in a quandry (Full Version)

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subluvsM -> in a quandry (3/15/2007 5:31:29 AM)

  Ive been a member of CM off an on for past few years and have gained alot of knowlegde and some great advice thru the message boards. Thought Id  pose my quandry here in hopes of getting some positive feedback, and advice to my problem. First, let me give you  some background info to help you better understand where Im commin from.
 
  I met my Master couple yrs ago right here on CM and we clicked right away. He is very charming, intuitive, undertanding and just bout everything Ive ever wanted in a Master. I was living in Pa in a bad relationship, and He in Md in same situation. Time came that we both knew we was meant to be together and He came to Pa to get what was His. I gave myself to Him, mind, body and soul, and knew I had made the right decision. Times were tough, we struggled, but we loved each other and fought to make it work. Only prob I had is that He never completely severed the ties with His ex girl...and He continued to see her now and then. As a Dominate/alpha male I guess thats His perogative and right, and I as His submissive have to accept and endure it..all the same..its hard. I have many insecuities and low self esteem issues I still deal with, tho Ive come along way in past 9 months. He tells me Im the one, the one He loves and wants to be with, but that He will never be satisfied with just 1 woman. I respect that, but at same time question His devotion towads me. WEll..times got tougher, finances got real tough, we both lost jobs, and Master went back to school, which I find admirable and am very proud of Him. He is a fighter and is working hard to better Himself. I unfortunately am not that strong an fell apart emotionally..I couldnt handle adversity as well as He can. I came back home to Pa to get my head straight, and give Him the space to do what He needs to accomplish what He needs to accomplish, without having to worry about me and my needs. He moved back in with His ex, and that is eating me up inside. Its better than being homeless I guess, and is a stable environment for Him to do all He needs, still..He's with her and its killin me. He says He loves me and is so upset that I left. That if I would have stayed and fought harder we could be together..but I know differently...we would have struggled more and His school would have suffered in long run. I had to make this sacrifice for us both. I love Him this much. 
  Heres my quandry tho...do I stay here, for most likely months, faithfull, chastise, while He is there, doing whatever, and whoever He pleases? Do I work hard, save every penny to get back to Him, knowing that things will never change. Knowing that His ex will always be part of His life (an a few others on the side), accept it as a submissive should...even tho it hurts. OR..Should I make the best of my life here, move on, (Im not gettin any younger), find a man (lifestyle or not..OK..has to be dominate, who I kiddin..lol), and lose prob the best Master Ive ever met and known. I love Master with all my heart, I ache for him every day, I long for Him, and know that Ill prob never meet another Master like him..trust me..Ive gone thru the mill with so called Doms/Masters. Im so lost and confused right now...dont know which way to turn. Ive met a nice man, local, good job, dominate, tho very new to lifestyle..seems very nice, and he wants to take me out...ohh..what do I do?...helppppp!!!

perplexed in Pa
~subluvsM~  






slaveish -> RE: in a quandry (3/15/2007 5:43:25 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: subluvsM

    Heres my quandry tho...do I stay here, for most likely months, faithfull, chastise, while He is there, doing whatever, and whoever He pleases? Do I work hard, save every penny to get back to Him, knowing that things will never change.

 
Do you have a crystal ball? No. This is pure conjecture. Using words like "always" and "never" are indicative of the way you are feeling at the moment. You do not know what will happen today, much less "forever" from now. Lose this destructive mindset.
 
 
quote:

ORIGINAL: subluvsM

Knowing that His ex will always be part of His life (an a few others on the side), accept it as a submissive should...even tho it hurts. OR..Should I make the best of my life here, move on, (Im not gettin any younger), find a man (lifestyle or not..OK..has to be dominate, who I kiddin..lol), and lose prob the best Master Ive ever met and known. I love Master with all my heart, I ache for him every day, I long for Him, and know that Ill prob never meet another Master like him..trust me..Ive gone thru the mill with so called Doms/Masters.


If you cannot tolerate living poly, ditch it. You will never feel better about it. You are obsessed with this Sir but some time away will heal the wound if you let it. Give yourself time to grieve and then move on. Do waste your time living in an imaginary fantasy world and don't waste your energy being sick over something that doesn't fit with your personality.



Celeste43 -> RE: in a quandry (3/15/2007 5:56:11 AM)

He's saying one thing and doing another. He could have found a different roommate but he prefers her. Me? I believe what people do more than what they say.

Work, save your money, get your own education and find your own way in life. Some day you may meet someone you can trust to do as he says, until then take care of yourself.



KatyLied -> RE: in a quandry (3/15/2007 6:22:16 AM)

All I'm going to say is that actions speak louder than words.  Who does he love?  Who does he live with?  What is he choosing?  Who is he choosing?

quote:


accept it as a submissive should...even tho it hurts.


Just because you identify as submissive it doesn't mean you should accept things that are not right for you.  What gave you that impression?



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: in a quandry (3/15/2007 7:21:16 AM)

He's obviously made his choice- and it's not you.

I think you should get your life stable, fulfilled ON YOUR OWN.  And then if a good relationship comes alone, go for it.

Submissive does not equal settling. 



