Not a natural slave (Full Version)

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ggonknees -> Not a natural slave (4/3/2005 11:15:38 AM)

Hello,

i'm new to the website - i've spent a week trying to learn about as many aspects of this lifestyle as possible. But there's one thing i'm worried about: i'm not a natural slave. many of the profiles on here are natural slaves, it makes me feel like i'm not going to be any good because of how i am in my daytoday life.
i have a job with lots of responsiblity, i have a lot of control about how i choose to live my life. this is my worry, that my normal (vanilla? forgive me, learning new terminology) life is very different to the life i'm interested in as a slave.

is there anyone out there who have had the same experience (same battle in head) and if so, any thoughts or advice. or just someone to say it's OK, natural

thank you in advance
gg
ps love the site, a great open community
[:)]



Atavist -> RE: Not a natural slave (4/3/2005 11:52:05 AM)

Its this simple: whatever works for you, whatever makes you happy is natural. You don't have to bow to anyone's expectations. Its your life, your happiness. You're *unique*.

BTW, most of the submissive women I've known are very assertive and independant in the "vanilla" world. Its not unusual at all, your not alone.

If your looking for a man/Dom/Master/whatever, find the one that allows you to be who you are. If he's worth his salt he'll want nothing more than that.



SweetDommes -> RE: Not a natural slave (4/3/2005 12:47:39 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Atavist

If your looking for a man/Dom/Master/whatever, find the one that allows you to be who you are. If he's worth his salt he'll want nothing more than that.


And will settle for nothing less.

For our part, we don't want what we percieve to be a "natural slave" - mostly because of the ones whom we have talked to who have claimed that title, most of them were really doormats, and if we want a doormat, we can get one from the store for $5 and never have to feed it. We want someone who is comfortable with who he is - no matter what that is (as long as he is submissive enough for us to get along with him, of course). Someone out there will just love who you are, and will be thrilled that you give your submission to them.



ProScatman -> RE: Not a natural slave (4/3/2005 2:27:47 PM)

I'd be willing to bet there are other slaves here in similar circumstances, and also Mistresses' and Dommes' as well! The beauty of this site is the diversity of the people who are members, those with profiles, and those who post here. I also know there are members here from every walk of life pretty much, so welcome aboard!
quote:

ORIGINAL: ggonknees

Hello,

i'm new to the website - i've spent a week trying to learn about as many aspects of this lifestyle as possible. But there's one thing i'm worried about: i'm not a natural slave. many of the profiles on here are natural slaves, it makes me feel like i'm not going to be any good because of how i am in my daytoday life.
i have a job with lots of responsiblity, i have a lot of control about how i choose to live my life. this is my worry, that my normal (vanilla? forgive me, learning new terminology) life is very different to the life i'm interested in as a slave.

is there anyone out there who have had the same experience (same battle in head) and if so, any thoughts or advice. or just someone to say it's OK, natural

thank you in advance
gg
ps love the site, a great open community
[:)]




Archer -> RE: Not a natural slave (4/3/2005 2:30:50 PM)

I wouldn't be so quick to decide that you're not a natural slave, I can't tell you you are or are not one, and that is not my purpose here.

I suggest that you suspend what you believe a natural slave is or is not until you do some more investigation. I've always found Master Steve Sampson's philosophies and writtings to speak to me. I'm not alone in this he is one of the nations most sought after presenters on the Master slave dynamic.

I'll leave you with this link to his website to read about his beliefs about what a slave is and is not. Hope that it helps you to define yourself, maybe you're more of a natural slave than you believe yourself to be right now, maybe you're not.

Here's the link:

http://www.arizonapowerexchange.org/academy/protocol/protocol.htm

Another person who's beliefs you might want to investigate is Master Taino's:

http://www.mastertaino.com/about_master_taino.htm

Hope this helps with your search for answers

In Leather

Archer




submissivesilk -> RE: Not a natural slave (4/3/2005 3:31:41 PM)

I am pretty new to this myself, but have known for some time of my nature. I have always had a job with some amount of responsibility, have raised my children on my own, made all decissions in our household. In "vanilla" (i hate that word) relationships, it is usually the weaker willed men who are attracted to me. 95% of my acquaintances would consider me Dominant. How wrong they are.

