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Does experience matter? - 3/12/2007 7:43:49 AM

Texy

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When looking for a potential sub/slave, how much does thier experience in the lifestyle impact Your decision to pursue the relationship? I'm newish to the lifestyle and was curious.

Thanks in advance,
gayle

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RE: Does experience matter? - 3/12/2007 8:18:17 AM

BeachMystress

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To me it does. I am seeking a pain slut and someone new could not take the amount of pain I wish to inflict. Also, when someone has experience, they are more likely to actually show up for any scheduled meetings. They've generally already gotten over being scared and flaking.

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RE: Does experience matter? - 3/12/2007 8:39:01 AM

BlkTallFullfig

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Experience doesn't matter to me beyond the examining of your heart and soul, being true to your word, and finding that place of strength from where you can submit without reservation most days. M

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RE: Does experience matter? - 3/12/2007 9:16:59 AM

MiladyElaine

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I like them to at least have the experience of being tied up and blindfolded. Usually at least one trip to a Pro will suffice for them to see if it is something they are going to handle.

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RE: Does experience matter? - 3/12/2007 9:25:01 AM

Lorelei115

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It doesn't affect my decision to pursue a relationship, but it does effect what exactly I pursue IN the relationship. With a new person, the whole thing is a learning process, and it often takes a lot of time and patience to work them past their fears and the newness of it all. Whereas someone with experience can pretty much jump right in and already know where their limits lie.

Sometimes its wonderfully refreshing to play with a newbie. Through their eyes I can see the scene anew, and fresh, and recall the things that it was that drew me in the first place. I can remember my own mistakes, and hopefully try to help guide them around some of the more major ones.

Its true, sometimes a newbie will get into their first scene and suddenly decide BDSM is not for them. Always disappointing when it happens, but again, its part of the learning process, and I feel its more than made up for by the look of surprise and wonder on someone's face when they realize that yes, the scene is all they ever dreamed and more.

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RE: Does experience matter? - 3/12/2007 10:25:43 AM

undergroundsea

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The value of BDSM experience is greater self-awareness with respect to BDSM, and maturity that experience brings with relationships and social interaction in general. Of course, experience also likely brings skills.

That said, I consider experience secondary to personality. To me interpersonal compatibility and personality traits are more important, for experience can be had and skills learned whereas personality is more solidly defined.

Cheers,

Sea

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RE: Does experience matter? - 3/12/2007 12:55:16 PM

toservez

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Experience depends on what you are looking for. If you are looking for a casual play partner then experience can matter a great deal especially if you are looking for something specific like a pain or humiliation slut.

If you are looking for a relationship and in particular a long lasting one then to me experience borderlines on completely irrelevant. There are just so many things that make two people right for each other and many of the things are either there or not that cannot be change, to me it would be a shame that experience would be a large deciding factor because that is one thing that can be fixed.

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RE: Does experience matter? - 3/12/2007 1:39:39 PM

thetammyjo

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Texy

When looking for a potential sub/slave, how much does thier experience in the lifestyle impact Your decision to pursue the relationship? I'm newish to the lifestyle and was curious.

Thanks in advance,
gayle

It has a profound affect on me but more so the type of experience and how it has affected their views of what is possible.

Someone with only online experience who buys into the porn fantasy is not someone I want -- I don't care if they've been online for one week or 50 years.

Someone who has taken the time to seek out information, someone who finds and attend munches or workshops, someone who has solid goals he/she is pursuing and yet desires to serve is far more interesting to me regardless of the time they've been doing this -- 2 months to 20 years.

However I do consider past relationships. If someone seems to go from committed relationship to committed relationship quickly or frequently, I have to wonder why that is happening. Someone who does not have committed relationships but numerous positive experiences that have led them to understand they want more is more interesting to me. The most interesting is he/she who has had a few long-term relationships as well as several experimenting scenes for fun or knowledge.

That said, honestly since I'm more attracted to younger people I tend to also find less meatlife experienced people. However that does not mean they have had no experience or have not sought a lot of information. Fox had little meatlife experience but had been reading and even lying about his age to get into clubs and workshops to learn. He actively sought out munches and organizations and made himself go.

I think in many ways my expectations have been shaped by Fox and how he has been as my slave. I don't want a copy but I know what is possible and I know what someone who is truly into BDSM will do to get information and to get in the community. That's the person who most intrigued me.

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RE: Does experience matter? - 3/12/2007 1:41:05 PM

GoddessDustyGold

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Since I am looking for a live-in 24/7 slave which also includes a M/s relationship, physical BDSM play experience is less important than a strong comfort level with actual submission. There are so many things involved that have nothing to do with play, and everything to do with the interpersonal relationship, that this is where I will focus, rather than how much pain one can take,or what fetishes are most important. The latter can often be worked through, whereas the former, a lack of understanding regarding what submission entails in the heart and mind (the attitude and obedience level, that is), often cannot.

Edited because My spacebar is not working...aaarrrggghhhh!!!

