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CM as an intro to the lifestyle - 3/14/2007 9:27:01 PM   
tempest1961


Posts: 42
Joined: 3/11/2007
Status: offline 		Experienced subs (as opposed to wannabes and newbies): I have an interesting problem which I am hoping you can help me with. I have recently become involved with a newbie who has little idea what she is getting herself into. It has been far too long since I have dealt with an issue like this. I am a firm believer in "Informed Consent" (as well as Choice, for without Choice the Gift is nothing, but that's another story).

The question is twofold:

A) How reasonable an introduction to the lifestyle is CM (with standard warnings about players, posers, wannabes, and cyber-only folks) and as a place for her to ask questions?

B) What websites are a reasonable introduction to the lifestyle? Note the word is introduction, I just want her to have a clue what she is signing up for (details and limits are for me and my bitch to decide)

And yes, I know half of you are going to go running to look at my profile, and it is, in fact, empty. Part of what I want to see is a response here before I go filling out my life story for all to read. I AM 7x24, I AM the Top Dog, I expect obedience, and I would die to protect those in my pack (and almost did, and that's a long sad story). No, I don't do puppy play, but the pack analogy is what works for me and mine.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: CM as an intro to the lifestyle - 3/14/2007 9:57:03 PM   
sleazybutterfly


Posts: 2801
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline 		I think that CM is a good place to learn, as long as you don't take everything that people say as gospel.  There are varied opinions and most people think there way is the only way.

I have learned a lot here, but I have also learned that there are a lot of people full of hot air.  I am not sure of websites, its so easy to get caught up in fantasy with so many of them.  I think that people need to realize that while this is a wonderful way to live, its not really an exciting sexfest all of the time.  There are everyday details that get in the way of walking around all day naked.

It might be good for her to get to know other subs/slaves and learn more about things that way.  You have to watch out for that also because so many are recruiting for their Doms.  They can help a lot though in helping someone that is new.  I have had some mentors along the way, and now I do a lot of it with new ones.  Its more her realizing that there is no right way to do things, there is just her way and who she is with.  What works for them is what is best and what makes a "true" D/s relationship.

_____________________________

~Flutterby
~Curvylicious
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly.
Life is not a popularity contest, it's better to be hated for what you believe, than loved for a lie.

(in reply to tempest1961)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: CM as an intro to the lifestyle - 3/14/2007 10:02:39 PM   
Stephann


Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline 		Truth, reality, and value is in the eye of the beholder.

I think there's a fairly accurate cross section of the lifestyle here on the boards.  We have fetishists, M/sers, D/sers, we have online rpers, heavy duty players, identified Old Guardians, Goreans, Trolls, and Azzmasters. 

Reality comes in all shapes, sizes, colors, and I think the moderators and the general population have done a good job of cutting out the frills and flash while keeping the heart and soul.  There's ample space for people to play net games, yet those who really have something on their chest have a place for that too.

It ain't perfect, but it's as good as the people who come.  I would gladly go to a 'CM.com' munch than my local group any day of the year.

Stephan


_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to sleazybutterfly)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: CM as an intro to the lifestyle - 3/14/2007 10:13:48 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		If you go up to the right hand portion of the page, there is a search function. Search for all the stuff you'd want to share with a new person, including good BDSM websites, and read the entries. There's lots of info here. Be sure to search for books, too.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to tempest1961)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: CM as an intro to the lifestyle - 3/14/2007 10:32:09 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		Hopefully she truly does learn enough from CM to spot the fakes.  Sometimes it is sad when the fakes can't even spot themselves.

I truly wish her luck, seems she either just ran out or needs some desperately.

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: CM as an intro to the lifestyle - 3/15/2007 6:03:16 AM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		Assuming the 1961 is your date of birth and that she is near your own age, and not much younger, then her being a newbie has very little meaning. She's still had 40 some years of learning whether or not a person is trustworthy, she's still had 40 some years to learn her own responses to stimuli, she's still had 40 some years to learn whether the flutters in her stomach that appear with an adrenaline activity are good flutters or bad.

And those 40 some years of experience will help her tell the friends from the foes here, on b.com, and at your local munch.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: CM as an intro to the lifestyle - 3/15/2007 6:36:21 AM   
happypervert


Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
Status: offline
quote:

I just want her to have a clue what she is signing up for (details and limits are for me and my bitch to decide)

It sounds to me like you want to limit her knowledge so you can feed her your "one twue way" and she won't have enough info to decide whether or not you are a fool or if your way is right for her.

That's really sad for her and that you have so little confidence in yourself. If you truly believe in informed consent as you claim, then let her be informed about EVERYTHING and then decide for herself which path she wants to follow.


_____________________________

"Get a bicycle. You will not regret it if you live." . . . Mark Twain

(in reply to tempest1961)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: CM as an intro to the lifestyle - 3/15/2007 7:22:40 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tempest1961
A) How reasonable an introduction to the lifestyle is CM (with standard warnings about players, posers, wannabes, and cyber-only folks) and as a place for her to ask questions?

