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to Pro and Lifestyle dommes a question. - 3/10/2007 1:11:08 PM   
Male38Az


Posts: 3
Joined: 3/10/2007
Status: offline 		This is a dummy profile created for this entry but this is a sincere question that I am posting to both pro and lifestyle dommes. I have told no one of this. Sometimes the anonymity and various opinions of these forums are better than one on one talk with a friend.

I may reply directly to your profile, or ask me outside of this forum if you have a question that I left out as I do not want the details to give away who I am.

? Very simple question. Should I contact the girl that I believe that I once loved?

Now the dirt that we all love to read. Sort of haphazardly laid out but read on.

We had met several summers ago. Went on one date, afterwards she wanted to come back to my apartment. We played, with no prior communication as to what she enjoyed in the life style. You could say I winged it to create a fantasy for her with no set up. Very minor play, nothing pushed, no sex. She left the next morning. I am Dom she was listed as submissive. Some days later she told me that I was not what she wanted. It bothered me somewhat as the one night of play was not, is not who I am but, no loss.

Several years later I happened to see her profile as dominant. I sent a friendly hello. No intent to talk to her.

In short we began what I guess would be considered dating. My daughter and her son met and played – NO! not like that! Get your head out of your ass. She at the time had decided to start pro domming. It was unknown to me till after we broke up that she had never done any pro work before we met this second time. I took a huge liability being a part of her tricks. She would use the play room over here, I would play her slave as well as be able to keep an eye on clients just in case one got a little disrespectful.

OK screw the details – in short she had clients, I did what I could to help her with advertising, image etc. Through all this we are maintaining a vanilla dating scenario. Her Dominant ways towards her clients started to take its toll on me. I was becoming submissive. Not sexually but as my side of this lifestyle is the intensity of the romance and desire verses weekend kink, in a mental fashion I was becoming her sub.

What bothered me: she played with clients more than we played. We never played. We did fuck once but I was forcing myself to be submissive mentally and I am sure I came across that way now sexually.

Things she said bothered me. "Never play with some one you are not attracted to." We never played so I doubted she had any attraction to me. The clients she brought in were, and I am not intending to be vain but 30-50 pounds over weight, not in very good shape at all compared to me, hung like a pigeon, maybe the biggest was 6" if that and I really doubt in a few hours or a few sessions could develop the intensity of feelings that I had developed in what was now several months of knowing her.

She told me that a man in chastity was a romantic turn on for her. For the several months while we dated I ended my play with the women I knew and even refrained from masturbation. OK so I tossed a knuckle sandwich twice but the point is that sexually I was changing and that also affected me emotionally. I say in a bad way, considering where I am now years later.

It finally ended when I could no longer live knowing how she felt about me. I knew how I felt towards her,

She contacted me recently and we chatted briefly and she even hinted of perhaps getting together. In conversation I said sure but never did call back. I am fine with her being just a play toy (or even me as her toy) if that is all she wants but have not acted on that.

Because I know how much I cared for her and how long it took me to get over her I am leery of calling.

So to the Dommes reading this have you ever wanted a man again after such a relationship? Sexually as a lifestyle or pro Domme do you want a guy to through you around and use you for his pleasure at times? If she is now a lifestyle Domme should I switch MY mind set again? Should I ignore her and continue in my current ways with the short term fun I am having?






Profile   Post #: 1
RE: to Pro and Lifestyle dommes a question. - 3/10/2007 1:13:22 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		I have replied to you on a dummy profile, dummy.

Howdy Doody


_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to Male38Az)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: to Pro and Lifestyle dommes a question. - 3/10/2007 1:43:30 PM   
BeachMystress


Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline 		My feeling is once bitten twice shy. I'd run for the hills. (Lifestyle Domme)

_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
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(in reply to Male38Az)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: to Pro and Lifestyle dommes a question. - 3/10/2007 2:37:58 PM   
GuidingLite


Posts: 233
Joined: 12/10/2006
Status: offline 		u never played together?  hmmmm.  what's that say?

"It finally ended when I could no longer live knowing how she felt about me." 

time to get a clue.  if she wanted you you would know.  :shakes head:

(in reply to BeachMystress)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: to Pro and Lifestyle dommes a question. - 3/10/2007 2:41:18 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		Sicne you are so concerned with hiding who you are, then my answer would be you had best stay away from the situation.  You dont want her to see you re interested, since you are hiding, which means she may find out.  If you cant get the comfort level of fessing up to the desires on here then you dont have a chance face to face.  If you couldnt deal with how she viwed you before, then second try isnt going to change anything. 
Move on.

