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RE: filling time when your Dom is unavailable - 3/19/2007 5:45:32 PM   
subsa


Posts: 196
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FelinePersuasion

I would suggest doing something for him, indirectly or directly. Like take some belly dancing classes, then, when you've learned enough put on a show for him. Take a cooking class, to learn all those delicious meals he might like but you have no clue how to make. Put yourself in the mindset that these things you do to fill your time, is for your master and you both, because he's pelased you're using your time wisely, and you're occupied.


yes, these are the type of ideas that i was looking for.  except i already cook  to the extreme .  i did buy a belly dancing video.  i've practiced it some already.  the other thing i thought about was learning massage.   

(in reply to FelinePersuasion)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: filling time when your Dom is unavailable - 3/19/2007 5:48:47 PM   
FelinePersuasion


Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline 		Massage can be very nice, there was a chance here to learn couple's massage, but james isn't around enough for us to take classes:(

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(in reply to subsa)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: filling time when your Dom is unavailable - 3/19/2007 9:48:08 PM   
Elorin


Posts: 970
Joined: 8/22/2004
From: San Antonio, TX
Status: offline 		Learning massage, or starting a project that can be put down at will (cross stitch, knitting, or crochet) that in the end will be a gift for him. Maybe a semester long cooking class isn't good, but why not find one recipe online, and practice cooking it, so you can do it fabulously when he has the attention to appreciate it? Set up a pedicure kit so that when he gets home at the end of a LONG day you can soak his feet, then massage them, and whatever else works well for you (some don't like to have others scrub their calluses, clip their toenails, or push back their cuticles). Make a short trip to the store to buy flowers, then arrange them at home in a place that he is sure to notice. Make an extra effort to make the bedroom, living room, or office (wherever he sits down to relax at night) warm, comfortable, and welcoming when he gets there.(Remove clutter, take time to vacuum/dust/use furniture polish, whatever works for you - and HIM!)

There are some great massage books out there that help without having to spend a lot of time away from the house. If you get good enough, he may choose to send you to a class later. Belly dancing tapes are the same way. Get a tape on erotic dancing/stripping while you are at it!

Maybe, if this motivation works for you, give yourself some spa time - and while doing it, focus on how beautiful you are making yourself FOR HIM to bring a smile to his face. Paint your finger or toenails, do a facial mask, whatever you normally do to pamper yourself - but realize that you take good care of yourself so his property is beautiful, happy, and relaxed. Do it for him.

Good luck.

(in reply to FelinePersuasion)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: filling time when your Dom is unavailable - 3/20/2007 9:22:05 AM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		what i do is i read thr boards obvisiouly i also read regular books but i will also take a walk and kisten to my Ipod it keeps my thoughts on Master because he helped me put all my song on my I pod, maybe it seems strange but he is always on my mind.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to Elorin)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: filling time when your Dom is unavailable - 3/20/2007 9:32:53 AM   
subsfaith


Posts: 297
Joined: 11/21/2006
Status: offline 		My Sir is work obsessed too..... however I have foudn there is always jobs to be done.  The house needs cleaning, the meals need planning and preparing, in fact it can be any task that will make life easier the moment he puts his work away and comes back to me.

I find it is very important not to be demanding on him, or his time.  When he has the time, or the inclination, it is important to us both that I am there for him and his needs.

:: smiles ::

(in reply to subsa)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: filling time when your Dom is unavailable - 3/20/2007 9:37:41 AM   
canupleaseme


Posts: 775
Joined: 7/9/2006
Status: offline 		Can mistresses hijack this thread? lol
I find myself in a similar situation but roles reversed.  My boy is away at uni he finishes in two months thank god lol But his very very busy deadlines  and work loads which means we have to be apart for long periods of time right now and I am aware that his energies need to be on his work not me.  I miss him loads i'm often bored too and yeah it gets quite lonely.  I think all the advice you have been given is good. When someone is in your thoughts almost all the time its difficult to be motivated to do anything else especially when you miss them and feel like your losing the deep connection you have normally.  I spent the best part of the last two weeks feeling shitty and depressed and annoyed with myself for being so lame about it and feeling so needy myself.  Its just human nature though and after gettin a good firm kick up the ass from my closest friend im now filling my time thinking of all the fun things i can do to him when he comes back.  Ive planned two special sessions for us and got all the shit done here that I normally put off doing for months.  I keep a journal anyway and have written in that loads.
Im not sure if my post will help any I just wanted to show you that it can be like that from the other side too
I hope you find a way to occupy your time and that your master will be home as usual soon x


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(in reply to littleone35)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: filling time when your Dom is unavailable - 3/20/2007 7:04:36 PM   
subsa


Posts: 196
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline 		thank you everyone for your wonderful responses!  i've gotten alot of good ideas both on the thread and in e-mail.  we have 4 more weeks of overtime to get through.  i think i have enough ideas to keep me busy and focused for all of it plus when it comes up again in the fall!    you guys are the best!

