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CreativeDominant -> RE: Trust but verify. (3/12/2007 12:06:01 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: FukinTroll
Understanding the importance of trust in any relationship I wanted to open this topic for discussion. We often hear that he/she doesn’t trust me because of _____ or _____ and ______. I think blind trust is the armor of fools, which brings me to trust and verify.
I can give trust, however I want to verify that trust. I do this by be attentive to words, actions, reactions and deeds. The sabotage thread gave me a lot to think about and reflect on this concept. I had to weigh if I was distrusting and just waiting to be proven justified in distrust or if I was trusting and waiting for verification of that trust. It brought me to the conclusion, after watching my own (bizarre) behavior on the boards and how I assimilate data of other posters that I do trust and verify.
Trust and verify...it depends on what you mean by verify. If someone says they will be someplace at a certain time and they are there, then they have lived up to their word. How important that is depends on how much value you put on it...for some people, punctuality is an important thing...for others, it's a shrug. If someone has told you they are too sick to go out with you that evening and you call their house and don't get an answer and get an answering machine, can you automatically assume that they have lied to you and gone out on the town with someone else? Not unless you've known this person to be a liar in the past and maybe even a cheat. But the sad thing is...even if this person has never lied to you, you're this close to moving in together, and so on and so forth, it does not mean that might not be the time they haven't told you the truth. So...you can trust and still have it shattered, despite all that you have done to verify.
quote:
I do not automatically react to post, I tend to study them and look for consistencies and inconsistencies. I use this as a tool to understand the person on the other side of the screen, not just a potential partner, but just about everyone. I get a feel for who they are through their posts, or their alts posts once they come into light.
When a D is wanting passwords, chat logs, or other information s tend to balk and feel they aren’t being trusted. Is it a matter of distrust and looking for the fatal flaw or is it a matter of trust and verify. In this medium all we really have is what the online persona presents to us. For all the members of this community is it about trust and verify or are you distrusting and searching for failure?
You can ask for all the passwords you want and they might not balk and will instead, willingly give you the passwords to ALL their accounts...but one. Unless you are a computer geek and able to ferret out that hidden account and then, the password, you can never be totally sure, can you? At a certain point, you either have to decide you trust and build on that or you make your submissive feel that she is never totally trusted. And, human nature being what it is, at what point is she going to look at you...the dominant who expects complete trust from her but is unwilling to give it...and sadly shake her head as she walks away?
***Disclaimer: In the paragraphs above, the term "you" was often used to illustrate various points and to make it simpler to understand. The use of the term "you" is not meant to refer to Troll nor to anyone else who has posted on here. Belief that it has been used to refer to Troll or to denigrate Troll in any way is erroneous on your part and will result in loss of privileges.***
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