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BeachMystress -> RE: Are bullying and Dominating the same? (3/15/2007 2:24:16 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: MsCfromMelbourne
quote:
ORIGINAL: BeachMystress
It never ceases to amaze me how many women mistake being a bitch for being Dominant. ........
Aka, if you have to bully to Dominate, you're not Dominant in my opinion.
Maybe I am repeating myself here, but some submissives love being bullied. Humilation play for example can look very bitchy and unkind, but if its SSC isn't it a legitimate form of domination?
One man's meat is another's poison. I am a considerate and polite person. My style of Domination does not appeal to submissives who really want a "nasty" Mistress (demanding, humiliating, shouting, hard face slapping, spitting etc).
I understand what you are saying. We are having a problem with the definition of bully. Perhaps it would be better if we used the phrase habitually and non consensually cruel, as it is what I am meaning by "bully."
The problem in my mind, comes when the person in charge uses negative reinforcement as a constant method of control rather than applying it in measured doses. Yes, there are some subs who love having a mean, bitchy woman tear them apart at times. As an overall relationship dynamic however, I do not feel it is healthy. People tend to absorb what they are told and internalize it. Over time, dealing with someone who is unrestrained nasty will erode even the strongest person's self confidence. For someone who starts with lower self esteem in the first place, it can be devastating. I've only known a few of the Bitch Goddess type Domme. For the most part, they are as caring of their submissive, albeit in a differing way than I am. I do not consider them to be bullies or bitches in my conventional sense of the word.
And what I mean by mistake bitch for Dominance, is that they come into the Lifestyle with the idea that a woman being nasty equals a woman being in control. From the examples I've had when I've talked with such women, most get the idea that subs want such via stories they read or the fantasies subs share with them. They feel they are being exactly what subs want. In stories and fantasies, aftercare rarely happens (sadly enough.) These women usually temper their behaviour after they either get tired of catering to their perceived view of what men want or after finding a mentor who discusses the different philosophies of control with them. Unfortunately, I have also run into a few who were using Dominance to cover being a misandrist. Those women do not mistake being nasty for being Dominant Being able to cover their hatred under the guise of BDSM can be their whole reason for being involved in the lifestyle.
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