(in reply to canupleaseme)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: filling time when your Dom is unavailable - 3/20/2007 7:16:46 PM   
MagiksSlave


Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline 		While Master is a big part of my life he is not my ENTIRE life, I had a life befor him and he entered into that, I didnt just drop my entire life when he collared me I still have school and school work hobbies and family if Master isnt available I have a slew of other things that I can and need to do. Now dont get me wrong I always want to be with Master when we can be, there has never been a time where we could both be together that I would rather be doing something els in fact most of the times Ill drop whatever it is Im doing to go be with him. But that doesnt change the fact that I dont spend all the time we are apart pineing over him, Im really far to busy for that and im definetly sure he feels the same way. I think any healthy relationship the other person cant be your entire life while spending time together is importent it is importent to keep part of yourself as well there should be 3 enteties in the relationship You me and us. This is just my opionion.

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.


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(in reply to subboi3382)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: filling time when your Dom is unavailable - 3/21/2007 7:14:15 PM   
subsa


Posts: 196
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline 		i think many of you have gotten the wrong idea.  i don't sit idly waiting for Him to return when He's busy.  i do lots of things.  yes, i miss Him terribly.  when He's not busy we do spend most of our free time together.  it's not that i don't have anything to fill my time.  what i needed (and got ...thank you everyone)  was ideas the would help me to spend my extra time doing something that would relate to HIM.  not my hobbies, not my friends,  not my anything.  i still have my friends, my work, and my hobbies.  those are the things that are the 'me' part of the relationship.  that part of my life goes on whether He's busy or not.  what i wanted was to fill the time that we usually spend together and still focus it on Him somehow not on me.  hope that clarifies things a bit. 

(in reply to MagiksSlave)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: filling time when your Dom is unavailable - 3/21/2007 7:51:56 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I'll add in that I think in Subsa's case, their lives have always gotten seriously busy this time of year- tax season.  BUt this is the first year they've been together growing into Ds together and that sense of new connection and new dynamics between them has changed how she views her "alone" time and she's having a hard time dealing with the stress this first year of it.

We all hear stories of how Ds couples just stop being Ds when things get rough- I think Subsa wants to stay focused and use this as a way to come together WITHOUT making the dom who is already overworked feel like he has to contribute more right now.

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(in reply to subsa)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: filling time when your Dom is unavailable - 3/22/2007 7:22:46 AM   
mpnaleksandra2


Posts: 24
Joined: 1/10/2006
Status: offline 		My Master has been working 5-7 12 hour shift in a row with one day off in between. He is on a night schedule as well. It is difficult to adjust, but its part of your life together. Aside from D/s there are other factors to consider...those that get in the way of the perfect image of how you envisioned your relationship.
I do things the way i normally do. If i don't have class at night, i will stop at the hospital and bring him lunch. I clean up the house for when he gets home in the morning. I rise early when he gets in to get a few hours with him before he goes to bed. I make his coffee when he gets home. Those are things that help me stay connected.
The more you stress about it the more difficult it will be.

(in reply to subsa)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: filling time when your Dom is unavailable - 3/26/2007 12:05:23 AM   
DarkmastersRowan


Posts: 9
Joined: 3/25/2007
Status: offline 		Many people disagree, but I believe that it is important for a sub to be able to be independent.  She never knows when her Master could leave her.  This is not an ideal universe.  Thus, Rowan has a job teaching martial arts at a local dojo, and is working on her modelling and acting careers.  She also goes to school, where she is working on a Bachelor of Arts degree in Theatre.  Keeping busy is always good for a sub, especially when her Dom is a busy person as well. 

(in reply to subsa)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: filling time when your Dom is unavailable - 3/26/2007 6:25:30 AM   
Mustardseed


Posts: 291
Joined: 5/27/2006
From: Seattle, WA
Status: offline 		If you haven't already, you might want to pick up a book called slavecraft by a grateful slave and Guy Baldwin, Phd. It's almost more philosophy than it is how-to, though the author does spend a great deal of time on how to get into and stay in what he calls "slavemind." He even offers meditations and mantras for how to stay focused on one's servitude.

