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Dominant motivations/rewards - 3/18/2007 5:05:30 AM

Peterlocked

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My sister and I have been having a conversation recently about motivations and rewards. Since neither of us is a Domme, we have been discussing it from an outsiders perspective. She had a Dom who, on rare occaisions, liked to have her top (lower case intended) him. He was, in her words, 99.9% Dom. She said she did it with the mindset of it being something that pleased Him. I told her that when I Topped someone, being a switch, it was my motivation to give the sub a really good time, and my reward was when they got off. She said that was what she thought most Dom(mes) got their reward from, saying to themselves "I did that, good job!"

I'd like to here from some of the Dom(mes) on here about their motivations and rewards for play.

peter

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RE: Dominant motivations/rewards - 3/18/2007 5:12:29 AM

canupleaseme

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Hmm An instant reward from scene play is definatly how well Ive managed to make the scene go and how my boy has reacted to it. The long term reward is being in a happy balanced honest relationship something ive come to value daily. Play goes to maintaining that

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RE: Dominant motivations/rewards - 3/18/2007 5:21:37 AM

DiurnalVampire

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The only reward I have from play is emotional. I dont mentally pat myself on the back but when Angel and I have played, we get closer to one another every time. To be able to have him trust me t the point where I take him and to be able to completely be what I want is all the reward I will ever need.

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RE: Dominant motivations/rewards - 3/18/2007 7:15:29 AM

hisannabelle

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DiurnalVampire

The only reward I have from play is emotional. I dont mentally pat myself on the back but when Angel and I have played, we get closer to one another every time.

this is true for us, also. i know when i do things in the context of play that may "seem" dominant, like administering pain (as he's something of a masochist as well as being a sadist) it is because he enjoys it and that also brings us closer together. in general, though, i really enjoy play because it's kind of like our bonding time.

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RE: Dominant motivations/rewards - 3/18/2007 7:15:58 AM

SirDominic

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When Mastering is in your blood, and you live it, breathe it. The very act of Mastering is its own reward. Everything else is gravy!

Namaste, Sir Dominic

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RE: Dominant motivations/rewards - 3/18/2007 7:45:32 AM

thetammyjo

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Peterlocked

My sister and I have been having a conversation recently about motivations and rewards. Since neither of us is a Domme, we have been discussing it from an outsiders perspective. She had a Dom who, on rare occaisions, liked to have her top (lower case intended) him. He was, in her words, 99.9% Dom. She said she did it with the mindset of it being something that pleased Him. I told her that when I Topped someone, being a switch, it was my motivation to give the sub a really good time, and my reward was when they got off. She said that was what she thought most Dom(mes) got their reward from, saying to themselves "I did that, good job!"

I'd like to here from some of the Dom(mes) on here about their motivations and rewards for play.

peter

One of my rewards is internal -- feeling the control, feeling the authority is very empowering for me.

Another of my rewards is external -- seeing my slave's look of devotion, hearing him say "thank you", etc.

Another of my rewards is situational -- because I have trained my slave well and I have delegated certain things to him, I have more free time to take care of myself and do things I like and things that are good for me.

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RE: Dominant motivations/rewards - 3/18/2007 8:09:33 AM

MasterFireMaam

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It depends on what's being done. If what's happening is spiritual or intended for the slave's growth, my reward is their growth and a feeling that I get knowing that I help and was needed (the need to be needed is a huge motivator in my life, I'm beginning to see). If what's happening is SM or sexual, my reward is physical. If what's happening is service, that just trips my trigger as a Dominant. It really does something for me, for example, when I end a conversation with "Continue" and I get a "M'am Yes Ma'am" in return.

Master Fire

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RE: Dominant motivations/rewards - 3/18/2007 8:12:25 AM

tempest1961

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(Insert Packmasters point of view here) For me, there are multiple rewards, with multiple reasonings behind them.

The mutual satisfaction of "If this person does this, we will stay together as a pack." On her side she is submitting, on my side I am toping. By submitting to me, she shows she wants to stay with the pack. By my dominating her, I show that I want her continued presence in the pack.

The satisfaction that I am making the pack stronger. For instance, somebody I know loses all control when somebody uses a certain word against her. If she were my packmate I would (somehow or another) take the power of that word away. That somebody could use that word against her and get that reaction makes her weaker. I want my pack to be strong and reasonably sane. That word takes her sanity away from her and gives power to another person who is outside the pack. (This would probably a few years of therapy or something. She is not my packmate so I do not worry about it yet, and my current potential packmate does not seem to have that issue...) Another example is that as packmaster it is my responsibilty to make my packmate more immune to pain and stress. Pain sucks, and if she can deal with it better, then she is better suited to long term survival. (In other words, if the bitch breaks a leg and we're 20 miles out, she "should" be less likely to freak and die while we wait for a medivac)

There is also the satisfaction better sex. There, I said it. Sex is better during a scene. I get a better orgasm (and she gets a better one too.) The intensity, the power dynamics, the stress, fear, and withholding of an orgasm makes it larger and better.

(And I just thought of this...)
There is also the issue of trust, trust in both directions. If my packmate trusts me that much in a scene, and I trust her that much in a scene, then that will carry over outside the bedroom. We are both more comfortable with each other's decisions. Also, when I bark a command I expect it to be followed, wherever I am. And there ARE instances where I require the pack's trust on stupid things (Usually the command "FREEZE" Food runs, predators stand their ground.) So I get the satisfaction and security of knowing that when push comes to shove, I WILL be obeyed.

< Message edited by tempest1961 -- 3/18/2007 8:22:17 AM >

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RE: Dominant motivations/rewards - 3/18/2007 9:26:04 AM

mstrjx

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It is definitely for the rush, but what brings that on could be many things, as MFM said.

It could be for going 'further' than ever before with that partner. You could think 'pain' there, but I suppose it could be emotionally as well.

It could be for a greater sense of empathy. One time while topping a play partner, I had a sense that doing more would cause a safeword, which I try to avoid. Once she had come down during aftercare, she said (on her own) that she had made up her mind to use a safeword if I did anything more.

It could be that my partner learns something important, through the BDSM-ness of our relationship, about herself.

It could be from some weird idea that I had that worked in a way I had no idea that it would.

My first partner had an aversion to one of the buggy whips I have. She knew that a) it was probably going to 'mark' the end of the scene (no pun intended) and b) that if I were so inclined I would welt her with it (the back half of the pun).

My habit is to select my toys prior to the scene so I don't have to leave the room once I'm started. I bound her spread-eagle on the bed, blindfolded. It wasn't really my intention to start with the buggy whip, but I picked it up and swung it hard, snapping the cracker. She immediately started sobbing. It was screwing with her head so much that I might 'start' a session with one of my nastier toys.

For an hour I would alternate swinging the buggy whip, then touching her. She stayed nearly hysterical that whole time. I never actually struck her with the whip. (As you can see, I didn't really need to.) After an hour I released her. In a manner of speaking, we didn't actually play at all, but in her mind she probably went through a tremendous physical and emotional workout.

Yeah, I got a rush from that. Bastard that I am (or at least can be).

Jeff

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RE: Dominant motivations/rewards - 3/18/2007 10:45:39 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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Anything and everything, but it all comes down to resonating with me and making me feel more of who I am, and more connected.

There are a million reasons to get pleasure from any perspective in a relationship, as long as yours serve you, it's good.

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