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Hard decisions - 3/15/2007 5:51:25 PM

hot1

Posts: 455
Joined: 5/4/2004
From: Ontario Canada
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Hi All,

Well, this week was a week of very hard decisions. Monday night I got a call from my brother, dad is in the hosiptal and not well. he has lung cancer and kemo is really hard. But this is the first time he has had to be taken to the hosiptal. The man that I have been seeing, called me...is strange he was not suppose to be in touch with me til later that evening. He said he just had a feeling something was wrong. He calmed me down...got me to think clearly. I started doing things that had to be done for me to go back home, still unsure of what to do. Master calls again, tells me he wants me to go...even offered to get me a plane ticket. We decide which was the best way for me to go...he wanted a key to my place, He WOULD look after my cats and my place. He is so awesome, he knew exactly what to do and how to calm me down.....only one other person in my life has even been able to do that. Anyway, I get to the hosiptal on tuesday.....unsure what to expect....my family tried to prepare me...but I was in no way shape or form ready to see my dad in that shape.

Yesterday he seem a bit better....today so much worse. Unless something happens I am planning on leaving sat night to head back home. Will likely be back here shortly for a funeral. You can never be prepared for loosing a parent. For those of you that still have them with you, cherish them, love them.....

I wish I could just stay until everything is over, but no idea how long that would be and I cannot....it hurts so much.

Is is wrong to just want to be at my Master's feet, my head in his lap...I feel so safe there...so peaceful....I wish I was there now.

beth

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RE: Hard decisions - 3/15/2007 6:50:33 PM

KenDckey

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Joined: 5/31/2006
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I can understand your delima.   When my mother died, they brought her back and kept her alive even tho she was brain dead until I could see her one last time (she was visiting my sister in Colorado at the time). After I got to see her the doc assured us all that she was brain dead, dad said that he would sign the paperwork to pull the plug.   My sister and I looked at him and told him no, it was a family decision and we would all sign the paperwork.   Along with my youngest son, we all signed the papers and she died soon afterwards.

The reason that this is all important is because my son was raised by my mother off and on because I was a single parent in the military and couldn't be a proper dad to him. My son drove his grandmother back home to AZ from CO in the back of my pickup (I drove my dad). Yeah it is legal but required a $20 permit and he had to go through the checkpoints like the 18 wheelers.   He took her to the funeral home and dropped her off, then went home to get some rest.   When I showed up, he took off for CA where we lived.   He couldn't stand to go to the funeral. And when I die, he won't go to mine when I die - it is ok with me and the rest of the family has been told it is ok.

His delima is similar to yours.   He had to be in his comfort zone. That is where he did the most good for everyone. There was enough stress and stuff that we didn't need to worry about him.

It is your choice, but I personally think you should be in your comfort zone right now.   And I think your dad would agree.

(in reply to hot1)

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RE: Hard decisions - 3/15/2007 7:00:46 PM

Sinergy

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Joined: 4/26/2004
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I was with somebody whose father died when she was 1000 miles away from me, and the funeral was 3000 miles away from both of us. My finances were screwed, I was trying hard to survive, I was working my ass off.

She called and told me. She did not ask, but I could hear in her voice that she wanted me there, but I told her I couldnt.

I got off the phone, sat for a while, and thought "what the fuck am I doing?" Called her, made a plane reservation, and supported her as she grieved for her father at his funeral.

I am not sure this has anything to do with D/s. It has to do with doing the right thing and being there for the people one loves.

Just me, could be wrong, but there you go.

Sinergy

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RE: Hard decisions - 3/15/2007 7:05:32 PM

Sanity

Posts: 22039
Joined: 6/14/2006
From: Nampa, Idaho USA
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When I lost my Dad he went so suddenly that it was almost completely unexpected, and many of us never had a chance to say goodbye, even though I talked with him that day. After hearing your story, I don't know which way is worse, but I do know that losing him really shook my foundations. Now whenever I see my Mom I have to wonder if it's the last time, and I ponder my own immortality a lot more often and deeply. I think of a lot of things differently now. That's just how life is, I suppose - another page is turned, and one cannot know what to expect his or her feelings to be even when something is coming that is expected.

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RE: Hard decisions - 3/15/2007 7:19:23 PM

dcnovice

Posts: 37282
Joined: 8/2/2006
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quote:

Is is wrong to just want to be at my Master's feet, my head in his lap...I feel so safe there...so peaceful.

Beth ---

Of course, it's not wrong to feel that way. We all want to be safe, peaceful, happy. No one wants to be in a hospital, watching a loved one die. Your feelings are perfectly normal, and you need have no guilt about them. The key thing is that you didn't let those perfectly understandable feelings keep you from being there for your dad and your family. That's what counts.

Please know that you, your dad, and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

Peace,

DC

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it's never enough to keep up.

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RE: Hard decisions - 3/15/2007 7:47:07 PM

FangsNfeet

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Joined: 12/3/2004
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In situations such as this, there are no wrong decisions. Follow your heart with what is right and you'll have no regrets of quilt. With so many choices, no one can judge you for what you decide to do. No decision in this case can make you a bad person. The only one who can judge you is yourself. You've seen your dad and said your peace/goodbyes. You've left him in good hands with other loved ones. You have been lucky to see him this one last time before his passing. Leaving now would not be something that weighed heavy on my concious. The process of dying can last from a second away to months down the road. Not being able to stay untill his passing is an understood concept by most. I know you'll be fine. My prayers are with you.

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