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In search of understanding the other side - 3/9/2007 4:03:36 PM

babysburnin

Posts: 421
Joined: 2/16/2006
Status: offline

I'm sure this is an "age old" question, but I'm having difficulty understanding the "other side" and would appreciate sincere responses to my "burning" ;) questions:

1. What does being a Dom "do" for you emotionally?
Is it about knowing someone is there for you and will do anything for you? (loyality) Is it about nuturing another in your way or what you see is in their best interest (teacher), is it simply about sex & play and having a submissive participant?(just fun) I know there are many other possibilities - It would be of great help for me to hear them.

2. For those of you who are sadistic ...
What do YOU get out of inflicting pain on another? For the more experienced, is it a delicate, well thought out game? For those less experienced, is it simply about getting a "fix"? If so, where does that come from? What does it do for you? How does it make you feel?

3. For those of you who are not sadistic ...
What do you see as the difference between you and those who are?

Thanks for taking the time to read all the way through. I really am struglling with these questions and will appreciate your feedback.

_____________________________

-Babysburnin

"Love is, above all else, the gift of oneself."
- Jean Anouilh

"The highest proof of virtue is to possess boundless power without abusing it."
- Lord Macaulay

Post #: 1

RE: In search of understanding the other side - 3/9/2007 4:28:38 PM

blkjackdom

Posts: 2
Joined: 3/4/2007
Status: offline

Ah! A powerful question - I'm sure responses will run the gammut.

I don't "need to Dom". It does not define me or make me more of a man.
I have always (25 years), seen this scene as the most powerful psychological game two people can enjoy playing. For many years, I never allowed a sub in my bed - intercourse was off-limits. Now, I'm actually seeking a LT relationship with someone, (so what is my point?). For me, being a Dom it's about coming to an understanding of what this other person wants and needs and seeing if you can fulfill it. At the same time, it's about bringing a person into my world where she is willing to do what I say without fear of punishment or dissapointing me.

She desires not just to serve, but to serve me in the particular, precise and sometimes demanding ways that I require. Not simply because she's a sub and that's her "role", but because I have shaped, molded and cultivated that desire. Most subbies are not simply mindless, insecure, people who will drop to their knees because they don't know any better. Although there are still many of those around. So a good Dom/Domme, finds out what the sub needs, what (s)he desires, what makes him/her tick, in my opinion.
I've always said that this is a two way street - we both (Dom/Domme & sub) want something.

So as I've grown, I've come to realize that you can have a deeper relationship with a sub, but it requires even more care and handling than a vanilla relationship. Because now you have aspects of both worlds that you have to deal with.

Bottom line: I love the challange - to see if I can make us both fulfilled while having fun doing it.

(And aren't we all at least a little bit Sadistic

.)

(in reply to babysburnin)

Post #: 2

RE: In search of understanding the other side - 3/9/2007 5:33:53 PM

yugla

Posts: 67
Joined: 1/14/2005
Status: offline

Babysburnin,

I am having second thoughts of replying as you have asked a very cleric and well thought out question. But I have some time to kill before I must be out this evening.

#1 You have answered your own question. It is many things for different people. The only thing that is permanent is change. Female Domme friends that I have asked your question to have defined their lifestyle and relationships as a vanilla LTR with a lot of kink in the bed room and for others they are only drawn to the mental mind fuck of the life style and proper protocol. For me it depends on the pet. As a Dom I am the entertainer, the creator, director and the actor that strives to see betterment in my audience. It may be an age-old question but if asked in the time of Caligula you would have different responses. Time changes societies and opinions.

#2 Although I am not sadistic to say the level of a Quentin Tarantino film, is it pain if she enjoys it? Again for me as the Dom, what the audience needs and seeks is what I am. For those that are of a sadistic mind set and enjoy watching suffering in another human I can not speak for them. I CAN reflect on a submisive who described to me what she felt while she was the recipient of pain. The sensation of feeling her Dom’s (no not me – this is what she told me of past Doms) anger subside with each blow. In conversation she correlated it as a scenario of Dom has a pissy day at the office and comes home and relieves his rage. With each strike of the whip or slap of the face she can feel his aggression lessening. She knows that as his ‘punching’ bag she is absorbing his day and from that gets a feeling of reward. She did have quite a high pain threshold compared to others. I learned in her what is painful and not wanted and what is enjoyment and what can change it to the latter. Simply putting a blindfold on her and blocking out one sense made the physical sensation non enjoyable.