MasterFireMaam -> RE: in a quandry (3/15/2007 7:52:15 AM)

It sounds like what needs to happen here is for you to stop focusing on him and winning him back, so to speak, and focus on yourself and your own sense of self worth. I'm guessing that you have been relying on his opinion and approval of you to tell you that you're an ok person. You shouldn't need outward approval to tell you that. If you really think all this happened because you have low self esteem, then obviously what you need to do is correct the low self esteem...and not continue to pursue someone who doesn't make you feel valued in the relationship.

Master Fire



Mercnbeth -> RE: in a quandry (3/15/2007 8:11:17 AM)

absolutely agree with this:
quote:

ORIGINAL: subluvsM
..Should I make the best of my life here, move on, (Im not gettin any younger),

...and would suggest that you omit this part:
quote:
...find a man (lifestyle or not..OK..has to be dominate, who I kiddin..lol)...

if this man you are describing is a shiny example of the "best Master you have ever known", perhaps an M/s or D/s relationship is not the best choice for you at this time in your life, especially one where he is intent on poly and you have such deep problems with that.
 
however, if you enjoy the suffering and are fulfilled from service to this man, then this slave would suggest you continue your involvement.
 
good luck!



Darkhaven80 -> RE: in a quandry (3/15/2007 12:33:58 PM)

If it bothers you that much, to where you needed to leave, then I would slowly heal from the relationship. It always seems when a relationship is ending we'll never find someone else that makes us feel that happy, yada yada. In reality that's never true and the sun always shines again, sometimes brighter. Find someone who is interested in a one on one. It may take awhile, but it sounds like your self esteem is taking a destructive spike with this one.



littleone35 -> RE: in a quandry (3/15/2007 1:39:57 PM)

I must say i agree with the others it seems like he made his choice and it seems to be her.  If he loves you and wants you as much as he said them why is he living with her?  How can it be stable if you said it was a bad situation before you met?  I think you need to move on since it seems you are not wired to be poly, and find a Master who wants a one on one it seems that is what you need.   Give yourself time though don't rush into anything. Try to be strong and best of luck.

Matt's littleone



raevnn -> RE: in a quandry (3/15/2007 3:38:10 PM)

Personally, I would ask to be released in that situation (of course, my mind set is to 'ask' because I'm enslaved... after I typed this post, I realised how it sounds and, by all means, *you* certainly don't have to ASK for anything if you're not being treated well). You're unhappy and it's unhealthy. He may have seemed like the 'one,' but it doesn't sound that way now.

Best wishes to you in finding the 'one.'



MagiksSlave -> RE: in a quandry (3/15/2007 5:34:48 PM)

Im still looking for what makes him such a great Master let alone the best Master you have ever known.. That scares me because everything you say screams "Imeture mess" and anything but a Master.. Your lucky your out of there so stay out really find someone worth wile

Magik's slave



myobedience -> RE: in a quandry (3/15/2007 6:08:01 PM)

subluvsM wrote ~~knowing that things will never change. Knowing that His ex will always be part of His life (an a few others on the side), accept it as a submissive should...even tho it hurts. OR..Should I make the best of my life here, move on

My reply ~~ I truly feel the pain in all your words....
In saying "I am sorry" is quite fruitless for it wont help you with your quandry, but truly know, your loss was similar to mine.
I cannot and never will accept the phrase "accept it as a submissive should."  You are NOT a doormat to be left an option while you make him your priority.

Here is some excellent advice ~~
"I will tell you what I told a young friend about a failed relationship, and moving on.  Moving forward is simply the only choice. You can't go back, as much as you wish you could. Going back requires both to agree, and the other won't agree. You can't stay where you are. Where you are is horrible, and a miserable place to be. Pain, misery and depression lives where you are, so you must leave. What remains is the only viable option, and that is to move forward. You needn't run head long. You needn't forget lessons learned, but you need to begin.
Sometimes fear makes cowards of us all. Sometimes it is easier to stay in a miserable place, than risk moving on. The risk is of course fresh new pain when one hasn't yet recovered from the old.
So we stay in our miserable place. We embrace the known pain. We wrap it around us like a warm blanket on a cold night. We begin to believe we are warm and safe and dry. However, we are lying to ourselves. The blanket doesn't keep us warm. It is wet and heavy, and a burden to carry. It keeps us down, not warm. Worse yet, this blanket is infested with insidious, evil creatures, that burrow into our heart and soul. Creepy, crawly creatures. Worms of self doubt, and self loathing.  The longer we remain wrapped in this blanket, the deeper inside of us they dig. Finally, they nest, and create a comfortable environment for themselves within us. They are parasites. Like all parasites in nature, they will continue to eat away at the host, until they the host dies from their destructive ways. Killed from within."

