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RE: What place has tolerance in BDSM? - 4/4/2005 12:24:03 PM

Padriag

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Oumae
Yes, maybe courtesy would have been a better word to have used for some. As said before I enjoy a good debate, I just feel the original topic under discussion can get lost in some threads where it becomes heated in a personal way.

Oumae

I very much agree... threads get derailed and arguments begin as things turn personal and people start taking sides. Sometimes us dominants are the worst for it, we get so busy being domly we forget to just say "well that's an interesting point of view, I don't agree, but that's okay too." and leave it at that.

As for the original topic I think tolerance is part of courtesy... tolerance isn't agreement its the ability to accept the existence of something you don't agree with. There are a lot of diverse opinions, ideas, kinks, beliefs and ways of doing things on here. Some people have trouble understanding the use of pain and the role it plays in some peoples lives, I suspect others would have just as much trouble understanding not using it. Its all okay, we each have to find what works for us personally and remember that while something may be good for us, it doesn't mean its good for anyone else, and that's okay too. Sometimes I think we forget that just because someone doesn't share our kink does not make them in any way inferior to us. Its one thing for a person to be narrow minded and deliberately ignorant... that's a bad attitude and I don't think we need to tolerate that. But we do need tolerance when its just a case of someone not sharing the same likes and interests as ourselves.

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RE: What place has tolerance in BDSM? - 4/7/2005 11:01:51 AM

Kinkypupper

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Tolerance has a Huge part to play..
Those in bdsm fields are by nature a much more open minded and tolerant group of people then those who have single sided views on things.
Am not sure you could be in bdsm for real and be intolerant.

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RE: What place has tolerance in BDSM? - 4/7/2005 11:32:27 AM

ProtagonistLily

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quote:

Tolerance has a Huge part to play..
Those in bdsm fields are by nature a much more open minded and tolerant group of people then those who have single sided views on things.
Am not sure you could be in bdsm for real and be intolerant.

This thread reminds me of the South Park episode with the "Museum of Tolerance." Being tolerent means that you put up with stuff that you otherwise wouldn't engage in or practice in order to foster an amicable social structure.

I think we may be confusing the word Tolerance with Acceptace. And may further be confusing Tolerance with Discernment.

There are people in the RL lifestyle I tolerate, in that, I accept that they are part of the local community, though that's about it. I'm civil to them, but don't engage in any kind of relationship, be it platonic or otherwise. I tolerate their presence and that's about it.

I can discern between people that I want to engage in a relationship with, even at the very basic friendship level, and those I want nothing to do with outside the scene. I can accept that they rub me the wrong way and tolerate them for small amounts of time.

BDSM isn't that differant from vanilla in that it's rather suspect that any one given individual, regardless of BDSM orientation, will feel all warm and fuzzy about EVERYONE they encounter. I don't think that's being intolerant. I think that's being a functional adult.

Lily

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RE: What place has tolerance in BDSM? - 4/7/2005 12:01:06 PM

millimon

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I do! It's people, not place. There are trolls everywhere. I know, I've been on the internet since 1981 when it was mostly BBSs and Compuserve webpages.

You have to weed out stupidity everywhere. Yes, it's tiring. I understand your frustration, believe me, I really do.

Don't give up. That's what they want you to do!

You have to be persistent.

D

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RE: What place has tolerance in BDSM? - 4/7/2005 12:23:02 PM

EmeraldSlave2

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kinkypupper

Tolerance has a Huge part to play..
Those in bdsm fields are by nature a much more open minded and tolerant group of people then those who have single sided views on things.
Am not sure you could be in bdsm for real and be intolerant.

Umm you'd be wrong. Why are people in bdsm "by nature" more tolerant?

People in bdsm are just like everyone else- with the same levels of tolerance and intolerance that you will find anywhere else.

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RE: What place has tolerance in BDSM? - 4/7/2005 12:35:05 PM

cellogrrlMK

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quote:

ORIGINAL: CitizenCane

I haven't been here long, but over all, it seems to be a pretty civilized venue, for an internet site.

I have to completely agree with you Sir! There is a vanilla site that I go to at times to read their message boards (I wasn't about to pay for it! lol). The degree of racism, bigotry, rudeness, immaturity, and intolerance on this particular site make me ashamed to be a part of the ethnic group that the site is geared towards.

I know, I know, if I don't like it I shouldn't go there... but it's like a bad car wreck, I just have to look! I find myself spending less and less time looking at those boards. Thank goodness there is this site, where I feel way more comfortable.

cello

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RE: What place has tolerance in BDSM? - 4/7/2005 1:08:13 PM

happypervert

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quote:

Umm you'd be wrong. Why are people in bdsm "by nature" more tolerant?

People in bdsm are just like everyone else- with the same levels of tolerance and intolerance that you will find anywhere else.

I agree with Emeraldslave. But this reminds me that it isn't so unusual to see comments like that where bdsm is given credit for magically transforming folks into superior beings where:

relationships are better
sex is better
more tolerant
more open minded
smarter
better communicators
more honorable

among other things. All this has me thinking that maybe practicing bdsm makes some folks more delusional and more likely to flatter themselves.

< Message edited by happypervert -- 4/7/2005 1:10:34 PM >

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RE: What place has tolerance in BDSM? - 4/8/2005 2:59:42 PM

domtimothy46176

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You make an interesting point, happypervert. One of the first lessons I learned upon entering into the D/s "community" was that all the pretty talk about honor, integrity, dignity, etc. was no more than simply talk for vast numbers. My personal opinion, however, is that those who don't hold themselves to the higher standard are seldom successful over the long haul. Perhaps it simply my limited experience but it seems to me that those who are capable of maintaining a long-term D/s relationship ~are~ more honorable, better communicators and more emotionally stable and ~do~ have much better relationships. I think this might also be true for many who are successful in maintaining ong-term vanilla relationships, as well, although my limited personal experience is that many times vanilla relationships will hold together for financial reasons long after the relationship is emotionally dead.
Timothy

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RE: What place has tolerance in BDSM? - 4/10/2005 9:42:12 AM

krikket

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There aren't many places in this world where i feel "safe" to be myself, but this is one of them. i don't post very often, but it's that safety that lets me express an opinion, toss in my 2 cents worth, or ask a question. Take way that, with intolerance of any kind, and i'd have to return to a world of silence and isolation. i appreciate not only the tolerance but acceptance of the CM people..i hope it doesn't change..

and....thanks ya'll

jimini

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RE: What place has tolerance in BDSM? - 4/13/2005 7:18:57 PM

Sinergy

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quote:

I think tolerance in BDSM is essential because there are many different reasons each of us come here.

Second Wave Feminist writers discussed this at great length, although peripherally to BDSM as their thrust was frequently more involved in sexuality in general. Then you take utopian attempts and mash them together (I love 400 level classes) and I discovered that almost all attempts to establish a utopian society foundered on the inability of members of the group to treat the other members of the group with tolerance and respect.

Apply this to a marginalized group (BDSM) in broad society and I believe the biggest trap we
can fall in to is to attack each other since it simply ties in with the outside world's animosity
towards WIITWD.

Samuel Adams said it best "I may not agree with what you say, Sir, but I will fight to the death defending your right to say it."

Sinergy

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