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FLButtSlut -> RE: And it stops............ (4/3/2005 2:19:09 PM)
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Which partner is making this decision would certainly have some relevance. If it is the dominant partner, the submissive partner might feel the need to accept unquestioningly the decision. Not that this is a good thing, but I can see it happening. As I am not dominant in my relationships, I am not really sure how one goes from being the ultimate decision maker to not being such. So I would wonder if they are just looking to rid themselves of some of the other "play" involved.
As someone who is submissive (even though I still consider myself a novice), the reason for the decision seems obvious. They very well COULD have "outgrown" it, and be looking for a life that includes more self-independence and freedom to make their own choices. Perhaps the dominant partner might be able to take the stance that they have taught the submissive partner so much about life, that the submissive partner now feels they can make some of their own decisions and wants to without worrying about "repercussions". This in itself is contrary to any type of successful relationship since when two people commit to each other, each must think of the other when making decisions (please, no "I'm the ruler, and the decisions are mine" statements, as even there, these rulers should be considering how their decisions are affecting their partner).
The concept of "looking to fill those needs elsewhere" is not likely to fly. Your basic, run of the mill, vanilla relationship does not typically accept the extra curricular relationship, so when the one "giving it up" tells you they want to be totally vanilla, it isn't likely they are going to give you the green light to go and play with others.
Certainly, as everyone agrees, there would have to be BIG discussions on exactly what they mean by the statement and how they see things progressing moving forward. So much depends on the commitment of the relationship to begin with. I was involved in a "mostly" vanilla relationship for years, and was deeply in love with the individual. I would have accepted that and we would have built our relationship from there, because of the fact that having them part of my life was more important than my submissive desires. If you are that deeply in love with a person, you might want to try to find ways to work it out. All the discussion would help make those decisions.
As for the toys, most of them are mine (since I like to know where they have been), so I would never allow someone else to throw out MY belongings because they no longer had an interest in them. That has nothing to do with my being submissive or not. Mine is still mine, and no one has a right to get rid of my stuff! If they had brought any toys into things, and any of them were special favorites, I would ask to have them. If after all the discussions, we decided to move forward in the relationship, I would suggest that the toys just be put away, in case they ever changed their mind. As mentioned, that stuff is terribly expensive and if either of you decided that you wanted this back in your relationship later, it would really suck to have to replace the stuff!
It seems like your point is which is more important, your interests in this lifestyle or your relationship? There is no simple answer to that because everyone's relationship with others in this lifestyle is different. Some have long term, loving relationships (such as Mercnbeth), others may not have such strong relationships where it would be an easy decision to walk away. It all comes down to how long they have been together, and what their feelings are for each other. Time together would be a big factor for me.
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