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hit it and quit it... irresistable charm? - 3/13/2007 1:22:01 PM   
proto


Posts: 10
Joined: 10/11/2006
Status: offline 		hello again CM.
since my last(and first) whiny posts, i have done as recommended and lurked about reading up on as much as i can. and thankfully, i have learned a lot.

here's a new paradox that i have come across recently(one i have long known about, but just lately really tried to dissect in my head):
i know several women that all complain about playa-playa guys, but all repeatedly go for 'em. and several have gone for the same one in succession. when i talk to these girls about players and why they go for them, they all say things like " i'm so stupid, and i should know better" etc etc. but then a few days later i see that sullen, depressed look in their eyes and they admit that they just hooked up with a guy(or especially the same guy that others have warned them about) that they supposedly know all to well to avoid. a lot of them say that the sex wasn't even that good.and then they continnue to swear that it will never, EVER happen again, but deep inside they crave the attention from that playa guy.

so my question is, what is it about the hit and quit it routine that makes women so f*ing crazy? i mean, is it just that simple? have i been all wrong in my whole life approach? i'm not a player, hence i do not have that indefinable player quality(read: male slut) and i have really no desire to do that. is that really so un-sexy? that when i am attracted to a woman i want to be with her more than once... personally i've never really enjoyed a 1st sexual encounter the way i do when i really know a person's mind AND body thoroughly. maybe i'm not an animalistic f*ing machine, but in all of my relationships, sex gets better, and better, and better(hehe and kinkier and kinkier!!). of course there is a magic and wonder with that initial laying, but i've always seen a pronounced improvement in physical response when my partner and i know just how eachother's brains and bodies tick.

i know situations vary, and sometimes a person just wants to ge f*ed. no story, no strings. but that's not the scenario i'm referring to. i am baffled by the insatiable physical and psychological need some women have to get that playa-playa again, even when they vehemently deny that they wish, hope or expect to make him change. i can only assume that successfully snagging a player would instantly make him all the less player-ish and take away his magical power.... hmmm is that the very reason why? a switch of of the power dynamic? "i wanted him because he didn't want me, but now i don't want him, because he does"

apologies for my scatterbrained-ness, when i start to think it out when i write i branch almost endlessly, and lose my train of thought... and i guess more often than not i answer my own damned dumb questions.

still though, insight from subs/slaves on this would be appreciated.


amos
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RE: hit it and quit it... irresistable charm? - 3/13/2007 1:41:14 PM   
junecleaver


Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
Status: offline 		because we are crazy? Take heart.  The asshole routine gets old (eventually).  I used to date assholes on a regular basis for a number of crazy reasons---like wanting what I couldn't have, wanting to be treated like shit, feeling inadequate.  Then I grew up a little bit and allowed myself to try that ever elusive 'nice guy'  It turns out my nice guy has a 'not so nice' side which compliments and balances out two of the things I needed in a relationship (that asshole-ish charm and the desire to be honest and build something). 

_____________________________


"No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's too much fraternizing with the enemy. "
--Henry A. Kissinger

(in reply to proto)
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RE: hit it and quit it... irresistable charm? - 3/13/2007 1:49:21 PM   
BRNaughtyAngel


Posts: 1821
Status: offline 		A lot of the "playa" types come across as very charming and confident.  Some women likely figure there must be something really WOWser about the guy and they just hafta test the waters.  And let's face it, confidence and charm can be very alluring, especially if you are looking and/or if you are vulnerable.

Some women figure that all it will take to change him is for the right woman to come into his life, and they figure maybe, just maybe, they are that woman.  They can deny it all they want, but deep down inside, they know it's true. 

Some crave what they perceive as self validation when they get attention from someone who is popular.

Some women learn from these types of relationships and move up to the guys that deserve their attention.  Others just keep having the same relationship over and over and over again.  They never learn.

And of course you have those who claim to want a relationship, but really have deep seated issues of their own, so they continually choose men who are unavailable for a wide variety of reasons.

But ya know sweetie, there are men who do the same thing with "playa" women, so it's not a one sided issue.

Good luck to you....

(in reply to proto)
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RE: hit it and quit it... irresistable charm? - 3/13/2007 1:54:49 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		Some people are attracted to "bad boys". Some people can't say no to them.

Some people enjoy the thrill of the chase and the conquest.

Some people would rather have a relationship.

We're all different. Look and wait for what you want. It'll happen.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to proto)
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RE: hit it and quit it... irresistable charm? - 3/13/2007 1:55:09 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		They keep hoping for the ideal, rather than dealing with the reality.  They also let themselves get distracted by the shiny fun.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to BRNaughtyAngel)
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RE: hit it and quit it... irresistable charm? - 3/13/2007 4:26:34 PM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		Also, deep inside we secretly like the challenge, thinking that WE may be "the one", the one who he gives up his evil ways for, the one he finally falls in true love with, who becomes our handsome prince.

