RE: Question About Desire for Service

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undergroundsea -> RE: Question About Desire for Service (3/11/2007 11:40:11 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn I don't know an easier way to end a relationship with me than to "warn" me that I'm insignificant and "hundreds of men would kill to be where you are right now". If you don't mind me asking, I am curious if this statement came during the course of a disagreement, or if it was made upfront in attempt to define a tone of the relationship. Cheers, Sea

undergroundsea -> RE: Question About Desire for Service (3/11/2007 11:50:58 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Saint . 1) The feeling of being taken advantage of because the person you are doing these things for truly doesnt care and 2) When the best service they feel you can provide involves how large your paycheck is at the end of the week. I feel similarly. For me material demands are a flag and I pass profiles with such demands for sake of incompatibility. If you would elaborate, when you say truly doesn't care, are you talking about caring about the service, or caring about you at a more general level? What actions to you convey care or lack of care? Cheers, Sea

undergroundsea -> RE: Question About Desire for Service (3/11/2007 12:06:44 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lighthearted in general, I'm oriented to serving others. I've mentioned it before here, it's something I'm wired to do. whether or not they express appreciation, thanks etc, isn't really important to me, it's the act itself that gives me satisfaction. it doesn't really have anything to do with what my mood is either...in fact, nothing lifts my spirits more when I'm having a bad day than to do something that helps another person. My reasons to provide service are a bit different. I ask the following questions with good intentions and to understand how you feel. You have clarified that you do not need explicit appreciation. Is there anything one can do to create discontent or turn you off as long as you are given the opportunity to serve? How would you compare a scenario where you (1) cleaned a house while someone was there versus (2) where you arrived to find a list of instructions (by someone whom you do know) and left upon completion. What I am wondering is what type of connection is needed with the recipient of service. Cheers, Sea

undergroundsea -> RE: Question About Desire for Service (3/11/2007 12:18:29 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: goodpet When i wrote out my code of ethics as a submissive/slave (motivated and modified from a presentation by slave marsha), one of the statements is that everything i do is an act of service. It either enhances the relationship or is a detriment to it. I assume you mean slave Marsha of Master Jim and Slave Marsha. If so, they always have good insights to share. I think that is an effective approach--to realign the perspective to seek motivation from the relationship and not the act itself. Cheers, Sea

blushingflower -> RE: Question About Desire for Service (3/11/2007 12:32:16 PM)
I like to serve because it's how I show my affection and appreciation. I like to take care of people. I grew up running and fetching things for my parents, so it's perfectly natural when Daddy asks me to make him a drink or fetch his phone or run to the store to get more cigarettes or milk or whatever. I like to do little things to make his life easier and to make him happy. I'm not sure if it originates from the same place that my sexual submission comes from, or if they're different. I volunteer to run and fetch things for my supervisors and work too, and I like to take care of my friends. If I'm tired, or cranky for some reason, I'm less motivated. I don't want to get up and make Daddy a drink if I'm about to fall asleep on the couch.

blushingflower -> RE: Question About Desire for Service (3/11/2007 12:42:48 PM)
littlesarbonn- I agree. Whenever anyone tells you that you are replacable, I think that's the time to let them find a replacement for you. If the only reason you keep me around is because it's more convienient to have me make your drinks and change the DVD in the player, then we've got a problem. A D/s relationship is a relationship, and should be based on mutual affection and enjoying one another's company, not on what the one can do for the other. You wouldn't stand for a "friend" who only liked you for the things you did for them, so why put up with a Dom/me who likes you for your service, not for yourself?

joshslave111 -> RE: Question About Desire for Service (3/11/2007 1:01:36 PM)
For me, service is not about sex, it's about pleasing and feeling useful for those i feel are worthy of it. About six months ago i began serving (in a non-sexual way). i find in many ways, it's more satisfying to my submissive nature than just a casual play partner. It has a deeper meaning in some ways. i'm sure when i finally meet that special dominant woman, it will be more meaningful when i can serve Her in ALL areas, meanwhile i enjoy service. it makes me feel useful and helpful, i enjoy pleasing. i've also found that there's a BIG difference between serving someone who is just too lazy to do it themselves, and serving somone who really understands service. It's similar to the fact that i wouldn't sexually serve just any woman dressed as a Domme.

