Wellbeing

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unsung -> Wellbeing (3/15/2007 6:37:46 PM)
What actions do you undertake to ensure that those under your guidance (your submissive/slave) have their wellbeing looked after. What do you provide and/or type of direction do you give to ensure their wellbeing (their psyc and physical health). I raise this question due to the glorious slection of male doms in the area in which I reside. I have a hard time fathoming that they have any capacity to pay attention to my wellbeing when I look at them cause they don't even seem to look after themselves. I know this goes both ways. But I am curious what some of the practices in isolation are from any of the Dominant personalities on the board. Thank you in advance.

hisannabelle -> RE: Wellbeing (3/15/2007 6:54:05 PM)
He encourages me to do the medical stuff i need to (although sometimes gets upset with my incessant number of drs. appts), occasionally takes me to and from drs. appts if He's able to, tries to get me to sleep as much as i should, makes attempts at understanding the psychological issues i deal with as well as some of the physical issues that are harder for Him to understand (like fibromyalgia)...He definitely expects me to take care of myself, but at the same time He also shows a healthy interest in my psychological and physical health. at the same time, He usually keeps up with drs. appts and suchlike, and makes an effort to eat healthy (most of the time) and do the things He needs to do to keep Himself going...since we've gotten together, He's quit smoking (after like 30-something years), which was really awesome :) neither of us are perfect in the way we eat and exercise and all that, but we both try.

unsung -> RE: Wellbeing (3/15/2007 7:36:32 PM)
hisannabelle, thank you for responding. I do sense there is a point of connection between the 2 of you, in that he takes action to look after your wellbeing as well as his own. My prepositions in thought come from many that have contacted me over time, and I would venture to say that 8 out 10, leave this question lingering in my mind, and then seeing these individuals out at functions to a significant degree solidify my thoughts. However, perhaps I am extremely a hard judge and on the same note not prepared to fall into any following where my existing practices are not going to be honoured. And yet maybe they will be, but when I see someone present themself to me and it is not a reflection of what I feel is important, well I sense now I have some internal thought processing that is either contradictory or too self examining. I don't know hence why this question. Again thank you :)

SimplyMichael -> RE: Wellbeing (3/15/2007 8:00:01 PM)
This is a hard question and a broad one. For me, how much I take care of someone depends on how involved I am. Sometimes I take care of them by telling them to go away. Sometimes I do a bit of handholding and offering of a bit of advice. If I get involved with them, it gets more complicated. I have a "white knight" complex and get a great deal of satisfaction out of rescuing people (can you say co-depedence!) and so this is a very murky area for me. One thing I do from day one is try to work on self image and indepedence. The stronger and more powerful they are the more they can surrender and the more that surrender means. However, I also have a fetish for humiliation and degredation although I rarely get to play with those deeply for fear of going too far. Since I am normally pretty mongomouse and am attempting a very limited bit of poly I am struggling with maintaining a balance between my needs and ensruing I am acting with integrity and those two are at times in serious conflict. If I know someone wants more, would probably be happier with more and yet I don't want more, what is the fair thing to do. I have asked LA's advice on that aspect of what is "fair" to do. There is a part of me that screams "send them away" and other that says "they are adults, let them make their own choices", and another that says "you are a powerful dominant, use the force for good Luke" As for what you will find in the scene, the people you will find in the scene TEND to be people who like socializing and being around others of the same ilk. It tends to push out or at least they tend to leave, any sort of tight monogamous couple.

DiurnalVampire -> RE: Wellbeing (3/15/2007 8:08:28 PM)
For me, I have placed our relationshp second to Angels schooling. He will be graduating in May, and after that we will have more time, but for now that has to be his focus and I encourage him to stay focused. He will make me proud walking down the aisle to get his diploma. I also care for his emotional well being, becasue I am always available for the nurturing, reassurance that he is really heading in the right direction, and the occasional escape from reality he needs to stay sane. I cal him, r leave him messages to remind him that I care about him, and to tell him I am proud of him. Healthwise, I make sure he watches what he eats and make sure that he remembers all his doctors appointments and such. I am Angel's Mommy, and I treat him like my child more often than not. That was wat he needed, for his mental and emotional well being. And therefore thats what I give him. In exchance, I have the perfect slave. (for me, at least) DV

