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Jaykemspride -> TopDrop/subdrop and Aftercare (3/10/2007 1:43:35 PM)
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SubDrop/TopDrop
Why it happens:
After the release of chemicals in your body that make you feel oh so good.. just like in a drug addict or an athlete, coming down can be almost physically painful. Add to the common human mental health issues, and we have what is commonly known as SubDrop/TopDrop. This phenomenon can manifest itself after a scene or after a relationship, a gathering of kinky friends or for no obvious reason at all. When we have to come out of our scene space and reenter the real world, back to the normalities of life, screaming kids, job, spouse, we may experience an emotional let down of sorts.
What it feels like:
SubDrop/TopDrop can manifest itself in many physical and emotional ways; anxiety attacks, feelings of loss, indescribable sadness, crying for no apparent reason, lethargy, insomnia, total panic, extreme emotional numbless, rage, dizzy spells, irrational fears, manic energy, the desire to isolate, the thought of leaving the scene or the partner, hatred, loss of appetite, the uncontrollable desire to binge, purge even, inability to concentrate, headaches, leg cramps, nausea. These symptoms can be fleeting or mild or can last for extended periods of time, making your life unmanageable and causing you to do things you may later regret.
Some of the work for aftercare can be started before the scene/event even starts.
Preparing yourself mentally for what it about to happen:
~getting centred~
~meditating~
~figuring out what you want to get out of the scene.
Assessing where your head space is today:
~is it that time of the month?~
~do you have stuff in your head thats bothering you that you need to put aside before play?~
~what feelings are apparent in yourself right now? fear, hope, lust, frustration, anxiety, excitement?
Do you have expectations that are realistic?
Negotiate your aftercare effictively.
Not everyone is into cuddling and mushy intamacy as part of aftercare. If that's what you need or expect then make sure your partner is aware of that and agrees to provide it. If not you may be setting yourself up for a big disappointment.
Make sure you have support set up for when you get home.
Then there is preparing yourself physically for the scene/event.
~getting enough sleep beforehand~
~hydrating yourself~
~eating something relatively healthy, unless fasting for a reason before the scene~
~making sure you don't forget to take your regular meds before the scene~
~having a comfortable set of clothes and shoes to wear incase you need to change~
Aftercare
It is each and everyones individual responsiblity as a player in the scene to protect themselves and care for themselves properly as well as making sure play partners are in good condition after we are done with them. Aftercare is an important PART OF the scene.
Immediate Aftercare
There are lots of techniques to aftercare that work for partners:
Hydrate, feed if appropriate, wrap in a blanket, cuddle, massage, whisper, talk, sing to, make eye contact, console, wipe tears, smile, stroke hair, take to a quiet place, nap, share feelings, bathe, keep warm, encourage, express gratitude.
Some people spend the minutes after the scene to review it and share their feelings on it. SOme people just need to relax and save the intellectualising for later.
Extended Aftercare
Plan on having quiet time and nap time when you get home or are alone
Eat something healthy and comforting but don't binge...a bowl of icecream, not a tub for example
Set up a support system and phone calls for yourself when you get home. Isolation is not the same as solitude
Check in with your partner if possible
Write:
~Write about the scene, your feelings, what you liked and didn't like~
~Write a gratitude list~
~Write a love letter to yourself~
Take a hot bath with epson salts and light candles
Nap...don't sleep all day
Do some aromatherapy: lavender, rosemary, bergamot and sandalwood are very soothing fragrances
Nurture yourself: have a massage, pedicure, manicure, facial
If your Top is not available after a scene, find someone who is
Go shopping just dont overspend
Doodle, read, listen to music
Stay away from the news and unhappy people
If you find youself still depressed or still experiencing SubDrop/TopDrop symptoms a week after a scene, don't panic, it's normal. Remind yourself it's goping to pass and continue taking care of yourself.
If you find yourself sinking into a depression repeatedly after scenes or in general and nothing seems to pull you out of it, consider changing your lifestyle and/or seeking professional help
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