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rascallymisty -> Question for male sub/slaves (3/10/2007 6:06:29 AM)

Hello male subs/slaves,
 
This question is for you and I am sorry if it has been asked before. I tried to do a search on this but came up with nothing hopefully someone will be able to give me a few links.
 
The question is, why do so many of you write a female sub/slave and ask them to dominate over you? This would be like me asking one of you to dominate me. If anyone can answer this I would greatly appreciate it.
 
I have had one guy now for over a week keep sending me very lovely messages and to each I have wrote back ... thanks but no thanks I am not a Domme, never have been and never will be. I finally blocked him this morning hoping that he will finally get the message.
 
Thanks in advance for anyone that answers this.
 
~ misty ~




rascallymisty -> RE: Question for male sub/slaves (3/10/2007 11:51:24 AM)

LOL I really did not expect any male subs to answer ..... but at least I am getting answers on the other side.
 
Thanks to you that have wrote and no I still will not become a Domme.
 
~ misty ~



sjacket -> RE: Question for male sub/slaves (3/10/2007 5:51:29 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: rascallymisty

LOL I really did not expect any male subs to answer ..... but at least I am getting answers on the other side.
 
Thanks to you that have wrote and no I still will not become a Domme.
 
~ misty ~


Well, here's one:  I have never asked another sub/slave to dominate me.  I would have to think that they are not truly submissive, or are at the very least unsure of what they are really looking for.  To me it shows either a lack of respect for you, or just ignorance by them.  The fakes and phonies are getting tiresome.



Celeste43 -> RE: Question for male sub/slaves (3/10/2007 5:57:51 PM)

I've gotten some of those emails also. I think that they just don't read profiles, all they see is a female in their area. And since they're so desperate to explore, they just email every female around hoping one will be interested.

Of course, this approach is the one most guaranteed not to achieve success but that's their own fault for not reading and learning.



rascallymisty -> RE: Question for male sub/slaves (3/10/2007 6:32:16 PM)

Hello sjacket, 
 
Thank you for taking the time to answer.
 
What some have told me on the other  is, that there are so few women domme that they hope maybe a submissive female just might be a switch but have not listed her self as being so. Thus they have some hope they will find one and that they will want a male sub.
 
They other thing they have mention is my cleavage, they hope that I might share more of a view with them. ~ just snickers ~
 
~ misty ~



rascallymisty -> RE: Question for male sub/slaves (3/10/2007 6:34:26 PM)

Hello Celeste,
 
I have to agree with you. Thanks for taking the time to answer my post.
 
~ misty ~



DiurnalVampire -> RE: Question for male sub/slaves (3/10/2007 6:35:38 PM)

What I have been told, when sub males I know have mailed femsubs... they believe that even sub females are higher than they are. They believe that every female has the ability to be dominant, just like some Dom males believe every female should be submissive. Same thought process, and just about the same results. 

DV



littlesarbonn -> RE: Question for male sub/slaves (3/10/2007 11:37:34 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: rascallymisty

Hello male subs/slaves,
 
This question is for you and I am sorry if it has been asked before. I tried to do a search on this but came up with nothing hopefully someone will be able to give me a few links.
 
The question is, why do so many of you write a female sub/slave and ask them to dominate over you? This would be like me asking one of you to dominate me. If anyone can answer this I would greatly appreciate it.
 
I have had one guy now for over a week keep sending me very lovely messages and to each I have wrote back ... thanks but no thanks I am not a Domme, never have been and never will be. I finally blocked him this morning hoping that he will finally get the message.
 
Thanks in advance for anyone that answers this.
 
~ misty ~




My answer is that your sample size is badly skewed. I'm friends with a lot of female submissives, and other than joking (that gets returned the same way directed at me), I've never asked one of them to dominate me. We met as fellow submissives and believe in the same concepts of servitude and being submissive to another individual, whether it is male, female, couple, or whatever. To ask another submissive to dominate me seems rude. For a female submissive to ask me to dominate her would equally be rude. Fortunately, in real life interactions when you've known such people for a great deal of time, the broaching of this behavior rarely, if ever, happens.

Now, if this is happening in personal messages on the site, well consider the source. There are wannabes writing people day and night trying to fulfill their particular jollies, and most of the time, they have little real life experience, and a great deal of them very little tact and consideration for other people. To lump all of them with "most submissive males," stating that "many of" us are like this only feeds into this false dichotomy.

In my interactions with female submissives on collarme, I don't have a negative type of interaction that is assumed from this kind of post. I'm sure a number of submissive women do receive such banter, but I really think that speaks more to the anonymous nature of a demographic that is totally confused about what it is seeking in the first place or just is seeking fodder for whack off material. That is not the majority; if it's the majority of the email you receive, then perhaps that speaks to a bigger problem because a rude, offensive person writing you does not fit any logical definition of a "submissive" in the first place but fits the signifier of someone who is a user and seeks to use others as faceless fantasy material rather than seek an actual relationship. If that difference can't be seen, then a recipient of these types of emails will forever find herself bogged down by the "unworthy male submissives" that inhabit collarme and the very nature of the Internet.



AquaticSub -> RE: Question for male sub/slaves (3/11/2007 12:28:24 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DiurnalVampire

What I have been told, when sub males I know have mailed femsubs... they believe that even sub females are higher than they are. They believe that every female has the ability to be dominant, just like some Dom males believe every female should be submissive. Same thought process, and just about the same results. 