My 2 cents
DV 

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to GuidingLite)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: to Pro and Lifestyle dommes a question. - 3/10/2007 2:56:27 PM   
Hime


Posts: 149
Joined: 10/31/2006
From: Vegas
Status: offline 		What we "want" in our lives, isn't always what we "need".

Accept and Learn from your experiences so that you can carry them into a more rewarding and balanced relationship (where you and your partner are both being fulfilled).


~ xoxo

(in reply to Male38Az)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: to Pro and Lifestyle dommes a question. - 3/10/2007 3:33:21 PM   
Elorin


Posts: 970
Joined: 8/22/2004
From: San Antonio, TX
Status: offline 		You say you know how she felt about you. Did you ask her how she felt about you?
You say she said "never play with someone you are not attracted to." Was she talking about playing personally, or professionally? I can certainly see how someone would say don't play personally with someone you aren't attracted to, but professionally it doesn't matter, you are not looking for that connection.

You say that you had a vanilla dating scenario. Did you ever ask her to play? Or did you just wait for it to happen and it never did?

If you are interested, why not ask questions. Return her call. Ask "are you attracted to me? What kind of relationship are you envisioning? Do you want vanilla dating or some kind of D/s dynamic? Would we scene together? Realizing that I identify as a Dom, would you want to switch sometimes in play? Would I be the only one switching, or would you switch too?"

Good luck.

~E

(in reply to Hime)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: to Pro and Lifestyle dommes a question. - 3/10/2007 3:38:10 PM   
mp072004


Posts: 381
Joined: 12/22/2005
Status: offline 		Your story was a little confusing, so I'm going to paraphrase to help me understand. As I see it, you were dating a woman of whom you were fond, and as an expression of your fondness you helped her get her new small business off the ground, possibly participating in the business as well. You became increasingly devoted to her as your relationship with her became more friendly or businesslike than romantic, and this frustrated you because you were working to make yourself seem more attractive to her as a lover. You developed a peculiar sense of injustice as you compared your *personal* relationship with this woman to her *professional* relationships with her clients. Your frustration came to a head and you distanced yourself from her, and lately she has reinitiated contact.

If the above is correct, I'm not sure why it would be a good idea to "get together," as you seem to have separated yourselves from one another because you wanted different things. If what you and she want has changed and your desires are now compatible, it might be worth talking. However, even then, your history with your friend may make it more beneficial for you to move on and seek someone else for what you want.

Monica

(in reply to Male38Az)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: to Pro and Lifestyle dommes a question. - 3/10/2007 3:44:54 PM   
Lorelei115


Posts: 1933
Joined: 8/16/2006
From: Sin City
Status: offline 		Ok I read your post twice and I am seriously trying to think it through. I have some questions... did you ever come out and tell her what you felt? Did you tell her that you wanted to play? Did you tell her that you felt like you were slipping into a submissive mindset when you were around her?

You say you knew how you felt towards her, but did SHE know?

I could be totally wrong here, but it sounds like you might not have been clear enough in your communications with her. She may have felt as though YOU didn't want to play, especially as she knew that you were a Dominant before.

If this is the case then I would suggest, if you are interested in getting back together with her, to sit down and have a very long talk. Talk about what you want and need out of the relationship. And, this is important, you need to decide what it is you DO want out of the relationship. If you are happy changing your mindset to suit what she desires, then thats your own path to walk. I just think that you should make sure that it really IS what she wants.

The answer to weather a lifestyle or pro domme is going to want someone to play dom to her occaisionally is that its different for everyone. I've known some pro's who HAVE to have a session as a bottom every once in a while, a sort of cleansing ceremony if you want to call it. There are others I am sure that want nothing to do with someone else dominating them at any time. Again, this is something you should talk to HER about. Find out what her take on it is. It may be that she is just waiting for you to ask.

_____________________________

A sucessful life is not measured by what we do
But by the realization
Of who we are.

(in reply to Male38Az)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: to Pro and Lifestyle dommes a question. - 3/10/2007 4:29:42 PM   
Mortisnight


Posts: 8
Joined: 3/1/2007
From: Kansas City
Status: offline 		I agree with most of the people here, but I feel the need to toss in my 2 cents as well.

I am not sure how long the time frame is from when you first got together til she recently contacted you.. but it seems like she's been trying to figure out what she wanted in the lifestyle when you first met, and wasn't completely sure. During the second meeting, she knew exactly what she wanted to do and was just really into being a professional domme and dealing with her clients. It could actually have nothing to do with you. With that being said.. she also could just want to be friends, and that's it.

