Dominant Represented Themselves As..... (Full Version)

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[Poll]

Dominant Represented Themselves As.....


The representation before meeting was 100% accurate.
  59% (16)
There were some minor differences but nothing to be concerned about.
  25% (7)
The differences about 25% accurate, but I am okay with that.
  3% (1)
The differences are about 25% and I am not happy
  3% (1)
The differences are about 50% but it is okay
  0% (0)
The differences are about 50% and I am unhappy
  0% (0)
The differences are about 75% but I am okay
  0% (0)
The differences are about 75% and I am unhappy
  0% (0)
They were a complete liar but we made it work anyway.
  0% (0)
They were a complete liar and I left.
  7% (2)


Total Votes : 27
(last vote on : 2/4/2008 3:36:54 AM)
(Poll will run till: -- )


Message

RobertCloud -> Dominant Represented Themselves As..... (3/17/2007 1:52:43 PM)

My babygirl had a major scare that depressed her and terrified her for quite some time. In a recent forum post she read a comment from one poster that 99% of all Dominants misrepresent themselves and will say anything to get the submissive or slave into their home and then they will change and become Monsters. They will not honor their promise of limits or any other promise they made and force the submissive or slave into breaking every limit they had.

The poster said it did not matter how nice the Dominant seemed or how honest or sincere but almost all of them were wolves in sheeps' clothing waiting to pounce upon their unsuspecting victims.

So my poll is this.. Based upon REAL LIFE encounters only..
If you are a submissive or slave and are currently owned rate your current Master/Dominant.
If you are a submissive or slave and are not currently owned rate your last owner or your last encounter.
If you are a Dominant then rate yourself but be truly honest, since the poll is anonymous only you can out yourself.



JerseyKrissi72 -> RE: Dominant Represented Themselves As..... (3/17/2007 2:00:43 PM)

     The last Dom that I met we found one another on myspace and he represented himself to a "T"--- complete and upfront with me about who he is and what he expects--we still see one another because of the good sex[8D](on both parts) and his honesty, witt and charm...As far as Collarme is concerned, I think about 50% of the men I met here were fakes, phonys and losers....but for the 50% that weren't, it was worth wading in the mud.[:D]



MuseofGrace -> RE: Dominant Represented Themselves As..... (3/17/2007 2:13:31 PM)

My last experience was a scary one.  His CM profile is NOTHING like who he really is.  I spent over 100 hrs on the phone with him over a 4 week period and then when we met things went down hill from there.  Turned out he has Borderline Personality disorder and grew up being beat to unconsciousness as a kid by his mother (who also has a severe personality disorder).  He realized he wasn't getting anywhere with me when I picked up the phone to call the cops.  A sure sign something's not right with a guy is when he says it's YOUR fault all the time and blows up with no logic or reason to it. 

To be fair, though, my previous Dom (I don't consider this last one a Dom--just a bully and nutcase) was a very nice, romantic gentleman.  I found him through Alt.  Not every guy is going to be bad; but you will find them if you're in the scene long enough.

Always listen to your instincts and be very alert for things that don't add up to the reality of this person.



JerseyKrissi72 -> RE: Dominant Represented Themselves As..... (3/17/2007 2:16:09 PM)

      I don't mean to down any one particular site but be very careful with "alt". I had a stalker a long time ago from that site who appeared to be a wonderful man- was on so many medications with names I couldn't even pronounce---his parents were even more creepier--- it took alot to get rid of him...just a warning . be careful.



MuseofGrace -> RE: Dominant Represented Themselves As..... (3/17/2007 2:24:28 PM)

I think it doesn't matter which sites you go to.  My previous Dom  is a good man who just happened to be on Alt at the time I was on there.  This last monster was from CM.  The mentally unbalanced can be found anywhere. 



SilverShadows -> RE: Dominant Represented Themselves As..... (3/17/2007 2:32:56 PM)

As a Dominant I do not fully disclose in early negotiation or in the early getting to know each other stages. I doubt anyone does. There are things which quite frankly are nobody's business unless there is a serious chance they will come into my house. When we pass that point and it becomes serious, I ask for confessions of things which have been with held from me and I bring up deal breaker issues. If there are misunderstandings it either because there has been faulty communication or our perceptions differ.

I would never consider deliberate misrepresentation. It is totally unacceptable to me.

I have had the same respect with dominants I have played with. There was no deception. Many submissives have misrepresented themselves to me. I would assume in desperation to find a home or out of a naïve belief that they can just become what someone else wants.

As for dominants who misrepresent themselves and/or break the contracts they have with submissives that is completely unacceptable to me. It is abuse not BDSM. It is criminal, immoral, and unethical. I have no tolerance of abusers, I have compassion for what drives them to become predators, but no tolerance. Anyone who follows my posts will realize for me this is quite a strong statement.



