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Trials of Slavery - 3/9/2007 12:00:43 PM

Kuriokat

Posts: 5
Joined: 7/24/2006
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My Master and i were in the car and i guess he felt like i was too constrained because he started singing a silly children's song and requested that i join in. He requested repeatedly and i struggled and waffled and had a very difficult time. I was embarassed and ashamed and shy, (yes even in front of my Master). (Please realize that i come from a pretty stoic background and can be a rather shy and introverted person, but, as my Master knows, this is something i'm trying to overcome). My Master then told me that i was rocking the very foundation of our relationship by refusing his orders. At the time i felt like he was being unfair but i realize that he was right. What kind of slave am I if i don't follow his orders? What kind of slave am i that only obeys when the commands are easily followed? I don't think my Master is an easy man to serve. He is attuned to my strengths, weaknesses and emotions. He will praise me on my strengths, call me out on my emotions and challenges my weaknesses. He is not an easy man to serve. But he is worth it.

Post #: 1

RE: Trials of Slavery - 3/9/2007 12:12:01 PM

mstrjx

Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline

I've been using this word a lot more recently, as I think it applies. What the OP writes here is what I consider 'friction'.

Even for myself, who fairly well tries to guide a sub or slave through their life the best way I can given their background and circumstances, there is no expectation that a sub/slave's life should be expected to be 'easy'.

Being submissive, there must certainly be an expectation that not every request, instruction or order will be simple to follow. There might be some hesitation based on emotional bumps that might be encountered, but if we're not talking about some serious limit, then obedience is and should be expected.

This is an instance where you understand you have difficulties, but your trust and commitment to your Master should be sufficient to carry you through.

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to Kuriokat)

Post #: 2

RE: Trials of Slavery - 3/9/2007 12:23:42 PM

Kuriokat

Posts: 5
Joined: 7/24/2006
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Thank you Jeff. This is something i've been thinking about a lot per my Master's request. I know he is very undertsanding and knows that i will not be able to perfectly carry out all of his commands but i lean toward perfectionism myself and feel like a failing like this, direct disobedience and emotional pulling away from my Master is a very bad thing. I want to really think this through so i can identify what is going on more clearly the next time this sort of thing happens. When i felt like i couldn't carry out his order i began to question weather slavery was right for me. I KNOW slavery is right for me. I am happier now than i have ever been. But when things get hard i want to run away. Does anyone else have this problem?

< Message edited by Kuriokat -- 3/9/2007 12:25:20 PM >

(in reply to mstrjx)

Post #: 3

RE: Trials of Slavery - 3/9/2007 12:24:51 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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I'd hardly call being embarassed and not immediately revolting years of life and personality development cause for rocking the foundation of a relationship- get priorities straight here.

If he wants to train you into something, it will take time and focused energy.

Would you tell you that you were rocking the foundation of the relationship if he told you to run a mile in 6 minutes when you've never run a mile under 10? That you're being a bad slave and disobedient then?

I'd say as long as you gave it a try and really did your best, then there's nothing at all wrong with the scenario. I will never understand masters who think they can snap their fingers and suddenly expect it all- and then place the blame and responsiblity on the slave when it doesn't work like that.

The waffling and shuffling you can work on over time, and if he works sincerely with you on this over a few months and you show no progress, then yes we can discuss this being a real issue of resistance to your slavery.

Now? Over this? Cmon.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Kuriokat)

Post #: 4

RE: Trials of Slavery - 3/9/2007 12:36:51 PM

mstrjx

Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kuriokat

When i felt like i couldn't carry out his order i began to question weather slavery was right for me. I KNOW slavery is right for me. I am happier now than i have ever been. But when things get hard i want to run away.

When you start looking at yourself as 'slave', one of the things that is hardest to overcome is being overly concerned with 'self'. 'Selfish' is probably too harsh a word, but does come close.

When you are given an instruction and resist, where is the resistance actually coming from? 'Self'. It's more complicated than that, but this is what it boils down to.

When you start to think less in those terms, when you 'surrender' your 'self' to your Master, that is when your focus becomes more clear. You have the ability to allow your energies to be focussed on his needs and desires. You still need to have a sense of self-preservation, but some of your baser, selfish instincts need to be weaned.