With the right Man, I am a slave thru and thru. I could no sooner say no to Him than I could fly to the moon.

I think that a slave is a strong person, not a weak one. A slave will take control if left unowned. She (or he) will find other ways of channeling the slavish nature. This is coming from my own experience. I became a slave to my children, and my job, and did very well at both.

I still question myself everyday. I wonder if I have the strength to do what is wished of me, to give up all of the control I have had in my own life. When I think of the alternative, I am confident that I can and will.

silk



joecool -> RE: Not a natural slave (4/3/2005 3:57:19 PM)

It's been said a few times and I heartily agree with the idea that being a submissive does not mean that one is a doormat eternally. It's a role, an aspect of your personality - not the whole thing. I don't think most folks would spot me as a submissive initially. I'm a big guy who plays the team leader role pretty well (thank you 4-H youth leadership). My submissive nature has more to do with my upbringing and romantic notions about chivalry than it does my 24 hour attitude.



Masterspetal -> RE: Not a natural slave (4/3/2005 4:38:45 PM)


quote:

i've spent a week trying to learn about as many aspects of this lifestyle as possible. But there's one thing i'm worried about: i'm not a natural slave. many of the profiles on here are natural slaves, it makes me feel like i'm not going to be any good because of how i am in my daytoday life.


It has taken me well over 6 years to be who i am today. It was not an over night transition and i'm still learning and growing. Take your time, and be true to yourself. If being submissive, or being a slave is what you truly want, then it will come in time, and it will be a never ending learning process. It is continuous reading, researching, asking questions, finding answers, etc.

quote:

i have a job with lots of responsiblity, i have a lot of control about how i choose to live my life. this is my worry, that my normal (vanilla? forgive me, learning new terminology) life is very different to the life i'm interested in as a slave.


i, too, have a very different life in the 9-5 world, where responsibility are great, and decisions must be made. Is that "life" separate from the lifestyle i live(D/s; Master/slave) In my humble opinion: No. i am still able to be very opinionated, very strong minded, and have a great deal of determination, but still be owned by my Master. My submission to Him; His ownership of me is only a part of who i am.

You'll find a great deal of information on this forum, as well as a great variety of resources out on the internet. Continue to read, learn and grow, and try not to determine what is "natural" until you feel it is natural.






gretchen -> RE: Not a natural slave (4/3/2005 8:02:02 PM)

Well...It works pretty simple in my head: I'm aware I have been submissive my whole life. I'm aware now I could be a slave to the man I love. I don't let people (that I don't know or don't care about) step on me, or get in between my school work, or the normal routine of my daily life.

I naturally submit to the people I love, care, and commited to. I naturally submit to my work and to the fact that I have to do it right, wich, sometimes means, I have to fight for my goals. No matter the methods (healthy ones, of course), if I can make people satisfide or happy with what I do and who I am, then I'm on the right track.

To be a submissive/slave by nature, doesn't mean (in my opinion) that you're flexible and easy to manipulate by people around you. Sometimes, we must do things with a little of agressivity to get what we want. It's about not regreting your self in the near future.



gretchen






autumnMyste -> RE: Not a natural slave (4/3/2005 10:17:45 PM)

Well said, SweetDommes.

And ggonknees? ....what the heck is a "natural slave"? I've been real life for more years than I will admit, and that's a new one on me. Of course, I am not a slave and don't want to be. Or is it just an online thing? Or something someone made up somewhere for fun?

People identify in life as many different ways as there are people. I am submissive. I have slave tendencies with certain things, but I am not comfortable identifying as a slave. And you know what? I have a full-time career, I'm a single Mom paying out of pocket for my son's university education (he's in his 3rd year at university), and I'm completing a Bachelors degree at night. I spent most of the last few years helping my Mom care for my invalid Father (who recently passed away)....in short, I have not a lot of free time. The Dominant that I spend time with currently knows how busy I am--heck, he is too!--and he takes it as part of HIS job to make me slow down, change gears, and focus on myself. And when I am focused on me, it enables me to focus on HIM. We may not have a lot of time together, but believe me, what time we have is never wasted.