My advice, there is nothing wrong with still being friends with her. But personally, I wouldn't attempt to get into another sexual relationship with her. But if you do, do sit down and have a talk with her about what you want in a relationship and the BDSM lifestyle, and always keep a clear line of communication open.


_____________________________


www.myspace.com/sicknoise
www.myspace.com/archangelmydnight
www.myspace.com/spankcandy

(in reply to Lorelei115)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: to Pro and Lifestyle dommes a question. - 3/11/2007 10:06:58 AM   
Male38Az


Posts: 3
Joined: 3/10/2007
Status: offline 		Thank you to all who have emailed or replied.

ELORIN:
I did leave out one important word. ‘NOT’ knowing how -4th to last paragraph would read better as:

"It finally ended when I could no longer deal with NOT knowing how she felt about me. I knew how I felt about her,"

Many of the actions that caused me to post this and wonder if I should take another chance to know the why/what/ what if were the subtle things over time that were said and done, positive things, that lead me to think it worth pursuing a more intense relationship. After the relationship ended, in what I believe was a hurt emotional mindset for her, she canted through eyes of tears that we are not sexually compatible. She said I hurt her. I care about that because it is not my being to bring sadness to another.

No I never asked her to play. I should add that on another occasion when we made love –we made love more than once now that I think about it- she motioned for breath control and me choking her. And again after it was over she was in total bliss. Choking is quite minimal compared to what we are both accustomed to do with others so I do not call that play.

MP 072404:
Your paraphrase is accurate. The only reason this relationship is on my mind again is her contacting me recently this year. I had the most intense feelings towards her than I had ever had with others in my life and things that she said and did (not the negative ones that I do not know the true motif of) seemed to say that she was interested in me. It was more than play and sex that caused my attraction towards her as the prior were none (play) and minimal (sex).

The main issue that is on my mind to get back together (or at least talk) is to understand all the hidden innuendoes and to know the why. A man who know how will always have a job, the man who knows why will always be his boss - Henry Ford.

LORELEI115:
No I never told her how I felt. I may have said that I believe I could fall in love with you. No I never told her of any desire to play – I regarded her as Domme now and would not initiate or ask such things. No I did not tell her that I was slipping into a submissive mindset mentally.

And that is a typo in my orig post I did NOT know how she felt towards me

MORTISNIGHT:

ÿ I am not sure how long the time frame is from when you first got together til she recently contacted you..<

About 20 months

Yes that is the mindset I am in. I would this time approach it with questions and communication up front. I can choose if I want to allow myself to be attracted to her again or just friends.

I suppose inevitably the path I will take is the one that leads me to where I am now.

(in reply to Male38Az)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: to Pro and Lifestyle dommes a question. - 3/11/2007 10:25:13 AM   
frostyslave


Posts: 39
Joined: 3/8/2007
Status: offline 		The best thing to do in cases such as the OP has is to go fuck 10 other girls.  These mean Mistress ladies won't give you good solid advice like that because they think all men should be in chastity and paying money for their bottled farts.  Good luck man. 

(in reply to Male38Az)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: to Pro and Lifestyle dommes a question. - 3/11/2007 12:03:42 PM   
TexasMaam


Posts: 1467
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: frostyslave

The best thing to do in cases such as the OP has is to go fuck 10 other girls.  These mean Mistress ladies won't give you good solid advice like that because they think all men should be in chastity and paying money for their bottled farts.  Good luck man. 


lolololol too funny frosty...lololololol TM

_____________________________

~ My opinions are not necessarily those of the management... ~

(in reply to frostyslave)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: to Pro and Lifestyle dommes a question. - 3/11/2007 12:12:48 PM   
TexasMaam


Posts: 1467
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline 		Male39Az.

"Very simple question. Should I contact the girl that I believe that I once loved?"

Very simple answer:  Certainly!

If you believe you once loved her and could possibly make something work, contact her.

Once you contact her, the two of you can discover, together, whether there might be any real possibility of making something last for the long term.

The difference this time would depend upon your communicating your feelings to her.

If you love someone and tell them, and it doesn't work out, you can at least have the satisfaction of knowing that you tried. 

If you never tell her or discuss it with her, and she makes crucial life decisions NOT knowing how you feel, the horse is on you, buddy. 

If you tell her how you feel and she makes crucial life decisions KNOWING how you feel, then you can rest assured that everything happens for the best, no matter the outcome.