#3 I do not know what the difference is between myself and a sadist. I only know what I am and that I would most likely not befriend or share other interests with one who is a sadist.

(in reply to babysburnin)

Post #: 3

RE: In search of understanding the other side - 3/9/2007 5:35:22 PM

babysburnin

Posts: 421
Joined: 2/16/2006
Status: offline

Thanks for replying ... No offense - but I'm searching for "deeper".

Men - you are human ... please ... just some of you REALLY open up (or would that be un-Dom/Sir like?).

_____________________________

-Babysburnin

"Love is, above all else, the gift of oneself."
- Jean Anouilh

"The highest proof of virtue is to possess boundless power without abusing it."
- Lord Macaulay

(in reply to blkjackdom)

Post #: 4

RE: In search of understanding the other side - 3/9/2007 5:52:57 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

Nope, don't mind, but you won't like it.
Why are you a girl?
Why do you breathe?
knowing this, assuming that it is answerable at all, how does it help?

Now that you know why I like to beat you, and you like to be beaten, what does it say in any large and quantifiable sense?

There are things in the void, the imponderable universe, like what was before the big bang---------

Why is there air?

That is about it, really.

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to babysburnin)

Post #: 5

RE: In search of understanding the other side - 3/9/2007 6:31:02 PM

babysburnin

Posts: 421
Joined: 2/16/2006
Status: offline

I'm not asking questions that cannot be answered - by those who care to share.

Is there a God? Is there reincarnation? I do not ask this here.

_____________________________

-Babysburnin

"Love is, above all else, the gift of oneself."
- Jean Anouilh

"The highest proof of virtue is to possess boundless power without abusing it."
- Lord Macaulay

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 6

RE: In search of understanding the other side - 3/9/2007 6:39:35 PM

blkjackdom

Posts: 2
Joined: 3/4/2007
Status: offline

By asking someone to "really open up" you assume that they have not.
you say you are looking for "deeper", I am tempted to say, you are not really sure what you are looking for.
Perhaps it would serve you to look deeper at the answers you were already given. A fair amount of thought, wisdom went into the responses.
You asked very open questions that solicited opinions, and that's what you got. Now you treat it as though they were SAT questions.
I can only laugh!

(in reply to babysburnin)

Post #: 7

RE: In search of understanding the other side - 3/9/2007 6:46:58 PM

Sinergy

Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: babysburnin

Thanks for replying ... No offense - but I'm searching for "deeper".

Men - you are human ... please ... just some of you REALLY open up (or would that be un-Dom/Sir like?).

Would be much easier to answer your question if you let us Dominants know what answer would serve to answer your question, as opposed to simply being dismissive of those endeavoring to provide an answer.

On the other hand, assuming you actually want to hear my answer...

I do not consider myself a sadist. I consider myself a sensualist. I do not derive a tremendous amount of satisfaction from causing pain; in fact, after a lifetime in martial arts there are aspects to causing pain that seem
rather banal and boring to me.

I cause pain because the one I am with enjoys what it does for her. Where I derive my satisfaction from is feeding off the emotional energy of a satisfied and happy partner. This, however, is from a Dominant perspective, and not submissive one. Demand that I satisfy her and I will laugh.

As far as how I compare myself to other Dominants, I generally dont. Force me to answer and I will use Chevy Chase's answer from Caddyshack when asked how he compares himself to other golfers; "by height."

Hope this helps.

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle

(in reply to babysburnin)

Post #: 8

RE: In search of understanding the other side - 3/9/2007 8:29:36 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: babysburnin
1. What does being a Dom "do" for you emotionally?
Is it about knowing someone is there for you and will do anything for you? (loyality) Is it about nuturing another in your way or what you see is in their best interest (teacher), is it simply about sex & play and having a submissive participant?(just fun) I know there are many other possibilities - It would be of great help for me to hear them.

For me the difference between being a dom and being a girlfriend is that I get a total sense of fulfillment from knowing they will go where I take them- my path will be followed and my way will be the right way for them.