FelinePersuasion -> RE: Dominant Represented Themselves As..... (3/17/2007 3:17:56 PM)

I've had one run in with someone from here long ago who seemed nice but turned out to have an STD he didn't tell me about untill I asked if he was clean. Not only that but the agreement was this relationship was not to be about sex, I was commited to someone who was willing to let me have a dom. he agree'd to all that, and I said ok no big deal you have an std, we're not having sex so that don't bother me.  He backed off and became very cold and unfriendly after that, turns out he was under the impression, He thought I'd like him so much that on the first meeting I'd be willing to dump my bf, become his collared girl and have a sexual relationship with him.



cuddleheart50 -> RE: Dominant Represented Themselves As..... (3/17/2007 3:24:00 PM)

In real life...from CM, I have meet only losers, jerks and wannabees....



RobertCloud -> RE: Dominant Represented Themselves As..... (3/17/2007 5:27:15 PM)

The fact of the matter is this... it is not CollarMe or any other site.. it is not the lifestyle or vanilla.. no matter where you go.. online, reallife, every dating scene, a bar, a club, any place you are going to meet some people that are posers, fakes, jerks, wannabes, losers, assholes, predators, monsters, people who are not what they say they are.

The guy who claims to be a famous movie director, or the one that claims to be a lawyer when in fact they pack boxes in the back of a warehouse, or the woman that claims to be a model, didn't you see her on the cover of some magazine, and in fact she in a cashier at a grocery store in another city. You are going to find people that lie about who they are because their real lives are not what they want them to be.

Here however, it is dangerous, and what I am really interested in is the ones that become the Monsters, the ones that lure someone into their domain and change intentionally. They pretended to be sweet and gentle and then when they had you in their clutches they became evil and forced their way. That is what the poster claimed in the other forum. Now I do not know which forum or I would find the post, but it scared my little one enough to give her doubts and make her depressed, she is not breaking things off because she also knows that I could be that 1% even based off that person's claims. Yet, even in this short poll, I am not seeing anything like that girl's claims. I am seeing fakers and wannabes... Not Monsters.... So that is telling me that that poster had a bad experience and posted a huge claim and in the process scared someone with very little real life experience when dealing with people across the net and then meeting them.

We need to be careful when making huge generalization statements that seem to be facts about everyone and everything... this has rocked what was an absolutely beautiful situation... I mean it was absolutely beautiful... with five to ten hours of calls every single day and now all she wants to do is sleep because she is so depressed. The calls are down to three hours or so and broken up over the day and even then she barely talks, she sounds so sad. Before she could not wait to hear my voice and was always cheerful and happy, and now she still wants to hear me but she is near tears the entire time, she is afraid... There is going to be very little I can do to help her out of it, because I am on the phone. Even if I were in person, until she was actually living with me she would think it was a ploy to see the good side until I had her safely in my grasp.. she still wants to go through with everything.. to take the risk because she cares that deeply... but she is scared... terrified.. wouldn't you be... if suddenly you thought there could be a chance that the one you loved could be trying everything in their power to lure you into a trap.



SirDominic -> RE: Dominant Represented Themselves As..... (3/17/2007 5:43:01 PM)

This really isn't an issue about how many bad guys are out there in BDSM, it is about her completely loosing it over what one person posted. She seems to be churning out an aweful lot of drama from reading this one post. Who is to say the poster had any idea what he was talking about! For her to react this severely makes me wonder if there is not something else going on with her.

I don't mean to sound unsympathetic. Her extreme reaction does not make sense to me.

Namaste, Sir Dominic



SilverShadows -> RE: Dominant Represented Themselves As..... (3/17/2007 5:52:47 PM)

Sir Dominic has a point. One thing you can do is be proactive in the area of her safety. I do this people I negociate with. I don't let them do things for me that I consider unsafe for them to so with others.

No real phone numbers
No addresses
No real names
No compromising photos.

As trust builds then relax those conditions. This doesn't work for everyone. I am happy using IM and go generally go from IM to short face to face meetings. The problem arises if you are talking about serious distances. Which is hurtle I have yet to have to deal with. Everyone I have negociated with so for has been with a few hundred miles at most.



MuseofGrace -> RE: Dominant Represented Themselves As..... (3/17/2007 6:05:21 PM)

I agree with SD.  Although all subs should understand the risk of running into bad people in any kind of circumstance; her reaction seems to go beyond the context of the situation.  What might be helpful is to do some things to put her at ease about meeting you--IF that is the source of the anxiety. 



cariad -> RE: Dominant Represented Themselves As..... (3/17/2007 6:17:24 PM)

the last encounter i had with a Dom was a good one. He told me that He would respect my limits and as time went on we talked more and some new limits came into play but overall things were great.

He had me bound and gagged, we agreed that if everything was okay that i would nod my head and if things were getting too much i could shake my head no and He would ask if i wanted Him to stop for a few minutes or if i wanted Him to stop completely.

if the answer was no that i didn't want Him to stop completely we would stop for a few short moments and He would help me up, removing the gag and asking if i was ok and if i wanted to continue or stop for the day.