This is where slavery becomes more liberating. You don't have to worry about yourself, as he is the one looking out for you. (Or he should be.) He accepts responsibilities for what is going on with you, physically and emotionally. (Or he should be.)

Make sense?

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to Kuriokat)

Post #: 5

RE: Trials of Slavery - 3/9/2007 12:37:43 PM

Kuriokat

Posts: 5
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline

I think the rocking the foundation was just that i was disobeying him. I was fighting him on it and not giving it my best shot and pulling away emotionally. But i hear what you're saying in that he can't expect perfection on my first try. I don't think he was expecting it and certianly wasn't calling me a bad slave because of it. If it came across that way it is only my coloring of the situation. I am extremely perfectionistic and question my validity because of a small mishap. We both tend toward dramatic. But i will convey to him that it seemed he was expecting more than i could give at the time. I know he is open to critiscism and we are both always learning.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 6

RE: Trials of Slavery - 3/9/2007 12:39:41 PM

Bearlee

Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline

Well, lucky you that you recognize your Master’s strengths and that he is there both to praise and appreciate you, but also to challenge and teach you. At least, that is what I hope for from mine. And…he does it well, though occasionally to my chagrin.

When I discovered and embraced BDSM and my submissiveness, I jumped in with both feet. I don’t play at this; I want D/s in my everyday life, and I am still learning how to accomplish this.

I used to ‘scene’ with friends…and learned a lot about physical, non-sexual play. I’ve had a couple ‘false-starts’ with male dominants who seemed to enjoy my submissiveness…and learned even more. Like you, I understand my submissiveness is not based on either play or obeying commands that can be easily and conveniently followed. I want to obey and serve …regardless. And, I’m learning to do this.

I think sometimes I’m swept away by the attention of service to him, but when I’m requested do something I find uncomfortable or difficult, I realize that he is teaching, training, encouraging me to better serve him; to be a better submissive…heck, to be a better person.

Early on, I thought some dominants very odd for the things they requested. Now, I am learning that mine considers the things he requests; he puts a good deal of time into the things he demands…stuff I may not immediately understand. Funny, I’ve always thought myself pretty bright…and yet these days I’m amazed at how narrowly I sometimes think. I jump to conclusions and sometimes just don’t consider what might be his reasoning.

I’m happy to say that I’m learning to trust him and through that trust, to consider bigger things. With that, of course, comes growth. Yes, I’m lucky indeed…as it seems you are, too. I wish you growth in your service.

b

(in reply to Kuriokat)

Post #: 7

RE: Trials of Slavery - 3/9/2007 12:48:09 PM

Bearlee

Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mstrjx

...one of the things that is hardest to overcome is being overly concerned with 'self'. 'Selfish' is probably too harsh a word, but does come close.

...when you 'surrender' your 'self' to your Master, that is when your focus becomes more clear. You have the ability to allow your energies to be focussed on his needs and desires. ...

This is where slavery becomes more liberating. You don't have to worry about yourself, as he is the one looking out for you. (Or he should be.) He accepts responsibilities for what is going on with you, physically and emotionally. (Or he should be.)

Make sense?

As is generally the case, Jeff...you make perfect sense. Thank you.

I am working on being more ...self-less. For him.

(in reply to mstrjx)

Post #: 8

RE: Trials of Slavery - 3/9/2007 1:24:42 PM

charismagirrl

Posts: 297
Joined: 8/30/2006
Status: offline

sorry that i have no advice to give on this subject but i can tell you that you aren't alone in this type of thing.... my Daddy made me do this weird little dance for him, he'd given me awhile to do it and then when it came time i was frozen.

Could i physically do the dance (like you with the song)? Absolutely, nothing wrong with my limbs that would make it impossible but yet it still took me over 5 mins of hemming and hawing and false starts and stops...leaving the room to pracitce etc...my Daddy said "Baby. it's just you and me what're you so afraid of?"...but, i could barely do it...Finally i did it and it was almost as difficult for me to do as it would've been to jump out of a plane and skydive....being silly is just soooo not part of my make up and sometimes it's waaaay harder to be silly in front of my Daddy...but, after it was done, for that moment i felt liberated and like a weight was lifted...

i only pray i don't have to do anything like that again anytime soon because it would take me a long time to get just comfy with the whole silly thing.

