn)

Post #: 16

RE: setting goals for oneself. - 3/10/2007 2:19:47 AM

FangsNfeet

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Determination.

Failure is a part of life. It happens. It's what you decide to do from there. No excuses. Just admit failure and go back to the drawing board.

Make it happen.

Shoot for higher goal than the expectation. If you want to jump ten feet, aim for twenty.

You can do it.

_____________________________

I'm Godzilla and you're Japan

(in reply to swtrayn)

Post #: 17

RE: setting goals for oneself. - 3/10/2007 2:43:47 AM

NorthernGent

Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: swtrayn

I guess my question is, does anyone have any ideas how to start setting up goals in a way that it doesn’t get to overwhelming and you want to just throw your arms up in the air and say forget it??

Any suggestions or ideas would be very helpful.

rayn

1) Prioritise and target the important issues. Try typing up a list of aims. Once done, distinguish between small details and what matters in life i.e. health, family, friends, prosperity. Concentrate on what is going to bring you happiness and tackle those, first and foremost.

2) Don't set yourself unrealistic targets as it will demotivate you in general. By all means challenge yourself to reach new heights, but make targets realistic. Setting yourself the target of saving the world by April 19th wouldn't be a wise move, but gaining some knowledge of a particular BDSM activity which has aroused your curiosity would be.

3) Don't be too harsh on yourself when you don't succeed. Human frailty doesn't allow for perfection. Just pick yourself up, dust yourself down and get back on the horse i.e. have another crack at it.

4) I don't know about you, but I'm no puritan who sits on a forked chair to show my devotion to a non-specific deity whom I've never seen. Life should be enjoyable, not a succession of targets designed to stress people into an early grave. Make your aims and targets enjoyable.

< Message edited by NorthernGent -- 3/10/2007 3:00:41 AM >

_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

(in reply to swtrayn)

Post #: 18

RE: setting goals for oneself. - 3/10/2007 9:10:22 AM

stockingluvr54

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Joined: 6/22/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: swtrayn

quote:

ORIGINAL: stockingluvr54

Might start with small things like making your bed everyday. This gets you in a habit...then add a few more,etc. Write them down....maybe hang em where you can see them everyday...a little mind work at bedtime to rehash out what you've accomplished during the day towards your goals,etc. You're on the right track....goals are a very good thing!!!! Good luck!

Thank you for replying.

Actually that is a wonderful idea, small things to do and get me back in the habit of doing them, slowly. I think that is a great idea and actually will work for me.

Again thank you

rayn

Ya know....it's kinda funny about the little mundane shit like making your bed every morning. That was mentioned to me when someone was talking about setting goals a long time ago. I put it on my "list" and started doing it thinking "ya...this really help me achieve my goal..lol...right!".... Anyways....to this day I still make my bed every morning and when I go to bed everynight I ENJOY crawling into an inviting bed instead of looking at some major mess right before I turn in.

Try and set your small goals up to point you in the direction of your bigger goals and never take your eye off the prize....next thing you know....you're there.

(in reply to swtrayn)

Post #: 19

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