lighthearted -> RE: Question About Desire for Service (3/11/2007 2:07:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: undergroundsea quote: ORIGINAL: lighthearted in general, I'm oriented to serving others. I've mentioned it before here, it's something I'm wired to do. whether or not they express appreciation, thanks etc, isn't really important to me, it's the act itself that gives me satisfaction. it doesn't really have anything to do with what my mood is either...in fact, nothing lifts my spirits more when I'm having a bad day than to do something that helps another person. My reasons to provide service are a bit different. I ask the following questions with good intentions and to understand how you feel. You have clarified that you do not need explicit appreciation. Is there anything one can do to create discontent or turn you off as long as you are given the opportunity to serve? How would you compare a scenario where you (1) cleaned a house while someone was there versus (2) where you arrived to find a list of instructions (by someone whom you do know) and left upon completion. What I am wondering is what type of connection is needed with the recipient of service. Cheers, Sea hmmm...I'l try and answer as best I can... I would say that it all boils down to the intent of the person making the request, and not necessarily the connection I have with them. in your housecleaning example, I would be ok with the person leaving a list, if it meant that it would free her up to do something like visit a relative in the hospital. the intention there is to make her life easier when she's going through a rough patch. I know what this will me to her, and that will make me feel good. now, if said friend forgets to thank me because she's so stressed out, that's ok too...BUT if this is the 2nd or 3rd time I've gone out of my way to do this, and it becomes clear to me I'm just being used, then I definitely have a problem with the situation. another example might be, giving Master a backrub. I know there's not a big chance it will be reciprocated (ok - no chance [:D]), but I'm happy to do it anyway, because he's stressed out and it will help calm him down. so even tho I'm not getting a backrub in return, I'm getting a more relaxed Master, which will make the time we spend together more enjoyable for both of us. I'd be happy to do it over and over. I guess the point I'm trying to make is that serving others satisfies a need I have that comes from within. If I feel that I'm being taken advantage of, that someone has attempted to abuse what I'm offering (and it has happened), that's no longer service, IMO. it's just flat out being taken advantage of. I'm not the type of person who's willing to put up with that bologna. if it does occur more than once, I have no one to blame but myself for continuing the relationship and allowing myself to be used like that. hope this helps answer your questions...

paulthesub -> RE: Question About Desire for Service (3/11/2007 3:26:04 PM)
i am a VERY service oriented submissive. That being said i love servicing women, i don't need my service to be reciprocated. But i do want my service to be appreciated. All i need is a simple "good boy" or a pat on the head and i know that She enjoys and appreciates what i do for Her.

MasterFireMaam -> RE: Question About Desire for Service (3/11/2007 4:13:53 PM)
I have "servant master" branded on my arm...I totally have a service side. This manifests as emotional/spiritual support for those in my life as well as doing nice things, like cleaning or personal attention, on occassion. On a broader scope, I serve the community by being a leader as well as sharing my own experiences in the hopes that the will speak to someone and help them along their journey. I've even bottomed to and served (in a formal way) my friends when they needed it. Master Fire

Saint -> RE: Question About Desire for Service (3/11/2007 4:18:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: undergroundsea quote: ORIGINAL: Saint . 1) The feeling of being taken advantage of because the person you are doing these things for truly doesnt care and 2) When the best service they feel you can provide involves how large your paycheck is at the end of the week. I feel similarly. For me material demands are a flag and I pass profiles with such demands for sake of incompatibility. If you would elaborate, when you say truly doesn't care, are you talking about caring about the service, or caring about you at a more general level? What actions to you convey care or lack of care? Cheers, Sea When I say "Truly doesnt care.." I mean that the person only contacts you when they have work thats needed to be done, errands ran or other miscellaneous duties that they dont want to do. You never hear anything else from them during any other time and they never even so much as say Thank you or acknowledge how helpful you have been. To me, thats being taken advantage of and I refuse to allow lazy people to draw upon my generosity and good nature. We all know people like this or have encountered people like this in the past. Ex: The friend who you only hear from when they want to borrow money or you only hear from when they need a ride somewhere.

undergroundsea -> RE: Question About Desire for Service (3/11/2007 5:51:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: blushingflower I like to serve because it's how I show my affection and appreciation. Thanks for your post. quote: ORIGINAL: joshslave111 i've also found that there's a BIG difference between serving someone who is just too lazy to do it themselves, and serving somone who really understands service. Thanks for your response. I would love to hear about your experience and insights with respect to serving someone who is just too lazy versus serving someone who really understands service. Cheers, Sea

ownedgirlie -> RE: Question About Desire for Service (3/11/2007 6:07:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: undergroundsea quote: ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie I had to learn to serve his way, not my way. Once I could accept that, there were no motivation issues. Thanks for your post. I take that to mean you had a way of doing things, and put away your routine in favor of his routine, yes? How hard or easy was it to realign your perspective? For the most part, yes. There may have been physical things I thought he would enjoy, but he liked them done differently. In this case it was just a matter of learning his preferred method. The most difficult was realiging some of my thoughts and emotions, but I think that had more to do with the expectations I had at the time. But an example might be if he wanted some shared intimacy. I would going about doing what I defined as intimate, so say I'd proceed with XYZ, when what is intimate for him is ABC. But what if ABC was not intimate for me at all? That required some work on my part. quote: And if we go a level deeper, what in the first place motivates you to serve him his way? His happiness and contentment is my motivator. It really doesn't matter what I'm required to do. If he's happy about it, I am totally fulfilled.