_____________________________

For today i won't say but...
For today i wont say just...
For today i will simply obey....
For today i will trust that You are right...
For always i will be your imperfect slave

http://www.mycollarspace.com

(in reply to Bearlee)

Post #: 9

RE: Trials of Slavery - 3/9/2007 1:27:25 PM

toservez

Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline

Life is complicated. Those who understand that have a better chance to succeed. What to him was probably a simple and easy request turned out to be a very difficult one for you to follow. Both of you need to communicate and understand what happen and why so you can learn and grow from the event.

Being over dramatic is fine and can be part of a person’s personality but in order for it to be healthy there has to be the knowledge, communication and acceptance that comes with this type of behavior. Both need to always understand that many times words coming out of the mouth will be literally more serious then the other intended. When it comes to perfectionism when being a submissive I think it always helps to make sure you are focusing on what the dominant truly wants and not what you may have twisted it into.

In terms of being able to overcome these issues, Jeff said some really wise words better then anything I could have written. Learning/training is an ongoing process and not two people or orders are the same. There is failure with effort and failure because of not trying. I am sure your dominant and yourself can see the difference in your actions.

_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to Bearlee)

Post #: 10

RE: Trials of Slavery - 3/9/2007 1:50:22 PM

Master96

Posts: 593
Joined: 2/13/2006
Status: offline

Mixed emotions I had when I read this thread...... I would be so fortunate to have a Lady sees me as worth to submit to....

_____________________________

Master96,

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

Understand that actions will always speak louder than words.

Before you speak, ask yourself..
Is it kind? Is it true? Is it necessary?
Does it improve upon the silence? - Sai Baba

(in reply to Kuriokat)

Post #: 11

RE: Trials of Slavery - 3/9/2007 3:41:29 PM

Kuriokat

Posts: 5
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline

Thank you everyone for your comments. Yes i totally agree with what you say Jeff. My actions were selfish. I was writing in my journal and that is exactly what i concluded. I need to work to get rid of that self that i am so caught up in and surrender more fully so that i can obey my Master (as long as it's not physically dangerous or such of course).

(in reply to Master96)

Post #: 12

RE: Trials of Slavery - 3/9/2007 8:22:29 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Getting rid of the self is not only impossible, it is likely not desired unless your master wants a blank anonymous "slave body" to own.

It's more a change of perspective of the self. This requires you to know yourself, love yourself, and constantly be true to yourself. Your fear is what's preventing you from being yourself- not "self."

Fears like this one take a long time to build up- they really don't just go away with a finger snap.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Kuriokat)

Post #: 13

RE: Trials of Slavery - 3/9/2007 8:26:52 PM

kc692

Posts: 3701
Joined: 3/24/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I'd hardly call being embarassed and not immediately revolting years of life and personality development cause for rocking the foundation of a relationship- get priorities straight here.

If he wants to train you into something, it will take time and focused energy.

Would you tell you that you were rocking the foundation of the relationship if he told you to run a mile in 6 minutes when you've never run a mile under 10? That you're being a bad slave and disobedient then?

I'd say as long as you gave it a try and really did your best, then there's nothing at all wrong with the scenario. I will never understand masters who think they can snap their fingers and suddenly expect it all- and then place the blame and responsiblity on the slave when it doesn't work like that.

The waffling and shuffling you can work on over time, and if he works sincerely with you on this over a few months and you show no progress, then yes we can discuss this being a real issue of resistance to your slavery.

Now? Over this? Cmon.

Wow, having a bad day, are we?????????????????

your words

Now? Over this? Cmon.

_____________________________

Anyone can overpower; not many can INSPIRE.....

This is only MY opinion. If it's not yours, let's agree in advance to agree to disagree, OR, you can just get the fuck over what I had to say:)

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 14

RE: Trials of Slavery - 3/9/2007 8:30:57 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kc692
Wow, having a bad day, are we?????????????????

your words

Now? Over this? Cmon.