If you are interested in a particular level of service as a slave, it will be your task to organize your life to a point where it is possible. Of course, until you have that Dominant side of the equation it may be all moot. Remeber that you need to choose who you will serve and you will need to negotiate with that person what the services will be. Don't worry about labels so much--concentrate on what will make you happy. Find a way that makes it work for you.

I have friends that are slaves real-time. Some of them work outside the home and some do not. Their duties at home are negotiated with their Dominants in a way that allows them to do what they need to do for themselves, and still provide their Masters with the level of service that makes BOTH of them happy. Even if you are a 24/7 houseslave, it won't work unless you AND your Dominant are both happy with the arrangement. It takes two.

Best of luck to you.



EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: Not a natural slave (4/4/2005 5:52:51 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: joecool

It's been said a few times and I heartily agree with the idea that being a submissive does not mean that one is a doormat eternally.

In direct response to the OP- "natural submissive" is usually just a term people use to sound cool and superior. There's no such thing as an "artificial sub" and I think the term is rather pointless.

quote:

It's a role, an aspect of your personality - not the whole thing. I don't think most folks would spot me as a submissive initially.

For me being a slave is neither a role nor an aspect of my personality. It's an aspect of my identity.



Masterandslave -> RE: Not a natural slave (4/4/2005 9:57:06 AM)

What makes someone a "natural slave"? Does it mean taking subservient roles in all aspects of one's life? In my opinion, no. I have held executive positions in major corporations and have held prominent positions throughout my career. Yet, I am a slave who submits, fully, to the will and desires of my Master. A good friend is a highly respected psychiatrist and, a department head at a major medical center. She has been a slave for something like 30 years.

I like what EmeraldSlave said about being a slave being an aspect of her identity. I would agree, and suggest that most of us are complex individuals who do have many aspects, not all of them seemingly, at least on the surface, compatible.

As you explore this world, I think you will find that there are many, many variations of Master/slave relationships. What is important is to find a person whose needs and wishes in such a relationship are compatible with yours. Take your time to understand what it is you want and need. Talk to a lot of people, here and real time, ask questions and think about how the answers feel, for you. And, yes, experiment but do so with care.

OK, I'm off my soapbox. Welcome and good luck. If you ever want to just talk, I'd be more than happy to do so.


wisteria



proudsub -> RE: Not a natural slave (4/4/2005 2:25:06 PM)

quote:

it makes me feel like i'm not going to be any good because of how i am in my daytoday life.


I think for most of us submissives/slaves the only thing we submit to is our Dominant.[:)]



lil1v -> RE: Not a natural slave (4/5/2005 12:35:55 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Atavist

If your looking for a man/Dom/Master/whatever, find the one that allows you to be who you are. If he's worth his salt he'll want nothing more than that.


AH Yes... I'm so glad I decided to check out forums today. I find it amazing how many "Doms" I seem to run into that insist on breaking me or changing me to be exactly what they want. Nice to have hope again that others think as I do on this.

As far as "natural slave".. I'm not sure there is one.. well maybe the doormats. I know there are natural submissives, but slaves? but that could be my biases leaking out. I think a natural submissive could become a slave as a natural progression of the relationship. I know with my last Dom I was pretty close to 'slave' when he ended things, but that was Him and me.

I'm only naturally submissive when it comes to a loving relationship. Otherwise, most people tend to label me Domme. So don't worry. Just be you and it will all work out.



ProtagonistLily -> RE: Not a natural slave (4/5/2005 3:57:22 AM)

quote:

It's been said a few times and I heartily agree with the idea that being a submissive does not mean that one is a doormat eternally. It's a role, an aspect of your personality - not the whole thing. I don't think most folks would spot me as a submissive initially. I'm a big guy who plays the team leader role pretty well (thank you 4-H youth leadership). My submissive nature has more to do with my upbringing and romantic notions about chivalry than it does my 24 hour attitude.