DV


Wow. That's interesting. And scary. I'm not sure whose ears I would box more - the dominant telling me "of course you are a sub because you are a woman" or the submissive telling me "of course you are a dom because you are a woman."



rascallymisty -> RE: Question for male sub/slaves (3/11/2007 6:43:53 AM)

Hello DV,
 
Thank you for sharing that information with me.  None that wrote me on the other side expressed this, but it sure does make sense. I thank you for taking the time to share this with me.
 
~ misty ~



rascallymisty -> RE: Question for male sub/slaves (3/11/2007 6:57:14 AM)

Hello littlesarbonn,
 
Thank you for taking the time to answer. ~smiles~  I am learning a lot from the few that have answered.
 
You are right my wording needs to be changed which I will be doing as soon as I am done thanking you. I did not mean to group all male subs, as I have some really near and dear male friends that are submissive. I asked them first why some do this and they could really had no answer as they have not done so themselves.
 
Once again I thank You littlesarbonn.
 
~ misty ~



rascallymisty -> RE: Question for male sub/slaves (3/11/2007 7:02:21 AM)

It seems I can not edit my first post..... it should read....

The question is, why do so some of you write a female
sub/slave and ask them to dominate over you? This would be like me asking one of you to dominate me. If anyone can answer this I would greatly appreciate it.
 
Once again thank you to those that have answered.
 
~ misty ~



rascallymisty -> RE: Question for male sub/slaves (3/11/2007 7:06:09 AM)

LOL Aqua,
It would be for me, the dominant telling me "of course you are a sub because you are a woman,"  even though in my case it's true.
 
~ misty ~



sjacket -> RE: Question for male sub/slaves (3/11/2007 12:59:42 PM)

Hi misty.
If it is truly that they are that desperate, well that kinda makes me sad.  I just wonder how many of them are active (even fringe) in any local activities.  I have found the r/t Domina to male sub ratio is not as out of kilter as many think.  Not among those who are serious anyway. 

As for the cleavage argument.....  welllll, who doesn't appreciate a nice view?  And I suppose these boys figure that equates to power....... yep, kinda sad.

Let's all just have some fun. 



Zsuzsanna -> RE: Question for male sub/slaves (3/11/2007 4:22:25 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: rascallymisty

Hello male subs/slaves,
 
This question is for you and I am sorry if it has been asked before. I tried to do a search on this but came up with nothing hopefully someone will be able to give me a few links.
 
The question is, why do so many of you write a female sub/slave and ask them to dominate over you? This would be like me asking one of you to dominate me. If anyone can answer this I would greatly appreciate it.
 
I have had one guy now for over a week keep sending me very lovely messages and to each I have wrote back ... thanks but no thanks I am not a Domme, never have been and never will be. I finally blocked him this morning hoping that he will finally get the message.
 
Thanks in advance for anyone that answers this.
 
~ misty ~




*laughs* This has happened to me a few times. I would love to know why too.



ftmouse -> RE: Question for male sub/slaves (3/11/2007 6:21:53 PM)

Why ask another submissive to dominate over you? i wouldnt it just makes it all wrong.  and yes i think they are desparately trying to get some sort of attention, maybe if they were polite and respected others they would find someone that was right for them.  I wonder if this stops other submissives actually being able to contact other submissives just for chat due to they think they have alteria motives mmmmmm, i wonder.



rascallymisty -> RE: Question for male sub/slaves (3/11/2007 6:58:17 PM)

hello sjacket,
 
~smiles~  I find it sad that some truly think they will find a domme within some of us when it will just not happen.
 
Hope your day was a good one.
 
~ misty ~



rascallymisty -> RE: Question for male sub/slaves (3/11/2007 7:01:10 PM)

Hello Zsuzsanna,
 
I have gotten some good answers..... LOL,  I guess you just have to pick one cause we may never know...~ smiles~
 
Thanks for posting.
 
~ misty ~



rascallymisty -> RE: Question for male sub/slaves (3/11/2007 7:14:15 PM)

Hello ftmouse,
 
When I write other submissive I tell them that I am writing as a friend, usually because there is something in their profile that caught my eye. Some I have become friends with others just send back a short reply.
 
The ones that have wrote me have asked point blank....... would I consider dominating them. To your question, yes for me it would be all wrong. The latest one wrote as I said very lovely messages and kept asking when we could start the journery together. I dislike blocking people, but I thought it was the only way this guy was going to finally get what I had been tring to tell him.
 
Thank You for taking the time to post ftmouse.
 
~ misty ~



undergroundsea -> RE: Question for male sub/slaves (3/11/2007 8:13:45 PM)

I do not contacted female subs to ask for dominance. But here is some speculation about the basis for their thought process.

1) Some subs, male and female, have switch potential and can play a dominant role with the right person.
2) Some subs who list themselves as submissives are, in fact, switches (have switched or are interested to switch) who prefer submission and, thus, list themselves as such.
3) I allow that a future partner could be a woman who does not currently identify as a domme. I associate the greatest likelihood for this occurrence with women (seemingly vanilla) who have an alternative outlook (some other non-mainstream identification like goth or wicca) and a personality that seems promising to enjoy or, at least, be willing to explore dominance. Perhaps those who are contacting you are using a similar principle.

While this speculation may give some idea about what they are thinking, I sympathize with you for having to deal with unwanted messages asking you to assume a dominant role. I would find it frustrating as well.

Cheers,

Sea



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