< Message edited by GoddessDustyGold -- 3/12/2007 1:42:29 PM >

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RE: Does experience matter? - 3/12/2007 1:43:36 PM

LadyPact

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I am willing to accept those without r/t experience, if the potential person in question brings with him other qualities. A desire, in fact, an eagerness to serve must be displayed. A willingness to be taught, not just in serving Me, but in facets of the lifestyle as well. Reading of material about the lifestyle, and so on. Definitely would have to accept that consideration talks would take longer than someone with r/t experience, so that it could be discovered if it is just a passing fancy, or something there is a legitamate, substantial interest in. As was mentioned in a previous post, many with no experience do tend to "flake out" so there certainly would be a time investment prior to any r/t meets proposed. Just a short list of things one might expect to break into the lifestyle.

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RE: Does experience matter? - 3/12/2007 1:53:41 PM

Lordandmaster

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I always used to say it doesn't matter to me, but I'm starting to think it does. A sub has to have reached a certain point in her life where she knows what she wants (and what she doesn't want); otherwise you're just a stepping stone to something else. Inexperienced subs are often still figuring things out, oh do I want this or do I want that, and end up wasting people's time. Not always, but often.

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RE: Does experience matter? - 3/12/2007 2:20:44 PM

frostyslave

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Women generally don't know what they want. The exception is their universally insatiable desire for money and cock, which is universal. That said, the vast majority (of dommes) do wish for a submissive man with experience because at the end of the day, he has a cock, and she wants him to know how to use that cock. You know, like fucking her hard or gently at the appropriate times with the right rhythm and not shooting before she gets an orgasm. Just say you've got experience whether or not you do and that should be enough to make her drip.

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RE: Does experience matter? - 3/12/2007 5:20:25 PM

mp072004

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Experience is helpful because it correlates to things I want. But it's correlative, not causative. Examples follow.

One example is mostly mental. I want people to know what they want. If a person knows what he or she wants, but hasn't a lot of experience, that's fine--but it's more common for experienced people to know what they want.

Another case in which experience correlates to something I want is physical. Like BeachMystress, I like fairly heavy SM. Frequently, people who have some experience with SM have learned to process pain to a degree that they could comfortably play with me. But there are people without much experience who can accept high levels of pain--sometimes this is because they learned techniques of processing pain or enduring pain outside of BDSM, other times, it's because they're just "natural" masochists.

Monica

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RE: Does experience matter? - 3/12/2007 5:56:45 PM

Lordandmaster

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You find a lot of dommes with that attitude?

quote:

ORIGINAL: frostyslave

Women generally don't know what they want. The exception is their universally insatiable desire for money and cock, which is universal. That said, the vast majority (of dommes) do wish for a submissive man with experience because at the end of the day, he has a cock, and she wants him to know how to use that cock. You know, like fucking her hard or gently at the appropriate times with the right rhythm and not shooting before she gets an orgasm. Just say you've got experience whether or not you do and that should be enough to make her drip.

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RE: Does experience matter? - 3/12/2007 6:00:53 PM

SweetDommes

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Oh yeah ... he has had 60 potential Dommes with that attitude

To the OP - please ignore what frosty has to say ... he's obviously clueless. As for experience - we prefer someone who has some (so that they don't chicken out of meetings, don't freak out when tied down, etc.), but not too much (don't want to have to untrain things that we don't like that someone else trained into the boy).

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RE: Does experience matter? - 3/12/2007 6:35:51 PM

undergroundsea

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mp072004
Frequently, people who have some experience with SM have learned to process pain

I agree. I think learning how to process also extends to mental issues: emotional masochism, ego management issues towards D/s, etc.

Cheers,

Sea

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RE: Does experience matter? - 3/12/2007 6:55:00 PM

MzShngStar

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It doesn't matter to me if a submissive is experienced or not. What matters is their ability and willingness to be taught what I like or don't like.

~~Star~~

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RE: Does experience matter? - 3/12/2007 6:58:43 PM

Griswold

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Yes.

(It does).

< Message edited by Griswold -- 3/12/2007 6:59:41 PM >

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RE: Does experience matter? - 3/12/2007 7:30:29 PM

LadyPact

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

You find a lot of dommes with that attitude?

quote:

ORIGINAL: frostyslave

Women generally don't know what they want. The exception is their universally insatiable desire for money and cock, which is universal. That said, the vast majority (of dommes) do wish for a submissive man with experience because at the end of the day, he has a cock, and she wants him to know how to use that cock. You know, like fucking her hard or gently at the appropriate times with the right rhythm and not shooting before she gets an orgasm. Just say you've got experience whether or not you do and that should be enough to make her drip.

Thank you, Lordandmaster..... My reply would have probably been rude.

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RE: Does experience matter? - 3/13/2007 4:15:08 AM

MsCfromMelbourne

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gayle

Both experienced and inexperienced people have their attraction. Inexperienced (newcomers) often bring delightful enthusiasm and fewer learned bad habits, but their expectations can be ill-defined.

Experienced partners can be clearer what they want/need, but not as much fun

I really enjoy being a newcomers first BDSM r/t experience. Its like being someone's first love - you are never forgotten :)

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