Pretty good, better than most cyber forums.

quote:

B) What websites are a reasonable introduction to the lifestyle? Note the word is introduction, I just want her to have a clue what she is signing up for (details and limits are for me and my bitch to decide)



My advice for Novice Female Submissives

Newbie!

At a loss

I'm a new domme seeking advice

Does a slave also have to be a fool?

sub: totally new concept

Questions for other newbies

The Journey

Starting Out

New to the Life, Help

How to deal?

Request for Advice

Advice please: Relationships, bdsm, love and boundaries

First time sub seeking you advice- how to find the right master?

First time sub seeking advice

a newbie seeking advice

How can I be a great sub?

Brand new life

Help needed

Emotional Rollercoaster

Welcoming newbies

New to this

Just a few questions

Do's and Dont's



_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to tempest1961)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: CM as an intro to the lifestyle - 3/15/2007 9:16:33 AM   
toservez


Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline 		CM is as good a source as any and one of the benefits is you will hear every opinion under the sun on most things which to me is very important.

I think when learning about anything it is good to read different view points and options so I would try to encourage her to get information from all over and not just one or two sources. That being said, any information is only as good as how a person interprets it and uses it and that is often based on a person’s motivations and personality. Some people gravitate toward fantasy will do so in this life, some who are overly cautious will do so here as well. Most of us are in between.


_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: CM as an intro to the lifestyle - 3/15/2007 9:32:22 AM   
slaveish


Posts: 1086
Joined: 2/19/2007
Status: offline 		To the OP, CM is a reasonable ~addition~ to what she can learn but getting out there and learning it OTJ is the only thing that's going to do it. Get her around people who live it so that she has a friendship base with people who understand. Be trustworthy and subworthy yourself so that her foundation is a solid one. Guide her well. Bon fortune.

_____________________________

You only lose what you cling to. ~~Gautama Sidharta

If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other. ~~Mother Teresa

(in reply to toservez)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: CM as an intro to the lifestyle - 3/15/2007 9:40:35 AM   
mixielicous


Posts: 1283
Joined: 4/6/2006
From: Boston area, Massachusetts
Status: offline 		i did a lot of reading here, and http://www.takeninhand.com/ i liked TIH because it focused a lot on TPE, some DD/CP but it is a nice [for the most part] BDSM free intro into head of household and TPE. many many articles.

< Message edited by mixielicous -- 3/15/2007 9:41:16 AM >

_____________________________


"lets just say he's a few prawns short of a galaxy"


(in reply to slaveish)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: CM as an intro to the lifestyle - 3/15/2007 12:05:16 PM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tempest1961

A) How reasonable an introduction to the lifestyle is CM (with standard warnings about players, posers, wannabes, and cyber-only folks) and as a place for her to ask questions?



reasonable enough, there have been and still are a wide variety of posts, thread topics and differing opinions from many posters.  if she used the search function to it's full potential she could get an introductory lesson to a few things and as far as posting questions, this slave would encourage thick skin.
quote:


B) What websites are a reasonable introduction to the lifestyle? Note the word is introduction, I just want her to have a clue what she is signing up for (details and limits are for me and my bitch to decide)



ALL websites related to "the lifestyle" are valuable learning tools, in one way or another.  The diversity with which folks engage in this is amply represented, whether it jives with your own personal views or not.
 
Master allows His slave to participate here as well as other venues; sharing her experiences is part of her growth in service to Him.

< Message edited by Mercnbeth -- 3/15/2007 12:21:29 PM >

(in reply to tempest1961)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: CM as an intro to the lifestyle - 3/15/2007 1:21:32 PM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		CM is a great place to look, i have looked at some other sites (my friend tried Alt and came back to CM) and they were not as good.  If she has a specific question she cannot find the answer to she should post it here someone would  know the answer.  Well usually someone does.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: CM as an intro to the lifestyle - 3/15/2007 5:35:11 PM   
tempest1961


Posts: 42
Joined: 3/11/2007
Status: offline 		Hi all!

Thanks to the subs and bottoms who responded, and a double large thanks to Lucky Albatross for the links, and to mixielicous for introducing me to a site I had not seen before. (Personal thanks will be emailed later tonight to your owners/tops/doms/pack leaders/pick your favorite description) (For the subs who wish to know, I WILL be posting a real profile late tonight. I will be around this site. My new possible packmate will have her account later tonight and will introduce herself at her pleasure and comfort.)

Out of 12 responses so far, I noticed that the best came from the subs (Whom I was asking) and the nastiest came from tops. I guess that tells something about CM. Yes, I know about the search function, but there were far too many hits to be useful, and I KNEW that somebody who had been here a while would be able to search faster and better than I could.

To the Tops/Doms who think I am myself a newbie, "Grrrrrrr <Hackles raised>". I am neither newbie, fresh meat, new blood, nor poser. When your packmate is gone, and there was nothing you could do to save her, then you can talk with me like that. I still run my pack, just now without her.