unsung -> RE: Wellbeing (3/15/2007 8:19:14 PM)
SimplyMichael thank you kindly for your input it is respected. I re-read my question and see there is vagueness and my apologies for such as I didn't want to point fingers at what I perceive as deficiencies or make myself seem shallow, cause that later I am not. Bringing the gray into black and white though, is I am working on a path of personal growth both physically and mentally. I am rather consumed in both right now. I am having a hard time making a logical connection with some dominants that have been contacting me, where their mode of thinking does not seem to reflect personal growth. Sure sure I know block ignore delete lol. That is not the point, the point comes to a head in my reflection of the D/s dynamic and its growth potential in whole (the mental, the physical and all the gray matter inbetween and surrounding it). I am having a hard time making a link between me and ones in pursuit. Oh my I do hope this is clearer sigh

unsung -> RE: Wellbeing (3/15/2007 8:24:57 PM)
DiurnalVampire, I very much appreciate your response. I wish Angel well in the studies, and of course wish the both of you well. Your interest in him as a person, this is the type of response I was fishing for. My words perhaps were not refined enough. But your interpretation was wonderful, thank you .

SimplyMichael -> RE: Wellbeing (3/15/2007 9:00:09 PM)
Meeting people is hard. I live in California which is hope to lots and lots of perverts as well as a culture that promotes better relationships (broad but true enough) and I have a hard time finding people I am interested in. Writing a profile is not an easy task, be too bitchy up front to run off the idiots and you risk running off someone who instead hears demanding. Be too accomodating and the idiots return. The part about being univolved in BDSM "by choice" would put me off on several levels. Not sure what to tell you but I would perhaps be more forward thinking and start reading the profiles of doms and emailing them. Anyone who would be put off by that would not be a good match for you I bet.

unsung -> RE: Wellbeing (3/15/2007 9:12:09 PM)
SimplyMichael, just for clarification not self promotion: The "uninvolved 'by choice' I understand, but it was the attempt to address that I was unwilling to saunter into a relationship with just the first 'dick' that expressed interested. Again, I have been vague, yet seemingly forthright to keep the idiots away. It has worked for the most part, lol it keeps most away. Your advice is taken in consideration and rather than write to dominant types I shall recraft the profile over the next few days. Thank you again. Good night

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Wellbeing (3/15/2007 9:54:55 PM)
Well there's a lot to be said for picking a good apple to start with. I'm willing to work and work hard to shine an apple up and make it go where it wants to go- but I won't start with rotten to begin with. Definitely needs to be with an adult who has their act together already- financially stable, mature, experienced, socially aware, reasonably healthy. Someone who has their shit together. Otherwise it's just a matter of time, self-awareness, and practice. I shocked the hell out of my partner when, on our first dinner together, I pretty much laid out his entire family history growing up. That shocking was necessary for me to let him know that I really SEE him, that I'm not gonna let his shit get in the way of our relationship, but that I'm here for ALL of him and want to be with him and all the past. Self-awareness and responsibility is severely lacking in most adults- and the scene is no different. I've put my partner on sleeping regimens, ordered him to go to the doctor, reviewed his resume, been his devil's advocate and of course the soft pillow to always relax into.

CrazyC -> RE: Wellbeing (3/15/2007 9:58:57 PM)
You made a point from the very beginning that those Doms around you seem to be questionable. I have to be honest, where i use to live was a bad place for choices of Doms. And i rule i had made for myself right away, is if they don't have thier shit together there is no way in h... they could controle me. The fact that you have these standards is wonderful. so you feel bad about them? Think they are too high? and why? I met alot of Doms, and trust me (i am so going to be told how unsubby i am now) it was kind of fun to watch. They have a funny way of trying to beat to the punch on how much more domly they are over another. Have fun....:).