Good luck.

TexasMaam






_____________________________

~ My opinions are not necessarily those of the management... ~

(in reply to Male38Az)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: to Pro and Lifestyle dommes a question. - 3/11/2007 12:33:01 PM   
RchmdServiceNeed


Posts: 36
Joined: 3/5/2007
Status: offline 		1. You have a problem with her job/what she does.
eventhough you are openminded and may think it is fine in general for someone to do what she did, you did not want that person to be your girlfriend. This is perfectly natural. For example: i have no problem with chipendale dancers -- do I want my boyfriend to be one? hell no.
SO-- You can either get over this, ask her if she would be interested in stopping, or realise it is not something you can live with [as you did previously] and move on.

2. You yourself say you had a vanilla relationship but were then dissapointed when you did not have kink play. What's up with that?? It sounds like you two were not on the same page about the relationship to start with. Getting to know HER and dating HER has nothing to do with seeing how she is with her clients, that's just one side of her. I'm sure she wanted more/different from her boyfriend. It is silly to compare yourself to her clients in every respect.  You were NOT her client, you did not have the same relationship-- so to expect that or be sad when it didn't happen is really just you living in a fantasy world and not her problem. There's real life and there's fantasy -- For clients, they get the fantasy and it's fun! For boyfriends, you get real life. If you want to be the boyfriend, you have to choose "Real life" not blame her & hold her accountable for servicing you as a fantasy/client.

YOU chose to withhold yourself, YOU chose to be submissive. If that is something you want, fine. If that is not what you want, move on and find the person right for you. Compromising for the one you love doesn't mean changing who you are.

3. Have you asked her how she feels??? NOW or even THEN?
It sounds like you have done a lot of assuming about her feelings and very little talking. You need to express how you feel as well, she is not a mind reader and neither are you. It doesn't sound like neither of you have been very vocal or honest about your true feelings, what you want or expected from the relationship, or ways to change things.


I don't see why you are trying to make this decision without just talking with her. It is very simple.
Unless you are wanting drama, attention, scared to be who you are, scared to see who she is, scared to loose something you only had in your head, etc etc.
YOU HAVE NOTHING TO LOOSE, YA'LL ARE ALREADY BROKEN UP!
GO TALK TO HER!

Best Wishes dear, hope you find what you are looking for.
:)

(in reply to TexasMaam)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: to Pro and Lifestyle dommes a question. - 3/11/2007 2:53:42 PM   
Male38Az


Posts: 3
Joined: 3/10/2007
Status: offline 		RchmdService –
Yeah you’re right – WTF do I have to loose? For all I know she’ll be # 4 of the 10 that frosty told me to ƒ. God I am still a lady-killer – acquitted actually. But life can be fantasy – after all when a dream comes true it is now reality.

So frosty if you will just send me your social, a major banking institution account and name age address I will wire the first prize for best advice on Monday when my bank opens.

Texasmaam – you nailed it – the not knowing. I neither desire or want anyhthing from her so I have nothing to loose. Sad thing is most of the advise I received is what has been in my own thoughts – scary thought that you all might be as whacked as me –lol but having it reiterated puts me at ease that I am thinking rationally.

And of two of the emails –No I assure you I am not your ex I do not know you, sorry – No I am not in AZ – although I still have not set my clock and I am definitely NOT on a coast!.


(in reply to RchmdServiceNeed)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: to Pro and Lifestyle dommes a question. - 3/11/2007 4:37:09 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		The details are unimportant.

What do you have to gain by contacting her? What do you have to loose? Weigh the two and choose.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to Male38Az)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: to Pro and Lifestyle dommes a question. - 3/11/2007 8:27:48 PM   
GoddessDustyGold


Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline 		I am agreeing with TexasMa'am. Although the initial instinct would be to say, "no way, jose", I am stuck on the fact that you admit you never really communicated your feelings or tried to work out some sort of viable relationship.
You have nothing to lose...I say, go for it.  Just be sure you find a way, and make the time, to really talk things through and figure things out this time. 
Good luck...

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom


(in reply to Male38Az)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: to Pro and Lifestyle dommes a question. - 3/12/2007 4:32:02 PM   
cloudboy


Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: frostyslave

These mean Mistress ladies won't give you good solid advice like that because they think all men should be in chastity and paying money for their bottled farts. Good luck man.


God!! You are making me laugh. That is such a good thing!

(in reply to frostyslave)
Profile   Post #: 19
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