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Limbo between trolling and 24/7 - 3/18/2007 12:14:01 PM

shynewboy

Posts: 47
Joined: 2/7/2005
Status: offline

Browsing around, I've been noticing some complaints and general disdain about sub men just 'in for play' Well.... yeah, that is why I'm interested in BDSM. I'm not looking for multiple partners; I'm not looking for a 24/7 (for much the same reasons I don't want to get married right now.) I feel that there is a legitimate place between trolling (which is just indefensible) and a good, solid, comitted relationship, but it seems seldomly acknoledged.
Just a bit of a random thought there :)

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RE: Limbo between trolling and 24/7 - 3/18/2007 12:22:56 PM

hisannabelle

Posts: 1992
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
Status: offline

there are plenty of male submissives on here wanting part-time service, and i have seen plenty of female dominant profiles desiring male submissives for part-time service.

yes, the majority of members on cm are probably seeking 24/7. however, there do exist a good number (that i've seen) of female dominants wanting only part-time service.

while i think it's possible that more of the submissives looking for part-time MIGHT be trolls, i think we're all pretty reasonable people at least some of the time, on the boards, and can tell that not EVERY person looking for part-time would be a troll.

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RE: Limbo between trolling and 24/7 - 3/18/2007 12:28:30 PM

MasterGremlin

Posts: 230
Joined: 12/30/2006
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As a submissive myself, (and I can't imagine it is any different for a male submissive) the type of "play" that I like/want/need pretty much requires that I be able to trust the person I am "playing" with implicitly. I put myself in extremely vulnerable situations, (ie being tied up, cuffed, blindfolded, flogged, whipped, tortured etc). Picking the wrong Dom to "play" with or picking someone pretending to be a Dom could potenially cost me my life.
Not to mention that my submissive is a great gift that I believe should only be given to a Dom who has proven themselves worthy of it. Luckily for me, my Master is just such a Dom and I do not have to worry about any of that. I know that I am able to fill His desires/wants/needs and that He will keep me safe and well.

Sincerely,
minxy

(in reply to shynewboy)

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RE: Limbo between trolling and 24/7 - 3/18/2007 12:46:47 PM

MsOpal

Posts: 244
Joined: 8/31/2006
Status: offline

HI,
While I would love to have a boy "in service" - not 24/7, but more or less committed, spending weekends with us serving as well as playing, I am also very open to meeting just for some play sessions. Trust is important, yes, but you do not have to start with full out stuff. In fact, no matter what a boy says he wants/ needs etc - the first play session is limited to about an hour with no bondage and mostly things considered mild play- spankings - bare hand, paddles, nipple clips, maybe zippers and play is confinded to buttocks, backs of thighs and nipple/chest areas. If that session goes well for both we can slowly progress to more/longer play and as we move into more things hopefully the trust is growing as well.
MsOpal

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and I did.

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RE: Limbo between trolling and 24/7 - 3/18/2007 12:53:20 PM

Misstoyou

Posts: 1149
Joined: 9/4/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: shynewboy

I'm not looking for a 24/7 (for much the same reasons I don't want to get married right now.) I feel that there is a legitimate place between trolling (which is just indefensible) and a good, solid, comitted relationship, but it seems seldomly acknoledged.

Well, when I was looking here I was not looking for 24/7, so not all lifestyle Dommes are looking for happily ever after forever and ever. But I still required, and got, commitment both to me and to his position from the submissive I selected.

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a.k.a. "mean Lady"

(in reply to shynewboy)

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RE: Limbo between trolling and 24/7 - 3/18/2007 2:50:54 PM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline

If it's just play or play and sex there's nothing wrong with that. As long as you're upfront about it. But for that you probably would do better joining some local groups. Because casual play partners aren't that easy to find.

But at a play party or your local dungeon there will be a lot of people there interested in just play. Go and get to know people, and ask someone you admire to test out his expertize on you.

One thing male subs don't tend to think of is asking a straight male top to top them. It isn't sexual that way, so if he's in a monogamous relationship he can still top you and have the fun of seeing someone else respond in a different manner to his usage.

(in reply to Misstoyou)

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RE: Limbo between trolling and 24/7 - 3/18/2007 3:16:23 PM

MsKatHouston

Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline

(quick reply)

I think the desire for more casual play or a less structured D/s relationship may be more common than you think. However, when playing, I have to have a connection with someone or it feels a bit empty. That does not mean I have to have a 24/7 live in but I do want to have someone I trust and can relate to on a personal level, whether that is a friend or a romantic interest. I prefer a certain amount of commitment but that does not mean 24/7 or even always exclusivity.

Are you involved with the lcoal groups? There are a ton in your area.

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-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

(in reply to Celeste43)

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RE: Limbo between trolling and 24/7 - 3/18/2007 4:00:03 PM

BeachMystress

Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline

The reason many people treat male subs who are looking for "just play" the same as they would lounge lizards with bad pick up lines, may be the same as my own. My experience with men who claim to be looking for just play is that they are attempting to use me. Rather than wanting actual submission/power exchange, they want sensationism. The person they give it to isn't important. When I seek power exchange this form of submissive offers me nothing. Before marriage, I was very clear about what I expected and needed from a submissive. More than once, I had men seeking just play lie to me about their relationship and life goals. Them seeking to use me non-consensually as "Friends with BDSM benefits" or a "BDSM bootie call" has left a sour taste in my mouth about part time subs.

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*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
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(in reply to shynewboy)

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RE: Limbo between trolling and 24/7 - 3/18/2007 4:03:08 PM

MzMia

Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: BeachMystress

The reason many people treat male subs who are looking for "just play" the same as they would lounge lizards with bad pick up lines, may be the same as my own. My experience with men who claim to be looking for just play is that they are attempting to use me. Rather than wanting actual submission/power exchange, they want sensationism. The person they give it to isn't important. When I seek power exchange this form of submissive offers me nothing. Before marriage, I was very clear about what I expected and needed from a submissive. More than once, I had men seeking just play lie to me about their relationship and life goals. Them seeking to use me non-consensually as "Friends with BDSM benefits" or a "BDSM bootie call" has left a sour taste in my mouth about part time subs.

Wonderful post Beach, and this thread also answers why there are SO many Professional Domina's around!
Believe me they scratch many itches and they serve many needs!
Now, you know why there are SO many Professionals around.

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To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain

What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

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RE: Limbo between trolling and 24/7 - 3/18/2007 4:05:34 PM

LotusSong

Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: shynewboy

Browsing around, I've been noticing some complaints and general disdain about sub men just 'in for play' Well.... yeah, that is why I'm interested in BDSM. I'm not looking for multiple partners; I'm not looking for a 24/7 (for much the same reasons I don't want to get married right now.) I feel that there is a legitimate place between trolling (which is just indefensible) and a good, solid, comitted relationship, but it seems seldomly acknoledged.
Just a bit of a random thought there :)

Are you thinking something that could be described as "Just BDSM" in the same vein as some say it's "Just Sex"?

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I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.

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