That resonates within me and makes me feel REALLY good.

quote:

2. For those of you who are sadistic ...
What do YOU get out of inflicting pain on another? For the more experienced, is it a delicate, well thought out game? For those less experienced, is it simply about getting a "fix"? If so, where does that come from? What does it do for you? How does it make you feel?

Usually it's knowing what they are giving to me, knowing that I am the receiver of their sacrifice and energy, and again, knowing their reactions are because of where I have decided to go.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to babysburnin)

Post #: 9

RE: In search of understanding the other side - 3/9/2007 10:26:02 PM

szobras

Posts: 435
Joined: 9/18/2006
Status: offline

Is it about knowing someone is there for you and will do anything for you? (loyalty) Certainly, a part of it. To know there is another that has that much devotion of selflessness for me. It’s exhilarating. It is an honor. Trusting me with their complete vulnerability is also in a way, a turn on for me.

Is it about nurturing another in your way or what you see is in their best interest (teacher),
Yes, nurturing, guiding, learning, and also being an integral part in another’s journey to realize and fulfill her submissive needs. For me it fulfills the expression of a need to have my desires as a Dominant fulfilled on a very deep level with another person that has a trust in me that I have not experienced in a relationship of equal authority.

Is it simply about sex & play and having a submissive participant?(just fun) Honestly, yes at times. But not only. I find it better when the participants are in roles that they comfortably identify with sincerely, and are fulfilled by. The willingness to have to shed inhibition and be themselves. And of Course then there is the idea of “My way”. What can I say, I love good sex.

What does being a Dom “do” for me emotionally?

Heightens them. Amplifies, raises my awareness of them and how I respond or react.. Much for the reasons above and more. It gives me the opportunity to exercise the responsibility and discipline of better control over my how I feel when I experience my emotions.
And yes, I believe it causes me to realize what and when I am most vulnerable emotionally. Along with understanding and relating to my partners. Just to name a few things.There is more to it for me though with respect, I prefer to reserve it for more private interaction. I am not saying that any or all cannot be experienced other ways. Only in reference for me to these questions.

I cannot speak for those that consider themselves Sadist and the differences, as I do not identify myself as such, by definition. I believe you are looking for a more in depth answere.

< Message edited by szobras -- 3/9/2007 10:30:27 PM >

(in reply to babysburnin)

Post #: 10

RE: In search of understanding the other side - 3/10/2007 5:53:48 AM

myobedience

Posts: 472
Joined: 1/28/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: babysburnin

Thanks for taking the time to read all the way through. I really am struglling with these questions and will appreciate your feedback.

Did you ask your Sir all these questions and demand he dig deeper on his answer?

_____________________________

With grace and gratitude, I am owned.
A Man who always seeks to be the best He can be for you is the only Man truly worthy of being called Master.

(in reply to babysburnin)

Post #: 11

RE: In search of understanding the other side - 3/10/2007 6:24:04 AM

happypervert

Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
Status: offline

quote:

3. For those of you who are not sadistic ...
What do you see as the difference between you and those who are?

I think you are incorrectly painting sadism in black and white terms, because I think there are shades of grey. I don't consider myself a sadist, though sometimes I do get in a mood to hurt a girl. I see the difference between me and "real" sadists is that they just like it more than I do -- more often and it also takes more intensity or longer duration to satisfy them. A little bit goes a long way with me.

I see it as being similar to a taste for chocolate -- there are chocoholics out there and others like me who only want it occasionally. I could be quite content living without chocolate or sadism, while others crave those things and seek them out.

< Message edited by happypervert -- 3/10/2007 6:28:16 AM >

_____________________________

"Get a bicycle. You will not regret it if you live." . . . Mark Twain

(in reply to babysburnin)

Post #: 12

RE: In search of understanding the other side - 3/10/2007 2:20:12 PM

Stunning

Posts: 76
Joined: 7/16/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: babysburnin

Thanks for replying ... No offense - but I'm searching for "deeper".

Men - you are human ... please ... just some of you REALLY open up (or would that be un-Dom/Sir like?).

Do you really expect anyone else to write a well-thought answer as the one's above after you reply this way? No one owes you anything here. They freely gave their energy.

As a sadist I want to slap that smart-ass attitude right out of your mouth. You know... just for fun.