Also, there may be some kind of inner validation of our worth as a female....if he chased all those other women but wasn't interested in US, then ohmygod, what's wrong with us???  There's some kind of perverse satisfaction and maybe even relief that we are one of the crowd.

_____________________________

You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: hit it and quit it... irresistable charm? - 3/13/2007 4:41:20 PM   
zindyslave


Posts: 601
Joined: 1/14/2007
Status: offline 		I used to see a guy that was a player and I agree with most of the previous replies we think we can change that guy we think he will fall in love with us and we continue thinking that until we either meet someone better and worth our time and we see that or until that player decides he has had enough 'fun' with us and moves on hisself.

(in reply to windchymes)
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RE: hit it and quit it... irresistable charm? - 3/14/2007 5:44:30 PM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		There is a tendency in people to replicate their family of origin in various ways. If your father was emotionally or physically distant, or abandoned you entirely, then you will while young seek men who are just like that. Unfortunately it takes maturity and all too frequently professional help to break that cycle.

(in reply to zindyslave)
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RE: hit it and quit it... irresistable charm? - 3/14/2007 10:52:21 PM   
zindyslave


Posts: 601
Joined: 1/14/2007
Status: offline 		I am sorry but I have to disagree with that, Celeste43, at least in my case my Dad was there for me and loved me and we were very close. So, I don't beleive that having an emotionally or physically absent father makes women like players. I really don't know what attracted me to them at the time it just seemed to happen.

(in reply to Celeste43)
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RE: hit it and quit it... irresistable charm? - 3/14/2007 11:14:42 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		God Dammit LA,  you keep saying it better and shorter than I!

quote:

  They keep hoping for the ideal, rather than dealing with the reality.  They also let themselves get distracted by the shiny fun.


This is a TRUE story.  A very special woman I once had  got into BDSM and found me because she was complaining to a friend how she kept dating assholes who were demanding and the friend suggested trying S&M as that was what we do (be demanding)!

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: hit it and quit it... irresistable charm? - 3/14/2007 11:36:11 PM   
hisannabelle


Posts: 1992
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
Status: offline 		i really hate it when guys play hard to get.

i buy into it sometimes because i am really attracted to the person on all kinds of levels, but if the attraction were not so deep, i would probably do my best to forget they existed.

but it really fucking pisses me off, and i don't find it charming at all. so...don't despair...women do exist who don't enjoy these stupid games. personally, i think it's a waste of time...you either want to be with me or you don't. if you don't, or feel like acting like you don't half the time, i don't have time for you.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
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RE: hit it and quit it... irresistable charm? - 3/15/2007 12:23:34 AM   
littlesarbonn


Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline 		I tend to avoid women who get attracted by the player type of guy. It reeks of immaturity to the point that it feels to me that years need to pass before I'd want to be involved with someone who is so taken in by someone so wrong. I've dealt with women like this so many times in the past, and it's practically the reason that I set dating standards to a certain age range, cutting off the younger crowd immediately because of such circumstances.

There's also another misnomer going on, and that's the whole concept of "nice guys". Most guys, unless they're just complete dicks, think of themselves as "nice guys", and they will wax on and on about how the bad boys are always causing problems for them. But in reality, even the worst of the bad guys put on a facade that they are really "nice guys" because they don't believe themselves to be in a bad category. This is why you constantly hear about "nice guys" complaining; my estimate is that less than 10 percent of them really are nice guys to begin with.


_____________________________

<---- FYI, this picture looks JUST like me


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The Adventures of Stickman and the Unemployed Lego Spaceman

(in reply to proto)
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RE: hit it and quit it... irresistable charm? - 3/15/2007 4:45:36 AM   
Aileen68


Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline 		I met with a guy last year that could be considered a player.   I knew it going in and I knew it was going to be a one time deal.  I was fine with that.  I wasn't looking for a relationship either.  The guy was hot.  Probably the hottest person I've ever been with.  I had no regrets at all.  The funny thing is...even though he was distant emotionally at the time we met, we still talk to this day.  I guess he felt that he had to have this image in the beginning.  Now we discuss all kinds of things that go well beyond general chit chat.  He has dropped that stand offish player personality and turns out to be a really intelligent, well rounded guy.  But yeah...my initial attraction to him was soley based on his looks and his "I'm all that" attitude.
Edited to add...I think the main reason we still talk is because I call him out when he starts to act rudely to me.  I don't fall all over him.  Maybe he's not used to that.  Maybe he's used to women who get all googly over him. 

< Message edited by Aileen68 -- 3/15/2007 4:53:11 AM >

(in reply to proto)
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RE: hit it and quit it... irresistable charm? - 3/15/2007 5:58:47 AM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		I said tendency Zindy, I didn't say in all cases. But we do tend to go into situations that are familiar, unfortunately that can meet repeating painful familiar behaviors as well as the healthy ones.