My blanket is buried far away and never to be worn again, What about yours?
Psssssssst, go out with the nice hometown Dom.....  [;)][;)][;)][;)]



subluvsM -> RE: in a quandry (3/15/2007 8:37:10 PM)

thank you all for your responses and advice....guess you didnt tell me what I didnt already know..guess I just needed to have it verified. Im moving on with my life, gonna ask to be released..not that I already arent..its just proper. I have to figure out what it is I really need and want from a Master, and dont settle for less than I deserve. I am a precious commodity and deserve a Master who appreciates who and what I am, and all I have to offer.
again..thank you all..I needed to hear (see) that.
 
subluvsM (now I need a new M..lol)



wandersalone -> RE: in a quandry (3/16/2007 4:37:49 AM)

I wish you all the best.  Reality checks are not always pleasant. If you find yourself wishing for the past look in the mirror and repeat these words that you wrote in here 'I am a precious commodity'



Lashra -> RE: in a quandry (3/16/2007 4:56:06 AM)

He wanted her and now he has her, I'm sorry to tell you that. She has control over him and probably always will. It is not a dominant alpha males "right" to string along a bunch of women unless YOU allow him to. If you agreed to poly in the beginning then you knew what you were getting into, if you didn't then he is using your feelings for him against you.
Now he blames you for leaving him and messing things up, when in reality things were never peachy keen to begin with. It takes two (or more) to make a relationship, as I see it he was equally at fault and should stand up and except his share.

My thoughts, its time to walk away from this guy and concentrate on yourself. Get yourself together, take care of your mental/phyiscal health. Have a greiving period for this relationship and then move on to someone who can be the sort of Dom that you need and want.

Good luck,
~Lashra



subsfaith -> RE: in a quandry (3/16/2007 5:30:56 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: subluvsM

 He says He loves me and is so upset that I left. That if I would have stayed and fought harder we could be together



I don't see him fighting in your tale......? 

Sounds like there will always be a poly issue for you, and if your man cant't help you with that, is he really the one for you?

Take care :: smiles ::



valeca -> RE: in a quandry (3/16/2007 6:24:58 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: subluvsM


 
subluvsM (now I need a new M..lol)


I think this might be the crux of your problem.  You come across as more worried about having a man in your life then anything else.  Worry less about finding a new 'M', and more on getting yourself on track, stable both emotionally and finacially.  Then, when it happens, you'll have all that much more to offer Mr. Prospective when he does comes along.

Good luck.



KatyLied -> RE: in a quandry (3/16/2007 6:39:22 AM)

quote:

subluvsM


She used to be here under another name.  Maybe she can activate that profile.



Mowas -> RE: in a quandry (3/16/2007 8:21:27 AM)

Before everyone passes judgement you should all know the facts.   Corina has violated not only my home but my bed. Several times.  One day I got stuck in traffic, on my way home from seeing my son and grandson, 2 hours late, and found 2 men in my apartment when I go there, because she was upset, yadda yadda. And the reason that she is back in Pa. is  a bit more complicated then she has told all of you. You see she was staying somewhere else. I told her what not to do, she did it anyway.Long story short, she went down one some guy and had to leave where she was and instead of comming to me she ran back to Pa. to her daughter ,where she could get whatever she needs. And now we are all suppose to be understanding. Oh and I didn't want to stay here at my ex's.. She pushed this for weeks. Well hell, she's gone and I need the free place to stay so....  And as you can see she's back on the net on places like collar me, a several others and she's met a nice guy.   Enjoy him is all I really have to say. If she had stayed here rite now she would still have her job,working at the colleege I go to, and we would have an apartment. And I'm sorry, but I am not about to give 110%  to a sub, or anyone else, that wil have any male that she can, when I'm not lookig or she feels like she needs attention that I'm not giving. So now you know more of the facts.  
   When I brought her hereI wanted her to understand that becase she is a submisive that ther was no reason for her to be a common slut for men to pray on because she has low self esteam. That she's not a punching bag or place for an ass to take out his frustrations. When she came here she looked like a grand mon with brusses. A LOT of bruses. Head to the bottom of her legs! That she is a wothwild human being, that she should wok and be alteast a partner, if not self safissiant. And I did give her dissaplin and guidance ect.  Mmmmm guess the problem was me. Bitter and angry, yes. I love her. But she made it this way. And now girlfriend has met a NICE man on the net. Mmmmm.
Corina, try to focus on you,job, getting your life togather and desiding what you want and the type of person you want to be. Tomorrow and forever are not prommised to any of us. So as always, I ask,what are youdoing today?  You are an attractive female. and I love you wit all my heart, but instead of being a sub following her Masters lead  YOU desided all of this. How many times have I told you, "When the going is tough, the tough stand their ground?" Focus on something other than men and relationship and love forever.  Just be a person.The only place I entend on going is to class. I would like to think that I have atleast inspired you to think and use your head. Apparently I faild at that task. I would like to think that I have atleast been an honest and good friend and more.  Ball is in your court kid.
  Well I have computers to fix, and studying to do.My major is computer schence and it requires a lot of my time. Perhaps some of you will be kind enough to respond now. I'm sure she needs to hear your responces now that SOME of the facts are on the table. But please do not judge me. I am a damn good person and ....never mind, not eoth the time . I hope that everyone out there has a pleasent day and things go well in all that you do.
                                                               Master Mowas



KatyLied -> RE: in a quandry (3/16/2007 8:44:54 AM)

Popcorn, extra butter.



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