(in reply to babysburnin)

Post #: 13

RE: In search of understanding the other side - 3/10/2007 4:25:20 PM

babysburnin

Posts: 421
Joined: 2/16/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: myobedience

quote:

ORIGINAL: babysburnin

Thanks for taking the time to read all the way through. I really am struglling with these questions and will appreciate your feedback.

Did you ask your Sir all these questions and demand he dig deeper on his answer?

I did not demand - but I did indeed ask.

_____________________________

-Babysburnin

"Love is, above all else, the gift of oneself."
- Jean Anouilh

"The highest proof of virtue is to possess boundless power without abusing it."
- Lord Macaulay

(in reply to myobedience)

Post #: 14

RE: In search of understanding the other side - 3/10/2007 4:29:06 PM

babysburnin

Posts: 421
Joined: 2/16/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Stunning

quote:

ORIGINAL: babysburnin

Thanks for replying ... No offense - but I'm searching for "deeper".

Men - you are human ... please ... just some of you REALLY open up (or would that be un-Dom/Sir like?).

Do you really expect anyone else to write a well-thought answer as the one's above after you reply this way? No one owes you anything here. They freely gave their energy.

As a sadist I want to slap that smart-ass attitude right out of your mouth. You know... just for fun.

Whatever ...

I know I am not owed anything by anyone here - but if I feel I need to clarify just what it is I'm asking - I will.

_____________________________

-Babysburnin

"Love is, above all else, the gift of oneself."
- Jean Anouilh

"The highest proof of virtue is to possess boundless power without abusing it."
- Lord Macaulay

(in reply to Stunning)

Post #: 15

RE: In search of understanding the other side - 3/10/2007 5:16:20 PM

babysburnin

Posts: 421
Joined: 2/16/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: babysburnin
1. What does being a Dom "do" for you emotionally?
Is it about knowing someone is there for you and will do anything for you? (loyality) Is it about nuturing another in your way or what you see is in their best interest (teacher), is it simply about sex & play and having a submissive participant?(just fun) I know there are many other possibilities - It would be of great help for me to hear them.

For me the difference between being a dom and being a girlfriend is that I get a total sense of fulfillment from knowing they will go where I take them- my path will be followed and my way will be the right way for them.

That resonates within me and makes me feel REALLY good.

quote:

2. For those of you who are sadistic ...
What do YOU get out of inflicting pain on another? For the more experienced, is it a delicate, well thought out game? For those less experienced, is it simply about getting a "fix"? If so, where does that come from? What does it do for you? How does it make you feel?

Usually it's knowing what they are giving to me, knowing that I am the receiver of their sacrifice and energy, and again, knowing their reactions are because of where I have decided to go.

Thanks LA.

< Message edited by babysburnin -- 3/10/2007 5:21:07 PM >

_____________________________

-Babysburnin

"Love is, above all else, the gift of oneself."
- Jean Anouilh

"The highest proof of virtue is to possess boundless power without abusing it."
- Lord Macaulay

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 16

RE: In search of understanding the other side - 3/10/2007 5:40:56 PM

Master96

Posts: 593
Joined: 2/13/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: babysburnin

Is it about knowing someone is there for you and will do anything for you? (loyality)

It is for me more than just being loyal..... I want to see her enjoy it, to be happy when she makes me happy.

quote:

ORIGINAL: babysburnin

Is it about nuturing another in your way or what you see is in their best interest (teacher),

In addition to that..... pampering my slave is one of the things I enjoy the most.

quote:

ORIGINAL: babysburnin

is it simply about sex & play and having a submissive participant?(just fun)

Well, that is important too :p

I don't know if I'm sadistic. But I do enjoy applying pain. I think it is one of the ways to practice ownership....

I hope I helped you :)

_____________________________

Master96,

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

Understand that actions will always speak louder than words.

