black eye?

black eye? (Full Version)

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junecleaver -> black eye? (3/17/2007 6:26:05 PM)
I recently acquired a black eye by the unsexiest of means....I was accidentally hit in the face at work. My best friend who happens to be vanilla saw me today. She knows a little bit about my relationship with my Dominant. Her first reaction was a look of, 'WTF DID HE DO THAT TO YOU?' She has seen bite marks that were a lot worse, asked about experiences I've been through that were much more painful, and I consider her to be kink-friendly, but that was a complete and total redflag in her eyes. I was thinking about it and I haven't read a thread about black eyes on the CM forums. I did a search and didn't find anything. How do you feel about black eyes in context of BDSM? If you saw someone attend a munch with a black eye, would you automatically assume ABUSE ABUSE ABUSE? Is it sexy? Horrifying? Does it really matter? I look forward to your views.

velvetears -> RE: black eye? (3/17/2007 6:32:56 PM)
i wouldn't assume anything. Some people are into severe beating (kicking, gut and face punching) etc.... i knew a slave who's master treated her in this fashion and she loved it. my concern would be damage - eyes are delicate and can be easily injured. i don't find it particularly sexy or horrifying - it just isn't my cup of tea either. Face bruising would be a hard limit for me - and anything to do with my eyes would be as well. Like having them forced open so a dom can come in them ick yes someone i was interested in once had this as one of his desires.

SweetDommes -> RE: black eye? (3/17/2007 6:37:00 PM)
It's definitely not sexy to either of us, but it doesn't scream abuse either. Crap happens - like getting hit by something falling off of a shelf, to accidentally hitting yourself in the face with something (my most common way to get a black eye), and various other totally innocent reasons. If it's a person that I know, and they are happy - I'd always ask "where did you get that?" before jumping to any conclusions.

junecleaver -> RE: black eye? (3/17/2007 6:37:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: velvetears Like having them forced open so a dom can come in them ick yes someone i was interested in once had this as one of his desires. Um that's happened to us accidentally. I'm glad he didn't find it really appealing. I had to take out my contacts and wear my glasses (which are embarrassing (read: really cheap) and look like they could be my grandma's) for a day or two. I once knew a girl who's master had hit her out of uncontrolled anger. She had a black eye for several weeks. She absolutely loved it (gushed about it constantly) and I never really understood why. I found it kind of scary at the time.

Vendaval -> RE: black eye? (3/17/2007 6:43:27 PM)
I do think that BD/DS/SM falls into the "extreme sports" category, so asking what happened is good. Assuming that someone got hit in the face on purpose or that they are being battered is a rush to judgment. My partners and I have our fair share of bruises from bad timing or moving around in the dark.

outlier -> RE: black eye? (3/17/2007 6:43:51 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: junecleaver I once knew a girl who's master had hit her out of uncontrolled anger. junecleaver: BIG, BIG RED FLAG!!!! Outlier

sambamanslilgirl -> RE: black eye? (3/17/2007 6:44:07 PM)
if i saw someone with a black eye, i would automatically assume abuse. extreme hard limit for me - i don't want to explain why mommy is black, blue and sore to my 2 UMs

FelinePersuasion -> RE: black eye? (3/17/2007 6:46:02 PM)
There was one lady on here who wanted a split lip and a black eye, and every one told her at the very worst her dom could be arrested at the very least every one would speculate, but it was a long time ago. quote: ORIGINAL: junecleaver I was thinking about it and I haven't read a thread about black eyes on the CM forums. I did a search and didn't find anything

FelinePersuasion -> RE: black eye? (3/17/2007 6:48:56 PM)
I left the cabnit door open and once I bent down to pick up my panties off the floor and smacked my eyeglasses on the door. It was a damned good thing it was my glasses and not my eye. quote: ORIGINAL: SweetDommes It's definitely not sexy to either of us, but it doesn't scream abuse either. Crap happens - like getting hit by something falling off of a shelf, to accidentally hitting yourself in the face with something (my most common way to get a black eye), and various other totally innocent reasons.

blushingflower -> RE: black eye? (3/17/2007 6:50:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: velvetears I once knew a girl who's master had hit her out of uncontrolled anger. She had a black eye for several weeks. She absolutely loved it (gushed about it constantly) and I never really understood why. I found it kind of scary at the time. Being hit in anger would be a hard limit for me. That, to me, is part of what distinguishes consensual BDSM play from abuse. There are situations where a black eye is just an accident. An intentional black eye is something I wouldn't be alright with- I don't want to have to lie even more than I already do, and it would lead to questions.

