|
WhiplashSmile -> RE: When things go bad without explaination (3/17/2007 5:32:17 PM)
|
There is a bit of poetic justice. FukTroll has started a thread a couple weeks ago about self sabotaging ones chances. A sort of Rubicon, that once you cross a river there is no turning back.
While I did not block somebody, I did pull of sort of pull hand grenade pin thing with somebody I spent weeks getting to know. It was a sort of mutal friendship, that turned into a wow. (another thread) We both started to have a certain growing fondness for each other. Anyways, long story Short. I pulled the Hand Grenade Pin on the ONE I've fondly call "Mystery Girl". (not the same one that blocked me) It was a big, all or nothing type of move, actually knowing deep down inside what the probable out come would be.
Actually, I did this for both her and my own sake. To sever the ties and make it easier for her.. She was at odds over things between her and I because she had met somebody wonderful in real time. Right or Wrong, I went and did it. Now, I hope and pray she has peace of mind. It was rather distressing to have her torn up about this matter. I pulled the pin, or flushed the toilet per say.
I instantly built a brick wall between her and I as difficult as it was for me. So I sit here questioning myself now, while I can honestly say, I have never blocked anybody without explaination. It's a very similar tactic though, to build up a quick wall. Damn you FukinTroll for that wonderful thread on sabotaging ones own chances.
There was another thread back nearly a month ago, on when a sub goes "poof". I wrote a comment, about if somebody goes poof on me, that I don't like to take them back, if there was somebody else in the picture. Basically playing the game of second best. I'm certain that the one that went poof on me read all these things. She had commented that she had been reading things I wrote.
I know I've made several posts where I mention about the emotional connection elements of a D/s relationship. That I'm not into sub/slave types that have emotional affection as a hard limit. The more I think about this, it makes sense that this one, choose to place up a quick wall, if there was somebody else involved.
The thing for me is getting used to all this on the online environment. Because in a sense, all this is not real, but still is. Meaning that online relationships are not the same are real time ones. Think DomiGuy and a few others hit the nail on the head with the Hammer, in terms of meeting somebody for real. Then MistressScarlets absolute truth of "Understand that on some level that it wasn't right, and likely wouldn't have worked out." along with the infinite wisdom of "We are partially a product of the things that happen to us, but /mostly/ a product of our choices.". That was alone enough to get me to reflecting upon some of my own choices in dealing with things.
If this were the 80's, I would be making jokes like "Is this Real, or is this Memorex". Another Quote from MistressScarlet "You don't know her, and what happens online is... a reality subject to different rules.". I'm simply going to take what I can learn from everything, learn from it and grow. I'm rather spoiled in Real Time face to face interactions, without all the long distance issue and hiding out behind keyboards going click click click. Firemuse really added a lot of food for thought for what it's like on a subs end. From comments from others, it appears that both Dom/mes and sub alike go through this painful process at one time being online.
While I myself did not play "Mystery Girl", that's the one I pulled the Hand Grenade pin on. Not the one that blocked me. Had to make clarification so nobody is confused here. I was very honest with "Mystery Girl" and I really did enjoy great conversation with her. Still non the less I did pull that pin, to make life easier for both her and I. In retrospect, I believe I placed too much "real time" emphasis on things here in Cyberspace. I find myself, questioning and backing the fuck up in regards to how serious to treat everything online. SexyReds comment "This happens all the time online, one of the hazards of trying to meet people this way." I can fully relate to on both sides of the coin.
Yes, both sides of the coin. I asked for input on both ends here. From those that have been stood up and those that have done the standing up. I find myself guily of standing up a great friendship (with Mystery Girl) because of placing too much unwarrented emotional emphasis on this online thing.
I'm sharing everything with you guys, so that you know what a big help you have been. I thank all of you very much. I started out this day questioning anothers action and asking Why? Now I end this day, questioning one of my own actions. I am not perfect and I do have my own set of Quirks. I hope there is something of value that another person reading this post may find. I'm certain I am not the first person, to be faced questioning things like this.
From time to time, I can be a real smart ass. I love to laugh and joke around. Yes, I'm still a twisted perv like the rest of you. There is a very human side I try to share in my posts as well. Things both good and not so good. I'm sharing all these things with you guys, so you truely know what I've gained from your insights and helpful comments. Thank you again. It really does mean a lot to me.
|
|
|
|