Before you speak, ask yourself..
Is it kind? Is it true? Is it necessary?
Does it improve upon the silence? - Sai Baba

(in reply to babysburnin)

Post #: 17

RE: In search of understanding the other side - 3/10/2007 5:44:13 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

For me, it is beating her, or wining and dining her, or what ever it takes to have her suck my dick and lick my ass---

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to Master96)

Post #: 18

RE: In search of understanding the other side - 3/10/2007 7:12:28 PM

Jeniluscious

Posts: 53
Joined: 9/11/2005
From: Detroit metro
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: babysburnin

I'm sure this is an "age old" question, but I'm having difficulty understanding the "other side" and would appreciate sincere responses to my "burning" ;) questions:

1. What does being a Dom "do" for you emotionally?

It "does" nothing; it simply is. Dominance in a personality isn't a jacket to be shrugged on to "do" something; it's the way you are and the way you live your life. your question borders on ... well, nonsensical, actually.

quote:

2. For those of you who are sadistic ...
What do YOU get out of inflicting pain on another? For the more experienced, is it a delicate, well thought out game? For those less experienced, is it simply about getting a "fix"? If so, where does that come from? What does it do for you? How does it make you feel?

Everything I need to make it another day. I could probably stop being a dominant woman before I could stop being a sadist. My sadism is mental and physical; there is no division between the two. Making someone cry from physical torture is no more satisfying than mental torture and I indulge myself in both at all times.

quote:

3. For those of you who are not sadistic ...
What do you see as the difference between you and those who are?

Thanks for taking the time to read all the way through. I really am struglling with these questions and will appreciate your feedback.

I can't imagine why you're struggling with these questions. Either you are or you are not. Equally simple, either you are a masochist or you are not. Puerile curiosity will probably avail you nothing insofar as acceptance of your role, whatever side it shakes out to be. Strangely enough, overquestioning will ofttimes be more confusing than too few.

_____________________________

Jeni

An axe and a scalpel both draw blood. For me, I prefer the scalpel; I like my bloodletting up close and personal.

(in reply to babysburnin)

Post #: 19

RE: In search of understanding the other side - 3/11/2007 3:23:58 PM

MadRabbit

Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline

quote:

1. What does being a Dom "do" for you emotionally?
Is it about knowing someone is there for you and will do anything for you? (loyality) Is it about nuturing another in your way or what you see is in their best interest (teacher), is it simply about sex & play and having a submissive participant?(just fun) I know there are many other possibilities - It would be of great help for me to hear them.

For me, its two parts. One is the sexual aspect of it and the other is spiritual.

The sexual aspect of it is a very small part. Sexually, I have to be in control. I have to be dominating and I have to tell the girl what to do. Being told what to do or directed is a complete turn off. It can easily result in me losing focus (followed by the erection). In a sexual situation, when I can let that dominant (some might say domineering) part of me out and be rough, overbearing, and controlling, I am completely satisfied.

The spiritual aspect, however, is what is most important to me. Some might call it a calling, others might call it inspiration. Its hard to put into words. I've had the pleasure of meeting a few people who really deserve the title of Master and Mistress (at least, in my eyes). The conversations and talks I have had with them seemed to have struck a few chords with that of my own soul, because this ideal of "Master" has changed me profoundly. The best way I can describe it is a deep seated spiritual purpose.

As a dominant, I am a leader. As a leader, I am taking responsibility for others. I am providing them with a service of direction, guidance, and structure and helping them in thier own growth as a person. It also means attempting to live a life that makes one worthy of another's submisison. Through this, I found drive and inspiration to change and improve my own life threw my own self awareness. In all these things, I find fulfillment and a warm sense of peace. Its not merely a journey but a path I feal I was meant to take.

quote:

2. For those of you who are sadistic ...
What do YOU get out of inflicting pain on another? For the more experienced, is it a delicate, well thought out game? For those less experienced, is it simply about getting a "fix"? If so, where does that come from? What does it do for you? How does it make you feel?

I wont call it a fix or a delicate well thought out game, but rather just the fulfillment of a very dark and seducative desire. My sadistic desires are a part of me that I have become very much aware of. A small little corner of my mind filled vast amounts of energy that I can venture into for awhile under the right situation. Many people refer to it as the Beast.

The idea of women suffering for my pleasure is incredibly erotic to me. Knowing that they are suffering for me and for their submission provides far more enjoyment to me then a masochist who was there for their enjoyment. I enjoy inflicting pain and making them cry, moan, squeal, and yell. The more they whither in the bondage, the more they react, the more that Beast in me gets fed.

There is a spiritual aspect to it as well. The light and the dark exist in everyone and as I become more comfortable and accepting of my own dark side, I became more at peace and content as a whole.

_____________________________

Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to babysburnin)

Post #: 20

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