(in reply to DarkmastersRowan)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: filling time when your Dom is unavailable - 3/26/2007 3:17:10 PM   
subsa


Posts: 196
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline 		Mustardseed:  thanks so much for the recommendation.  i've been looking for a new lifestyle book. 

just wanted to let those who suggested the journaling idea that i have been doing just that.  i don't do it at a set time (like every day or once a week) but only when i have an idea to write about.  its made for some interesting discussions after He has read the journal entry.
so thanks again for the idea. 

(in reply to Mustardseed)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: filling time when your Dom is unavailable - 3/26/2007 3:39:21 PM   
daddysliloneds


Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline 		i don't have to distract myself at all! i take care of all the things that need to be taken care, so when we are together, he has all of my focus. pretty simple really.

quote:

ORIGINAL: subsa

the thread about time with your Master made me very conscious of a situation i'm experiencing right now.  I live with my Master.  but He goes through periods of time when His energy must be focused on work more than the normal 40-50 hours.  during those time periods i really struggle.  i understand why He can't focus more on us but i crave His time and attention.  what seems to be happening is that if i find ways to distract myself so that i don't distract Him we seem to lose our deep connection.  so my question is  what do you do that distracts you from His absence while still keeping your focused on Him? 

since my experience is male Master/ female sub/slave i frame the question in those terms but the question is equally valid for sub/slaves in same sex dynamics or female Mistress/male sub/slaves.   


(in reply to subsa)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: filling time when your Dom is unavailable - 3/26/2007 5:19:01 PM   
sillygirl09


Posts: 446
Joined: 1/31/2007
From: New Jersey
Status: offline 		Assuming you do the cooking in the house, what about making meals ahead and freezing them so that when he does have more time, you can spend less time in the kitchen but still have nice meals together.  This would keep you occupied and show him you're being of service even though he is busy.

(in reply to subsa)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: filling time when your Dom is unavailable - 3/26/2007 5:53:48 PM   
subsa


Posts: 196
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline 		silly girl:  actually cooking is one of the things i do alot.  part of the problem is that He works alot of the extra hours in His office at home.  His office is upstairs and the kitchen is downstairs.  so i go there and cook so i don't bother Him. if i can find other things to do hopefully i won't cook quite as much and we'll both start loosing weight again. 

(in reply to sillygirl09)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: filling time when your Dom is unavailable - 3/26/2007 6:41:44 PM   
alandraofMists


Posts: 187
Joined: 8/4/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subsa

thank you everyone for your wonderful responses!  i've gotten alot of good ideas both on the thread and in e-mail.  we have 4 more weeks of overtime to get through.  i think i have enough ideas to keep me busy and focused for all of it plus when it comes up again in the fall!    you guys are the best!


the one thing i have not noticed anyone saying on here is...

is there any way you can help him do the extra work.... filing for him,  sorting papers, typing, or anything else that would free up some of his work load.

and on another note... the times when there has been nothing i could  do to lessen his work load and i really need to connect with Him... i would sit by his chair with my head on His knee or leg and relax... to occasionally feel his fingers pulling on my hair as he was thinking through work stuff.

Knight's alandra

(in reply to subsa)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: filling time when your Dom is unavailable - 3/26/2007 7:21:08 PM   
Wildfleurs


Posts: 1650
Joined: 9/24/2004
From: Connecticut
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I'll add in that I think in Subsa's case, their lives have always gotten seriously busy this time of year- tax season. 


I have the same problem with my owner.  Between January and April we don't do a lot of socializing and my time with him is decreased and sometimes, like this weekend I spend a lot of time watching him catch up on sleep. 

Every year I have to re-adjust to it, but I really look at that time period as a chance to do something new or different that I want to try.  One tax season I took a drawing class, this one I'm helping out with a fairly significant fundraiser and planning our vacation.

Only three weeks left!

C~


_____________________________

"Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid." -despair.com

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(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: filling time when your Dom is unavailable - 3/26/2007 8:45:19 PM   
ChainedExistence


Posts: 507
Joined: 2/5/2005
Status: offline 		Connection is more about choice than physical proximity. What can you do that will make you of greater value to your Master? Is there some new skill you could learn? Can you do something that will make his life easier?  Can you keep yourself interesting by being well-read, or informed? That's one thing that Master appreciates about me...that I can carry on an interesting conversation. Are there some sort of rituals that the two of you might build into your relationship, so that every time you do them, you are reminded of your relationship? These can be simple. For example,   Master asks me to drink with my left hand...no biggie, and easy enough to do, but every time I move a glass to my left side, I know why I am doing it. It has no special significance other than he simply asked me to do this. I am not saying that you might not get lonesome at times and really miss him, but write him notes, even if he doesn't have time to read them daily, keep a journal and reflect on what he means to you day to day.

(in reply to Wildfleurs)
Profile   Post #: 40
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