MasterFireMaam -> RE: Wellbeing (3/16/2007 8:42:09 AM)
What I do really varies from person to person. Sometimes, a slave simply needs to be order to keep themselves fit for service and they're capable of taking the initiative to care for themselves. Sometimes, they need to be taken care of until they learn how to do it. And sometimes, there's value in allowing them to struggle. Again, it REALLY depends on the individual. Master Fire

Celeste43 -> RE: Wellbeing (3/16/2007 9:07:51 AM)
Not everybody is into 'personal growth'. Some people are perfectly content where they are and see no present reason to change. These people aren't compatible with you. You need to explain what you're looking for clearly so they can know whether or not you're compatible. I will say that he drove up over three hours when we were still LDR to drive me to get cataract surgery. He spent that day putting the drops in my eye every couple of hours even though I could have done so myself. He's very caring and nurturing and has a huge sense of responsibility.

kyraofMists -> RE: Wellbeing (3/16/2007 9:54:57 AM)
My first rule is to take care of his property which includes me. He gives me the space, time and support that I need to care for my well-being. There are times that he will give specific instructions on what he wants me to do for myself. Today I was instructed to go home early from work. I have severe headaches today and I have not slept well the last few nights. I was told to go home and take care of his girl. There have also been times where he has had to make a choice to not do something he wants or postpone something he wants to make sure that my well-being is protected. However, my well-being is my responsibility to take care of and to not do so would be disobeying him. Knight's kyra

Bearlee -> RE: Wellbeing (3/16/2007 10:23:53 AM)
At the risk of shanghaiing this thread, I wanted to comment on this thought: quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael …For me, how much I take care of someone depends on how involved I am. Sometimes I take care of them by telling them to go away. Sometimes I do a bit of handholding and offering of a bit of advice. If I get involved with them, it gets more complicated. I have a "white knight" complex and get a great deal of satisfaction out of rescuing people (can you say co-dependence!) and so this is a very murky area for me. One thing I do from day one is try to work on self image and independence. The stronger and more powerful they are the more they can surrender and the more that surrender means. … Since I am normally pretty monogamous and am attempting a very limited bit of poly, I am struggling with maintaining a balance between my needs and ensuring I am acting with integrity and those two are at times in serious conflict. If I know someone wants more, would probably be happier with more and yet I don't want more, what is the fair thing to do. … There is a part of me that screams "send them away" and other that says "they are adults, let them make their own choices", and another that says "you are a powerful dominant, use the force for good, Luke." (Bolding is mine…as are some minor corrections in spelling) I understand that struggle…and see others struggling with it, too. It’s as if ‘dating others’ is always wrong; regardless of where you are with the relationships in which you participate. I for one, believe in TONS of communication. I think we should listen to our partner tell us stuff…and then say it back in our own words. That way there is less room for ‘interpretation’… IE: believing what it is we WANT to hear. Polyamory is something I believe in….in theory. I dunno if I can actually handle it or not. I, too, want to be in “in love, silly fluffy puppylove” even. “… to be insane, to have that feeling that all is new, all is possible that seems only to come when you are in love with an amazing [person].” I figure a person CAN be in such a relationship when communication is paramount. A person is only able to make their own choices, if they have all the facts. “Use the force for good…” Make SURE they understand what is your idea of polyamory…or how far you intend to take the relationship you have with them. You might be happy being play partners from time to time; no ill will if they understand that little detail…and agree to continue with just that. (btw ‘you’ is nobody in particular…) I’m just sayin that a lot of people think talking about the other people in their life (not details…just enough to ensure all know they exist) is so painful to their partners that they as much as keep ‘em secret. I believe THAT is what causes the problems. This is not exactly a hijack after all; it states one way to take care of your partner…IMHO. Thanks for your patience; I always enjoy your posts, Michael. bearlee

SirDominic -> RE: Wellbeing (3/16/2007 12:14:22 PM)
Doms and Masters who care about their subs/slaves, want to see them grow, learn about themselves, banish the demons in their past, etc., will do whatever it takes. If the ones you are meeting cannot take care of themselves, look at them no further. Words are cheap, actions speak volumes. If what they are telling you is not what you are seeing when you meet them, they are not being honest. In truth not all Doms want or are up to that kind of responsibility. There are Doms who will consider your personal growth as a significant part of their dominion over you. Finding the right one takes time. Keep looking, and don't settle for less than you need. Namaste, Sir Dominic

