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LoneGoddess -> RE: Told my spouse (4/7/2005 12:21:50 AM)
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What I meant to post last night and didn't, because Comcast decided to go belly up on me. Sorry.
Number 1: When and if she recovers from the shock of discovering that she's never truly made you happy in your marriage bed, you have two more issues to contend with. I state this as number one because it is the number one mistake a man makes in being "honest" with his spouse. He doesn't take into consideration how it will make her feel about the past, the marriage, her own feelings about it all.
Number 2: If she doesn't divorce you, she depending on her ability to overcome what feels like extreme betrayal, regardless of whether you've gone outside the marriage to scratch that submissive itch or not, is her feeling resentment towards you about it. Ouch, and it may never get better.
Number 3: If she overcomes the resentment, you two do counseling, there are still no guarantees she'll ever want to pick up the whip and dominate you. A large percentage of the female population simply cannot dominate a man sexually. It's not in their nature, nuture or whatever.
What a man can do in the future, take notes gentlemen this is for those of you who haven't spilled the beans yet. DON'T. Don't ever. Ready now? Good.
What a submissive gentleman can do to scratch his itch to be submissive and possibly engage his own wife/lover into dominating him:
SUBMIT! JUST BE SUBMISSIVE. It's really simple. With all the load of living in today's two income households what are you doing to lighten her load and treat HER as the Goddess and Domina you wish her to be? Are you bending over backwards to make her days beautiful more memorable and make her feel loved and adored?
Are you asking her daily what you can do to make her life more pleasant? Are you running her bath, giving her foot rubs and massages, pampering her with oils? Are you jumping up to do the dishes after dinner? Are you taking the kids off her hands? Are you being a man? Real men do housework, because they know that a happy woman who has energy at the end of the day will have it to expend on the one who made her life more pleasant, hopefully that's you.
A woman who works full time, takes the kids to soccer practice, does laundry, etc. has ZIPPO desire to dominate anyone, especially since like our man here who posted did, he made it one more CHORE for her to do in her busy schedule. I can promise you if she entertains the idea of doing it, it will feel like a chore that she is humoring you in doing for you. That is just one more thing to resent you for. Don't go there.
Offer your submission in every way you can. Worship her, let her know you'll do anything she wants, but do it after you've taken a large chunk of her work load off her shoulders, when she's refreshed and rested. Happy women are far more apt to take that lead you want her to take. Submissive doesn't mean doormat, she needs to know you are still a man, but showing your surrender to her higher wisdom and feminine power may inspire her in ways you can't even imagine. You don't have to use the terms (submission, domination) in fact leave off all the BDSM lingo. It's really not needed and may hinder the process.
Then someday, you might be able to accidently leave a copy of Mistress Lorelei's "Mistress Manual" out on the coffee table and say a friend came by and forgot it ... you'll call him in the morning to come and get it... yadda yadda.
A point I want to stress here is NEVER PUSH, CAJOLE, PROD, ETC... that's NOT SUBMISSIVE BEHAVIOR, and it'll backfire in your face if you do.
Good luck boys.
~LG
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