More On Blondes

More On Blondes (Full Version)

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AquarianMale53 -> More On Blondes (3/12/2007 10:08:28 AM)
Two Blondes With Hammers... Carol and Donna, were doing some carpenter work on a Habitat for Humanity house. Carol, who was nailing down house siding, would reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over her shoulder or nail it in. Donna, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, "Why are you throwing those nails away?" Carol explained, "When I pull a nail out of my pouch, about half of them have the head on the wrong end and I throw them away." Donna got completely upset and yelled , "You moron! Those nails aren't defective! They're for the other side of the house!" ******************** Did you hear about the two blondes who froze to death in a drive-in movie? They had gone to see "Closed for the Winter." ****************** A blonde hurried into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off. "How did this happen?" the emergency room doctor asked her. "Well, I was trying to commit suicide," the blonde replied. "What?" sputtered the doctor. "You tried to commit suicide by shooting off your finger?" "No, Silly" the blonde said. "First I put the gun to my chest, and then I thought, 'I just paid $6,000.00 for these implants. I'm not shooting myself in the chest." "So then?" asked the doctor. "Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought, "I just paid $3,000.00 to get my teeth straightened. I'm not shooting myself in the mouth." "So then?" "Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: "This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in my other ear before I pulled the trigger." ************* A blonde was shopping at Target and came across a shiny silver thermos. She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up and took it to the clerk to ask what it was. The clerk said, "Why, that's a thermos.....it keeps hot things hot, and cold things cold." "Wow, said the blonde, "that's amazing....I'm going to buy it!! " So she bought the thermos and took it to work the next day. Her boss saw it on her desk. "What's that," he asked? "Why, that's a thermos.....it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold," she replied. Her boss inquired, "What do you have in it?" The blond replied......."Two popsicles and some coffee." ******** AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST .... A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss asked sympathetically, "What's the matter?" The blonde replies, "Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away." The boss, feeling sorry for her, says, "Why don't you go home for the day? Take the day off to relax and rest." "Thanks, but I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it. I have the best chance of doing that here. " The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual. A couple of hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out from his office and sees the blonde crying hysterically. "What's so bad now? Are you gonna be okay?" he asks. "No!" exclaims the blonde. "I just received horrible news from my sister. Her mother died, too!"**

mastercreeker -> RE: More On Blondes (3/12/2007 11:59:46 AM)
A carpenter hired a young blond assistant. They were working on a project which had them working some distance apart. The carpenter noticed that he needed some equipment from the truck. He whistled sharply to get the young woman's attention, then pointed to his eye, then his knee, then made violent jerking motions in front of his crotch. The young assistant then poited to her eye, her left breast, and her crotch. Upset the carpenter the carpenter hurriedly repeated the signs. with a slight smile, his helper replied with a repeat of hers. He strode angerily down to where she was and demanded to know if she understood his signal. He said " I was trying to tell you 'I need the hammer". Smiling sweetly, the blonde replied, " I know...I was telling you I left tit in the box"

redsky -> RE: More On Blondes (3/12/2007 12:12:00 PM)
sometimes im not so happy about being blonde.

domiguy -> RE: More On Blondes (3/12/2007 7:21:01 PM)
three women,a blonde a brunette and a red head, were trapped on the outside edge of the fourth floor of a burning high rise building...Smoke and flames were pouring out of the windows, as firemen quickly gathered below the trapped women. The firemen unfurled an extremely large blanket and yelled for the woman to jump down to safety. The redhead eyeing the center of the blanket was the first one to make the leap, just before she hit the blanket the firemen dropped the blanket and she crashed into the concrete below killing her instantly. The brunette and the blonde, choking on smoke and still clinging to the ledge, stared in horror at what had just happened...The firemen picked up the blanket and summoned for the brunette to jump assuring her that they would not drop the blanket...So she leaps, but once again they drop the blanket and she plummets to her demise. Now the blonde is terrified. The firemen are yelling for her to jump! But she says, "I can't trust you. How do I know you won't do the same thing to me." The firemen shout out that they promise they will hold the blanket tightly and she will be ok. So the blonde comes up with a plan and yells down to the firemen.."I'm going to do this but I don't trust you...So you all set the blanket down and take three steps back." And then she jumped.

AquarianMale53 -> RE: More On Blondes (3/14/2007 1:43:36 PM)
A blind man wanders into an all girls biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee. After sitting there for awhile, he yells to the waiter, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is only fair -- given that you are blind -- that you should know five things: 1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat. 2. The bouncer is a blonde girl. 3. I'm a 6 foot tall, 175 lb. blonde woman with a black belt in karate. 4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter. 5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler. Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?" The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters, "No... Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times!"

Mikal -> RE: More On Blondes (3/14/2007 8:47:05 PM)
Why did the blond woman have a sore belly button? Her boyfriend was blond too.

Marc2b -> RE: More On Blondes (3/16/2007 8:21:21 AM)
A man on a work break heads over to the soda machine to get Coke. A blonde woman is already at the machine and there are several cans of soda at her feet. The man watches as the blonde puts seventy-five cents into the machine, looks over her choices for a second, then presses one of the buttons. When the can of soda pops out the blonde jumps up and down and claps with glee, then she adds the can to her growing pile. She puts another seventy-five cents into the machine and again jumps for joy when the can of soda emerges. After watching her do this several times the man asks, "excuse me, do you mind if I get one real quick?" To which the blonde responds: "no way! Go find you own! I’m on a lucky streak! This machine is paying out and I’m not giving it up!" Why do blondes spend several hours at the grocery store staring intently at the frozen orange juice? Because the can says "concentrate." Did you hear about the blonde who tried to swim across the English Channel? She got halfway across, decide she was to tired to make it, so she turned around and swam back. What do you call a brunette standing between two blondes? The interpreter. What stops, then goes, then stops, then goes, then stops, then goes? A blond at a blinking red light. Kudos to redsky and all the other blonds for being such good sports.

drawntothedark -> RE: More On Blondes (3/16/2007 11:03:55 AM)
Question: Do you know what a brunettes mating call is? Answer: Is that damn blonde gone yet?

FukinTroll -> RE: More On Blondes (3/16/2007 11:11:59 AM)
[sm=biggrin.gif]

redsky -> RE: More On Blondes (3/18/2007 6:37:12 AM)
hello, i just read Your post & wanted to thank You. lol...its not so bad being blonde.

redsky -> RE: More On Blondes (3/18/2007 6:45:14 AM)
Okay, i need to say that was supposed to be a private message to Marc2b.... not a post to this thread...oh well, i guess i have proved myself to be a true blonde! sheeesh! damnit![8\|]

AquarianMale53 -> RE: More On Blondes (4/14/2007 11:38:04 AM)
Blonde's Year in Review: January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight. February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels....."duh".....bottles won't fit in typewriter!!! March - Got excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months.....box said "2-4 years!" April - Trapped on escalator for hours.....power went out!!! May - Tried to make Kool-Aid.....8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!! June - Tried to go water skiing.....couldn't find a lake with a slope. July - Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....learned later, other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!! August - Got locked out of car in rain storm.....car swamped, because top was down. September - The capital of California is "C".....isn't it??? October - Hate M &M's.....they are so hard to peel. November - Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days.....instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!! December - Couldn't call 911....."duh".....there's no "eleven" button on the phone!!! What a year!!

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