BeingChewsie -> RE: Wellbeing (3/16/2007 1:51:48 PM)
He keeps me on strict feed schedule and diet. Makes sure I work out. Makes sure I get the amount of sleep I need. He balances my work since he sets my schedule and what days I'll work/hours in the contracts with the hospitals. He makes sure I make and go to medical appointments. He does all of the same for my offspring and runs interference with stressful things for me..he handles the school issues with my kiddo that has Asperger's Syndrome. He handles all the bills, all the issues, I just have to be me, obey and be peaceful. quote: ORIGINAL: unsung What actions do you undertake to ensure that those under your guidance (your submissive/slave) have their wellbeing looked after. What do you provide and/or type of direction do you give to ensure their wellbeing (their psyc and physical health). I raise this question due to the glorious slection of male doms in the area in which I reside. I have a hard time fathoming that they have any capacity to pay attention to my wellbeing when I look at them cause they don't even seem to look after themselves. I know this goes both ways. But I am curious what some of the practices in isolation are from any of the Dominant personalities on the board. Thank you in advance.

unsung -> RE: Wellbeing (3/16/2007 7:27:01 PM)
Everyone thank you very much for a reflection into your personal lives to provide some insight to the question posed. It all has cummulated to a need for me to refine my profile, and also provided verification that my expections of another are not unreasonable. The only thing I don't agree with is the comment made that not everyone is into 'personal growth'. Why would someone be looking for another if part of the reason for seeking a partner did not include personal growth. Surely we invite others into our lives to accent our existence otherwise what is the point Celeste? Again I thank everyone for sharing alittle bit about your interactions. take care.

EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: Wellbeing (3/16/2007 7:31:35 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: unsung Surely we invite others into our lives to accent our existence otherwise what is the point Celeste?take care. That's not the same as growth. To be honest with you, it doesn't much occur to me that my partner is helping me grow. In fact the only times I think about changing are when what's going on now isn't working and causing problems, or when a life shift occurs and I need to adapt to that. Otherwise we're just happy and thrilled to be together. We know we're not perfect and we DO grow together, but that's not WHY we are together nor is it anything we focus on unless it becomes a problem.

unsung -> RE: Wellbeing (3/16/2007 7:49:44 PM)
EmeraldSlave2, and you will tell me that each day you do not learn something new, either something inspired by your partners actions, directions (whether forward backwards, sideways or what not), or by the particular way that your partner combs their hair, or soaps between their toes. You see no personal growth in these actions, and you learn not more about your partner through those things to be better prepared to anticipate their needs as each day passes. Is that what you are saying, or are our concepts to opposite ends of the scale here. If I get to the point of being totally content with someone I am sharing my life with, I fear boredom will overcome the odds of the relationships existance. A perspective that I have experienced once and would chose not to fully equate to being a fullfilling relationship again. But I do thank you for your response. Varying perspectives are all good. Let me add alittle story here, and perspective on when I started to pay attention to detail only so I can put my perspective on this. When I was 8 my dearest girl friend said to me '________ why do you do that? I said do what? She said, roll your shirt over your hand and then tuck your shirt into your pants? Hummm what, I do that, I never noticed I said. So I started to pay attention and it took me time to think about it, but the answer came to me eventually. I did it cause my father was very crisp, being in the navy nothing was out of order and not a crickle out of place, including crinkles from shirts sloppily shoved into the pants and then running out the door. This was personal growth from observations from my g/f. We do things due to upbringing, external factors etc. Human nature fasinates me, why and hows are always of interest. In my previous relationships, observations have helped me assist in providing a better atmosphere and I in effect have learnt alot over the years, and all and all these interactions in some manner have been some form of personal growth (which ever nerve a specifc thing hits - maturity allows us to or should allow us to deal with the oncoming fire better, although not always the case). My dismay of the original post is in the fact that I do know the intensity I give in a relationship, and at the moment my drive at my own personal growth is significantly high. What has disturbed me is that the majority of doms that contact me, do not portray the image they profess, and it causes me to wonder if they infact really give a hoot about the wellbeing of the submissive that they take under their wing. Asking others on this board was able to reiterate that infact my expectations where not unrealistic at all.

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