SweetDommes -> RE: black eye? (3/17/2007 6:52:23 PM)
I know that people like to assume the worst, but honestly - every single black eye that I have ever had has been self-inflicted, either through bad freakin luck, or sheer stupidity (yes, I admit it - I do stupid things sometimes ... but not nearly as many as I used to). The only one that any of our boys has had while ours was accidental (I believe I rolled over and elbowed him in the eye in my sleep). I know lots of people who really did fall down the stairs or hit themselves with the door ... or pulled something down on top of them from a shelf, or ... or ... or ... It's always best to ask first instead of assuming anything.

Sinergy -> RE: black eye? (3/17/2007 6:52:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: junecleaver I recently acquired a black eye by the unsexiest of means....I was accidentally hit in the face at work. My best friend who happens to be vanilla saw me today. She knows a little bit about my relationship with my Dominant. Her first reaction was a look of, 'WTF DID HE DO THAT TO YOU?' She has seen bite marks that were a lot worse, asked about experiences I've been through that were much more painful, and I consider her to be kink-friendly, but that was a complete and total redflag in her eyes. I was thinking about it and I haven't read a thread about black eyes on the CM forums. I did a search and didn't find anything. How do you feel about black eyes in context of BDSM? If you saw someone attend a munch with a black eye, would you automatically assume ABUSE ABUSE ABUSE? Is it sexy? Horrifying? Does it really matter? I look forward to your views. I taught martial arts for years. I enjoyed fighting 3 on 1 where I was the middle guy. I would wander in to work frequently looking like Edward Norton in Fight Club. You can tell people what happened, and a certain percentage are not going to believe you and assume the worst. I would say you should learn to accept it. Just me, etc. Sinergy

SmokingGun82 -> RE: black eye? (3/17/2007 6:53:19 PM)
I'm happy to have a story to add to this- the first weekend my ex was spending at my apartment, I was lying on the bed talking to her while she sat on the floor. My dog decided to jump onto the bed, and his head connected with the bridge of my nose, breaking it. When I went to work Monday with two black eyes, my boss (who knew I was having special company for the weekend) pulled me aside and asked if I needed to talk to a social worker. It's a lot funnier if you know my ex and I... she's a foot shorter and half my weight.

SweetDommes -> RE: black eye? (3/17/2007 6:53:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: FelinePersuasion I left the cabnit door open and once I bent down to pick up my panties off the floor and smacked my eyeglasses on the door. It was a damned good thing it was my glasses and not my eye. Yeah, I've done stuff like that, but typically hit my forehead or temple rather than my eye or glasses LOL

mnottertail -> RE: black eye? (3/17/2007 6:53:55 PM)
Well, Jesus H Christ!!!!, you gotta explain two out of them three every day of your life girl!!!!!!!!! UncleCracker

BeachMystress -> RE: black eye? (3/17/2007 6:56:00 PM)
I'd not assume anything, as I've given myself a black eye on the bathroom sink before. Not all bruises are caused by BDSM.

outlier -> RE: black eye? (3/17/2007 6:58:02 PM)
junecleaver, To be clear: It is not the black eye, but striking out of uncontrolled anger that I see as the big red flag. As a dominant, I would avoid any sub who wanted my anger or saw it as desirable. Because she might behave to illicit it. I want open and honest; none of these kind of games. Actually, this could be a topping from the bottom. Obviously the "master" was not in control. Edited for clarity,

azzmaster -> RE: black eye? (3/17/2007 6:58:09 PM)
some subs liketo be slapped real hard across the face. I have given quite a few black eyes n otha bruises, but always knew it was cool b4 i would go that far.

junecleaver -> RE: black eye? (3/17/2007 7:02:46 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: outlier junecleaver, To be clear: It is not the black eye, but striking out of uncontrolled anger that I see as the big red flag. As a dominant, I would avoid any sub who wanted it or saw it as desirable. Because she might behave to illicit it. I want open and honest; none of these kind of games. Actually, this could be a topping from the bottom. Obviously the "master" was not in control. I understand your point. I have since lost contact with her. She was very dependent on him in a literal sense of having no where else to go and very few resources. I think by sexualizing and idolizing the abuse, it allowed her to be able to handle it for a little bit longer. She left him eventually.

mnottertail -> RE: black eye? (3/17/2007 7:03:12 PM)
If you look at my picture on my profile there is a very obvious scar running up and down on my forehead between my eyes, I would like to tell elegant stories about it, but as it happened I was on my KNEES scrubbing the kitchen floor and opened the cupboard looking for something, and don't have any convienient or cogent way of saying this ----------------since it was open and I held the handle firmly in my grasp, the upshot was that the gods of the mundane directed, nay---commanded that I run my head into the corner--------- no other explanation, but that is what that is. William Holden

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