But that superficial charm and cockiness which can be misread as confidence can mislead people.

(in reply to zindyslave)
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RE: hit it and quit it... irresistable charm? - 3/15/2007 8:59:06 AM   
stockingluvr54


Posts: 673
Joined: 6/22/2006
Status: offline 		Something I noticed back when I was a young buck and still makes me scratch my head about women?  Now I'm no handsome sweet talkin romeo type and never was but when I was younger I had one summer in particular where I was dating a hot gal. Then I had an opportunity to date another hot gal at the same time.....I really liked the first gal but thought it was just a fling so I dated the second hottie. Well next thing I know is I'm seing 2 hotties and now all of a sudden there's hotties popping up all around me wanting to be with me...???? Women that had NEVER ever given me a shot before....not on a bet!

Bottom line...If you're getting laid...they all want it! If you're not getting laid....no of em want it! Think it's a competition thing with women....????

PS....I lost the first hottie over the second....BIGGEST mistake I ever made.!!!!! STILL to this day I ask about her....I'd take her in a heartbeat if I ever had the chance again but I shit in my own bed by rubbing her face in it......acting like a fat headed big egoed big time stud romeo playa type....

< Message edited by stockingluvr54 -- 3/15/2007 9:00:23 AM >

(in reply to proto)
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RE: hit it and quit it... irresistable charm? - 3/15/2007 9:19:08 AM   
CrazyC


Posts: 949
Joined: 9/28/2006
Status: offline 		Where to start....

We do repeat family patterns. That gets vary complicating. But the only way to stop the cycle is to look for patterns, and work from there.

My pattern (with the continual going for the asses) is they are usually not emotionally available. I know this about myself. It is REALLY noticable with the fact that they are usually married or getting a divorce. Now i am trying to figure out why i keep going for these guys. A close friend told me that i will only be able to break it when i come to terms with what is going on internal. After a long talk, i realized i am scared of a commited relationship, and that i really didn't want to settle down.

_____________________________

"You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back." Barbara De Angelis

(in reply to stockingluvr54)
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RE: hit it and quit it... irresistable charm? - 3/15/2007 9:28:00 AM   
slaveish


Posts: 1086
Joined: 2/19/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: zindyslave

I used to see a guy that was a player and I agree with most of the previous replies we think we can change that guy we think he will fall in love with us


I blame Walt Disney. We want to play Lady to some man's Tramp.

_____________________________

You only lose what you cling to. ~~Gautama Sidharta

If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other. ~~Mother Teresa

(in reply to zindyslave)
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RE: hit it and quit it... irresistable charm? - 3/16/2007 12:12:07 AM   
proto


Posts: 10
Joined: 10/11/2006
Status: offline 		thanks everyone for the replys.
on a baseline level, i understand why women go for players initially. i've watched some skilled pick-up artists in action and it is undoubtedly confidence, cockyness and quickness that grabs a girls attention. many a time have i thought of a great line or angle long after the fact, but i have yet to find a repeat situation with which to put that late coming cleverness to good use. canned responses never get you anywhere, even less so when delivered with intentional extra cheese factor style.

one facet that has really befuddled me though is that i've heard a girl at work say that hooking up with a player feels "safer" than with a "good guy" because she knows where she stands with a player, and that it's OK to do cheesy slutty stuff with a player for the simple fact that she feels that a player type guy is beneath her. like "i can be slutty for that guy because, well, he's like ten times sluttier than i am... and he seems to be OK with it" she feels no fear of judgement with a player. while she's worried that mr. nice will think in his head "what a slut!" which is precisely what she wants a player to think, feel and actually say to her. i guess it's a making the outside match the inside kind of thing.

i know, i know, it comes back to different people and different personalities. but damn all if it's not just maddening figuring out what makes a woman(or women in general) tick. it's not to say that i am lamenting my non playerish-ness... some of my dude friends who get a lot of action are actually quite sad and lonely and try as they might, they themselves can't break the pattern. not even when they swear up and down that they've found "the one" cheating is a compulsion and it brings them much misery. except of course when they are in the moment and on the prowl.

i think it was easier being asexual and celebate, but f*ck if that didn't make me feel like even more of an odd duck.

quack quack quack

(in reply to slaveish)
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RE: hit it and quit it... irresistable charm? - 3/16/2007 9:19:19 AM   
stockingluvr54


Posts: 673
Joined: 6/22/2006
Status: offline 		Nice guys finish last...that's a fact (i'm a nice guy so I understand this). But if you're a nice guy, you're a nice guy ....just be yourself? You can't change it so why fight it?

I've found that if I show my manly side....I'm a macho prick!
If I show my softer side...I'm a pussy! (with a normal vanilla type woman)

Just be yourself and try to find a balance.....you'll never completely understand why a woman does or thinks what they do. Men and women are different......jmo

(in reply to proto)
Profile   Post #: 19
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