undergroundsea -> RE: Question About Desire for Service (3/11/2007 6:27:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lighthearted I would say that it all boils down to the intent of the person making the request, and not necessarily the connection I have with them. in your housecleaning example, I would be ok with the person leaving a list, if it meant that it would free her up to do something like visit a relative in the hospital. Thanks for elaborating. It does answer my question. I gather that you prefer to provide service when the recipient is truly in need of help, versus when the recipient asks for it simply for the sake of convenience. That is, I imagine you would not be happy if the person leaving the list was simply headed to the coffee shop to read a book. I, on the other hand, could enjoy service when the recipient is sitting there reading a book. One of my reasons to enjoy service is that it can be an expression of respective roles, and, to me, service in this manner would constitute such an expression. I should add that for me, domestic service (indirect service that is not attentive and focused on the person) that is an expression of inequal statuses is more relevant for a relationship that is based on D/s alone versus one based on D/s and romance. For the long-term live-in relationship I envision for myself, a companionship that includes D/s as part of the romantic and sexual expression, I expect acts of service to occur for reasons they occur in any companionship: to please or express affection for the partner, or towards distribution of household responsibilities.....I think ;-) quote: If I feel that I'm being taken advantage of, that someone has attempted to abuse what I'm offering (and it has happened), that's no longer service, IMO. You said you don't require explicit appreciation. What characterizes the scenario when you feel one is taking advantage of what you are offering? Cheers, Sea

undergroundsea -> RE: Question About Desire for Service (3/11/2007 6:36:34 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: paulthesub quote: ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam Thanks to each of you for your responses. quote: ORIGINAL: Saint quote: ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie And thanks to each of you for the clarification. Cheers, Sea

lighthearted -> RE: Question About Desire for Service (3/11/2007 7:27:51 PM)
quote: I gather that you prefer to provide service when the recipient is truly in need of help, versus when the recipient asks for it simply for the sake of convenience. That is, I imagine you would not be happy if the person leaving the list was simply headed to the coffee shop to read a book. yes, very much correct. your coffee shop example isn't how I define service, it's more like a job. but, there's also room in this example as well. at this point, the level of connection does matter...if it's someone I love, they want to go to the coffee shop, but they need something from the store, and heck, I'm going there anyway, then sure I'd be happy to pick up some stuff for them. it just depends on the situation. quote: I should add that for me, domestic service (indirect service that is not attentive and focused on the person) that is an expression of inequal statuses is more relevant for a relationship that is based on D/s alone versus one based on D/s and romance. I have no experience in former situation, so I can't really comment. but it's not a situation I can imagine myself in. quote: You said you don't require explicit appreciation. What characterizes the scenario when you feel one is taking advantage of what you are offering? I rely on my instinct quite a bit in my daily life. I'd have to say, it's more of a feeling, combined with what I already know about the person and my experiences with them. having just quit a job where it became obvious that my employer was taking advantage of my good nature outside the workplace, it's an example that still pretty fresh in my mind. it wasn't the primary reason for leaving, however, it was a factor that accelerated my decision. another example was a birthday party I threw for a friend...let's just say she's a friend no more. in my view, at least. I think she really doesn't have a clue as to the way she operates in her daily life, but I can tell you, it's pretty much one of taking all she can get from everyone around her. it was a real learning experience for me. in both situations, they were people accustomed to satisfying all their own materialstic wants while perhaps neglecting their own personal growth? I'm not sure, and I'm not in any position to judge either of them. I only know I don't want anything to do with them. I'm not trying to be intentionally vague, hopefully I've given you enough info to answer your question. thanks, Sea, for helping me exercise my brain today!

undergroundsea -> RE: Question About Desire for Service (3/11/2007 7:45:51 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lighthearted I rely on my instinct quite a bit in my daily life. Yes, that answers my question. Thanks for elaborating further! Cheers, Sea

eyesopened -> RE: Question About Desire for Service (3/12/2007 2:01:16 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: undergroundsea quote: ORIGINAL: eyesopened i'm not against occassional objectification but there have been times when i felt like a paper towel. By that i mean, necessary and useful at the time but really only the next towel on the roll and not any more special than the one before me or the one after me. If you are comfortable to give an example or elaborate, what actions or response by the recipient of service led to the feeling described above? Cheers, Sea laughs i suppose it had something to do with His constant monologue about all the ones He'd had before me coupled with His complete dismissal of the special things i tried to do in non-sexual service. i felt pretty much invisible. In a different relationship was the opposite, i was expected to provide a lot of domestic service and even pay for things. i drove 5 hours to see this man for the weekend. After the third weekend of cooking, cleaning and grocery shopping and watching him play video games for hours at a time i suggested i leave to go home early and he dismissed me with a wave of his hand with the video game controller still in it.

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