Problems in being a second sub!

Problems in being a second sub! (Full Version)

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softysub -> Problems in being a second sub! (4/3/2005 7:15:47 PM)
Hi: I am seeking advice on what to do when you might become a 2nd sub and that the first sub shows odd signs that has put someone in a very uncomfortable situation. At one point i thought of joining a D/s couple for some sessions and after meeting them, i left with such a low self-esteem of myself. It wasnt my first time in being a second sub, but i am wondering why this is happening when the D/s couple had agreed to do this. The subs have no reasons to feel weird or just give the cold shoulder since they are the one collared. My main purpose was to learn, experience, but after all this, I have no more desire to look for the experience of being with a sub/Dom for sessions with approval of my Dom. He is doing a great job in helping me even if He doesnt think so, i am grateful to have Him as a friend, confident, mentor and a Dom. I always thought that i could always count on sister subs, but now i am doubting this......This lifestyle has brought me more pain, sorrow and sadness then when i was with a verbal abuse ex-hubby. The only great moments i have and had is with my current Dom. I know some will disagree, but i am only going by what i have experienced in the past. softysub

EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: Problems in being a second sub! (4/4/2005 5:57:18 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: softysub Hi: I am seeking advice on what to do when you might become a 2nd sub and that the first sub shows odd signs that has put someone in a very uncomfortable situation. You might want to post this on the poly boards. quote: At one point i thought of joining a D/s couple for some sessions and after meeting them, i left with such a low self-esteem of myself. It wasnt my first time in being a second sub, but i am wondering why this is happening when the D/s couple had agreed to do this. So you met them, had an awful experience, and now you want to work on having a lifelong relationship with them? Makes sense... Just because people WANT to do poly doesn't mean they are cut out for it. Read the poly boards, tons of doms want to go poly, very few know how to do it effectively. quote: The subs have no reasons to feel weird or just give the cold shoulder since they are the one collared. Stop putting yourself on the spotlight here- her reasons might have absolutely nothing to do with you. It's slightly narcissistic to assume so. quote: My main purpose was to learn, experience, but after all this, I have no more desire to look for the experience of being with a sub/Dom for sessions with approval of my Dom. He is doing a great job in helping me even if He doesnt think so, i am grateful to have Him as a friend, confident, mentor and a Dom. Is this a different dom? quote: I always thought that i could always count on sister subs, but now i am doubting this......This lifestyle has brought me more pain, sorrow and sadness then when i was with a verbal abuse ex-hubby. The only great moments i have and had is with my current Dom. Well then you know what works. The idea that submissives will somehow be people you can count on is a romantic fallacy. We're people just like everyone else. quote: I know some will disagree, but i am only going by what i have experienced in the past. softysub Being a second sub takes a lot, on all sides. But it certainly can work out right for the right people. This obviously wasn't right for you. However, I wonder if you've communicated ANY Of this to the actual people involved offline?

stormsfate -> RE: Problems in being a second sub! (4/4/2005 12:12:55 PM)
If it was the alpha you had problems with, I would suggest speaking with her frankly and discussing this issue. Perhaps this isn't the couple for you. As Emerald said, not everyone is cut out for it, and sometimes even when they are, it won't necessarily mean that both parties will equally connect with you on any level. best regards, f

softysub -> RE: Problems in being a second sub! (4/4/2005 3:56:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2 NO i am not looking to have a lifelong relationship since they dont talk to me anymore. I wasnt putting myself on the spotlight, i was just expressing what i felt! The Dom that is helping me isnt that Dom in question. I spoke with the Dom and He knew i wasnt comfortable at all and He understood. It was very nice of Him to have spent time talking things out with me.....in real. thanks for your reply!

sexysubbunny -> RE: Problems in being a second sub! (4/4/2005 5:27:09 PM)
~ i have had the same situation and just recently walked away due to the messy issues of "jealousy" on the part of the alpha sub! It was a challenge and there were constant games and being provoked to the intentions of getting me so upset that i would leave it! well i did! Happily and without any reservations! there is a strong possibility that the alpha sub is becoming jealous of you and is showing feelings of being threatened by something about you! Her insecurities are probably surfacing! believe me, it will only get worse and more intense as time goes by.. you might directly set down and talk with her about this and to view her attitude on how she feels! i wish you the very best of luck and i hope that you wil consider these things! What you have said is a real "Warning Sign" honey and you should take it as that; as in a many of situations like this, it will only get worse and you will end up with a deep broken heart! And you will be blamed for the mess! Especially is there shows jealousy and feelings of being threatened towards the new or second sub coming in!! Ask yourself, is it all worth it??? Good luck to you! bunny (* smiling now )........

softysub -> RE: Problems in being a second sub! (4/4/2005 6:33:43 PM)
thank you for your reply:) I was told that i was worth more than how i was treated and that i have so much to give. So i have no more intentions of getting involved with a D/s couple. In due time, i will find my own Master/Dom......i will let time do its thing. softysub[:)]

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