He honored my wishes to stop for the day and before leaving asked if i was okay and upon being reassured that i would be ok He left and was very pleased with how well i took some of the painful yet enjoyable experiences that i had longed to feel once again.

knowing that He was pleased not only put a smile on my face but knowing that He would honor my safe words or safe signals is what kept our friendship alive.



myobedience -> RE: Dominant Represented Themselves As..... (3/17/2007 6:24:10 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: JerseyKrissi72

     I don't mean to down any one particular site but be very careful with "alt". I had a stalker a long time ago from that site who appeared to be a wonderful man- was on so many medications with names I couldn't even pronounce---his parents were even more creepier--- it took alot to get rid of him...just a warning . be careful.


jeez...just cause you found one on alt means alt is no good...could have happened on CM or bondage...   just so happens, each site is as good as you put effort into getting to know people there



RobertCloud -> RE: Dominant Represented Themselves As..... (3/17/2007 6:42:00 PM)

I have spoken with her more and it is a combination of things as you suspected.

First is that the percentage the one post had supplied of 99% had terrified her. I did explain to her that more than likely it was one post from a submissive or slave that had come out of a recently bad experience and that whenever reading a forum post you need to take it with a grain of salt. Don't let it disrupt your life but talk it out with the person you are with. You should be able to pick up things, do I change, or do I stay the same. If I stay the same then more than likely I am who I say I am, if I suddenly change then just watch me it is all you can do, but when meeting me my eyes should tell you the truth.

This is also the first time she has ever decided to go total power exchange. Now, I am not a micro manager, nor am I anything but a gentle man, and I like her having a lot of freedoms to do things as she wishes. I do not want to manage her daily life. It is just when I do say something I want final say. I will listen, if she has concerns or is hesitant, and most likely I may even withdraw if her concerns or hesitancy has a legitimate reason, but it is still my decision. This has her scared for as she put it, even though it was her choice and it was what she wanted now she feels like a "prisoner."

When I asked her if she wanted to back out, she said, "No, but it was my decision."

Lastly, she had also had a fight with her best friend of 25 years. The best friend, who is also female, has been trying to come on to her. She is not interested in that and is upset that her friend does not see that she would be cheating on me. Her friend is married and has a life of her own, cannot leave it, and she feels that all her friend is trying to do is break her and I up. I told her I will not make a decision on her friendships, that is for her to do no matter what.

LOL.. but she is not as depressed as she was... lol... her mother took her shopping and she got three hardback Stephen King "Brand New" novels on special discount, for less than $10.00. LOL!! Damn, typical woman.. If she is depressed, take her shopping, she will get over it... LOL... (KIDDING!!!! Ducks and covers!!!) No, she does not normally cheer up so easily, but I think getting out of the house did help her a lot. Also telling her the results of this poll so far and the explanations I gave her of the post has helped a lot.

She is still not like she was, but closer.



RobertCloud -> RE: Dominant Represented Themselves As..... (3/18/2007 12:17:56 PM)

I have to admit that it is good to see that the majority of those in relationships or that the last person they were with, or that they represent themselves as true to who they are or very close....

This shows that at least amongst those of the forums there is some real honor... and that not everyone is a jerk or wannabe or player.. I know there are a lot out there, quite a few, and hopefully most will be able to spot them before they ever actually meet them face to face.



MistressDoMe -> RE: Dominant Represented Themselves As..... (3/18/2007 1:40:05 PM)

Believe me the submissive's I have met here are nothing to write home about either!



MistressScarlot -> RE: Dominant Represented Themselves As..... (3/18/2007 2:03:25 PM)

::smile::
Hello everyone...
As a Dominant, I thought I'd add my two cents.
I do not misrepresent myself at all in my profile.
If anything, my tendency is to /under/represent myself...and I do it on purpose.

I think highly of myself.
I'm the sort of person that thinks /everyone/ should think highly of themselves, and I find no shame at all in doing so. ::smile:: 

At the same time, I don't feel the need to "sell myself" on here, or in my profile. As an example, nearly every submissive I meet in real life says "your pictures don't do you justice at all" (and of course I love hearing that!). 

I also do and am a lot of things that in my own eyes make me really cool, that have nothing at all to do with appearance and more to do with...who I /am/, and the "me" I'm constantly working to become.  ::laughing:: Yet I don't feel the need to share all of this up front. Someone interested in taking the time to get to know me will discover the good things about me for themselves, and I much prefer it that way. The right submissives delight in that process, and through it, will be more inspired to serve me.

I suppose I rather like the idea of being /more/ than expected...especially when so many /do/ intentionally over-inflate themselves and misrepresent themselves in order to take advantage or to make up for their own low self-esteem.

Scarlot



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