Naaa- just doms pushing unnecessary blame and emotional conflict onto slaves for their own unrealistic expectations is an eternal peeve of mine.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to kc692)

Post #: 15

RE: Trials of Slavery - 3/9/2007 8:38:19 PM

kc692

Posts: 3701
Joined: 3/24/2005
Status: offline

UMMMMMMMMMM, scuse me, it was a fucking silly song, damn that's torture, I tell ya!!!! While I understand the OP's points, your overreaction to this occurrence screams baggage on your part. Sorry, just my opinion, but that is what it is

Add it to your eternal list of eternal peeves, you have an awful lot of them. I seem to remember one of you infinite list of pet peeves is generalizations,love how you threw all doms in that crass presumptuous statement you just made.

< Message edited by kc692 -- 3/9/2007 8:40:06 PM >

_____________________________

Anyone can overpower; not many can INSPIRE.....

This is only MY opinion. If it's not yours, let's agree in advance to agree to disagree, OR, you can just get the fuck over what I had to say:)

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 16

RE: Trials of Slavery - 3/9/2007 8:42:59 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kc692
Add it to your eternal list of eternal peeves, you have an awful lot of them. I seem to remember one of you infinite list of pet peeves is generalizations,love how you threw all doms in that crass presumptuous statement you just made.

Peeves are indeed definitely a sign of one's own baggage.

I'm not sure how I generalized to all doms when I specifically said it was those doms who "push unnecessary blame and emotional conflict onto slaves for their own unrealistic expectations" is the peeve.

I'm a dom- I wouldn't generalize myself to be included in that.

And I don't have infinite amount of peeves- I love bunnies and squirrels.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to kc692)

Post #: 17

RE: Trials of Slavery - 3/9/2007 8:44:15 PM

FukinTroll

Posts: 6277
Joined: 2/6/2007
From: Under a bridge
Status: offline

I thought you were Nilla.

_____________________________

I'm the guy your girl is thinking about when she is fucking you!

TrollTopia
Greedy Groupie!

The Mods have me on speed Spank!! Gotta luv'em.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 18

RE: Trials of Slavery - 3/9/2007 8:48:48 PM

kc692

Posts: 3701
Joined: 3/24/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: kc692
Add it to your eternal list of eternal peeves, you have an awful lot of them. I seem to remember one of you infinite list of pet peeves is generalizations,love how you threw all doms in that crass presumptuous statement you just made.

Peeves are indeed definitely a sign of one's own baggage.

I'm not sure how I generalized to all doms when I specifically said it was those doms who "push unnecessary blame and emotional conflict onto slaves for their own unrealistic expectations" is the peeve.

I'm a dom- I wouldn't generalize myself to be included in that.

And I don't have infinite amount of peeves- I love bunnies and squirrels.

So we agree then, You are the one with the peeve and therefore the baggage.

Quote:
Naaa- just doms pushing unnecessary blame and emotional conflict onto slaves for their own unrealistic expectations is an eternal peeve of mine.

End quote:

I see nothing about those doms as when you rewrote your reply but by leaving that out, an inference to all doms was made.

And I'm sorry, your profile says switch, so I didn't think you were feeling your dom side when you posted that statement.

And I bet the bunnies and squirrels are glad to be on your good side, seems doms that want to sing childrens songs with their slaves are not.

_____________________________

Anyone can overpower; not many can INSPIRE.....

This is only MY opinion. If it's not yours, let's agree in advance to agree to disagree, OR, you can just get the fuck over what I had to say:)

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 19

RE: Trials of Slavery - 3/9/2007 9:03:20 PM

Kuriokat

Posts: 5
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Getting rid of the self is not only impossible, it is likely not desired unless your master wants a blank anonymous "slave body" to own.

It's more a change of perspective of the self. This requires you to know yourself, love yourself, and constantly be true to yourself. Your fear is what's preventing you from being yourself- not "self."

Fears like this one take a long time to build up- they really don't just go away with a finger snap.

Yeah i think i worded that one oddly. I didn't 'mean i need to get rid of my self, like my identity, i meant i can't be concerned with myself so much that i loose sight of who is in charge.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 20

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