(in reply to littleone35)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: CM as an intro to the lifestyle - 3/15/2007 7:13:49 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		You asked a question that is asked by a lot of newbies and is hardly ever asked by a non-newbie.  Their assumption was a very well founded one and for you to get your hackles raised so easily by such does not speak well of your temper.  It's certainly not nasty to suggest to you a useful feature which most newbies to collarme have no clue of and frankly it's a bit rude to suggest that it's good enough for others to search FOR YOU rather than you taking the topic seriously enough to do any actual work yourself.  You care enough to ask for people's help, but not enough to really help yourself?

I'm happy enough to search for links and keep a running tab- but not when someone suggests it's good enough for "others" to do it, but their time is just too valuable. 

Secondly, I didn't see ANY nasty replies at all- the fact that this is how you perceive them says more about how you take in information rather than about the posters themselvs.  Trust me, I've seen nasty replies, these didn't come close.

Finally, I'm a switch and you doubly thanked me so I'm not sure what that means- although while I truly appreciate your thanks and recognition, getting ones ears scratched as a reward from a stranger in an email is rather presumptuous and forward so I'd suggest you refrain in the future if you want to avoid raising hackles in others.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to tempest1961)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: CM as an intro to the lifestyle - 3/15/2007 9:50:04 PM   
tempest1961


Posts: 42
Joined: 3/11/2007
Status: offline 		Apologies made. The second scratch was inadvertant, and was for whoever gives scratches to give. I don't give them, but try and tell people when they deserve them.

I tried the local search but was inundated by search results... Google gives waaay too many hits also. There are also waaaay too many sites that are inappropriate but act like they are. They are more off in fantasy land or on the extreme edge.

And yes, I had hackles raised because I am so freaking sick and tired of visiting a new board and everyone assumes I am new meat or a poser. (This has been a problem everywhere for 20 years, since the days of BBSes and the clubs/scenes/munches in the city and is one of the reasons I stopped going.) I am simply trying to quickly find a place for my new puppy to go where she can quickly get a feel for things.

If I offended, once again, I apologize. If you want to talk about where I am coming from via emails then that is probably a better place than here.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: CM as an intro to the lifestyle - 3/15/2007 9:58:33 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		Personally, I would depend less on websites and more on what you, with your prior experience, can explain to your new pet. If you are part of a pack, as in your analogy, does that mean that there are others as well?  Perhaps she can learn from others under your care as well as yourself. 
Remember, while CM is by far one of the best open forums, it is still an opinion run forum.  She will be learning how each of us do things which may or may not help you in the slightest. We have an incredibly diverse group, but you run the risk of newbie overload with the amount of available information.  While I am sure talking to people, asking questions and such will be helpful it shouldnt be the only way she is learning. You need to lay your groundwork before she starts her learning process here, so that she knows what you expect.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to tempest1961)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: CM as an intro to the lifestyle - 3/15/2007 10:08:44 PM   
tempest1961


Posts: 42
Joined: 3/11/2007
Status: offline 		There are other packs we run with, and she is in communication with one of them. The pack analogy works for me and mine, but if she is something else, then I would rather for all concerned that she and I figure that out. The only way is for her to find someplace (like here, as it turns out) to see what others do and think.

And yes, newbie overload is a concern, but I know her well enough that I do not think that will be a problem. She WILL be freaked out by some of what she sees, but she will also find things that she will want to try that I passed by years ago.

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: CM as an intro to the lifestyle - 3/16/2007 3:01:34 AM   
wandersalone


Posts: 4666
Joined: 11/21/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tempest1961

I am simply trying to quickly find a place for my new puppy to go where she can quickly get a feel for things.



Maybe you and she could sit down together and do some research.... CM also has a search function up the top of the forums that enables you to search for related threads (LA has already posted a lot of links to previous CM threads). The internet is great for giving some information but really if you have the opportunity to share your experience as well as what you are hoping for out of your relationship maybe that would be more useful for her.  I believe that patience and time are more important for the early stages of a bdsm (or any) relationship for the doms and subs.

_____________________________

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. Martin Luther King
Godmother of the subbie mafia
My all time favourite threads
http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=2002501
http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=790885

(in reply to tempest1961)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: CM as an intro to the lifestyle - 3/16/2007 12:12:03 PM   
Stephann


Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline 		Briefly,

One may not necessarily be a newbie to the lifestyle to be new in a munch group.  When you've moved to a new area, online or off, you'll have ample opportunities to demonstrate your knowledge and experience.  Until you do, you should expect others to treat you with a little caution; just as you would be wise to treat others with caution (and common courtesy) until you know what you are dealing with.  Raise your hackles, and you'll find your growls on deaf ears; there's a block function on these boards, and people use it liberally.

Good luck, and happy hunting,

Stephan


_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to wandersalone)
Profile   Post #: 20
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