Great perspective, Joe. I think ultimately, those of us who can manage to coexist in this 'lifestyle' while having a firm handle on our vanilla lives do the best here.

Vanilla people aren't expected to wear their sexuality 24/7 in all aspects of their lives. I always find it interesting that those of us who practice WIIWD sometimes think we need to extend those roles into every aspect of our lives.

Lily



EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: Not a natural slave (4/5/2005 5:47:13 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: ProtagonistLily
Vanilla people aren't expected to wear their sexuality 24/7 in all aspects of their lives. I always find it interesting that those of us who practice WIIWD sometimes think we need to extend those roles into every aspect of our lives.

Lily


It's not a role for me, it's just who I am. I don't have a "vanilla" part of my life. I don't talk about kink or engage in overtly stereotypical service acts in vanilla public such as at work or with family, but I'm still a slave in those environments.

I agree on the sexual though- and I think part of is it the newbie rush, not wearing panties to work one day, taking sex out of the normal boundaries and pushing them all over the place, that usually gets tiring though.

I would submit to anyone the Owner told me to, and he has had me submit to many others than himself. I don't consider my submission "natural" and someone else's "unnatural" just because they can only submit to one at a time and only if they are emotionally attached.



PlayfulRaquel -> RE: Not a natural slave (4/5/2005 8:05:36 PM)

I am by no means a naturally submissive/slave person. Infact I would say I'm very much the opposite in the vanilla world. I found my submission with a certain person because he made me feel something I have never felt before. I found myself craving that feeling and doing whatever he asked of me in order to maintain that. I found myself trying to think of ways to please him and normally I would say I'm really not a giver. lol I think you will find your ability to be a slave it just may take a very special person to bring that out of you.



HypatiaSwan -> RE: Not a natural slave (4/5/2005 8:49:33 PM)

Well... no one at my place of employment (I'm a scientist) and at the dojo where I train and teach (I'm a martial artist too) would ever in a million years guess that I'm a slave. Being a slave should be specific to your relationship. In other words, you aren't everyone's slave. You aren't submissive to anyone but owner and who owner also deems appropriate. It would be dangerous for us if it was otherwise. The world would walk all over us.

The more powerful you are personally, the more valuable you are as a slave and the more you increase the power you bring to your owner. No owner that I'm aware of wants to own an incompetent. I mean, we are supposed to make owner's life easier - and that would be hard to do if we couldn't do anything without help or supervision or some degree of assertiveness.

I'm not sure what is meant by "natural slave." Personally, I feel that slaves are born rather than made. All the training in the world won't make a non-slave a slave and I truly feel that 'training' is really about learning your owner more than it is "learning how to be a slave." If you don't feel you are a 'natural slave' right now then why try to force it? There are infinite many ways to serve, submit, bottom etc. Find whatever dynamic works for you and do only what your comfortable with. Nothing is etched in stone. If.. down the road you discover more about who you are, then there is always time to explore whatever new interests you have.

YMMV of course. My opinions are only my opinions - and you know what they say about opinions...

Good luck!



ggonknees -> RE: Not a natural slave (4/9/2005 10:18:58 AM)

Thank you all for your responses, knowing how other people feel is very important. i think (in response to Emerald Salve2) that i felt very inferior to a few profiles who state that they are a natural slave - by you statement that some think they are superior by saying that makes me feel better.
i like the challenge that is ahead of me, but i'm just naturally worried about it too.
i've been exchanging emails with some members who have been very helpful in getting my head around it. Actually deep down i'm probably a 'natural slave' i realise, it's a matter of releasing it with the right person, and learning too.
gg



ggonknees -> RE: Not a natural slave (4/9/2005 10:22:38 AM)

SweetDommes, thanks, that's sound advice. and i have that in my head, but it's almost like going through adolescence again - learning new rules. i've 'mastered' relationship in the vanilla world (i.e. i get how they work, understand the boundaries)...and now i'm having to rewrite my rules ...and accept my true self - which is the person i'm hoping to find over time as a slave
gg



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